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Neighbours Episode 1018 from 1989 - NeighboursEpisodes.com
<<1017 - 1019>>
Episode title: 1018
Australian airdate: 02/08/89
UK airdate: 09/10/90
UK Gold: 25/09/96
Director: Steve Mann
Summary/Images by: Graham
Joe despairing about what to do with Mary, the elderly woman he found walking the street in her nightie.
Coffee Shop
Harold is preparing food in the kitchen when Kerry comes in and starts stacking the dishwasher. As she does so, Harold asks suddenly:
HAROLD: How are your wedding plans proceeding?
KERRY (evasively): Oh, you know!
HAROLD (coolly): No, I don't! If I *did* know, I wouldn't be asking. You don't seem to be paying them very much attention, do you?
KERRY: I *will* - when the time's right.
Harold tells Kerry that time has a habit of running away from you: if you want to control it, you have to organise it. He adds:
HAROLD: There are things I have to know, Kerry: you know - like when... where... how many guests... how you wish to arrive at the church...
KERRY (sighs): OK - I get your point. I'll talk to Joe.
Harold remarks that she seems to be very casual about the whole thing. Kerry tells him that she's got plenty of time. Harold, however, replies that she hasn't if she wants to get married in a special place at a given time: reception halls are booked months or years in advance. Kerry smiles:
KERRY: We might get married under a gum tree!
HAROLD (mutters): Oh really - you *are* human beings, not koalas!
A grin crosses Kerry's face and Harold realises she's having a lend of him! He apologises, explaining that he's a little tense: he missed out on his walk this morning because he had to open the Coffee Shop early. Kerry tells him to go *now* - she'll be fine by herself. Harold, looking slightly wary, says he doesn't think so. Kerry says:
KERRY: You don't trust me?
HAROLD: Oh yes, I trust you with the Coffee Shop; it's your generosity to derelicts that worries me: we really can't afford it.
Kerry replies tightly that that won't happen again - she *promises*. She tells Harold again to go for his walk, and he gives in and heads out.
No. 32
Mary is sitting at the kitchen table and she smiles:
MARY: Smith!
JOE: Your name's Mary Smith?
MARY (frowns): Or Brown... It... might be Smith or Brown. They both ring a bell.
Joe sighs that they're the two most common names in the country! He tells Mary to think hard: her family's going to be missing her, so what's her surname? Jane comes in suddenly. Joe, indicating Mary, says:
JOE: Oh Jane, I'm glad you're here. She is driving me out of my scone! You just watch her. I'm going to go and see Helen - see what I should do with the old biddy!
JANE (looking surprised): Joe, who *is* she?!
It's too late, though: Joe has walked off! Toby tells Jane that the woman's Mary. Mary stands up and gives Jane a hug, smiling:
MARY: My, how you've grown! So good to see you after all these years! You used to be such a *plain* little thing; *now* look how you've turned out.
JANE (murmurs): Thanks! Do I *know* you?!
MARY: I'm your Aunty Mary! [Distantly] Imagine... after all these years...
Joe comes back in as Jane asks Toby where Mary came from. Toby explains that they found her in the street. Joe adds that Mary thinks he's her son - but he'll fill her in when he gets back from the Robbos'. Jane walks round to Toby's side of the table and asks Toby quietly what's going on. Toby explains that Mary's forgotten where she lives. Jane goes and sits down and asks Mary what she was doing wandering the streets. Mary, however, smiles:
MARY: It's all right, dear: my son's found me and brought me home.
Jane asks Toby if Mary had any clothes with her, but Toby says there was nothing. Jane suggests that Mary has a shower or bath and she'll see if she can find some clothes from her gran's wardrobe to fit her. Mary smiles:
MARY: What a kind, considerate Miss you are - just like your dear mother!
No. 26
Helen and Katie are sitting on the couch as Joe paces the lounge room floor telling them that Mary was wandering around in her dressing gown and nightie. Helen asks him if he's been in touch with all the nursing homes. Joe nods that he has, but there was no joy: she doesn't remember her last name or where she lives... He asks:
JOE: What we gonna do with her? Turn her over to the cops?
HELEN: Well... perhaps we should see what they suggest, because her family may have reported her missing.
JOE: Of course! Let's get down there.
Katie asks if she can go over to Toby's to see Mary. Helen warns her not to make a nuisance of herself. With that, everyone heads out.
Office of the Robinson Corporation
Paul is sitting at his desk, signing papers that Gail hands him one at a time. He says to her in an urgent tone:
PAUL: Come on, come on, I need to get *out* of here. The specialist is coming into his office at three o'clock especially to see *me*.
GAIL (warns): You'll be so stressed- out by the time you get there that he'll *know* you haven't been following instructions.
PAUL (irritatedly): Gail, I haven't got *time* for any of that rubbish. Besides, paying bills is the best stress management I know!
Gail hands him another sheet of paper and tells him that it's the application for Room Service Manager. Paul has a quick skim through the paper and then sighs that it doesn't tell him anything except that the applicant has five years' experience in the industry and a Higher School Certificate. Gail remarks that he *presents* well. Paul retorts:
PAUL: So what? So does *everybody*. What about Kevin Harvey, for example?
GAIL: Yes, I know...!
PAUL: We need to know *more* about our employees than this.
Gail repeats that she *knows*! Paul smiles that he's getting stressed again, isn't he! He looks at his watch and says he'd better go: the results of his tests will be back.
No. 32
Katie is sitting with Toby at the kitchen table, asking him if he reckons the police will put Mary in jail. Toby, however, says they *wouldn't*. Katie asks if she's nice. Toby replies that she's a bit weird, but she's great fun. He then comments that he wonders what it's like to be that old. At that moment, Jane comes back in with Mary. Mary's wearing a lilac- coloured dress, but she's saying to Jane that the colour isn't really her: she likes something bright and cheery! Toby says:
TOBY: It makes you look younger - doesn't it, Katie!
Mary smiles at Katie and chants:
MARY: 'Katie pie, Katie pie, Ever so pretty but no one knows why!'
She adds:
MARY: I used to sing that to you when you were a little baby. Do you remember?
Katie just sits there looking bemused! Jane goes to put the kettle on, but Mary says *she'll* do it. Joe and Helen come in at that moment. Joe looks aghast at Mary wearing one of Mrs. Mangel's dresses, but Helen says she's sure Nell wouldn't mind. Joe says:
JOE: I don't want her getting to feel *too* comfortable - even though she's going to be here for a while.
JANE: No luck with the police?
HELEN: They checked, but nobody's been reported missing. They suggested that she go into a hospital until they find emergency accommodation.
JOE (hisses): Which still isn't a bad idea.
HELEN: But, er, I convinced them that you were upright citizens and that perhaps she should stay here until her relatives are found.
JOE (mutters): Which could be weeks... months... *years*...
Toby exclaims that it's great. Joe doesn't look convinced, though! Helen tells him that she'll help him, and Jane adds that she thinks it's a very nice thing Joe's doing. She then walks over to where Mary's making the tea and says:
JANE: Mary, how would you like to stay with us for a little while?
MARY: Well, of *course* I'm staying, dear! You young people and your jokes! Now, what shall I get for dinner?!
Harold is fast- walking through the park when he spots Robyn leaning against a bench, tying her shoe lace. He joins her and smiles that it's a pleasant surprise seeing her there. He comments that he thought she always walked *early*, but Robyn explains that she had an unexpected late night with friends, which put paid to this morning's routine; then she had meals- on- wheels to deliver and has only just found time to catch up. Harold remarks:
HAROLD: Meals- on- wheels, eh?
ROBYN: Yes, well, I think it's important to contribute.
HAROLD: Oh, I couldn't agree more! Helping the elderly... those less fortunate than ourselves. You know, I always try to show charity in a practical way at the Coffee Shop, too: the odd meal for the passing derelict.
ROBYN: I'm sure it's appreciated.
HAROLD: Oh well... 'There but for the grace of God', etc., etc..
ROBYN: Exactly!
HAROLD: I'm also very proud to be a scout leader: yes, help moulding the minds of the young people so that they become respectable, solid citizens.
ROBYN (smiles): I'm sure plenty of parents would be very happy to leave their children in your care.
HAROLD: Well, yes - and I also sing in the choir. At least, I *did*, but I hope to get back to it soon.
ROBYN: You really *are* a pillar of the community, aren't you!
HAROLD (looking embarrassed): No...!
With that, Harold suggests they get on with their walk, procrastination being the enemy!
Reception area at the Robinson Corporation
Jane comes in and apologises to Gail for being late. Gail, however, tells her not to worry: everything's under control - or it was until Paul came up until his latest brilliant idea... Jane asks:
JANE: What's *that*?
GAIL: Well, it seems that from now on he wants to do an in- depth investigation of all potential employees.
Jane says she can see why he'd want to do that. Gail nods that she guesses so, but it'll make a whole lot of extra work for them. She then comments that today's nearly over, so why don't they leave it until Monday to think about? She offers Jane a coffee, which Jane accepts. As Gail pours it, Jane says:
JANE: Gail... why don't you and I go and spend some money? I mean, I really should go and check out some wedding gowns.
GAIL: Yeah! You must be getting excited!
JANE: Yeah, I am! And... you *are* still going to be my Matron of Honour, aren't you?
GAIL: Yeah, of course!
Gail then suggests that Jane come over to No. 22 when Paul's back and they'll think about some colours and styles. Jane, however, says she'd really rather go to the shopping mall. Gail's face drops and she says hesitantly:
GAIL: Oh. Um... look, I don't know if I feel up to shopping today.
Jane indicates Gail's pregnant belly and Gail smiles quickly in agreement that that's what she's referring to. She then adds that she's just remembered that she hasn't got anything for dinner, and she dashes out to the Coffee Shop.
Robyn is a few yards in front of Harold as they fast- walk through the park. Harold starts crying out in pain suddenly, and he begins to limp. Robyn turns to him and asks in concern if he's got a cramp. Harold, however, says he'll be all right: it's just a small muscular spasm. He sits down on a nearby large tree root and Robyn starts massaging his lower leg. Harold lets out another cry and then smiles in relief. He asks Robyn if she can move a little lower. As she does so, Harold grins in relief:
HAROLD: Oh yes... oh, that *is* good.
No. 32
Joe, Katie and Toby are sitting at the kitchen table, playing the 'Picture This' board game, while Helen stands with Mary by the stove. Mary tells Joe that she's going to make him roast beef and gravy, roast potatoes all crisp and crunchy, with delicious carrots and beans all hot and steamy, all topped off with Yorkshire pudding! Joe beams in delight:
JOE: Yorkshire pud! I love it! *One* thing we've gotta thank the Poms for!
Mary notices suddenly that the flour she's got in front of her is self- raising; she needs *plain*. Helen says they've got some at home, and she asks Katie to come with her to get it. Katie tells Joe and Toby not to look at the picture she's drawing - but as soon as she's gone, they go to have a look! Mary warns them quickly not to cheat! Joe asks her if she wants to fill in until Katie gets back, but Mary replies that it looks too complicated to her. She adds:
MARY: There's only *one* game I really enjoy: Euchre.
TOBY: What's Euchre?
MARY: It's the best card game in the history of the world!
JOE: I'd have to agree with you on that one! I'll get the cards!
As Joe gets the cards and some matches to use as stakes, Toby says he doesn't know how to *play* Euchre. Mary tells him that she'll teach him.
Coffee Shop
Harold arrives back at the Coffee Shop and, heading into the kitchen, asks Kerry if there were any problems while he was out. Smiling slyly, she replies:
KERRY: No. I'm just wrapping up some of yesterday's leftovers for the deros.
HAROLD: Ah, good. The *least* we can do for those in need.
KERRY (looking surprised): I'm only kidding - this is *Gail's* order!
HAROLD (blankly): What does she want with yesterday's food?
KERRY: Dad, it was a *joke*!
Harold laughs and Kerry asks if she can go now. Harold picks up the box for Gail and takes it out to her. She's sitting at the counter, and as she pays, Harold leans over and asks her quietly if she's had an opportunity to speak to Paul about that unfortunate run- in with the police. Gail murmurs that she's trying to, but she doesn't want to put him under any more stress at the moment. Harold starts to warn her that the longer she leaves-. He breaks off, though, as the shop door opens and Paul comes in. He smiles at Gail:
PAUL: Well, you're married to a man with a perfect heart! Nothing wrong with me whatsoever! How's that?
GAIL: That's terrific, darling!
All of a sudden, Harold spots a man get up from his table and walk towards the door. He quickly goes after him and stops him, telling him tersely that he seems to have forgotten to pay. The man says he's sorry: he got caught up in his book: he wasn't trying to sneak out; it was just an oversight. Harold presents him with his bill and he pays. As Harold returns to the counter, Paul says to him coolly:
PAUL: Harold, I can't believe you *accepted* that excuse.
HAROLD: Well, it seemed genuine enough to *me*. I've read that book myself, you know.
PAUL: Come on, that was a blatant attempt to rip you off.
HAROLD: Oh, I don't think so...
PAUL: Harold, they *prey* on people like you.
HAROLD: Well, um-
PAUL: There's far too much of this sort of thing goes on. The only way to stop it is to jump on them. All the excuses in the world don't make any difference: a thief is a thief.
A look of concern crosses Gail's face.
No. 22
Jane is sitting with Paul at the kitchen table at No. 22, Paul - who's eating an apple - saying he's not taking any more chances with his health. Gail joins them and says she's got to pop over next door and then she'll be back for a nice, relaxed evening - including *Paul* relaxing. She heads out, and Jane remarks to Paul:
JANE: I guess that told *you*!
PAUL: Oh, she's worrying about me for nothing!
JANE: Oh, the exercises working, are they?
PAUL: No! Don't need those: the specialist has cleared me. I've got absolutely nothing wrong with my old heart.
JANE: The pain was all in your head, was it?
PAUL: No... but apparently it had nothing to do with stress. You see, apparently I'm suffering from CRS.
JANE (uncertainly): CRS! What?
PAUL: Chinese Restaurant Syndrome! So I can chuck that stress management stuff out the window!
A smile crosses Jane's face, but Paul tells her not to laugh: monosodium glutamate can be lethal, so as long as he stays off it, there'll be no recurring pains. Jane asks if the specialist was sure that's what it was. Paul replies:
PAUL: Well, sort of. Well, he said it *could* be. I mean, it's logical, isn't it? I *have* eaten a lot from that new Chinese restaurant and, well, they seem to use a lot of MSG.
JANE (concerned): Paul, you realise you're a prime candidate for heart attack?
PAUL: Come off it, Jane...
JANE: No, it's *true*! I mean, you don't watch your diet properly... you work long hours... you find it hard to relax... You might be all right *now*, but how long will it last? Intensive care units are full of men just like you.
Paul sits there looking suddenly more worried.
No. 24
Kerry is playing with Sky by the couch as Harold does some stretching. She smiles at him that he looks terrific: it's hard to believe he's got a granddaughter! Harold smiles back:
HAROLD: Yeah, well, with all due modesty I *do* look three or four years younger than most men my age!
KERRY (grins): At *least*!
Kerry then says she's going to duck over to Joe's, and she asks Harold if he can look after Sky for half an hour or so. Harold suggests to Kerry that she try and pin Joe down about the wedding! As Kerry opens the door, she finds Gail standing on the step. She asks if Harold's in, and Kerry tells her to go through. Inside, Gail says hi to Harold and then explains:
GAIL: I just came over to say thanks for not mentioning anything to Paul today.
HAROLD: No, no, no, no need. After hearing what he said, I can understand how you feel; how you're caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.
GAIL: Mmm. Well, I'm hoping to keep the whole thing quiet and solve it without Paul finding out.
HAROLD (warily): That's not going to be easy.
GAIL: I know - but that's what I'm going to try and do.
Harold promises Gail that her secret will be safe with him.
No. 32
Joe, Mary, Toby and Katie are sitting at the kitchen table, playing Euchre, when Kerry comes in through the back door. She introduces herself to Mary and Mary asks her if *she* plays Euchre. Kerry says she doesn't, and Mary remarks that that's a shame! Kerry then walks round to Joe and, leaning over his shoulder, says:
KERRY: Listen, I don't want to hassle you, but, um, dad's getting edgy. He wants to know when we're getting married. He likes to be organised well ahead of time.
JOE: Yeah, well, I don't know, mate! A couple of months, we reckon, don't we?!
KERRY: Yeah, great! That's what we'll tell him then!
Mary says she *loves* weddings: she always has a good cry! Joe laughs that he hopes she's not around for *his*! Toby sighs at Joe that he's holding up the game! Kerry sits down on Joe's lap as he muses that if he doesn't keep an eye on Bonnie and Clyde [indicating Katie and Toby], there, he'll be totally matchless! Mary says:
MARY: Never mind, Joe, you can have some of *mine*.
JOE (exclaims): Joe! You called me Joe! Is that your *son's* name?
MARY: *You're* my son.
JOE: Yeah, that's what you've been calling me since you got here, but you just called me Joe, then. Why?
KERRY (warns): Joe...
JOE: No. Sh- sh. [To Mary] Your son's name is not Joe, is it?
MARY: That's what everybody else has been calling you, so I thought that's what you *wanted*.
JOE (murmurs): Yeah, OK.
No. 22
Paul is lying back in an armchair, a beer in his hand, and he asks Gail and Jane if he does or doesn't look relaxed! Gail smiles that they've finally got the message through to him! Paul tells Jane that what she said was exactly right, so he *will* adopt a form of stress management - one that suits his lifestyle. Gail tells him that they'll also have to make time to do things that are *good* for them! She walks over to him and Paul says with a glint in his eye:
PAUL: Ain't *that* the truth, eh?!
Jane suggests that perhaps she should leave! Paul, however, stops her and suggests that they all take in a movie. There's a knock on the front door, suddenly, and Paul says he'll get it. He gets up and goes and opens the door to find a female police officer standing on the step. He sighs:
PAUL: Oh no, don't tell me there's *more* paperwork on the car thefts?
POLICE OFFICER (blankly): No, sir, this has nothing to do with stolen cars. I have a summons.
PAUL: What am I supposed to have done *now*?
POLICE OFFICER: It's for a Mrs. Gail Robinson.
Jane and Paul both look round at Gail, who closes her eyes in horror.
<<1017 - 1019>>
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Kerry Bishop, Harold Bishop

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Mary Crombie in Neighbours Episode 1018
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