Karl telling Susan he has only ever loved her.
Susan telling Karl all hell will break loose when the kids find out.
Harry telling Mishka and Lou that they must donate their profits to charity.
Lou and Mishka agreeing.
Justine telling Karl she'll play guitar and that she's writing more songs for the band.
Bree catching Susan and Karl trying to rip each other's clothes off in the bedroom.
Seriously, I *always* get the long previews.
Outside Karl's flat
Bree closes the door to Karl's flat – which is interesting since she never opened it in the last episode. She must have opened the first screen thing in order to *shut* the door so Zeke didn't see, then shut the screen which we see her doing here. Anyway. Small point of continuity.
Bree tells Zeke that there's no-one home, but Zeke's not convinced – he and Karl always watch the footie (actually, it's “Karl and I,” not “me and Karl” but okay – small point of grammar). Bree says they can try again later, and she accidentally-on-purpose hurts him with one of his pins and drags him off home to disinfect it.
Rachel wishes that Stingray could come to her birthday party next week, and he'd kill to be there. They kiss, just as Bree and Zeke arrive home. Scott says they should knock – but Bree reminds him that she lives there. She wants to disinfect Zeke's wound, but he's distracted by his sister kissing in the lounge.
ZEKE: But keeping a secret's hard.
BREE: Tell me about it.
Huh? You've known about Karl and Susan for less than an hour, is it *that* hard?
*Thinks back to spoilers about Karl and Susan's reunion*
Okay, yeah, I'm with ya, Bree. That's hard.
Justine is massaging Ned; I can only assume in an effort to eventually get closer to his neck and strangle him. Anyway, she's massaging him and wishes he'd take his shirt off, but he ain't going to.
Justine doesn't like Karl's songs – she think they're blah, but Ned suggests it's because Karl wasn't there to sing them – he really works his songs for the crowd. Ned asks if Julia likes Bongo the Bandicoot and worryingly, it seems, Justine doesn't remember who Julia is. Once reminded, she says that Julia hates that song.
Ned tells Justine that Karl called her Sharon Osborne today and Justine thinks it's a huge compliment because Sharon's clearly the brains in that marriage, and launches herself onto Ned again. He looks very uncomfortable.
Max arrives at the door and asks Lou for another bottle of Mishka's vodka, but Harold shouts from the kitchen that the sale of illegal liquor has ceased under his roof! And not a minute too soon! Max agrees that it's the right thing to do, then Lou whispers to Max that he will be the first to know if they make any more.
Harry asks Mishka Mouse if she found a suitable charity to donate their profits to, and she says there are no charities in Russia.
MISHKA: Oh, in Russia there is no charity. If you a hungry then you work. If you not work then you starve. And you freeze on the street.
Oh, please, please, PLEASE can we make her permanent?? This woman is pure gold!
Lou tells Harry he's found a good organisation and someone will be round to collect it tomorrow. He goes to help Harry in the kitchen, and Mishka Mouse utters under her breath:
MISHKA: I am so happy to be giving away my money. I not think so.
Zeke asks Scott if he has any black clothes he can borrow, like a hoodie? Or a cloak? Or – how about an invisible cloak? That would be way cool. I'd love one of those. Rachel suggests that the goth/punk look isn't really Zeke, and reminds Scott that she'll meet him later at Grease Monkeys.
SCOTT: Maybe. But – can we trust your friends not to dob because they're jealous of your hot boyfriend?
RACHEL: (punches him) Love yourself much?!
Zeke doesn't know why people are making fun of their new look, and Bree reminds him that it's *her* look – and they're making fun of him for copying her. I don't like her new attitude. Zeke tells her he wanted someone to go through the whole identity thing with her. She thinks it's nice and hugs him – and the pins dig into him again.
BREE: Get over it.
She likes that Zeke's thoughtful, being in a couple and thinking of each other. She wonders about Susan, sometimes – if she'd like to be part of a couple again, and have someone to do thoughtful things for her. Zeke doesn't think so.
BREE: Why not? She's a nice lady and she's hot for her age.
PMSL! Zeke is sure that Susan doesn't want anyone else, and she won't get lonely. If she really loved Alex, that's the way it should be.
Justine is massaging Ned's feet. Which is wrong on so many levels. Karl comes in and was wondering how the gig went? Ned said it went well, and they have more bookings. Ned suggests having three voices on one of the songs next time, but Justine doesn't think so – she and Ned have been talking and have decided that the Oodles of Noodles should stay a duo – and it will be her and Ned.
Ned is shocked and Karl is gutted that they've been plotting against him. Poor Karl, I do feel sorry for him sometimes; he's always being put down over things that he enjoys. Cooking, the Thunderbird, his music.
Angry, he quits, and says that he's taking his songs with him; if Ned uses them, he'll sue. Justine begs him to take them – they'll write plenty more, ones with structure and melody.
KARL: I'm disgusted in you, Ned. Or should I say, Judas?
JUSTINE: That's what they called Bob Dylan and we all know how that ended up!
Max is hunting for food in Karl's kitchen and there's none. Karl is angrily pacing over the Justine thing.
KARL: I should've known that someone would want to get in on NoodleMania eventually.
There's a knock at the door and AttitudeBree with Zeke, and Karl didn't know that Bree liked football. About as unenthusiastically as you can imagine, Bree says “yeah, go Swans.” Max is off out to get food, and Bree makes Zeke go with him, because Max always buys ‘old people food.'
Karl likes Bree's new exotic look, and she wants to know what he feels for Zeke, so she starts fishing… If there was something he really wanted to do which would hurt Zeke, would he do it? Karl admits that Zeke's happiness is a top priority for him, and he wouldn't hurt him, no. He doesn't get what she's getting at, but she says she was just wondering because she's his girlfriend.
Plus, you know, she was scarred for life earlier, seeing him push Susie into the bedroom as she was trying to rip his shirt off.
Rachel and Scott are chatting, and there's a knock at the door – it's Susan. Rach scarpers into the bedroom and Stingray gets the door – Susie's looking for Rachel and wondered if she was with Bree. Scott says she's not.
Susan wants to come in and chat. She was thinking about him the other day, and she feels awful about the business with Rachel and hopes it hasn't damaged their friendship. Stingray says it hasn't.
Susan says she was convinced that they were sneaking around and staging arguments to throw her off the scent, and Stingray laughs – he's seeing uni chicks now! Susan's glad he's fitting in at uni, and she's glad that their friendship is okay.
STINGRAY: Yeah. Peeps for life.
SUSAN: Yeah. Peeps!
They knock knuckles together (oo-er) and Susie leaves. Rachel comes out of hiding. They hug, and Scott says that he hates lying to Susan, after she's been so good to him. Rachel reminds him that it's Susie who's forcing them to sneak around. But Scott's adamant – they need to come clean, and should do it at her birthday party when she's a year older. They hug again, and Scott repeats that he can't keep lying.
Mishka is stuffing money into a cloth or bag or something, and Lou comes in, commenting that Mishy's up early. She's going shopping – for new clothes. It's ‘Mishka New Clothes Charity'! Lou tells her that she'll LOVE the charity he's chosen – it's Warney's charity.
MISHKA: Mr Warney – he need money?
No – it's the Shane Ward Foundation for disadvantaged kids.
MISHKA: Such a beautiful blonde man. Of course, he do good as well. (Pause) But money – still mine.
Lou tells her that it's Shane himself coming to collect the money. He's coming to Ramsay Street. Bats everywhere are woken up as Mishka let's out a sonar-pitched scream, and the BBC end credits sequence – minus the scrolling credits – sweeps the screen.
Cut to later and Max can't believe that Shane's coming to Erinsborough. He's such a fan. I don't get this fandom thing – what's the point? Shane's just a person, nothing special. Lou says that everyone's invited to meet him. Puh. So what, big deal. Getting to meet your idol – nothing special.
Mishka wants to throw a true-blue Aussie party. She has a list:
Ned – bring CDs of all Shane's favourite songs.
Max – bring Shane's favourite beer.
Susan – can she be getting baked beans? And a nice tablecloth because Harold has not the taste.
SUSAN: (confused) Yeah… I c-could bring baked beans…
Mishka also thinks a nice table cloth is needed, and at Susan in the background mouthing ‘baked beans', presumably to Karl! She wants ashtrays, but Harry refuses to have any smoking in the house; Mishka is shocked. They can't ask Warney to ‘step outside'!
Max suggests the Scarlet Bar – they have a very nice courtyard if anyone wants to smoke. Mishka will see them all there and they leave – Susan's still mumbling about the baked beans, and Harold doesn't see what the fuss is all about.
Rachel doesn't know what all the fuss is about, either, and walks off.
ZEKE: over six hundred and fifty test wickets and an average of twenty five - *that's* what the big deal is. (Pause as Bree and Susie stare) I like my statistics.
Zeke wants his camera, and Susan thinks it's in his room. Susan tidies, and Bree stands at the table.
BREE: Nice scarf.
SUSAN: Oh, yeah, thanks.
BREE: You know, Janae usually wears scarves when she's hiding a hickey.
SUSAN: **nervous laughter**
BREE: Yeah, left side above the collar, I saw it before.
SUSAN: Oh, Bree! Don't be silly! It's not a lovebite, it's a…it's…
BREE: And I know who you got it from.
Justine has written a new song, but Ned's feeling rubbish because she broke up his band. Justine tells him that Karl was a dead weight, and she knew that Ned wouldn't do anything about it. Ned isn't happy about it – Karl's a friend, too. Justine reminds him that Karl has his doctor day job – Ned has nothing else. Way to make a guy feel good, Jus. She tells him he has to keep his eye on the big picture; it's his chance to be a star.
She'll massage his feet again, make him feel good. Ugh.
Susan tells Bree that she and Karl realised that they still had feelings for each other, but that they have a lot to work out before they can tell anyone about it. Bree tells Susie not to be embarrassed – she thinks she's awesome, and if Karl makes her happy, then that's great.
But – the kids. Susan knows – she knows it will be a shock to them both. Bree tells Susan that she's already floated it with Zeke, and he hates it. She hasn't told him, but he's going to find out.
BREE: It's just – you better be really good at sneaking because Zeke will never let anyone replace his dad.
Susan just looks sad.
Lassiters / The Scarlet Bar
MISHKA: Oh, these clothes. I feel like a mullet dressed as lamb.
LOU: Mutton. Mutton dressed as lamb.
MISHKA: You think so too?
LOU: No, I don't think so too.
Max has put a HUGE sign over the Scarlet Bar, announcing Shane's appearance! Mishka is mortified! Max says there's no way he was going to keep it a secret.
Inside the Scarlet Bar, Ned hands over some CDs for her. Susan hands her package over.
SUSAN: Okay, I've got your baked beans. I've got some with bacon, some with sausage, some with cheese, and then a few plain ones – just to be on the safe side.
MISHKA: Oh, Susan, you are wonderful!
Max says he has the beer, and Ned comments to Susie that Mishka seems to think she's meeting the queen. Susan says that to Mishy, meeting Warney is more important than meeting the queen. Seriously, why all the fandom – why is it so amazing to meet the people you adore? Someone will have to tell me…
SUSAN: Anyway, I've just got to duck out for sex a sec.
MAX: Out for a duck, huh?
Rach asks Bree if Janelle's coming – apparently she is, she's been trying on Janae's clothes all morning. Scott rushes in – Shane's coming! Mishka watches in anticipation as Lou brings Warney in. Lou introduces him, and Mishy beams. Lou introduces Max as the owner of the bar, and Max goes all fan-ny, and asks Stingray to get Shane a beer.
Mishka is too nervous to meet him, and Lou encourages her over. She shakes his hand and kisses him twice
MISHKA: Mr Shane Warne, you are one of reasons I come to this country. You are symbol of everything I love about Australia. You are proof that someone who knows how to put the ball in the right spot can be champion!
Stingray hands a beer over, and Max tells his ‘mate' that he's welcome in Erinsborough. Scott forgets to let go of the beer, he's beaming so much. They all stand and stare at the poor man as he drinks.
KARL: (singing) Watch out, watch out, she'll catch you out. Watch out, watch out, there's a Noodle thief about…
Susan comes in unannounced. Karl says he was just about to come to the bar and catch Warney fever, but Susan tells him that they have a problem.
SUSAN: Bree knows.
SUSAN: Apparently she saw us here together yesterday.
SUSAN: But, no, no – It's alright, bless her heart – she stopped Zeke from walking in on us.
KARL: I see.
SUSAN: We can't expect her to keep it a secret.
KARL: What do you have in mind?
SUSAN: Well, I don't want Rachel and Zeke to hear this through Chinese whispers. I don't think we have an option. We have to tell them.
There's a knock at the door and it's two men in trilby hats and macs. Be still my beating heart. I LOVE a man in a trilby. And a mac. If they're wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier, I'm a goner.
The Scarlet Bar
Rachel comments to Scott that she can understand why girls go for Warney, now she's seen him in the flesh. Scott gets a little jealous! Rachel wonders if they can really tell the truth about them, and he says they have to. He scarpers as he sees Susan come into the bar.
Susan's with Karl, who has his hands on her shoulders, ushering her in and whispering in her ear. Like, announce your engagement, why don't you?! They walk to the bar, where Susan starts to play with Bree's hair. AttitudeBree turns away in annoyance, and Susan makes a face.
In the meantime, Shane bowls to Zeke, and Max catches the ball. It's like the 1986 and 1998 credits all over again. Zeke tells ‘Mr Warne' that he bowled well, but I'm too taken with Karl and Susan giving each other adoring looks in the background.
BREE: Is he nice?
ZEKE: He's lovely! I mean, ah, he's awesome. Awesome.
Lou asks for some quiet, and says that the Shane Warne Foundation gives money to sick and disadvantaged kids, and he asks Mishka to present Shane with their contribution. Mishka does it with pleasure and thanks everyone for their support. Max continues to shout his pleasure in the background with lots of ‘good on ya Shane's and he tells Susan and Karl that he hasn't missed one moment of Shane's career – and continues to shout to Shane about what he's seen. Susan tries to shush him.
MAX: I'm just a fan.
KARL: Of course you are…
SUSAN: Yeah. Goodo…
MAX: What's wrong with that?
Like, get over it, Max. Karl and Susan don't want to hear about how big a fan you are, you're just embarrassing yourself. Tsssh.
Karl, though, takes Susie's elbow and ushers her away from Max, and I'm gobsmacked he didn't notice their closeness.
Harry comes in and takes Lou from the throng to tell him that two men came to his door looking for Mishka, from the Russian Consulate. Something about passport irregularity…?
And something tells me that those two men weren't from the Consulate at all…