Stu's army sergeant asks him if he can make a four-year commitment
Joe stuns Lyn with the news he'd like another baby
Sindi blackmails Darcy
Darcy surprises Penny with a romantic holiday, swapping 'I love you' schmoopiness just as Sindi sits between them. Penny notices her sis is wearing the expensive shoes she's been drooling over for months, Sindi smirking they were a present from her "sugar daddy". Darcy sweats it out, escaping to the bar to get them drinks. Penny doesn't buy the sugar daddy line, but Sindi insists they're just a gift from a guy (covertly glancing to antsy Darcy at the bar).
Joe and Lyn are home early from their romantic getaway with startled Steph facing the wrath of cranky Joe. He's snapping at her for eating too much until Lyn tells him he's talking rubbish, resulting in a sooky "you'd know, wouldn't you..." and stomp-off from Joe. Realising something's up between the parentals, Steph flees before "World War III explodes". Lynnie looks like she'd love to follow.
Lou's spruiking '2 meals for the price of 1' outside the Coffee Shop, two random excitable extras pouncing on the deal. Cecille catches up with Mushroom Head... ah, Boyd, to let him know she's been to the allotment and Roxy (the fox) is sick. Cecille says Roxy needs a vet but Boyd doesn't want to let anyone know they've got a fox. Passing Lou, the kids freeze as he asks what sort of trouble they're getting up to. Giving their best 'Who? Me?' look, Cecille and Boyd lame their way through a lame excuse (with a capital L) about liking the sound of the 2-fer meal deal. You should never lie to Lou though; he could smell a scheme through a blocked nose.
Joe makes with the polite talk to Lyn, but Lyn's only giving him cold responses in return. She's mad, mad I tells ya, at Joe for sounding like a broken record last night, wanting another baby. Joe doesn't get her; doesn't she remember how much fun it was? Lyn's comeback is like, 'You ever tried pushing a turkey out an eye of a needle? FOUR TIMES? No? Then shut it!' But, you know, in a politer Lynnie way. Joe got to go off to work each day and come back to happy kiddies. Lyn, however, was run ragged.
LYN: (sounding teary) Look, I'm not complaining, Joe. It's been worth every poohey, snotty moment... it's just... our kids are fantastic, I love our family more than anything in this world.
JOE: I know you do, love.
LYN: It's just I want some time just for me to enjoy my life. I don't know; buy some pretty clothes that I don't have to worry about sponging clean...
Lyn wants to know where this baby idea came from in the first place, asking Joe to "pop it back out" when he replies it just "popped in". Randomly walking in the back door (whuzzuh?), Stu's called in to tell them the good news he's quit the grown-up army and might join the reserves instead. After about a million years and some tense responses from Lyn and Joe, Stu realises he might have interrupted something.
Leaving his angst with Lynnie unresolved, Joe's instead decided to have a cuppa with Stu. Telling Stu his quitting is a big decision, Joe then reconsiders it's not as big as having a baby, letting Stu know he wants one and Lyn doesn't. Joe starts rambling he and Lyn would be so much better at it now than they were with the others. Joe would be around the house a lot more and Lyn wouldn't have to do it on her own. "We'd be great parents, don't you reckon?" Stu quickly answers yes, the only smart response. Joe keeps rambling away, telling Stu a baby would bring the Scullys closer together, just not getting why Lyn's so dead set against it. "Talk about being in the dog house, you should have seen last night. Romantic getaway, ha!" Uncomfortable doesn't begin to describe Stu's mood - bowing down at the altar of Steph when she walks over and interrupts. Stu lets Steph know he's quit the army as Steph grins back. She always knew he wasn't cut out to be a commando. Ah yes, but he's quite cut out to *go* commando...
Later, Harold gets off the phone with some incompetent person. He's trying to help Saxon locate his father but to no avail. Lou comments on how busy it is, Harold pleased Lou's spruiking worked. What Harry's not so pleased about is the fact Lou's advertising '2 for 1' meals. Lou figures it's better to have 50% of something than 100% of nothing. I wait for the patent Harry 'Ahhh...' but don't get it. Aww.
Steph and Stu are alone in the house... wooo! So far, they're just talking about Stu's future, Stu thinking he'll maybe do some travelling. Steph wonders if he's got anywhere particular in mind - it just so happens Flick's in Boston at the moment. Incredulous, Stu asks if Steph thinks he left the army to chase Flick. Pointing out Stu joined to get away from her sister, Steph adds Flick's broken up with Marc now so...
STU: Steph... come on.
STEPH: Okay, I know it's none of my business. Personally I think you'd have to be a bit soft in the head, but hey! Stranger things have happened.
STU: Okay, listen to me. If I've learnt anything from the army it's two things. One, I still hate brussell sprouts. Two, I'm well and truly over Flick. Her and I are friends, you and I are friends. Okay?
STU: You believe me?
STEPH: Have you tried them with butter and freshly cracked pepper?
Stu has a playful tussle with her. They so want each other, friends talk be damned!
Oh Lordy. Lyn is singing to the background music as she cleans like she's playing a CD of it in her house. (Hee! My headphones just cut out - perhaps in sympathy). Anyhoo, now I can (unfortunately) hear again, Lynnie's all-singing, all-mopping floorshow is interrupted by Joe. He's had a think and he can't get it out of his head (much like I can't get Lynnie's 'dulcet tones' out of mine). Lyn's the love of his life and he wants to have another baby with her. Frustrated, Lyn points out she's not as young anymore and there are big physical risks involved. Joe believes they can get all that checked out but Lyn doesn't want to put her body through it.
LYN: What is this all about?
JOE: It's about family. I thought you'd understand that.
Steph walks in as Joe walks off, Steph concernedly asking if they're arguing about having a baby (finding out from Stu). Steph states she's had enough of being a big sister for one lifetime but Lyn retorts she needn't worry, it ain't gonna happen. Sighing in relief, Steph wonders if Joe might be having a mid-life crisis.
BWAH! I thought Cecille was saying a line but it was 'voice-not-broken-yet-Boyd'. Sorry Kyal, but BWAH! The two pseudo vets can't find any ticks and don't think the food is off, so have no idea what's made Roxy ill. How about the fact she's locked up in a cage and stuck in a musty old shed? Snotty, Cecille states it'll be Boyd's fault if Roxy dies (blaming him for not checking on her last night). Angry, Boyd replies he had to look after Summer last night who was *really* ill; that's way more important. Quickly making up, Boyd knows they're going to have to take Roxy to the vet.
CECILLE: Boyd, they'll put her down. They'll call her vermin and kill her.
Dramatic music plays as Roxy paces in her cage. Break through and bite 'em, Roxy!
Pouring lemonade into various containers (that looks suspiciously like the cleaning fluid Lyn just used), Lyn and Steph laugh about Joe's sudden urge for a bub. Lyn bets Joe hasn't even thought about the practical side of things, citing him as usually being the cautious one. Steph thought her parents wouldn't be able to wait to have the house to themselves, which makes Lynnie take pause and think.
LYN: Maybe that's what he's scared of.
LYN: (sad) You know, maybe he can see down the track. You guys are gone and he'll be left alone with just me.
LYN: Well you hear about it, don't you? Empty nest syndrome. The kids leave home and the parents realise all they have in common is the kids and their marriage falls apart.
STEPH: No, but your marriage is rock solid.
(2006 summariser in the 2002 world says HA!).
Comforting Lyn, Steph says Lynnie and Joe are the best parents around - so maybe the baby idea *isn't* so crazy. Just a theory mind you. Lyn hugs Steph, thanking her for the support.
Stu looks through the want ads in the paper, telling Lou, the fifty-millionth person that day, that he's quit the army. Lou tells Stu he shouldn't be ashamed, it takes a real man to admit his wrongs. He moves off to take an emergency supply of napkins to Harold as Steph sidles up to her boyfriend... I mean, Stu. Her friend... that's a boy.
STU: (joking) Oh would you please stop stalking me!
STEPH: Oh I'm bored, deal with it.
Heh. Noticing the paper, Steph tells Stu he could always get his job back with Joe or Drew but Stu wants to do more than "builders labouring and changing oil". Without sounding bigheaded, Stu states he just wants to make the world a better place because he's been in it. Steph reckons that sounds cool.
STEPH: (looking at the paper) So have you found anyone in there who's looking for Mother Teresa?
STU: (smirking) No, not yet.
STEPH: Want a game of pool?
STU: Yeah alright, but this time can we agree to keep our dacks on?
STEPH: Oh at last, I thought you'd never learn.
My brain nearly imploded until I remembered they had a nudey-run bet once over a pool game. Go on you two, you know you want to nude up again!
Darcy and Penny peruse over holiday brochures as Penny asks his advice on swimsuits: one-piece or bikini? Darcy prefers bikinis. On girls that is, although I'm sure he'd look peachy in one. They play kissy-faces until Sindi walks in, immediately causing trouble. Sindi states she just had a feeling of déją vu, like she's met Darcy somewhere before. As Darcy fidgets Sindi smiles, sure it will come back to her soon.
Lou gets narky with the fruit and veg supplier on the phone telling him to sharpen up his act or he can "shove [his] zucchinis where the sun don't shine". Harold's aghast at Lou's crass tone.
HAROLD: I have had a long and happy relationship with Mr Vegetable.
LOU: Mate, he charges like a wounded bull.
Lou offers to help out and put Harold on to his own veggie guy but Harold spits out he doesn't want Lou's help anymore. He's had more than enough and orders Lou out of the shop. Lou reckons he's done heaps to help Harold, but Harold knows it's only because Lou poisoned his customers and felt guilty.
Boyd struggles carrying Roxy's cage as Cecille changes her mind on the vet idea. Harold chases Lou outside, apologising for upsetting him, when they both stop in their tracks at the sight of the fox. Harold thought they'd taken it to the animal shelter. Boyd's about to keep walking when Cecille nudges him, realising they've been sprung. Where's the dramatic music now, huh?
Joe brings home an apology bouquet of flowers for Lynnie. "I want to say I'm sorry for springing the baby thing on you the way I did. It was all too sudden." Joe guesses he just got caught up in the romance of the moment, "the room, the spa, the negligee... oh, the negligee..." Woah, back up there, soldier. TMI. Genuine, Joe states if Lyn's really that dead set against it, he won't bring it up again. Realising it means a lot to Joe, Lyn replies her initial 'no' was a knee-jerk reaction but there shouldn't be anything they can't talk about openly. "I'm still not thinking it's such a great idea but... I'm willing to talk about it." Joe tells Lynnie he loves her, giving her a kiss on the head.
Snippy, Darcy's alone with Sindi, letting her know her 'cute' antics are anything but. Darcy wonders if Sindi's jealous of his relationship with Penny, but Sindi curtly reminds him he was all over Sindi like a rash when they met. Resigned, Darcy asks if he pays for her silence one more time "it'll be over, right?" Sindi says it'll cost no more than a simple dress as Darcy hands over the money. Giving Darcy a kiss on the cheek, Sindi leaves, not realising Penny has witnessed the exchange. Neither, it seems, has Darcy.
And here Steph is, alone, with Sindi's future husband! Isn't Neighbours wacky?
Steph laughs about Stu's atrocious pool playing skills as she leans down to pick up Audrey. Walking behind Steph, Stu does the most bogus, fake yawn-stretch I've ever seen, telling Steph he better get going. They both state they had fun and as Steph turns around, Stu suddenly goes in for the goodbye kiss, missing her cheek and landing square on Steph's mouth. It may only last for two seconds (why yes, I did time it), but they were a SMOKIN' two seconds! Come on, just play along with me...
As their lips smack apart, Steph looks happy, surprised, startled, uh-oh and oh dear, all rolled into one. Stu, on the other hand looks, oooh baby, HELLO!, kind of surprised and then hmm, wanna do that again? The saxophone of sexiness blares away in the background taking us to the credits - where the first pic is of Stu and Flick. Boo, hiss.