Tad telling Harold that he needs his adoptive parents' permission to look for his real parents. Susan telling Karl and Joe to grow up over the land boundary argument. Lou telling Harold that he should sign the Grease Monkeys (GM) contract - Harold can't decide.
The Coffee Shop where Everyone Knows Your Name
Tad and Paul are at TCS, and Paul is telling Tad that he wish he'd just give in and 'phone his parents. Flick comes over and tells Paul that he should come round for dinner tonight to do the school project on her family - oh, and by the way - Joe's not really keen on this whole family project thing so he'd better prepare himself. Tad makes fun of Paul doing his assignment on the family of the girl he's in love with.
Harold and Lou come back from the GM meeting and Harold has obviously not yet signed the contract - he wants advice from his legal adviser first.
The Salon which Hasn't Opened Yet but will in the Near Future
Anne is painting in the salon, and Bill is doing woodworky things - carpentry, that's the word I'm looking for. They discuss Lance visiting his old girlfriend after the break up with Amy - Bill thinks it's a good idea.
Lyn pops her head in the door and is just simply delighted, daaahling, at her work! She says she'll pay Anne tomorrow when Ivan and Katrina (her bosses??) will okay it.
The Scullys' where Paul is Flustered and Lynnie is Mad
Paul starts interviewing Flick and asks about her household:
PAUL: Would you say that decisions in your household are made on a demographic basis?
FLICK: Do you mean democratic?
PAUL: Er, yeah. Democratic.
Poor Paul, all flustered there. He starts taking notes to Flick's answer that her dad's a dictator, and she suggests that he actually uses a tape recorder instead - he runs off to find one.
We cut to the kitchen where Lyn is demanding that Joe come clean with her about why he wants the land - and boy, is she mad!
The Salon where LovelyBill™ has fallen asleep
Anne asks Bill if he's finished, and - bless him - he's fallen asleep mid-working. He says he'll finish up at the salon and then meet her for coffee later. They kiss as Anne leaves, and Lou walks in and sees them. He compliments her painting and looks round the salon and compliments Billy, too. Aw. Lou's such a sweetie, really. He reminds me of my dad.
Ooh - freaky image.
Anyway, Lou tells Bill to always follow his dream - unless there's no money in it - in which case, he should follow another dream.
I think that's great advice.
The Kennedys' where I am really getting a Crush
Karl is trying to make Dahl drink some more water, and is laughing at her at the same time. And as ever, it's the Kennedys, so I'm going to provide a transcript of this scene, 'cause it's really one of the funniest ever. I think I'll make a clip and post it later.
SUSAN: I think you'd better tell Dahl what she's doing that's so funny before you make her neurotic.
KARL: I was just savouring the expression on Joe's face when he had to do the big back-down this afternoon.
SUSAN: Is that what happened? I thought you'd agreed to a truce.
KARL: Well, technically, yes. But at least he had to admit that his measurements were wrong.
SUSAN: Funny. I mustn't have been there for that bit. What I remember is you said that he could have the land if he could prove his measurements were right. And he said - oh, and do correct me if I'm wrong - he said, yes - he would prove it.
KARL: Oh, oh don't you recognise *bluff* when you see it?
KARL: He was trying to sneak of the field of play with some semblance of his pride intact which he failed to do, I might add.
SUSAN: Where as you seem to have snuck off with a wholly unwarranted amount of your intact.
KARL: Say that again?
SUSAN: Ah - that wasn't praise (pats Karl's face affectionately).
KARL: No, I know!
(They laugh together)
SUSAN: Can we please move on? Some of us have got more important things on our mind.
KARL: What could possibly be more important?
SUSAN: School council meeting tomorrow. I find out how everyone feels about me going back to Vice-Principal.
KARL: I'll tell you how they feel - same way that I do. It's very strange.
SUSAN: (Annoyed) I see, so all that time I spent explaining it to you was a complete waste, was it?
KARL: No, no. I understand why you want to do it, I just think it's very strange that you want to do it.
SUSAN: They don't think it's very strange - they don't know about it yet.
KARL: Well, when they do know about it, they'll think it's strange. (Susan gives Karl a look that would kill any other man at 10 paces) Oh, no, don't, don't, please don't look at me like that. No, no, really, it's frightening.
The Scullys' where Paul has been Forgetful
Paul is trying to interview Flick whilst Joe and Lyn have a blazing row in the kitchen - she can't believe that he wants to renovate the house, split it and sell it again to make a fortune. Lynnie says that Joe always promises they'll make a huge profit and they never do.
Joe spots Paul and Flick standing at the doorway to the kitchen, and Flick asks when they can interview him and Lyn. Joe spots the recorder:
JOE: Would you mind turning that off?
FLICK: It's not even on, dad.
JOE: You mind if I have a look, son?
(Paul hands it over.)
JOE: There's no tape in it, Paul.
FLICK: See? (realises) What do you mean there's no tape!
Paul is gutted - they have to do the interview all over again. Yeah - right, what a trauma for him...
The Bishops' where Tad is having a Problem
Tad is trying to dial a number on the 'phone but each time he gets half way through he puts the 'phone down. Harold asks him if everything's all right, and Tad tells him he's trying to get hold of someone from class about a project. He then goes on to say that he can't understand why his parents would lie about something so important.
Harold tells him that we don't always know how we would act in a situation - sometimes people do things like that when they think it's for the best. Tad doesn't think anyone could believe it's the best to not tell someone they're adopted. Harold says that maybe you think it's for the best in that situation because you want someone to know that they're loved and wanted before you tell them - and then it gets harder and harder to tell them, so you put it off - and one day it's too late.
Harold says that the most important question is this: "All the time you were with Barry and Coral, did you ever, for one minute, think that they didn't love you?" Not really, says Tad. Harold says that's the important thing to remember.
With hindsight of the Ian Smith Australian Story programme, that was quite a sad monologue from Ian.
The Scullys' where the Blazing Row is still A-Blazin'
Lynnie is telling Joe that she doesn't want to live anywhere else - this is her dream home. Joe says that when this project comes off they'll have so much money that he'll build her the dream house that she wants. She says she's heard this so many times. She is livid!!!
JOE: Can you keep your voice down?
JOE: Because if the neighbours get wind of this before I'm ready the whole thing's ruined!
LYN: (screaming) SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!!!!!!!
Lyn tells Joe she's had enough - she wants a peaceful life. We cut to Flick and Paul in the lounge - Paul thinks maybe he should go, but Flick tells him that the shouting is normal round here; if someone in the Scully house disagrees, they say so.
Lyn tells Joe she's going to bed, and he says that he's on his way - until Lynnie tells him that he's not invited! Back to the sex ban, then...
The Kennedys where Karl Really Wants Some
KARL: I might turn in.
SUSAN: It's only nine o'clock.
KARL: (kisses her head) Nothing wrong with an early night. (kisses her neck)
SUSAN: I seem to remember we had an early night last night... (Karl kisses her neck the other side)
KARL: Nothing wrong with two early nights.
SUSAN: Oohoo! You're keen...come on!
(Susan gets up from the table and runs after Karl into the bedroom - just as Billy comes home.)
BILLY: (fed up) Oooh, what a day, I'm exhausted.
(Bill flops onto the sofa. Susan goes to him, Karl looks at her as if to say "where are you going?")
SUSAN: Are you just getting home from work?
BILL: Erm, about an hour ago but I stopped off at the workshop to fix up some stuff for the bank.
SUSAN: Have you eaten something?
KARL: Er, he's a big boy, he can look after himself. Good night mate.
BILL: Oh, Greg Mast didn't call?
KARL: Ah, no. 'Fraid not. Good night. (he starts to leave)
BILL: Ah, I had a shocking day, actually. I know I should be glad of the work but all I can think about is how much better I could have made those cupboards if they'd have let me design them myself.
SUSAN: Well, it's only shop furniture, I suppose, they need to be functional, that's all.
(Karl looks more frustrated)
BILL: It can be functional without being ugly.
KARL: Now, that's an interesting point, and that's one I'd like to take up with you at another time. (gestures to Susan to leave with him)
SUSAN: I know I keep saying this but you're gonna have to be patient. Eventually you will get to do the sort of work you like to do.
BILL: I tell you what - if Greg Mast made me an offer right now, I'd take it. Bang.
SUSAN: Well, it would certainly solve one problem.
BILL: And create another one. With Anne!
BILL: Bang, yes!
(There's a knock at the door; Karl answers it)
KARL: Ah, hello! It's Anne! Susan and I have just gone to bed.
SUSAN: Oh? (realises) Oh! Yes! That! Sorry, forgot! Okay, goodnight!
BILL: But it's only nine o'clock!
And so Karl and Susan go to bed. The end.
But it's not, because now we have a scene with Billy and Anne. Billy realises what his parents are up to and makes a face and an "ewww!" sort of a noise and Anne just laughs. She kisses him and tells him he looks wrecked - they'll watch TV together and she'll make something to eat and drink.
But I mean, really - I really do believe that each Neighbours episode should end with Karl and Susan going to bed. Then we'd all be happy.
Well, I'd be happy.
The Bishops' where Tad makes The Call
Tad calls his adoptive father and tells him he's fine, but there's something he needs Barry to do for him.
The Scullys' where Joe is not being Accommodating
Joe is on the 'phone to someone saying that he needs some figures for this morning. Lyn tells Flick that Michelle's not well, and she won't be going to school today. Flick is annoyed, but offers Paul some breakfast - I'm not really sure why he's even there at that time of the morning.
Joe interjects and says that Paul's not hungry and won't be staying. Paul says he's leaving anyway to meet Tad for some BMXing, and Flick says she'll see him at school.
Lyn asks Joe why he threw Paul out; Joe says he needs to make some private 'phonecalls and Paul's already heard enough. Lyn tells Flick that apparently Joe has some really private business to talk about - and Flick goes mad when she finds out that he wants to redevelop and sell this place, too.
After Joe leaves Flick begs her mum to talk her dad out of it - but Lyn says Joe can't ever be talked out of anything.
The Kennedys' where there's no Susan
Bill talks to Karl about his potential apprenticeship with Greg - he wants to do better. Karl reminds him that his whole life won't be like this - it's just for now, and he should have more patience. His current life is better than nothing. Just as Karl leaves, Anne turns up. Bill concedes that he doesn't need Greg Mast - he has everything he needs here, right now. Then realises - no, he really doesn't!
The Allotments where the BMXs are back. Sigh
Tad and Paul banter and Tad tells him that Barry and Coral will sign the form to let him look for his real parents.
The Coffee Shop where Harold is Being Careful
Lou asks Harold what decision he's made on the G contract. Harold says he hasn't made up his mind yet, but the more he thinks about it, the more he's sure about it.
The Allotments where the BMXs are Still There
Tad asks Paul how it went at Flick's last night. Ah - now I get it. He stayed overnight as part of the project to find out what her family was like.
Flick turns up just then (great plot device) and says that Paul had to interview her twice because he forgot to put the tape in the recorder. They all wander off to school.
The Kennedys' where Bill is Ecstatic
The 'phone rings and Billy asks Dahl to get it. She doesn't. Obviously. So when Anne convinces Bill to answer it, he does, and it's Greg Mast - offering Billy an apprenticeship. Bill is thrilled, and Anne looks pleased. Ish.