Robyn telling Madge that she's in love with Harold.
MADGE: Well! That's blunt - and to the point. And how long have you been cherishing these romantic longings towards *my* husband?
ROBYN: It was more of a gradual realisation. He's warm, caring, sensitive... qualities I've always admired in men.
MADGE (sharply): I see - so this has happened before, has it? You make a *habit* of home-wrecking, do you?
ROBYN: No, I don't. I understand how you must feel—
MADGE (snaps): Don't you even dare to *presume* to know how I feel.
ROBYN: Very well - but I do know how *Harold* feels. I can't understand how you can be so unsupportive and neglectful to such a wonderful man.
MADGE (dismissively): What a load of rot. I've been nothing of the kind.
ROBYN: Well that's not what I've been hearing from Harold, and I know he's not the type to lie.
MADGE: Neither am *I*. Now, you listen to me: you stay away from my husband and stop sticking your nose in with things that don't concern you - otherwise, I warn you: you're going to be the sorriest fitness fanatic this side of the black stump. Do I make myself clear?
Robyn pauses before saying calmly:
ROBYN: Nothing's happened between Harold and me, Madge; not yet. But it will if you don't start looking after him. That's not a threat; it's a simple statement of fact.
With that, Robyn leaves the Coffee Shop. Madge sits down at the counter, looking astonished. A few seconds later, Harold comes back in and thanks Madge curtly for minding the shop. He adds that she can get back to the Waterhole now: he wouldn't want to hold her up. Madge, however, says:
MADGE: Do you really feel I've been neglecting you?
HAROLD: Yes. Yes, I do. Why do you ask?
MADGE: Just wondered...
Henry and Bronwyn have turned up at No. 32, and as Joe lets them in, Bronwyn asks him if he's OK for dinner tonight. Joe smiles that he'll be there with bells on - as long as Henry keeps his distance! Henry asks what he's done wrong, and Joe, indicating Henry's suit, tells him that he looks like he's going to a funeral. Henry, however, explains that he's been for a job interview - not that it did him any good. Bronwyn says she's got to go and get some eggs. Henry, however, suggests that Joe's chooks have probably laid so many eggs by now that he's giving them away by the truckload. Joe insists indignantly that his chooks will come good soon! Henry laughs that Joe's never going to get eggs out of that lot. Joe, however, bets Henry $10 that he gets his first egg by tonight. Henry accepts the bet!
Jane and Des walk into No. 28, Jane smiling at Des that she sort of *fancied* him in the white suit with sequins! She then adds more seriously that she thinks the suit he chose is definitely him. Des sighs that he still reckons it's a shame Reflections aren't picking up the tab. Jane, however, suggests that they don't mention them again. Kerry emerges from the bedroom area and smiles that with the feed she's just given Jamie and Sky, they'll sleep forever! Mike emerges from the bedroom area as well - dressed smartly - and Des comments to him that he's ready early for the dinner party. Mike, however, says he's not going to be there: he's got an early soundcheck for the gig tonight. Des remarks in surprise that he thought Mike was going to join them.
MIKE (sarcastically): Well, you know there's nothing I'd like better than to sit around like a shag on a rock in a group of happy couples, but a man can't have everything. Bye!
With that, Mike heads out. Des, Jane and Kerry look at each other wearily.
Back yard of No. 32
Joe is showing off his chooks to Henry and telling him that he should hand his money over *now*! Henry picks up one of the chickens and asks Joe where he's going to build the hen house. Joe points to the far end of the yard and Henry walks over to have a look. Left alone, Joe calls to Toby, who's playing nearby, and tells him to go and get an egg so that he can win $10! Toby dashes into the house. A female voice - Hilary's - calls suddenly from next door:
HILARY: Mr. Mangel...
JOE: Oh yes, sweet mystery of life, what can I do for *you*?!
Hilary tells Joe curtly that he can kindly remove Bouncer from her garden: if Joe doesn't come and get him immediately, she'll take her *broom* to the beast. Toby re-emerges from the house and surreptitiously hands Joe an egg. He then goes to get Bouncer. Henry rejoins Joe, who bends down while Henry is looking at Hilary and places the egg on the ground. He then makes a great play of spotting it lying there! Henry exclaims that he doesn't believe it! Henry picks up the egg, and Joe tells him that any donation to the Save the Joe Mangel Fund would be gratefully appreciated! Henry reaches into his pocket and takes out $10, which Joe grabs. Henry freezes suddenly, though, and Joe asks what's up. Henry, staring at the egg, says:
HENRY: This egg, Joseph, is stone cold. It didn't arrive via some fine-feathered friend; it's fresh from the fridge!
HENRY: Bull nothing! I have to hand it to you, though: you had me going for a sec!
Joe tells Henry that the bet's over: no refunds! Henry accepts this, saying Joe got him fair and square, and he thinks congratulations are in order! He shakes Joe's hand, before then adding:
HENRY: But as they say in the classics, the game's not over until that final whistle!
JOE: That's it!
With that, Henry puts the egg in Joe's shirt pocket and then slaps his hand against it! Egg spurts out from the pocket and makes a complete mess of the shirt!
Office of the Robinson Corporation
Gail heads into the office and tells Paul that it's knock-off time. Paul replies that he won't be a tick. Gail asks what their erstwhile accountant, Barry, wanted this afternoon and Paul explains that he just wanted to let him know that they have a board meeting next week - which means they have to let Hilary know, as there'll be hell to pay if she finds she's been left out. There's a knock on the office door suddenly and Madge comes in. Paul asks if there's a problem. Madge tells him:
MADGE: I am fed up with working the nightshift and filling in when necessary during the day. It's just too much.
PAUL: Hang on, it's not as if you're not getting *paid* for it.
MADGE: Money's not the point, Paul. What counts is my family life, and at the moment it's practically non-existent. Now, I don't mind pitching in during an emergency, but there is no way I am ever going to put my work ahead of my marriage again. Now, Gloria's working the nightshift tonight, but as of tomorrow you're just going to have to find somebody else. That, I'm afraid, is that.
With that, Madge marches back out, leaving Paul and Gail to look at each other in surprise.
The dinner party's underway and Joe is musing that Kerry's not wasting any time getting them to the altar: September 26th is only five weeks away! Bronwyn asks Jane if she's going to wear the dress she bought when Mark Grainger planned on waltzing her down the aisle, but Jane says that might be a bit tacky. Kerry suggests that Jane could trade it in for another one, as it's never been worn. Jane asks Kerry if *she's* decided on a dress yet. Kerry nods that she has.
KERRY: You'll just have to wait and see - it may not be the traditional gown...!
Kerry then asks Bronwyn if she'll be her bridesmaid, and Bronwyn exclaims that she'd love it!
Harold is babysitting Toby, who's showing him a magic trick in which he changes a green-and-gold scarf into a red-and-blue one. Harold beams that that was absolutely wonderful! He then enthuses:
HAROLD: You know what, Toby? I've a funny feeling you and I are going to be the best of friends! Now, what do you think of *that*?
Toby, however, says uncertainly that he's not sure. Looking surprised, Harold asks why.
TOBY: Some of the kids are scared of you.
HAROLD (looking taken aback): Really?
TOBY: Yeah - even Katie says sometimes you're a bit mean.
HAROLD: Well, let me assure you I'm *not* a mean man, nor someone to be scared of. Now, if you think of me that way now, I'm sure your opinion will change once you get to know me better.
Madge joins them suddenly, with carrot and apple juice drinks. Harold asks Toby if he's ever considered joining the Cubs. Toby shakes his head. Harold beams that it's a wonderful life! Madge suggests to Harold that he tell Toby about life under the stars after dinner - she's just about to serve up.
Kerry, Joe, Jane, Des, Bronwyn and Henry are all sitting at the table, eating Chinese, and Des enthuses that the ladies have excelled themselves! Kerry comments suddenly that she wonders if married life will be all plain-sailing. Joe, however, tells her that it's a bit early to be all deep and meaningful! Kerry apologises. She then exclaims:
KERRY: I know: why don't we all get our horoscopes read? I know someone who can do the charts and everything!
JOE (dismissively): What a load of rubbish!
DES: You're not wrong.
Kerry, however, points out that everyone reads their stars in the paper. She asks everyone to indulge her, saying that before the night is out she wants everyone's birth details: places... times... dates... The party is interrupted suddenly by the front door opening and Mike and a young woman coming in, laughing. Mike introduces the young woman - Jan - and then says he's going to have a shower, so everyone can introduce themselves. Jan looks at the food on the table and says:
JAN: So glad you saved some for *us* - I'm starvin'!
Des introduces everyone. Jane and Bronwyn sit there looking bemused!
Paul and Gail are sitting with Hilary in the kitchen at No. 30. She's telling them that she's never been to a Directors' meeting before and she presumes there's a correct procedure to follow. Paul, however, insists that it's no big deal: just a discussion about the present situation and some forward planning. Gail adds that, as it'll just be the three of them, it'll be quite informal.
PAUL: Of course, if you've got something *else* planned; I mean, if you don't want to go—
HILARY (sharply): Are you trying to put me off?
PAUL (quickly): No, of course not.
HILARY: Well, I shall be there. I've never been one to pass up the chance to have my say - especially when I'm *entitled* to it.
PAUL (under his breath): I know...
Hilary adds that she assumes there are Minutes available from the previous meeting and Paul tells her that he'll drop them round tomorrow. They suddenly hear the chickens next door squawking and Gail asks if they shouldn't be asleep by now. Hilary mutters that she doesn't think they know the *meaning* of the word; how *anyone* sleeps in Ramsay Street at the moment with that noise is beyond her.
Jan has seated herself at the table and is getting stuck into the food! Mike emerges from the bathroom and asks her how it's going. She smiles that she thinks she's nearly full! Mike then invites her to listen to some music in his room. Jan just laughs:
JAN: Any excuse!
She stands up, but almost collapses into Mike's arms. He grabs her and asks if she's all right. Jan turns to the others and giggles;
JAN: Cute, isn't he?! Wish I had teachers like that when *I* was at school!
With that, she and Mike head to Mike's room, leaving Jane to ask the dinner party guests:
JANE: Where on Earth did Mike *find* her?!
Everyone stands up and heads over to the kitchen area to clear away the plates. As they do so, Des suggests to Jane suddenly that they should set a date for the wedding. Looking surprised, Jane says:
DES: Well, Kerry and Joe are getting married on the 26th, right? Now, we don't want to clash, so we should set one *now*.
HENRY: Unless you pull a big double-header!
Jane says warily that she's not sure about that. Kerry adds that she agrees. Des, however, points out that they'd save a lot of money.
JOE (enthusiastically): Too right. One church, one reception... place has *got* to be the way to go!
DES (patting Joe on the shoulder): I'm with you, mate!
Jane and Kerry stand there looking unconvinced...
The next morning, Madge, Henry and Bronwyn are in the kitchen and Madge is saying that she's never been to a double wedding before. Bronwyn points out to Henry that Jane and Kerry were pretty quiet about it all, but Henry insists that they were just stung by the sheer brilliance of the idea! Madge comments that they can probably do with all the money than can lay their hands on. She then adds that, talking of money, if Henry would like some extra work she's about to toss in the evening shift at the Waterhole. Henry, however, declines, saying he has his sights on bigger and better things! Harold emerges from the bedroom area suddenly, beaming that it's a beautiful day! He's wearing his walking outfit and says he'll see everyone when he gets back. He goes to head out, but Madge calls out to him quickly to wait a minute.
HAROLD: I can't, love - I'm late already.
MADGE: I'm coming *with* you!
HAROLD (looking surprised): I thought you were ideologically opposed to physical fitness?!
MADGE: Well, perhaps I was, once, but, er, the family that plays together stays together, so here I am.
Harold smiles delightedly and tells Madge to lead on!
Des is demanding of Jane:
DES: What is wrong with it? I think it's a *great* idea.
JANE: Des, this will be a really special day for us - our *wedding* day. The way you and Joe were carrying on, you made it sound like a picnic.
Des insists that it would be a great get-together; friends sharing in a special day together. Jane, however, retorts that she doesn't like it.
DES: You'd have your Uncle Joe there, and Kerry and me... not to mention the money we'd save.
JANE (sighs): Oh Des... how could you reduce our wedding day to a question of dollars and cents?
Des insists that he *isn't* reducing it to dollars and cents; he's just being practical. Jane tells Des that Kerry doesn't like the idea any more than *she* does. Des, however, asks what chance Kerry has of talking Joe out of the idea. He adds that Jane hasn't given him one good reason to drop it. The door to the bedroom area opens suddenly and Mike and Jan emerge. Jan smiles at Des and Jane that she's sorry she can't stay for breakfast, but she'll be late for work if she does. She asks Mike to see her to the door. Mike does so. Jan asks him if he'll ring. Mike nods that he'll give her a call sometime. He then sees her off and closes the door behind her. When she's gone, Des remarks to Mike:
DES: Jan's a nice girl, isn't she?
MIKE: Yeah, she's all right - I suppose.
JANE (rolling her eyes): Charming...
Hilary is hanging up washing on the rear balcony of No. 30 as Paul hands her some documents and tells her that it's everything she needs to know about Boardroom procedure but was afraid to ask. Hilary, however, points out that she's hardly the type who's afraid to ask! With that, Paul heads off. As he walks down the steps, he tells Hilary that she's got a visitor: Bouncer. Hilary mutters that it seems she's wasting her breath talking to that Joe Mangel: if she's asked him once to keep that blessed dog in his own garden, she's asked him a thousand times. Hilary marches down the steps and tells Bouncer to go home. She stops in her tracks, though, as she finds him with his nose in a pile of feathers which are strewn all over the path. Hilary exclaims to herself in horror:
HILARY: Oh my God, I *knew* this would happen: he's finally gone and *killed* something.
A cab pulls up in a car park and Robyn winds down the window and watches sadly as Harold and Madge walk along briskly through the park. Harold comments to Madge that it's not like Robyn to miss an early-morning session. Madge suggests that maybe she didn't feel up to it.
HAROLD: Pity, really - I would've liked you to have met her.
MADGE: Well... maybe some other time?
In the back of the cab, a tearful Robyn tells the driver that they can go now - straight to the airport...
In the lounge room, Kerry is telling Joe curtly:
KERRY: Jane doesn't want the sort of wedding *I* want and I don't want the sort of wedding *she* wants - so it's crazy to go ahead with all this double-ceremony business.
JOE: Not if we compromise it's not.
There's a knock on the front door and Joe and Kerry both go to answer it. Seeing who's standing on the step, Joe beams:
JOE: Hilary, me old sweetheart!
HILARY (curtly): I'll thank you not to call me names, Mr. Mangel. Just try and look after your *dog* for once in your life.
Hilary leads Bouncer into the house and Joe asks what he's been doing now: digging holes under the fence and getting into her yard again?
HILARY: That, along with a far more *serious* crime: it appears he's killed one of your hens.
JOE (suddenly straight-faced): You're joking.
HILARY: This is hardly a joking matter. I found the remains of the poor creature lying in the middle of the back garden.
Joe says he'd better go and bury it then, but Hilary tells him that Paul has already attended to that task. Joe sighs that Bouncer had better be tied up until they can build a chook house. Hilary, however, tells him sharply:
HILARY: Bouncer now has a taste for blood. If he's not after your hens, he'll be after my birds.
JOE: Well I'm sorry, but I don't think there's much we can do about *that* - I mean, we can't keep the poor dog tied up *forever*.
HILARY: Exactly - so there's only one thing for it.
JOE: Which is?
HILARY: He'll have to be put down.
JOE (gasps): Oh *what*?
HILARY: Well, that's the only solution now the dog's become a killer.
Toby who's been playing with Bouncer in the corner of the room, stares at Hilary and cries:
TOBY: No! You can't! I won't let you!
He crouches down and puts his arms tightly around the doomed dog...