Stingray and Dylan forcing Max to tell Boyd about bad mouthing Janae.
Sky wanting to know from Harold and Lou who sent off for an order for a Russian mail order bride.
Lou shows Harold a picture of his woman, Mishka, on the internet. He doesn't know her surname, but then most characters don't know each others' anyway. But Lou doesn't need to know her surname – they have chemistry. Give me a C! Give me an H! Give me an E! (This could go on for some time, so I'll stop here.)
Apparently they have online chemistry – having never met. He knows they have chemistry because of her profile. Strong, educated, but not feminist. Wants to be a good wife and serve her husband. Hmmm. Something tells me, that Mishka *isn't* going to turn out like that at all.
Lou declares she's for keeps. He's asked her to come to Australia and marry him.
So – this is going to be the comedy storyline this year, then.
Max and Boyd come home; Steph is on the sofa with Baby Charlie all wrapped up in a blanket. Max comments that the Timmins boys are as bad as the rest of their family, but Boyd is cross that Max ‘bagged' Janae. There must be a language thing here, because if he ‘bagged' Janae in the UK, he'd be in prison by now.
Max thinks that Janae's baby talk is dragging Boyd down to her level, and Boyd hates that his father is a closet snob. Max would prefer he date Sasha, but Boydie isn't interested in her (thank goodness – couldn't cope with her on screen two or three nights a week). Boyd declares that he loves Janae, and demands that his father give his girlfriend some respect. Steph warns Max to be careful, and Boyd walks out.
Harold asks Lou how he can ask Mishka to marry him when they haven't met. Lou tells him that they have a connection. And you know what? Ms Jenny Lewis missed the obvious joke here. Because Harold's response should have been “Yes, an internet one.” But instead:
HAROLD: Oh, Lou, she's thousands of miles away.
Harold is concerned that he's setting himself up for a fall, but hey – if Mishka Mouse wants to spend all that money coming over, then so be it.
If, of course, it *was* Mishka who paid the money…and of course is wasn't. Lou is out about ten grand. Ouch. He hasn't got it, either. But he thinks it's a small price to pay for true love.
He hands Harold some emails and letters and:
LOU: You read these, and tell me that Mishka and I are not two halves of the one whole.
Janae storms into the kitchen and asks Scott why he and Dylan stuck their noses in; Scott determines that he was defending her, but Janae thinks the Hoylands will never want a Timmins marrying into their family. I don't know why – the Hoylands produced Bobby and Isabelle, after all.
Scott tells her that they are better than them, and the only thing that matters is what Boyd thinks. Janae is disappointed that Boydie the boyfriend hasn't run straight over to see how she is.
But she doesn't get over it. In fact, she buries herself further under it as she declares that Boydie has *obviously* gone off sashaying with Sasha.
The Scarlet Bar
Susan is out with the kids and Summer, chatting in a jovial and light-hearted manner until she goes to get the kids more lemonade. Well, her scene didn't last long. Rach asks where Bree is, and Summer tells her that she's out with her dad for the evening – she got to choose the restaurant and everything. Wow, she's had a deprived life if that's the highlight of her week.
Susan is at the bar and Katya turns up and is early to collect the kids. Susan tells her that they're saying goodbye to Summer and she doesn't want to break that up, so BooHissKatya tells her that she'll wait in the corner where they won't even notice her.
Rachel sees her sister too soon, and asks if Summer can stay the night, and Zeke whines along with her, so Katya agrees.
Susan looks a bit disappointed that her evening has been interrupted, as Janae and Scott walk into the bar. She thinks that it's tragic, having to work with her brother, and he consigns her to the kitchen as she's underage and actually shouldn't be here. Rachel calls ‘hi' to Scott as he walks past and he grinnily says ‘hi' back.
Janae tells her brother that Rachel is SO in love with him! And she SO is! He denies it because she's fourteen. Cos, you know, fourteen year olds *never* fall in love. Katya's still at the bar and she tells Scott that he's welcome to come over any time he likes – Susan has praised his character and that's good enough for her. As long as he only sees her as a friend. He's dead chuffed, and we cut to Rachel gazing and smiling at him. He gazes and smiles back, albeit rather more surreptitiously.
Steph has rather niftily turned a tool belt into a baby bag, so she doesn't have to cope with that stupid bag that she keeps losing things from.
Lyn thinks that her daughter is exerting herself (lifting a bag is tough work, after all), and Max asks Lyn to take Summer to her sleepover. Lyn asks what happens if Charlie wakes up.
Boyd comes in and tells Max he didn't find Janae; Max leaves the room. Boyd tells Steph that Janae's not at home and not answering her mobile. Steph suddenly turns into mother mode, and tells Boyd that Max was wrong, and that she's going to tell him why Janae was actually justified in seeing Sasha as a threat. She tells Boyd he has the HoylandCharm™.
Katya, Sum and Rach are on the sofa all glammed up, and Zeke is sitting in front of them enjoying every minute of it.
They're doing make up and chatting inanely about girly stuff and Katya changing her uptight approach to parenting. She'd win first, second and third prize for coolest guardian.
They realise that Zeke isn't all done, so the three girls pounce on him, and the poor kid tries to get away, but…
The Scarlet Bar
Susan is drinking with Lou and he tells her that when Karl got together with Jenny McKenna (in case we muddled her up with another Jenny) Harold was all pleased. But now he's met Mishka, he's all not so pleased. Susan comments that maybe it's the ‘international' nature of it that's a problem – and the fact that it's cost him $10,000.
Susan says that both she and Harold have been disappointed in love before (not together, obviously; that would be rather gross) and they just don't wish that on Lou.
But Lou tells her that she's known true love. And he wants that, too.
Susan's face goes all reminiscent as she looks down and away from Lou's gaze. We all know who she's thinking about.
The Back Room of The Scarlet Bar
Janae drops what looks like a removed appendix into the drawer of the desk, and another into a jar. Scott catches her and says that he'll get the blame for it. Janae's phone rings and she ignores it – she's giving him the cold shoulder.
Scott snatches it and calls Boyd back; he's making an effort and so should she.
Boyd talks to Scott as Janae refuses to, and he tells Stingray to keep her there as he's on his way. Max overhears the end of the conversation and realises that he's still in the dog house.
Charlie stirs and Steph gets up but is intercepted by Lynnie, whose hair I am LOVING at the moment, despite popular opinion. Steph tells Lyn to get off her back – she's not incapable and wants to see her son. Lyn is all offended, but Charlie settles himself anyway, so it's a moot point. Or a moo point, if you watch Friends.
Lyn leaves and Max suggest that it might not be so bad that Lyn's helping. Steph defends herself – you go, girl! – and says that she's his mother and she's feeling fine at the moment and she wants to do it. Max reminds her that the more Lyn does now, the quicker Steph will recover.
Katya and Summer are chanting for Zekette. Rachel comes in and announces him, but he's a little reluctant. In Rachel's dress, made up, and with Lyn's scarf around his neck – oh, and streamers coming out his hair – he appears. He's not in the mood to perform, and I have to say, he looks like a woman you'd find on the dodgy street corners in Thailand (he actually looks more Asian when he's dressed up).
He takes the brush and sings Red Lemonade into it. Whilst dancing on the sofa. With hip movements.
I think the less said about this scene the better.
The Scarlet Bar Back Room
Boyd arrives and Janae tells him that if he's there to apologise he can forget it. Boyd thinks that's fine and Janae gets all upset.
Boyd tells Janae that she *is* pressuring him into something he doesn't want. Her response? “If you loved me you'd be ready.” His response? “If you loved me you'd be willing to wait.” Her response? “Well then maybe we just don't love each other at all.”
Katya takes Zeke away to clean his make up off. Sum and Rach talk about staying with Katya – Rachel's fear is that this happiness won't stick around for long, and Katya overhears her sister. She says now that Zeke's gone they can do some serious girltalk.
The Scarlet Bar
Janae hates Boyd – it's official. But Scott calls her on what's really going on – she knows that Boydie would stay if there was a baby, and so she wants that to ensure he doesn't go off with anyone else.
SCOTT: Oh, Janae! Talk to him! Do it, or lose him!
Harold has read Mishka's emails. He thinks she's intelligent, passionate and genuine. Lou, however, is not – he's sugar coated things! A filthy rich, forty something body builder?! Harold tells him it's fraud, and he has to tell her the truth – that he's a good man, but none of those things!
Lou refuses – he doesn't wanna do that. So Harold says he'll pay for the air fare if Lou writes it. Oh, no no no no! I can see this coming! Harold says he would do that for an old friend, and Lou says it's a deal – and he knows that Harold's only doing this because Harold thinks his money's safe.
Katya can't believe how much Rachel has grown up, and that she's going to be dating guys soon. Summer nearly gives the game away by mentioning Stingray, but they manage to cover and say it's some guy at school. Katya asks about him – but Rachel doesn't want to talk about him. And anyway, Katya never tells them about her love life. She claims she doesn't have time – she just inherited her little brat siblings.
Summer asks her about her last boyfriend. Rachel remembers a guy called Gully. Hmmm. She remembers Katya sneaking off to see him, and Katya admitted that Alex hit the roof, and she and Gully lost touch. She denies having dated anyone since that point, and Rachel can't believe it. But her sister says she's tired and is going to bed.
Summer comments that she's clearly hung up on someone.
Steph calls Summer to hurry up – they have to go to the station. Lyn can't believe that Steph is going, and thinks she shouldn't tax herself. Steph nearly loses it with Lyn, and tells her that she's going regardless; if her mum carries on, then she'll take Charlie with her, too.
Lyn hugs Summer goodbye.
Summer is saying goodbye to the Kinski kids, and Boyd tells Steph he's going to see Janae and not to the station. Rachel and Zeke hug Summer goodbye.
Janae apologises to Boyd for being crazy, and admits that she's scared of losing him. She says she won't pressure him about having babies. For a while. She tells him to stay away from Sasha, but Boyd refuses; even if Sasha does like him, he would never be unfaithful. But Janae comments that he's a guy, so yeah, he would be.
Boys tells her that their relationship has been one uphill struggle – he can't do it anymore, so they're on a break.
Line of the episode:
LOU: Look, Susan – you've known true love.
Best performance of the episode:
Oooh, I think I'd give this one to Scott. Well, the actor, anyway.
Best ‘Rock On' moment:
I'd like to give it to Zeke, but I'm not sure I want to encourage that sort of behaviour.
The scene that TPTB forgot to include:
The one which showed us what Susan was remembering in The Scarlet Bar…