Flick introduces Human Nature at the High School deb ball. Cheyenne kisses Paul, Joel dances with Flick, Dione looks annoyed, Human Nature dance badly.
Just another day in the land of soap. Cue opening titles.
Madge asks Tad what happened to his date - he says that she hasn't turned up. Harold decides to leave and tells Madge they're off. Flick, Joel, Tad, Paul and the gang want to go to Hemisfear to celebrate, and the Scullys and the Bishops decide to trust the kids to be good and look after themselves.
Flick thanks her parents for the dress and for trusting her. Joe tells Joel to look after her.
Joe tells Lyn he's a changed man and will no longer be the protective father. Steph tells Joe and Lyn that Mick's back and in a bad way. Mick appears and says he's leaving - he's going to stay in a hostel somewhere; but Joe won't have any of it - he wants the truth about what's going on.
Lance and Allana kiss and talk about the fact that they can't believe they've each found their soulmate! They make metaphorical references to how their relationship is like some of the sci-fi shows. Yawn.
Lyn tells Steph that Human Nature were fantastic. Yeah, whatever. Steph says she's had a letter from her mate Woody, and Lyn is pleased that she's heard from him. Mick tells Joe that he's ashamed that he doesn't have a job and he can't go home to the wife and kids and tell them that. He can't go for interviews as he can't take any more knock backs.
Mick thinks that Joe's lucky - he has a family who stand by him, and Lyn always backs him up. Joe says there's no shame in unemployment, but Mick disagrees - he thinks it's something about him. He has no job, no money, no self-confidence and can't see a way out of this.
Mick tells Joe that he thought he'd be able to find a way out, but he can't - and now he's clinging to Joe like a lifeline. He's supposed to look out for his kids, but he feels like he's nothing.
Lance and Allana are still kissing. Oh, get a room already.
Suddenly there's a load of noise outside their house, and Flick has brought most of the school home with her from the deb ball. Lance and Allana look pretty annoyed.
Cut to later, Lance finds Allana standing outside - she doesn't want to meet all the people at once. She wants to go home, so Lance suggests going back to hers, but she doesn't want to tonight. Lance convinces her to go back inside for a little while - he'll protect her with his light sabre.
Cut to inside - the guys are all dancing. Badly. "4 Your Love" is playing. Lance takes Allana in his arms and they dance.
Madge wants to go to bed but Harold is up, and worried about Tad. He thinks that Tad is such a part of their family. Tad's been through so much - his parents separating, his half-brother's bone marrow transplant. Harold wants to know that someone will be there for him. Madge firmly tells him that if Tad won't respect their authority, then there is nothing they can do for him.
The next morning, the music's still going and all the kids are piling out the house, still in party mode.
Karl leaves the bedroom in his dressing gown. Sighing, he looks out the window and sees why it's so noisy outside. To Dahl: "thank God this only happens once a year, eh?"
Chelle asks Joe when Mick got back, but Joe doesn't know how long he's staying. Lyn's on the phone and calls Mick - it's Di on the phone for him. I've no idea who Di is. Mick apologises to her and says he tried, but he couldn't do whatever it is they're talking about. He tells her he loves her and will see her soon.
He goes into the kitchen and tells them that Di wants him home. They all cheer and are pleased for him; he says goodbye to them, and Joe gives him the name of a mate of his who might need some help making window frames. But no promises.
Lance and Allan are still up and smiling on the sofa - she thinks that his friends are okay. Well, woopeedoo for her.
Joel suggests to Flick that she cool down out by the pool. Ugh.
Cheyenne and Paul are kissing, just as Harold walks in looking for Tad. He approaches Tad who says he's about to turn the music down, but that's not why Harold's there. Steve's on the phone - it's about his half-brother, Tim. Tad hurries out with Harold.
Tad's on the phone and tells Steve he'll be there. Tad doesn't say much to Madge and Harold - except that Tim's finished his chemo and so Tad has to go and see the bone marrow co-ordinator. If all's well, he'll have to go do the bone marrow harvest tomorrow.
The middle of nowhere
A completely random helicopter flies over a wooded area that appears to be on fire, whilst a radio report tells us it's a bush fire.
Joe picks up a heavily pregnant lady, Tina, in his cab - she wants to go to Bakersfield.
Oooh - it's like the storyline is coming at you and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
The Scullys' / Warratah Prison
Steph is on the phone telling Woody she got his card, and he seems really really keen to see her. Too keen. He says he's missed her and really wants to catch up. She tells him she'll see what she can do.
The middle of nowhere
Joe realises that he's come across a bush fire, and refers to a map to see a way around it. Tina then tells him that the baby's coming, so Joe tells her he'll take her to the hospital - there's a track further back he can take.
Human Nature are signing autographs to girls who are screaming unnecessarily loudly. It reminds me of Fletch's Waiting Room gig in Sheffield one fine day in May.
The middle of nowhere
Joe seems to be driving further into the fire, and asks Tina when her last contraction was - it was 4/5 minutes ago. He tells her to take deep breaths, and that he'll get her to the hospital. He drives over something, and Tina's waters break. Just like that.
Number 30's backyard
Joel and Flick tell each other that they've had a great time at the deb ball, and Flick says she should go. Joel tells her to stay.
The middle of nowhere / Number 28
Joe turns the car around - he needs to turn back. But Tina tells him that the baby's coming, she's sure about that. Joe calls for an ambulance and tells him where they are and what's going on. He then calls Karl. Cut to Number 28.
Joe tells Karl what's going on and Karl asks him some questions - he'll call him back in a minute. Joe reverses to find somewhere to pull over.
Number 30's backyard
Joel and Flick thank each other again for a nice evening. Joel kisses Flick, and they don't stop this time.
Well, this was supposed to be the 2000 finale. Excuse me whilst I fall over with excitement at the tension. I think we're better of cutting to: