- Elle and Lucas getting sprung by Sam
- Rebecca confirming she's not back with Paul
- Sam telling Paul she'll dig up dirt on Andrew
- Susan concerned about Sam's effect on Libby
- Dan and Libby bickering about Sam
- Karl warning Susan not to interfere
- Susan interfering
Susan sneaks in to find Sam and Paul working together to gather information on Andrew. Susan tells Paul he blew his chance with Rebecca and needs to let it go. Paul concedes this fact and tells Sam to go home - for now.
Elle offers Sam a double camomile tea and sympathises with how stressed Libby can make a person feel - but is surprised when Sam reveals that it's actually Susan. Elle suggests that Susan is just trying to protect her daughter, but Sam retorts that she is too. Susan and Toadie follow Karl in, who is on the phone to Izzy (and is excited that Holly said his name for the first time). Susan pretends to be keen when Karl says they should fly Holly out one year. Eyeing Sam, Susan offers Elle a ‘Merry Christmas' then heads back to the office. Sam follows not long after.
Steph (sitting with Miranda) gets narky at Rebecca for being all gooey on the phone with Andrew, which amuses Lucas (who is perched in the background).
STEPH: (to Bec) Your books are a mess and you're playing footsie on the phone.
LUCAS: Pfft, is that even possible?
STEPH: Shut up, Lucas!
LUCAS: Hey I'm your boss remember.
Rebecca hangs up and Steph apologises - she's just taking her frustrations on her because she's sick of the single life. Miranda reckons that Steph should try the Laundromat, but Rebecca scoffs and says Steph's a modern woman. Internet dating is the way to go.
Cut to: the girls crowded around the computer sifting through potential suitors on a dating site - savvysingles.net
MIRANDA: He's cute.
REBECCA: Oh what is he, twelve? Able to leap tall buildings and conquer your heart!
MIRANDA: How about this one?
REBECCA: Prince Charming - Dr Jekyll in the bedroom! Oh look at him, you just know that he leaves his socks on don't you!
Steph shows them her profile she just created (complete with biker chick photo from her council campaign), but isn't sure she should post it. In the background, Lucas cheekily rings Rebecca to ask for a beer and chips since she's not serving at the bar. Steph spies a couple sitting at the bar looking all loved-up and makes the decision to submit her profile.
Erinsborough News/Number 32
Sam sees Susan in the next room and calls Dan, talking loudly so she knows Susan will overhear. Dan (sitting with a tense looking Libby) wants to send Karl over again but Sam pats her belly and says they're fine. Dan hangs up but Sam carries on talking in a playful tone, pretending that Dan's flirting with her. Susan short circuits and asks Sam what the hell she's doing.
SUSAN: I know how women like you operate.
SAM: (raising her voice) Women like me?
SUSAN: Yes, women like you. Libby and Dan have been through hell and back and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you wreck things!
Paul “coincidentally” appears to check out the commotion, just as Sam pretends to have stomach pains. Susan can see right through their charade, but Sam and Paul band together.
Karl tells Sam her BP is still high, and that he knows about the tension with Susan. Dan's stunned to learn what went down, and Paul backs Sam up, but Karl doesn't want to get involved. Elle shows him out, promising she'll keep an eye on things. Sam tries to convince Dan that Libby has been bad-mouthing her to Susan and that's why Susan has been so vitriolic lately, but Dan's just left confuzzled.
Number 28 - Next Morning
Libby and Dan are sharing a nice, tension-filled breakfast with Karl and Susan until Dan breaks the silence, in disbelief that Susan threatened Sam. “You know she's pregnant”. Here's me thinking it was Boxing Day when it's really State The Bleedin' Obvious Day. Susan sternly retorts that Dan was the one flirting on the phone with Sam, but Dan's understandably confused, and Libby backs him up.
DAN: (fed up) OK Susan, I'm not Karl and Sam's not Izzy.
KARL: Oh, right-o!
LIBBY: Dan that is not fair.
DAN: No, what's not fair is that my unborn child is baring the brunt of your interference.
KARL: (angry) That is enough.
Just then there's a knock at the door - it's a policeman issuing Susan an intervention order to stay away from Sam. Susan is ropeable.
Susan thinks the whole thing is ridiculous - and how on Earth did Sam get an intervention order on Boxing Day? Libby tells Dan that either her mum or Sam must be lying. One guess whose side Libby is on. Susan quietly wonders if Dan had a point about the whole Izzy thing, but Karl just grumbles that she made a bad situation even worse and suggests they go and see Toadie.
Toadie (decked head to toe in cricket gear to watch the Boxing Day match), is also in disbelief that Sam was able to conjure up an intervention order so quickly. He tells Susan she can't go anywhere near Sam, but Susan sputters that they work in the same building. Toadie asks if there were any witnesses and Susan sheepishly admits Paul Robinson (thank God she clarified, I thought she meant Paul McCartney) saw her give Sam a serve. Toadie tells Susan to comply with the order and he'll start on her case to the magistrate.
TOADIE: I've never known Sam to be this malicious. (Susan scoffs) I'm just saying you must have really spooked her to make her come out fighting this hard.
Unable to resist the computer, Steph is about to check her progress on the dating site when Libby walks in. Libby eventually susses what Steph is up to and is quite surprised.
LIBBY: I just didn't think you were that kind of...
LIBBY: Woman I was going to say. Are you?
STEPH: I think I am.
LIBBY: But you're hot and you're funny and... Clearly a little bit desperate!
Steph laughs and Lib asks if she's had any luck. Steph mutters that she's had 11 smooches - but it quickly turns into 12 and the girls giggle some more.
Steph shows Rebecca and Miranda some print-outs of her potential admirers, but none of them really make the grade.
STEPH: Don't get too excited, look: ‘My parole officer reckons I'm a good bloke'.
MIRANDA: (reads another) ‘I believe anyone can be happy if they find the right therapist'.
REBECCA: You're kidding me. Alright, what about this one? He looks nice.
STEPH: Oh yeah, OK, read why he likes my profile.
REBECCA: ‘Finally, a woman who will take less than five hours to get ready'.
STEPH: Exactly. He thinks I'm a bloke.
MIRANDA: No he's saying you're not prissy, there's a difference!
Rebecca spies Lucas and drags him over to ask what he thinks of Steph from a dating POV. Steph dies and Lucas thinks it's a trap, but Rebecca smirks and demands he answers or he'll be banned for life.
LUCAS: Well in that case she's perfect. She loves a beer, can re-build a carbie, she doesn't giggle at the term ‘silly mid-off'.
(Rebecca and Miranda dissolve into laughter)
LUCAS: She's not one of those girly girls.
STEPH: See. They like me to watch footy with me. The girly girls they take out on dates.
MIRANDA: Well if you can't beat them...
STEPH: Sorry Miranda, bows and frills and curls, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes.
I hope Steph has some pins handy. Rebecca and Miranda step back and admire their makeover masterpiece. Oh. My. God. They've turned her into Mini Miranda. I'm expecting Richard Gere to take her to a polo game any second now. Rebecca and Miranda think she's gorgeous but Steph feels like a fraud.
MIRANDA: It's all about bringing out the potential. When I think of some of the dumps I sold in Sydney; a coat of paint and new carpet, oh, they went like hotcakes.
STEPH: Right, so I'm a piece of real estate now?
MIRANDA: Sorry, that's a terrible comparison.
Nice to see Miranda's embracing State The Bleedin' Obvious Day too. Rebecca holds up a mirror and Steph doesn't recoil in horror like I thought - she looks quite impressed with herself. Miranda takes a picture of her to replace on her profile.
Stressed, Sam tells Dan that she doesn't want Susan anywhere near her. If she could get a restraining order on the whole family she would. Elle pipes up that she likes Susan, but she is making things more difficult for Sam. Dan turns the tables and says if Sam's that stressed then she should return to her family in New Zealand for the health and wellbeing of their baby. Sam is very put out by this idea.
Libby and Susan indulge in some boxing to relieve their stress and Libby tells her mum to pretend that the punching bag is Sam. Susan throws some lame punches like she's swatting flies, but thinks she's tough. Suddenly, Sam arrives for her yoga class and smugly informs Susan that she has to leave. Libby's annoyed, but Susan complies (throwing in another lame swat to the bag before she goes). Libby tells Sam that she doesn't need to drag her mum into their problems, but Sam could care less. Libby scowls and punches the crap out of the boxing bag. Chillax, woman.
Rebecca's delighted that Steph's received 47 smooches since they reloaded her profile and shows her a guy she thinks is cute.
REBECCA: (reading the profile) ‘Here I am, you've only got two more wishes left'.
Oh vomit. Lucas (loitering again) reckons the guy ripped it off an American sitcom, but Rebecca reiterates that he's a good catch. Steph thinks the man look vaguely familiar, but Lucas thinks he's probably uploaded someone else's photo. Miranda wonders why on earth you'd put up someone else's picture, but Steph replies that she did - Mini Miranda isn't the real her at all, but that's who the guy made contact with.
Elle isn't sure Susan should be at work, and offers to email everything to her so she won't get in trouble, but Susan barges her way through and says that Sam won't even know she's there. Right on cue, Sam walks out and states that Susan's in breach of the order and has to leave, but Susan says she'll only be a few minutes. Sam thinks Susan is treating the order like a joke and picks up the phone to call the cops. Elle is shocked, and even Paul is concerned - and when Paul thinks you're taking it too far then you've really turned into a Panto Villian.
SUSAN: You wouldn't dare.
Sam raises her eyebrows and makes the call.
Ext - Erinsborough News
A policeman escorts Susan into the back of a cop car as Karl and Toadie look on. Karl asks Toadie how serious this is, and Toadie replies that she may get a warning - but she's also still on a bond for hitting Bridget. Regular little crim, isn't she. Karl watches in concern as the cops drive Susan away.