Number 28
Scott tells Rachel that he's flattered she kissed him, but he doesn't think she really likes him - she's four years younger.

RACHEL: It's more like three and a half.
SCOTT: It doesn't make a difference.

Actually - not true. We all know that in the Karl and Susan canon, three and a half months is the difference between Susan sleeping with four men before marrying Karl aged 17, or aged 18. That makes a difference. Besides which - as we've all been told - a few months is a long time in soap.

So there.

Rachel says she sees no other girls interested in Scott, and he fears that he's just another rule for her to break, to rebel against. But Rach doesn't want to answer the questions, and wants the house to be clean for Susan. Cute. Stingray leaves and Bree wanders in. She wants to know if Scott told Rach that he likes her. Rachel rolls her eyes.

Lassiters Complex where Susan wants To Win
Susan tells Toadie that she doesn't think that Kattier is mature enough for mediation so she doesn't know how they'll avoid court; she wants to be prepared but Toadie says it might not come to that. Susan wants to know what it is about Kattier that Alex wouldn't tell her. Susan wants to know all about Kattier's life in between leaving the family and returning, but Toadie doesn't recommend a dirt-digging expedition.

Susan is hurt; she doesn't understand why Toadie is protecting Kattier. She's also wearing the earrings from 4828.

SUSAN: You're my lawyer and you're supposed to be my friend.

Toadie suggests that if they don't try and work it out, the children will have to choose in court who they want to live with. If Susan could get the kids to put their wishes on paper, all the legal fighting might end.

Susie-cruise shakes her head in despair.

Number 26 and Number 30 where...
ANGIE: I'm gonna knock that bleached blonde head of yours all the way back to Portland.

...the punch up has begun.

JANELLE: You're too old and too fat and too slow and you'll never lay a glove on me.

And then we cut away to see that Angie is fighting Connor who's holding up a punch bag, and Janelle is fighting a cushion that Kim's holding for her. Kim can't believe the insults coming out of Janelle's mouth. No idea why - he's been on the end of them most of the time.

Janelle accidentally elbows Kim who doubles over and Angie tells Connor that she's going to win. Connor wants to know what the family feud is about, but we don't really find out.

SCOTT: Mum, Angie kills her own meat.
JANELLE: I beheaded a chook, once.

Not Chook from PCBH, I hope. I love her. And her pink cardi.

Janelle wants Scott's support, but he doesn't want to be involved, and neither does Kim.

Lassiters Lake where we have Character Development
Kattier asks Zeke if he likes school, and he tells her he doesn't mind. In fact, with Susan there, it's like being home-schooled again. Oh, and by the way, Kattier, Susie-Q talked to Zeke about what he'd overheard her saying to Karl in 4912. You know, about still being hopelessly in love with Karl. Which she is. But Zeke doesn't need to know that.

Kattier pretends to be pleased at that news, and Zeke says that Susan has told him that Kattier will always be welcome at their house.

KATTIER: So you're happy to stay living with Susan?
ZEKE: Yeah, she's really great. If you got to know her a bit better, you'd like her, too. Dad really loved her.

Go Zekemeister!

Kattier cries. She admits that Zeke and Rachel are lucky to have Susan.

Number 28
Bree can't believe that Rachel thought Scott would be interested - he's in uni, and she's fourteen years old. Rachel doesn't see that the age difference is an issue, and she doesn't want to go back to school later, because all the students are babies. Bree points out that it's Rachel who goes around with a spray can and fancies a guy who thinks she's too young.

Bree then apologises - she knows what Rachel must be going through. Rachel tells her she knows nothing, and she doesn't want to see Bree again; she was only ever nice to her because she didn't know anyone else. But, hey. She has cool friends now.

And my heart goes out to Bree as she defiantly runs off before composing herself outside the house.

The General Store where Heartbreak Ensues
Janelle comes into the store to pick up some eggs before the fight - giving away her big diet secret. Angie doesn't care - she can't wait to see Janelle begging for mercy.

JANELLE: Why would I beg when I'm a big media starlet?
ANGIE: If you're a media starlet, I'm a monkey's uncle.

Janelle reminds Angie about her new publicity stunt for her published book, as Kim comes in. She also reminds Angie that Kim can't get enough of her - and the feeling's mutual. Ange looks confused as the pair leave and Karl comes in.

And Susie's here! We didn't see her just now. How rude.

Karl asks his dearly beloved how the mediation went and she said it was early days. She quickly tells Karl that she has to finish some marking, so he leaves her to it. She can't take her eyes off him, though, because she's so in love, and asks him if he's called Jenny yet. You know, just to put him off the scent.

She encourages him to call her soon, or Jenny might find someone else, and she's all a little too keen about it. Really covering her tracks, this one. Karl asks why she's so enthusiastic, and Susan says they just seem so very well suited.

KARL: You think?
SUSAN: I'll be honest with you, Karl; I think it would be better for both of us if you were seeing someone.

(Karl does his gutted face from the end of 4840)

SUSAN: Better for me. It would help get the ridiculous idea out of Kattier's head that you and I are going to wind up together.
KARL: I see. (said in manner of "I see" from 4082)
SUSAN: That's one less thing she can throw at me in the custody case.
KARL: Sure, I, I, I'll, I'll give Jenny a call.
SUSAN: Ah, for your sake. As well. And whether it's Jenny or someone else... It'd be good to move on. Don't you think?

And Karl silently screams out no, as he says yes and tries to smile.

My heart may have just broken a very little.

Number 28
Kattier is taking Zeke home, and he asks her if she's coming in. She declines, and tells him that she'll see him soon. Zeke goes into the house and Susan asks him to sit down; she'd like to talk to him.

I'll guess she'll have to, since he won't talk back.

He sees Rachel, who says she wasn't feeling well and took the day off. Susan sits the kids down on the Sofa Of Death and tells them that she wants to ask them a question.

SUSAN: I love you both. And, and this house will be your home as long as you want it to be, but it's important that you understand that you do have some choices. So, if, if Kattier were to offer you the chance to live with her, do you think that that is something you'd like to do?

The kids look unsure, and Rachel doesn't understand why Susie is even asking the question. She's worried that she'll be forced to live with her, but Susan reassures her that she won't be forced to do anything. Except, of course, call Karl 'Daddy' when he moves back in.

RACH: Well I'm not living with her. I'm staying here with you.
SUSAN: Just take some time, love. Think it through.
RACH: No, I don't need time, Susan. I'm not moving. You feel the same way, don't you, Zeke?

Zeke shakes his head and Susan looks away, hurt. Rachel asks him why he's saying no. Susan tells Rachel that it's important that Zeke can be honest about the way he feels. Zeke holds up a card:

"K needs me."

Yes, Zeke. Karl does need you. And Rachel. Then you can all be one happy family. Yay!

Rachel thinks this is terrible - because she meant what she said yesterday in 4916. If Zeke does decide to go and live with Kattier - she'll have to go with him.

Susan tries to smile. I just try not to cry.

The Scarlet Bar where we find Storyline Explanation
Connor serves up Angie a carb meal and then proceeds to massage her back as Toadie looks on, distracted by Kattier coming in. Angie thinks that she'd make a great mum to the Rebecchi grandkids. Ange tells her son to go and talk to Kattier about whatever legal issue it is that she has.

CONNOR: Hey - your mum could be a real contender for this. Don't joke.

Toadie approaches her at the bar, and thanks him for coming after her before. Kattier wonders how come Toadie is so compassionate for a lawyer. He reminds her that Susan's his client, and he wants this all sorted out so it doesn't get to court. Susan has a very strong case; she's been a foster parent and she's their step-mother, and it will be expensive to manage.

Kattier explains that she promised her father she'd look after the kids; and after all the hurt she caused her father, she at least owes him that.

She tells Toadie she'll fight to the end. Goodo. Haven't seen Susie-Q punch anything since......ooh, 4461. And that was a good punch.

Number 30 where there will Be A Fight
Susan tells Toadie that she spoke to the kids and it didn't go as planned. Rachel was determined to stay with her, but Zeke disagreed and Rachel wants to support him. She can understand it. Toadie knows that this won't help her case, but Susan retorts that this isn't her case. It's about what will make the kids happy.

Toadie reminds her that the kids' wishes will be a very strong factor. And if they want to live with Kattier, then Susan has one hell of a fight on her hands. She looks a bit lost.

Number 26 where it's all Going Wrong
Janelle practices punching on Kim's hands, and makes a big deal of the recently discovered history of Angie and Kim, who tells her to forget about it. Kim tells her that the feud has gone way too far. And he has to get dinner started.

Cut to the lounge where Bree tells Stingray to apologise for what he did to Rachel. Scott rightly defends himself - he hasn't done anything wrong, he's tried to be her friend, and keep her on the straight and narrow. Bree thinks that Rach will listen to Scott far more than her. She confesses that she's not Rachel's best friend any longer.

Number 30 where Susan is Desperate
Susan realises that she's running out of options, and Toadie reminds her that Kattier *is* their sister. Susan agrees - but Kattier isn't ready to be their mother, especially when Alex said time and time again that she wanted her to be the kids' legal guardian.

Toadie suggests waiting until Zeke can talk again - then they might have more of a chance to negotiate. Fine, says Susan, but she'd still like that background check on Kattier, please. Toadie's not happy with is, but Susan says it's not just for the courts, it's for her. She needs to know that Kattier's reliable if she's going to be looking after the children.

TOADIE: You really want Kattier investigated by a private detective?
SUSAN: I know it sounds drastic.
TOADIE: It is. And very expensive.
SUSAN: I owe it to Alex. I need to know who Kattier is. Every detail.

It's so sad, that both Susan and Kattier are doing this for Alex, who would never have wanted this conflict. Their motives are both so genuine. It's nice that this story isn't so one-sided.

Garden of The Kennedy House of Love where there's None
Rach gives Zeke a good talking to - she wants to live here with Susan, and so should Zeke. If he wants to go to Kattier's, then she has to, too - they promised dad they'd stick together. Nice continuity from 4871.

Zeke writes that Kattier needs them. Rachel doesn't understand why Zeke cares more for her than Rachel now.

Stingray runs up to the house and Zeke runs away. He tells Rachel that with him being at uni, and with all that's going on in her life at the moment, they shouldn't be friends. He does like her, but they won't be keeping the same hours. Rachel doesn't buy his excuse for one second, but he asks her to be friends with Bree.

Number 30 where we remember Susan Kennedy
Angie's up to something and Toadie wants to know what it is. She denies doing anything.

TOADIE: If you were on findmysonawife.com you're wasting your time.

Now there's an idea.

Angie says she'll make some dinner, and Connor comes in. And here begins possibly the most ludicrous scene that Neighbours has ever seen. Toadie needs a full background check done on Kattier Kinski. It's for Susan. As Connor's not even partially - let alone fully - qualified, it's a good opportunity to get some hands-on experience.

Really?

Because it comes across that Toadie doesn't want anything found out on Kattier and is seriously screwing Susan's chances.

CONNOR: Maybe you're playing a very dangerous game between Susan and Kattier Kinski.

Dead right.

CONNOR: You know, one you're in love with and one you're taking money from. And I'm not saying you're in love with Susan Kennedy. I mean Kinski. Well, Smith.

He said Kennedy. That's all I care about in this scene.

Other than it's LUDICROUS.

Ramsay Street where it's Comedy Central
The interview with Janelle has been published and she's so proud. Front page as well. Bree has collected loads of papers from the next street to send back to Colac, and Scott has paid for all the papers from the paper boys...

JANELLE: Hey, big bum! Seen the glamour puss on the front page of the paper?
ANGE: Got it right here, Janelle!
JANELLE: Then it's official. It's the year of the Timmins.

Angie clears up Bob's doggy poop onto Janelle's picture.

ANGE: Oh, look. Soft. Strong. And very absorbent.
BREE: Oi, that's my mum's face.
SCOTT: Couldn't you have used the TV section?

Angie folds the paper and smashes the poop into Janelle's face.

I loved this scene, except for one small correction. It's not the year of the Timmins. It's the year of The Kennedys.

Erinsborough Hospital where Jenny Isn't Loved
Karl is leaving a message for Jenny - hoping they could get together to talk things through. If she wants to call, that is. You almost want him to say "Hi there, my ex-wife needs me to date you so that it doesn't look like we're going to get back together. Let's do it." Cos, you know, she'd be over the moon.

Rachel comes up - has Karl seen Kattier? Yes - she's......ooh, there.

KATTIER: Hey Rach, what brings you down here?
RACHEL: I'm here to talk to you about what it is you're doing to Zeke.

Kattier doesn't think she's doing anything, but spending time with him. Rachel says that Kattier has never cared about the three of them spending time together before, so why now?

RACHEL: You haven't stopped to think about us or Susan for one second, have you?
KATTIER: I asked Zeke what he wanted and he told me.
RACHEL: Okay. So ask me what I want.
KATTIER: What do you want?
RACH: I want to live with Susan but if Zeke insists on living with you I'm going to have to go with him, won't I?
KATTIER: Why do you want to live with Susan so much?
RACH: Because it's what dad wanted!
KATTIER: That's not what he told...
RACH: Oh just stop lying! You weren't there when we lived together, dad was happy! He would hate to see what you're doing to our family. Again.
KATTIER: Rach -
RACH: No! We're better off without you. Just butt out and leave us alone.

Line of the episode:
CONNOR: You know, one you're in love with and one you're taking money from. And I'm not saying you're in love with Susan Kennedy. I mean Kinski. Well, Smith.

Best performance of the episode:
Oooh, choosing between Jackie and Caitlin here. Well, that's easy. Jackie, for all the hurt expressions which I love.

Best 'Rock On' Moment:
Rachel telling Kattier to butt out

The scene that TPTB forgot to include:
The one where Susan cried after Zeke said he wanted to be with Kattier. :'( Where are my SusanTears™ these days?