Karl telling Boyd that Janae will most likely lose her job if they can't keep their hands off each other at work.
Janae and Boyd receiving a thousand dollars from her nan – which they mustn't tell Janelle about.
SUSAN: Come home, Karl. (*sniff*)
Janelle finding a “Mishka” tattoo on Lou's back – which he knows absolutely nothing about.
Join in now – “Haaaaah, Neighbours…”
Number 24 in which Lou finds an Unexpected Thing
Lou doesn't believe Janelle's tattoo story, and he denies he still loves Mishy-Mouse. Why? *Everyone* loves Mishka; she could have her own show. He demands that Janelle leave, and as she does, Sky comes home.
JANELLE: It's there, I tell you. And like a puppy, it's not just for Christmas.
You're right; if you're good, there'll be some left over for boxing day.
Janelle asks Sky to look, and Sky thinks it's cool that Lou has a tattoo.
LOU: This is a conspiracy, isn't it?
JANELLE: Oh go and look in the bathroom mirror you big galloot.
You big what? I thought it was gallah – is she just making up words, now? Oooh – Sky has a bump. Lou goes to check in the mirror whilst Sky and Janelle chat. Lou returns. In shock.
LOU: What's happened to me?
(FTR, the exact same question that Susie-Q asked in 4033
. Except she was asking it about herself. Not Lou. Anyway.)
The Kennedy House in which we find Susan creating Hysteria
SUSAN: (nervous) Rachel, Zeke. There's something I'd like to tell you. I've asked Karl to move in with us.
AUDREY: (wags tail) Woof! Woof!
DAHL: Rowrlrowr. (nibbles claw)
SUSAN: Well, that went well, didn't it?
Rachel flies in the door. Well, she doesn't actually fly, nor does she do it *through* the door. I suppose the most appropriate description is that she opens the door and walks quickly through the doorway. But that would have taken too much time to type.
Rachel, followed by Zeke, followed by GothBree, followed by CreepyAnne come in talking over each other, wanting to watch the BB special. Susan tries to calm them to tell them the Karl story, but they don't listen, so she takes the remote control away.
Have you learnt *nothing*, Suse? NEVER take the remote control away from a bunch of TV-crazed teenagers. It's tantamount to suicide. Mind you, with what she's about to tell them, that might not be such a bad idea. Susie asks Bree and Anne to leave, and apologises for rushing them off.
Rach and Zeke turn to Susie, and Zeke's taller than Rach, now! Bless Matty's little heart! He is the *sweetest* person ever.
ZEKE: Is this about punching Stingray at the party?
ZEKE: Er, nothing…just kidding…
RACH: Guess who got the slushiest love letter of all time? (makes puking face)
ZEKE: Yeah, shut up.
RACH: Casanova here must have *paid* Bree to write it.
ZEKE: You know, you're just jealous because you and Stingray are in Splitsville.
SUSAN: Enough, enough, enough, ENOUGH!
A very nervous Susie tells them there's something important she needs to talk to them about. I've asked Karl…
Enter Karl with bags and guitar.
SUSAN: *freaks out*
SUSAN: Ar, ah, er, have you done your homework?
Rach and Zeke haven't and she shushes them off to their bedrooms.
KARL: Just a few essentials. A man has to have his axe, after all.
AUDREY: Woof! Woof!
why are you here?
SUSAN: No, no, no, no!
KARL: It's alright, you can use headphones.
AUDREY: Woof, woof, woof…
you broke my nanny's heart, you know…
SUSAN: No, no. You can't stay. I haven't spoken to the kids, yet.
KARL: (whinging) Ohhhhhhhh.
SUSAN: I know, I'm sorry…
AUDREY: Woof, woof; woof woof…
and I don't want to have to listen to your songs again
SUSAN: …I just haven't had the right chance, yet.
AUDREY: Woof. Woof.
if you hurt her again I'll string you up by your…
KARL: What's the story with this dog?
AUDREY: Woof, woof woof, wooooof
are you talking to *me* like that?
SUSAN: I don't know. Shut *up* Audrey!
KARL: Are you having second thoughts?
She should be
SUSAN: No of course I'm not having second thoughts.
AUDREY: Woof. Woof, woof; woof – woofwoof.
SUSAN: I just haven't found the right moment.
tell him to leave
SUSAN: Now please go away. I love you.
Listen to her
SUSAN: You're not helping, Audrey.
I resent that
Susan pushes Karl out the door. Again, not the whole literally thing.
Erinsborough Hospital in which Karl has a Moment Of Truth
Janae is gushing about Boyd to two of the nurses at the nurse station. Gushing in a little *too* much detail, methinks. Boyd approaches, and reminds her – shouldn't she be studying for maths? Ouch! She turns round to tell the nurses that it's adoring that he knows her timetable; but they've gone. He starts to kiss her in public (ooh, a not a word you want to mis-type like I just did…).
BOYD: Yeah, well just because everyone else here is clinically dead below the waist it doesn't mean we have to stop having fun, right?
They're at it again, and who should come round the corner but Karl! Without his guitar. Is this a whole other day, or did Karl have nothing better to do but go to work after Susie turned him down?
KARL: *This*, is a place of healing.
That is the *funniest* line I have ever heard! It's the way he says it.
KARL: And I don't mean the type that Marvin Gaye was singing about.
He reminds them that he's warned them this behaviour won't be tolerated. Boyd instructs Janae to go home.
KARL: If I didn't know better, I'd say you were deliberately trying to get Janae sacked.
BOYD: Well I don't know how the hell else to get her back to school.
Someone groans in the background. Whether it was part of the scene or a cameraman tripping over a lead is anyone's guess.
The Kennedy House in which we find a Happy Family
Zeke and Rach emerge from their rooms and Zeke thinks he should write Bree a love letter back.
ZEKE: But my brain's filled with science, not with poetry.
RACH: Then write her your own theory on Love Relativity.
Susan comes over and tries to talk to them again. She thanks them for being okay with her and Karl – she says they value the kids' feelings very much. Then she just comes out with it.
SUSAN: We wanna live together again.
SUSAN: (confused) Well, here… All of us.
The kids say they knew this was coming, and they've already talked about it. And by the way, they're okay with it. Susan is so thrilled, she runs and hugs them.
ZEKE: We've already made a bed for him in the shed.
The kids reiterate that they're okay with it.
With a few conditions.
Just a few.
Number 24 in which we discover that Lou never uses A Calendar
JANELLE: A had a friend who woke up with “Steve” tattooed on her bum. No memory of it at all.
LOU: What happened?
JANELLE: Drunk as a skunk.
Janelle is just PURE class. The best addition to the show in the last two years. Lou says he didn't spend his time drinking whilst in Russia, and he didn't get the tattoo when he was in Aus. Janelle asks him to talk her and Sky through his trip day by day.
LOU: I arrived. It was cold. It was bitterly cold.
(I'm sensing a long story here. This is the kind of story my granddad used to tell about the war.)
He remembers that he tracked Mishka down and they spent a few days going around the art galleries and museums. How cultured. And he, er, he, er, he realised that Mishka didn't truly love him and he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. So he got on a plane and came home.
Sky asks about his second week. He says he was only there for one. No, says Sky, he was there for two. Lou looks shocked.
You mean, since he's been back, he hasn't realised what date it is?? He hasn't needed to look at the date once? Ludicrous.
The Kennedy House in which Susan has got it So Wrong
The kids are going over their conditions.
ZEKE: I like Karl. But I don't want to call him dad.
Rachel suggests that Susan wants Karl to be a father figure, though. Susan says not necessarily – she can take care of the discipline without anyone's help. Oh, dear, I can see it coming already. You can't have another adult in the house, Suse, and not let them have a say in the decision of the kids. If you want him to be responsible for them and look out for them, then he has to have a say. You can' t have it both ways.
Rach thinks it's cool that Zeke will have a bloke around to show him how to how to do blokey things like shaving. Absolutely. Hopefully not the burping and scratching thing, though. Ugh.
Rachel says she likes Karl, but she doesn't want the whole man of the house routine; the whole being told off thing. Him being in authority, basically.
ZEKE: We don't have to pretend we like his music, do we?
Cut to tomorrow, and the kids are helping Karl into the house with his boxes of stuff. Rachel looks at one of his Beatles albums and can't *believe* their hair! And Zeke starts playing Karl's guitar.
His sacred guitar. His one possession that he has always loved more than the Thunderbird.
Audrey barks and barks. Karl tells Zeke not to play the guitar and Susan gives him a look before reminding the kids to go to school. He tells her it's an expensive item, but she tells him that the kids want her to do the disciplining. He can't believe that. She knows it's not ideal.
Damn right, Susan. It's doomed to failure from the start. You want him to be there, to provide for them, no doubt to pay the mortgage, contribute to bills, take them out, look after them…but he can't discipline them if they do actually need it??
Then they get all cutesy and cuddly, but I'm not all into it because I can't believe that Susan thinks that this is a good idea.
SUSAN: We're living in sin.
They rub noses, but – whatever.
Number 26 in which Janae tells The Truth
JANELLE: My Janae is the hottest thing this side of chilli con carne.
Janelle is looking at the portrait of Janae with Boyd, taken when the photographer man did their house up like a jungle.
Janelle takes down the big portrait of Valda and replaces it with the Janae and Boyd picture! So it's officially the Timmins' place, now, is it?! There's a cab beeping outside, and Bree appears with Anne, who's catching a cab home. Anne thanks Janelle for having her and leaves. Janae thinks it's weird that Anne spends so much time with her sister.
BREE: Oh, yeah, say it a bit louder. I don't think Hong Kong heard.
JANELLE: Anne is welcome here, love. But she does hang around like a bad pong.
Bree says that maybe Anne needs somewhere to go sometimes. Then she realises that she has double English and skips out the door with a “yes!”
Janae (along with Boyd) follows her mum into the kitchen and tells her that she's been wondering about nan and pop – has her mum spoken to them since their dad left? Janelle reiterates that Kim's parents are dead to her. Especially “that mole, Loris.” Janae thinks that as they're family, perhaps they should keep in touch. She knows that pop's sick… Wait! How does she know that?!
BOYD: Just tell her the truth now. It will save a lot of shouting later.
Janae admits that her nan paid for the photoshoot – it was a late wedding present. Janelle storms into the lounge to take the picture back down! Janae tells her mother that Loris sounded lonely, and then tries the whole money ploy on Janelle…Loris wants to share her money, and that can't be bad, can it?
JANELLE: Any money you take from Loris has strings attached. Big. Fat. Greasy. Strings.
So. That told *her*, then.
The Kennedy House in which Karl goes a little Over The Top
Zeke is playing Karl's guitar in the lounge (after all, there are no other rooms), and Rachel and Bree are singing a song called “Doctor Rock” which is actually quite good, and laughing, and singing into proper mics. They are doing some sort of little routine, and as they turn round…
Karl. With his cat's bum face.
RACH: Erm…we'll wait for Susan outside.
They leg it out the door just as Susan comes out the bedroom. Karl complains to her that the kids were using his professional and expensive recording equipment. And they can't be allowed to do that. Susan asks if anything's broken, but he doesn't know. All he knows is that they shouldn't touch his really expensive equipment. He wonders if he has a problem – should he make an appointment to speak to her about it?
She suggests he writes a list of grievances if he's that bothered.
Which, you just know, he's going to do. It's like Ross and Rachel all over again.
Karl switches the tape recording thing on, and we hear Rachel and Bree singing:
“If you've got a case of the middle-aged blues
We've got a prescription tha-at just can't lose
Doctor Rock! Yeah, yeah, yeah…!
Doctor Rock! Yeah, yeah, yeah…!”
Karl begins his list.
Lassiters Lake in which we learn that Anne is Very Creepy Indeed
Rach, Bree, Anne and Zeke are next to Lassiters lake. They think about recording the Doctor Rock song, but realise that they wouldn't know how to. Mmmm. Bree and Rachel leave Anne with Zeke whilst they go get drinks.
Zeke asks for Anne's help – he wants to write Bree a love letter. Anne doesn't think it's a good idea; it's not what Bree would like. She admits that she wrote the letter to Zeke, because she thought he deserved to hear them from Bree. She wanted to help both her friends out, and she's sorry.
Creepy, more like it.
She admits she wanted to step into Bree's shoes and feel normal. Zeke tells her he thinks she's amazing, and any guy would be lucky to be with her. Bree stands by, listening.
Erinsborough Hospital in which we learn that All Is Not As We See It
Janae is tidying magazines, and Boyd – seeing the chief nurse person at the nurses station – waltzes up to Janae and kisses her hard.
JANAE: Hello! Harassment in the workplace! It's just the way I like it.
They kiss again until SeniorNurse coughs to make them stop. Janae leaves, and Boyd does a whole speech to the SeniorNurse woman that he hopes she doesn't come down too hard on Janae, as it's his fault. He'll take the responsibility. Like a man.
SeniorNurse doesn't think it is a problem, and Boyd is surprised – surely Janae's job is under threat because of it?
SENIORNURSE: Dr K's an old prude. And you two are the talk of the tearoom.
Lassiters in which we find trouble with The Teenagers
Sky is rubbing her stomach whilst watering the plants outside The General Store. She rubs to remind us she's pregnant, in case we forgot. Lou sees Janelle, and whisks her off her feet, thanking her for last night. She doesn't believe that he can't remember their talk? Sky tells Janelle that there are guys selling perfume out of the back of their boots – all the way over there, so Janelle scarpers to get a good deal.
Sky tells Lou that Janelle isn't interested, and wants to talk to him about his missing week. She's been trying to talk to Mishka all morning to see what she knows, but the number Lou had for her is now disconnected. Sky thinks this is all very weird.
Rachel and Zeke and Bree come to The General Store and Lou knows their order before they order it!
RACH: How funny is Greg? He cracked everybody up in science today.
ZEKE: He's not going out with anyone, is he?
BREE: Ah, Zeke – he's not your type.
Zeke thinks he'd been good for Anne, and Bree gets all jealous at the mention of her name. Zeke tells Bree he knows she didn't write his letter. She looks pretty peeved.
Number 26 in which Bree gets a Little Stroppy
Bree opens the door to Anne, who tells her that they can't hang out today because she knows Anne wrote the letter. Anne apologises – it slipped out. She didn't mean to hurt her or Zeke. Bree tells her new friend she made her look like an idiot; and she can't hang out today because she has homework. She slams the door in Anne's face.
Number 24 in which the Lighting Is Bad
Karl is looking at Lou's tattoo with a torch because, you know, they don't have any lights in that house. Karl agrees that it's a recent tattoo, and asks if he had any head injuries in Russia. He didn't. Karl very unsubtly tries to work out if Lou is suffering any memory loss, and Lou twigs what he's doing, so starts listing things:
LOU: My name is Lou Carpenter, I'm a gemini, and the Prime Minister of Australia is Dame Edna Everage.
Sky says that Karl's just trying to help him, and Karl just wants to do some preliminary tests.
LOU: Are you suggesting I'm starting to get Alzheimer's?
Wow – where did *that* come from?! Why not just old age, or memory loss, or – hello?! – brainwashing by Mishka's mean and nasty husband? Lou strops off – he doesn't want to hear this. Sky is worried he might really have Alzheimer's, but Karl says he needs to do proper tests.
The Kennedy House in which we learn that Audrey Was Hypnotised
Susan is drying off Audrey, and she's wearing the top from 4976
. Susan. Not Audrey, because she wasn't in 4976
Karl returns home. Aw. Home. And Susan realises that Audrey has really gone off Karl. Audrey growls on cue. He calls the dog to him, and she wags off set. Susan tells Karl that his dad rang; he sounded happy, but…you know. Karl is thinking of his dad's mind, and obviously making a comparison to Lou…
Rachel and Zeke get home. And see Karl. And immediately suggest they should do their homework. Such angelic children.
Susan sees Karl writing a list. She can't believe the number of things on it.
SUSAN: Look at this lot. When did you start it?
KARL: Eight thirty.
SUSAN: How did the kids have time to be this awful?
He's listed them turning Audrey against him and leaving the milk out. He goes to make peace with Audrey, and Susan thinks he should – to get rid of all that evil hypnosis the kids must have used. The kids come out of their rooms, worried that Karl's still angry about this morning. She says he's having a bad day, and asks them to stay away from the recording equipment as he is passionate about it.
And she screws up his list as she does so.
Lassiters in which we are a Little Disturbed
Anne stands in the middle of Lassiters, crying and distressed, and calling out for Janelle who comes running.
Wow – talk about a child desperate for some motherly attention.
She sobs that Bree hates her and kicked her out of the house. Janelle says she doesn't hate her, but maybe Bree just needs a bit of space at the moment. She suggests that Anne spends some time with her own family, and gives Anne a tissue.
Anne sobs that her parents are glad she's never home. All they care about is their own problems. Janelle offers to speak to them, but Anne says no; she'll leave them alone from now on. She goes to leave, and Janelle stops her and tells her that she's always welcome at their house.
Janelle hugs her and Anne hugs her back.
Looking like this is what she's always wanted.
Line of the episode:
KARL: *This*, is a place of healing.
Best performance of the episode:
Nell Feeney – for her classy comedy
Best ‘Rock On' moment:
JANELLE: A had a friend who woke up with “Steve” tattooed on her bum. No memory of it at all.
LOU: What happened?
JANELLE: Drunk as a skunk.
The scene that TPTB forgot to include:
The one where Karl and Susan did more than rub noses…