Janelle kicks Stingray out.
Boyd finds out that Toadie is staying with the Hoylands.
Karl tells Theresa she can go home.
Katya watches as Carmella posts Ned a letter.
Charlie is crying and Toadie is begging to know what he has to do to get him to be quiet. There's a knock at the door. It's the Kennedys, who got Toadie's message and want to know what is going on. Hearing Charlie crying, Karl tells Toadie that's what babies do. But this one does more than cry, ‘it' vomits and ‘it's' been digesting for a month – it's digesting for Australia! As Toadie's saying this, Susan picks up Charlie and comforts him. Surprise, surprise, Charlie instantly becomes quiet. The magic touch of NinjaSuse. Toadie reckons that Steph should never have trusted him with a kid but Susan tells him not to be so hard on himself. Karl and Susan are both kind of cooing over Charlie and it's so cute, it really is. Then they start baby talking to Charlie and it somehow becomes a little nauseating. I think Toadie feels the same, because he looks at them as though they've arrived from outer space. Susan explains that Charlie just needed a cuddle. Toadie says he knows the feeling so Karl gives him a sort of jokey half hug. Basically, this scene is about the elders passing on their skills to the younger generation. The Kennedys' are dishing out their pearls of wisdom, including how a walk around the block used to stop their kids crying (Susan's contribution) because the adults movement combined with the movement puts him straight off to sleep (Karl's trusty scientific explanation). Karl says that Toadie should just strap Charlie to his chest and off he goes. Toadie: ‘Excuse me? You strap him where?'
Stingray's in his room reading a book about fatherhood being a mirror and the image he presents being reflected in his child. He sits on the bed and looks longingly at the drinks on the side but tries to ignore them and continue reading the parenting book, which tells him that his strengths and weaknesses are going to be shared with his child. Cue another longing look, this time at the mini bar fridge. He can't take it any longer and opens the fridge. Suspense created, we cut to…
Katya and Ned are having cocktails and Carmella goes to leave. Katya crows, ‘Bye now!' so Carmella turns around and asks Ned if he's had a chance to read her note. Ned, of course, doesn't know what she's talking about. For once, this is because he didn't receive the note, rather than his general cluelessness. Carmella asks if Katya saw it; she says she didn't but what is she trying to imply? Carmella explains that it's always best to keep your hands off what isn't yours. Ned wants to know what it says, but Carmella says it can wait. Katya gets Ned to go to the bar and as soon as he goes she asks Carmella how it feels to sink to an all time low by accusing her of stealing. Carmella: ‘Well you saw me post it. Now it's gone.' Katya just rolls her eyes so Carmella bites back. ‘Fine,' she says, ‘I was all set to play fair but not anymore. Let the games begin.' Then she mimics Katya, saying, ‘Bye now!' Katya gives her the evils as she leaves.
Toadie is sitting with Charlie strapped to his chest. He thinks it feels intimate. There's a knock at the door and it's Stingray (clutching the parenting books) wanting to see Steph. Now we know where she is – she's gone with Boyd to follow the bus route that Max might have taken. Stingray goes to leave but remembers that Toadie was supposed to be in Sydney. Toadie goes into him being more useful there but Stingray's now distracted by Charlie, so Toadie adds that he also has his bikini shoot next week. Stingray just says, ‘Yeah, yeah course,' so Toadie wants to know if something is up. Toadie knows because he spoke to Angie who spoke to Janelle and even if she hadn't ‘spilt the beans' the parenting books are a dead giveaway. Stingray's worried about turning out like Kev and Kim. Toadie reckons Stingray should talk to Sky. Stingray thinks it's freaky: the bump has gone from being kind of cute in an alien kind of way to kind of freaky in an alien kind of way. Toadie invites Stingray for a walk with him and Charlie; they can stop at the hospital on the way. Stingray asks when Toadie became so good at parenting. Toadie explains that some are just born with it (!)
Katya has the letter in her hand but she's hiding it. Ned's talking about things going astray when you share. As he gets milk from the fridge, the crafty minx slips it between some papers on the side. Ned goes to get sugar and spots it straight away. He reads it and claims it's not from Carmella. Katya says it is and Ned asks how she knows. She tells him that she put it there (so much for for sneaking it back) after she saw her post it. Why would Katya let Ned steal him away from her? I honestly don't know why she's so bothered, but that's a completely different issue. Katya knows Ned obviously has feelings for her or she wouldn't have lied about the note. Ned wants Katya to leave but she hasn't finished – Carmella only wants him because he's found someone else. That's why he loves her in the nun thing, but now he's got the real thing who cares about Katya. Then she leaves.
Teresa's probing Sky. No visitors? She hasn't heard from Dylan or Stingray? Sky lied, she has to deal with the fall out. Teresa tells Sky she's brave – if she didn't have her husband to help her take care of Bonnie she'd be a mess. The necessary moment where the dramatic irony could go out the window comes in when Sky asks Teresa if something's wrong because they've not visited. CrazyTeresa says it's because Bonnie has a weak immune system and doesn't want to put her at risk. Sky apologises, but Theresa says it's nice she cares.
In walk Toadie, Charlie and Stingray, but Toadie wants to leave them to it. Sky tells Stingray it's really good to see him and that there a million reasons he hasn't been before. He points out that there's one really good reason to be there. Stingray doesn't think he's going to be very good at the parent thing; Sky tells him to improvise, he's the best at it and he's going to be a great dad. He promises he's going to visit more because now that Rachel's dumped him he's got a lot of spare time. Sky asks him to be her partner for her antenatal class. The baby kicks, but Stingray doesn't want to feel. He does anyway and gets excited. CrazyTeresa looks on jealously.
Katya and Susan are looking out of the living room window and Katya's telling Susan that she found a way to stuff things up just as they're going great. Susan replies that if Ned really cares he's not going to let one little mistake make a difference. Katya says this one little mistake is a convenient excuse for Ned to go running back to Carmella. Susan says he wouldn't do that but Katya wants to know why he's heading over there right now. It's dark, by the way, and Ned looks towards the house. Katya asks if he saw them but Susan assures that he didn't in this light (ie pretty much no light). Susan's now providing a running commentary; ‘Ooh, he's about to move again! … Or not!' Karl asks what's going on and tells them that much as he admires their efforts to save energy, he wants to put the light on. Katya and Susan both tell him not to and Susan tells him to read in the bedroom because they're ‘busy'. Karl wants to know what they're doing. Apparently it's neighbourhood watch. Karl: ‘Is that what they call spying these days?'
Ned's now looking towards Harold's house and is edging towards it.
Harold asks Carmella what on earth she's up to, because she's also peeking out of the window at Ned. She's fighting for Ned. Honestly, fighting for Ned? Why? Why, why why?! Anyway, she says that the ‘gloves are off and heels are on.' This gets more tragic and completely unfathomable, it really does. Harold was hoping that Carmella would a find a way to get Ned's attention that didn't compromise her vows. Carmella says that Katya's not playing fair, so why should she. Loris interjects by saying that it's never been fair. Compared to Carmella, Katya never stood a chance. Carmella's getting frustrated so Loris comes over to have a look. Harold says he doesn't approve of them spying on their neighbours, but Carmella and Loris ignore him. It's Loris' turn to provide the commentary: ‘He's looking over here. Maybe he's given Katya the boot.' Carmella hopes so, but he does keep looking at her place. Loris continues a la John Motson/Murray Walker: ‘He's coming this way.'
Karl's saying, ‘Come on Ned, come on boy!' through gritted teeth. Then he continues! ‘Bring it home, bring it home!' Susan looks weirdly at Katya and the way Karl's being, rightly so. What's he on about?! Maybe he wants to be part of the gang.
I haven't really found this funny until it comes back to Harold's and Harold is also at the window, trying to send telepathic signals to Ned to turn around, ‘Oh come on Ned!' he adds.
After spending ages turning between the two houses, it's all become too much for him so Ned chickens out and goes home.
Loris' commentary concludes by stating the obvious about his going home, so Carmella storms off.
Karl is the one speaking saying something about there being nothing there for him. Katya storms off.
Carmella runs out calling for Ned. Then Katya comes out and calls out for Ned.
Karl: ‘Ouf, I can't look.'
Susan: ‘No, me neither.'
Loris: ‘That's right. Come on Carmella, whack her one right across the kisser.'
From Harold's window we see Carmella and Katya meeting and ready to fight over Ned.
Before I go on, although this is sort of funny and all, I just want to reiterate that this all over Ned, so it then becomes slightly tragic and, it must be said, a tad unbelievable.
Katya: ‘Yes, I took your note and I gave it to him just before.'
Carmella: ‘And he dumped you, right?'
Katya (jumping in quickly): ‘No, actually, I'm just giving him some space.'
Carmella: ‘Yeah right!'
Katya: ‘Get off your high horse! Despite your little love not it's not like he came running back to you!'
Carmella: ‘He didn't exactly come running to you, either. My guess is he just needs a little bit of time out after being so horribly betrayed. After which, he'll realise who really cares for him.'
Katya: ‘Well that's a no brainer, honey. Me.'
Carmella: ‘You have no idea, do you?'
Katya: ‘Maybe I don't, but I have Ned.'
Katya turns to leave so Carmella calls after her, ‘Not for much longer!'
It's still dark as Katya comes in as Karl comes running towards her saying, rather inexplicably, ‘Hit me sister.' Katya doesn't think so, brother, because Carmella's right, Ned didn't choose her. Of course, Karl and Susan are on the case to reassure her, saying that he didn't choose Carmella because he wants things to stay just as they are. Karl once again, bizarrely, asks Katya to ‘hit me' but Susan pushes him over. I should just point out that each time he asked Katya to hit him, he did have his hand up so it was in the context of a high five. Just to clear that up.
Carmella comes in and Loris tries to get Harold to tell her what he told Loris. He objects, saying that it was in the strictest confidence. Loris tells Carmella anyway – Katya left a nun's habit at the General Store to be dry-cleaned! Carmella's actually not pleased, because she thinks it means she's just some sort of fantasy to him, it's Katya he wants. Loris thinks it's time Carmella was more Katya than Katya.
Loris comes into Stingray's room just as he's putting a shirt on. Loris presents him with his bill – he's drunk the entire contents of his mini bar. Stingray denies drinking it but Loris wants to know who did, then. The toilet, he flushed it all away. Loris says it's ridiculous, why do that? Then she cottons on – does he have a problem with alcohol? Stingray says only when it's within reach. He doesn't want his mum or anyone else knowing. Loris decides she's going to help. He's got a birthing class, but Loris tells him this is more important. Even though he doesn't want to let Sky down, Loris says that he's going to be no help until he gets his drinking under control. She grabs his arm and takes him with her.
Sky's on the phone apparently finding out Stingray can't go to the class – she's been ditched for his nan. CrazyTeresa is on hand to offer to be her partner, it'll be fun. Sky agrees and says it's nice to know she can count on someone.
Loris and Stingray pull up, and Stingray hopes it's not an AA meeting. Surprise! It is! Stinger's annoyed that he's missing the antenatal class to hang around with ‘drunks'. He knows his drinking needs to be toned down, but he's not an alcoholic. Loris says admitting he has a problem is the first step and says they'll find out the rest when they go in. Stingray doesn't want her going in. He promises he'll go in, but not with her. Loris tells him she's proud of him. She reminds him that there's another life to think about now and leaves him to it. I have a feeling that's a mistake but for now Stingray seems to be heading for the meeting. Oh, spoke too soon. As soon as Loris pulls away, Stingray walks away from the meeting.
CrazyTeresa and Sky have just come out of the antenatal class with CrazyTeresa telling her that it seems overwhelming but as long as ‘they' keep going, it'll all start to sink in. Sky makes a joke about being distracted by the plastic baby. CrazyTeresa starts to show her craziness right now. She points out they're not exactly going to use a real baby but Sky says it was pretty funny seeing adults playing with a doll. Theresa tells her it's not a game, and asks her how she'd feel if she lost her baby because she hadn't taken the classes seriously. Sky's beginning to feel a little freaked out and tells her that's not going to happen. CrazyTeresa says having a baby is the most important thing she'll ever do and she wants it to go ‘perfect' for her. Yes, apparently she has no grasp of grammar. Anyway, then she really starts being strange and says, ‘Our baby is going to be the most beautiful ever.' Yes, she did say ‘our'. Now Sky is really freaked out.
Karl orders a bottle of Shiraz, but Susan makes it a reserve. Karl gets stingy and says, ‘Reserve?!' but Susan does the right thing and tells him to shut up and to think about how much they saved on electricity last night. I wish I didn't know why, because it means I know it wasn't because of Kinky K action. That's a shame. Toadie comes in and greets the Kennedys as being his ‘own private Super Nannies'. Karl and Susan laugh and Susan says she's glad the babysitter survived and that it was a nice thing to do for Steph, who's lucky to have him as a friend. Toadie doesn't want them to mention his, as Karl puts it, ‘infant phobia' because he doesn't want Steph thinking she can't rely on him as he and ‘Chuck', as Toadie's renamed him, get on fine. Susan makes a lame joke about them keeping mum. Karl chastises her.
Ned comes into the bar looking for Loris to tell her that her personal training session was due to start 15 minutes ago. Loris says she's sorry, she had a terrible night. Ned asks her if she's been taking her vitamins but Loris asks how that's going to help with Carmella. Karl and Susan are on their way out but stop to listen in to what Loris is saying. Apparently Carmella kept Loris up all night with her sobbing. Karl and Susan sit down and Susan looks aghast at Karl. Ned asks what's wrong with her – Loris replies that her heart is broken into a million pieces. Karl and Susan look aghast at each other and poor, poor naïve Ned just thinks he should ‘check on her', completely oblivious to the mind games of the two camps. Loris says Carmella would be pleased, but asks Ned to be gentle because she's very fragile. Ned leaves and Karl and Susan continue to look agog as Harold calls Loris a ‘wicked woman' to a little laugh from Loris.
Susan tells Karl it's three against one, they have got to even the score. Karl looks at Loris and says, I think, but I don't think I caught it right even after listening to it about ten times, ‘We have to walk Katya'. Ok, now I've written it down I think I get it. I think it's a reference to what they were saying to Toadie about calming the kids down with a walk. Anyway, Karl and Susan get up to leave and say overly polite hellos to Loris and Harold on their way.
Ned knocks on the door, obviously looking for Carmella. Oh. I know what's coming. Yippee. He lets himself in and sees all the candles lit on the table. I have to say that with this being in the middle of the day, it doesn't have quite the same impact as the other night when Katya did pretty much the same thing. Carmella comes into the living room wearing a satin robe and immediately opens it to reveal a white bodice thing with red trimming and says, ‘It's nurse Cammeniti to you. Don't worry, you're in very safe hands.' Ned pushes her away, telling her it's nuts. Carmella tells Ned she knows what they have; it's real and if he denies it he's lying. Ned points out that things are different now but Carmella says it's her that's different and she's now ready to be with him. Ned says he can't because he's with Katya but Carmella insists she's ready. Ned knows (Ned knows something? Really?) but he's not ready. Carmella pulls the robe back up and says she gets it, now that she's out of the convent and doesn't fulfil some stupid fantasy he doesn't want her. Ned says that's not fair. Carmella tells Ned to tell Katya she's won. Ned is puzzled: ‘Won? So this is all just a game to you? Suddenly you're in love with me because I'm in love with someone else? Well you know what? Maybe you should go back to the convent. You've still got a hell of a lot to learn about the real world.' And, would you believe, Ned's been assertive and put his foot down. He leaves.
Stingray comes in with flowers for Sky and CrazyTeresa tells him she's gone for a walk. Stingray says he and his apology flowers can wait but Teresa suggests that maybe he shouldn't. Stringray wants to know what she means and she says it's none of her business. Stinger says that if it concerns Sky, should he know something? Teresa says ok, but he can't tell Sky that she told him. Apparently Sky's feeling ‘confused' – she's still not over her break up with Dylan and she's trying really hard to accept Stingray as the father. However, every time she sees Stinger, it reminds her how much she wishes it was Dylan's. Stingray's a bit surprised and asks Teresa if she said this. Teresa replies that when Stingray let's Sky down, it reminds her what she's missing out on but CrazyTeresa's only telling Stingray this because they both care about Sky. The truth is, the stress can't be good for the baby. Stingray interprets this as being the stress of him being around. CrazyTeresa says that when Stingray didn't turn up for a while, Sky was doing a lot better. Stingray didn't know he had that effect on Sky (and the baby, Teresa adds). He reckons he should lay low for a bit and he leaves. As he leaves, Teresa tells him to take care. Then she smiles a sardonic smile and throws the flowers away.