Previously on Neighbours
- Josh tries to persuade Naomi to bring their relationship out in the open, but she isn't keen
- Josh tells Imogen to butt out when she claims he's using the fling with Naomi to get over Amber
- Sheila's new beau Alan kisses a surprised Naomi goodbye... on the lips
- Lou agrees to pretend to be erotic fiction writer EM Williams to take the pressure off Karl
- Lou inadvertently picks up Susan and Karl's notorious Blue Box, and gives it to Bailey!
- Bailey is about to present the contents of the box to his fellow pupils as part of an awards ceremony
Bailey is about to present fellow pupils who helped with the tornado clean- up with what he believes to be a boxful of certificates. But Karl and a horrified Susan arrive in the nick of time, just before he's about to open it! Karl swaps the Blue Box for the real box of certificates, and retreats to the exit, where he explains to Susan that Lou picked up the wrong box from their bedroom.
SUSAN: My career would have been over!
Sheila is singing along to herself as she cleans the bar, while Paul and Naomi listen, disturbed. We learn Sheila's in such a good mood because she's gearing up for her next date with Alan tonight - he's taking her to a Chinese cookery class to teach her how to make dumplings! Sheila also reveals to Naomi that she thinks Today Is The Day, much to an earwigging Paul's surprise and Naomi's disgust.
Naomi thinks it's time to reveal that Alan kissed her on the lips the other day when he was saying goodbye. Sheila's convinced that it would have been an accident - Alan's too much of a gentleman. She tells Naomi to stop spoiling her fun, and goes to greet Alan who has just arrived.
While Sheila and Alan are talking, Naomi complains to Paul about what a sleaze Alan is. So Paul suggests that Naomi 'put him to the test'!
To add insult to injury, as Karl is walking up the drive with the Blue Box, Lou accidentally soaks him with a sprinkler which he's set up to water their garden as a favour. Karl has a go at Lou for the box mix- up, saying it could have been a disaster.
LOU: Really? Why?
KARL: Lou, let's just say next time you go into someone's bedroom, be careful what you take. In fact, I realise that you're incredibly grateful to Susan for saving your life, but don't ever, ever help us again!
Karl heads into the house, while Lou receives a phone call. By the look on his face, we're left to surmise that what he's hearing has come as a surprise.
Alan admires some jewellery Sheila's wearing. She says she has to go and speak to the Waterhole chef before they leave for their cooking class. While she's gone, Naomi unzips her dress to display more cleavage, and wanders over to put Alan to the test, as Paul suggested - while Paul watches with amusement.
NAOMI: You look very dapper today. And is that cologne you're wearing?
ALAN: Yes, it's a favourite of mine.
NAOMI: Oh, it suits you. I like it, it's very earthy. Or is that just you? Grrr.
As Alan looks bemused, Sheila comes back and promptly zips up Naomi's dress.
SHEILA: Looks like you left that dress in the dryer a moment too long.
Sheila pointedly tells Naomi that she and Alan are leaving for their cookery class, so Naomi retreats to Paul - who tells her that since her seduction failed, Alan must be okay. But when Alan asks Sheila if Naomi's okay, Sheila does ask him about the kiss on the lips. He freely admits it, but says it was totally accidental on his part - he just leaned the wrong way.
ALAN: I don't want to be with any other woman except for you.
Alan kisses Sheila on the lips, while Naomi looks awkward.
Josh is busy looking mournfully at photos of him and Amber on his phone. Toadie asks if he can still help set up the croquet later for Kyle's bucks' party later, and Josh agrees to meet back here once Toadie's finished his work.
When Toadie's gone, Bailey, who is serving, offers Josh another coffee. Josh says he's flagging over the challenge Ricky's set him to boost gym memberships over the next month, and Bailey starts to walk off again.
JOSH: Hey, Bails? How's Amber doing?
BAILEY: I don't really know, to be honest. She's sort of, off in her own little world.
JOSH: Why's that?
BAILEY: Just very secretive all of a sudden. Why, are you missing her?
JOSH: Nah. Nah, just asking.
Bailey leaves Josh to it, and Josh texts Naomi, asking if she wants to hook up.
Naomi is searching the Internet for dirt on Alan, as she's convinced there is something dodgy about him. She gets the text from Josh.
NAOMI: Oh, not now.
PAUL: Unwanted admirer?
NAOMI: Something like that. Somebody I'm seeing.
Naomi tells Paul it's just a casual thing, and gets frustrated as she continues to get messages from Josh. She finally finds some evidence that she had 'every reason to be worried' about Alan, and hands the phone to Paul to show him what she's uncovered.
PAUL: Woah, did not see that coming!
Naomi's about to rush off to tell Sheila what she's found, but Paul suggests that to avoid being the bad guy in Sheila's books again, Naomi should find a way to make Alan tell Sheila himself.
Lou calls round to talk to Karl. He reveals that in his guise as EM Williams, he was offered a publishing deal for Karl's Book of Secrets erotic short story - but didn't read the small print, which stipulated that they wanted to publish a full- length novel based on the story.
KARL: You want me to write it?
LOU: Well you are the author.
Karl says he doesn't have time, but Lou says he can't break the deal or the publisher will sue him for breach of contract. Karl insists he isn't going to write it, meaning Lou would have to do it himself.
LOU: I am no writer! If I try, it could ruin the reputation of EM Williams completely!
KARL: Yes, well considering you are officially EM Williams, not me, that's your problem!
Sheila and Alan come in from their Chinese cookery class, having been sampling one another's dumplings all evening. Sheila daringly suggests they take the remaining dumplings back to Alan's place with a bottle of wine, to 'enjoy them in private'. Alan says he doesn't want to pressure Sheila, but she insists she wants to. They kiss again.
While Sheila goes to powder her nose, Naomi comes in and confronts Alan.
NAOMI: Don't distract me with small- talk, Alan, I know about you. Or should I be calling you Merlot49?
ALAN: You really have been doing your homework.
NAOMI: It's wrong, what you're doing. You need to stop lying; it's not fair on Mum. So you have to tell her the truth, or I will.
Lou is typing up his attempt at the novel- length Book of Secrets: 'Constantine clung to Arabella like a sucker fish...' - but doesn't look impressed with his work!
Meanwhile, Josh is looking sorry for himself, and Bailey comes over. Josh reveals he's waiting for a text from someone he's been seeing, and Bailey is pleased for him that he's been able to get over Amber. Josh claims he hasn't thought of Amber in ages.
BAILEY: I'm so happy for you. You know, she's gone out and found the love of her life - and that chick might be yours.
Josh pretends to agree, but looks despondent once Bailey's walked off. Toadie comes in, asking if Josh is ready to set up the croquet lawn. Josh says he'll be ready in two seconds - he just needs to go and make a phone call. While he's gone, Toadie talks to Lou - who explains the pickle he's gotten himself into over the book deal, and that Karl has refused to write it. Toadie bursts out laughing.
LOU: It's not funny, mate. Writing erotica can be really hard! ... I just wish I knew where he got his ideas from. He seems like he'd be completely unimaginative in that department.
TOADIE: Well, clearly you haven't heard about their Blue Box.
LOU: Blue Box? As in, a box that's blue?
TOADIE: Look, I don't know all the details. And I don't really wanna know all the details. But Karl and Susan keep it underneath their bed, and it contains all sorts of things that are... actually, are making me feel ill, so I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Lou looks amused and intrigued.
Alan tells Sheila there's something she needs to know before they progress any further with their relationship. He says he never intended to be dishonest; he 'compartmentalises' his life and didn't feel it was something she needed to know.
ALAN: When I first met you I took my profile down from dating sites for women. But I still have my profile up on other dating sites. Ones for men.
SHEILA: For men.
ALAN: Yes, that's right.
SHEILA: So you mean...
ALAN: I'm an equal opportunist.
SHEILA: Oh, you're an opportunist alright. I think that's outrageously wrong!
ALAN: That's outrageously discriminatory.
SHEILA: Oh, please! I'm sure I could've come to terms if you'd told me from the start. But you lied!
ALAN: If I'd told you from our first date, would we have come this far?
SHEILA: Maybe, maybe not. But at least you would've been honest. And then I could've made an honest, informed choice about seeing you.
Alan says that he thinks they have something special too, and if she can come to terms with it, they could try to move past it.
SHEILA: I'm sorry. Maybe I could date someone who kicks with both feet, but I cannot date a liar.
ALAN: Well if that's the way you feel.
Alan walks out.
A very self- satisfied Lou comes to speak to Karl again.
LOU: A little birdie told me what's in your Blue Box.
A horrified Karl tells Lou he must keep it to himself, as it could ruin Susan's reputation. Lou reminds Karl that this is why he asked Lou to pretend to be EM Williams in the first place - to protect Susan's standing at school.
LOU: Well I thought you would be just as keen to conceal this morning's little mix- up.
KARL: Of course I am!
LOU: The Book of Secrets - the full- length version - has to be written. And you're gonna write it!
KARL: Are you going to blackmail me?! This morning you said you'd be in our debt for the rest of your life!
LOU: Susan's debt. She's the one who saved my life.
KARL: Are you forgetting who was on the end of the phone when she did it?!
LOU: If I could write to save Susan's reputation, I would. But I can't. You can. In fact I think we should dedicate the novel to her. Not by name of course, that would defeat the purpose. We could say 'To the woman who gave me life.'
Karl looks peeved.
Sheila is bossing the bar- staff extras around in a foul mood, when Paul comes in. He reveals he knew about Alan's presence on male dating sites, and that Naomi was the one who found out the truth and made Alan tell Sheila. Sheila is furious, saying Naomi picked and picked until she found something to break her and Alan up - and she wants her daughter to keep her nose out from now on. Paul reminds Sheila that she did the same thing to Naomi when she was seeing Charles. Sheila claims she was only protecting Naomi, and Paul says Naomi's now doing the same for her.
PAUL: She stopped you from making a very, very big mistake. God, if my kids cared for me half as much as Naomi cares for you, I certainly wouldn't be griping and moaning about it.
In the garden, Josh is lounging naked in the hot tub, and flings his shorts out onto the grass. Naomi is sitting on the edge talking to him, when Sheila comes out of the house. Panicking, Naomi thrusts Josh's head under the water and holds it there, while Sheila tells her a protracted story of how she had to break things off with Alan! Sheila is saying how touched she was that Naomi cared so much, even if she was a little annoyed at first. All the while, Josh is gradually struggling for air, but Naomi continues to hold his head under so Sheila doesn't see him!
NAOMI: Do you want to talk about this inside?!
But Sheila keeps waffling, saying how proud she is of Naomi for not needing the validation of a man. At which point, Josh can hold his breath no longer, and bursts out of the hot tub, to Sheila's horror.
SHEILA: What exactly is going on here?
JOSH: I was helping with a lightbulb.
NAOMI: A lightbulb.
JOSH: I was screwing it in, and then I stubbed my toe. And I thought I'd chuck it in the spa 'cause it'd help calm the throbbing. And then Naomi got home and she looked at me and she said, 'You're looking really pale.'
NAOMI: So pale.
JOSH: And so she said, 'Why don't you get in the spa?'
But Sheila's not buying it for a second. When she demands that Josh get out of the tub, he admits he can't - as his shorts are on the floor.
Sheila asks Naomi how long this has been going on. Naomi claims it's just a couple of weeks, and that it's just a bit of fun. But Sheila says Naomi's a hypocrite, for micromanaging Sheila's love- life when she's sleeping with a teenager. Sheila adds that the fact Naomi kept it from her just shows that their relationship hasn't come as far as Sheila thought it had.
SHEILA: In fact, maybe you haven't changed at all.
JOSH: Sorry to interrupt. My shorts?
Sheila flings them at him, and hits him in the face!
Karl is explaining to Susan about the pickle he's in with Lou and his book deal, and moaning that he'll now have to write a full- length novel, and isn't sure he has the time or inspiration. Susan suggests they go shopping for additions to the Blue Box, but Karl says the Box has caused enough trouble for one day! Susan says that was Lou's fault.
SUSAN: Let's not punish the Box because of Lou - it's completely innocent! Well, not completely...
They both laugh filthily, as Paul comes in and asks after the school presentation. Susan lies that it went without a hitch. Suddenly, a hitherto unknown woman in a red dress walks in.
WOMAN: Ola, Senhor Robinson.
She kisses Paul on the lips, then slaps him around the face!
WOMAN: I've been waiting a long, long time to do that!
Paul is gobsmacked, while Susan and Karl try to keep straight faces.
- Everyone's in fancy dress as Chris presides over Georgia's hen party...
- ... and over Kyle's bucks' party
- Georgia and Lauren go in for a kiss!
- Terese sees Brad and Lauren together, and realises 'how naïve she's been'
- Josh accuses Daniel of stealing Amber from him
- ONE NIGHT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING, screams the text
- Chris demands Nate tell him whether something is true or not
- Violence breaks out as Matt shoves Brad
- We hear voices saying 'Call an ambulance.' 'Is he breathing?'