Toadie telling Stu he thinks Ned is gay
Elle throwing pills into the bush
Karl telling Susan Alex has lymphoma
Alex telling Susan he wanted to secure her as a mother for his kids
Alex hastily tells Susan he said that all wrong, he didn't mean to be so deliberate. Susan tearfully asks why he wants to hurt her so much but Alex replies he doesn't, and that he's only now accepting that he's going to die, “But what scares me more than my mortality is the fact that I will be leaving my kids all alone in this world and losing you.” Susan says he should go, she needs some time to herself.
ALEX: I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, and that feeling is only growing stronger. I love you, Susan.
He leaves and Susan bursts into gut-wrenching sobs in her own little jazz club (aka the background music is kickin' it up quite a few notches right about now).
Toadie gives a knowing smile to Ned when he sees him looking in the general direction of where two guys are standing. “Friends of yours, ay? Members of the chorus line?” Ned gives Toad a ‘what the fudge?' look; and rightly so. He replies that he's checking out the new Speedos and makes a hasty exit so he doesn't have to put up with the Crazy Frog and his winky nudge antics.
Stu passes Ned on the way out and asks Toad what he said this time to make him leave. Toad feigns innocence though; he just wants Ned to give up the charade.
STU: For the love of God, Toadie, will you give it a rest?
TOADIE: Look, I understand that in Oakey it would have been very hard for him to be ‘woo-hoo' (flips hands forward in a ‘how's your father' kind of way – if there is such a way… Anyhoo), but here I want him to feel free to come out of the cupboard.
STU: It's closet, idiot.
TOADIE: Whatever he's stuck in.
Stu tells him that his obsession with wanting to out his straight brother is very weird and creepy. Toad jokes they should invite Gino over for dinner to show Ned the ropes. Wow, Gino's gay? Never would have guessed that one. Stu also thinks his friend is an annoying ringtone amphibian and leaves while Toad yells out that there's nothing wrong with being out and proud. “Out and proud, brother!”
Alex gives a brief hello to Karl before he grabs his kids, apologising for being late. He then proceeds to make them wait even longer by asking them to hang outside while he has a chat to Karl.
When Alex sits down Karl straight away blurts out that he's sorry that he had to do what he did, but he felt it was in Susan's best interests. I sit back and wait for some fireworks but there is nothing, not even a sparkler. Alex says he told Susan himself and that everything is fine and dandy about Karl breaking the most sacred doctor oath known to mankind, he knows he didn't do it out of spite. They shake on it and Karl says if Alex needs anything he just has to ask. How about a recommendation to a doctor who knows that the Hippocratic oath means ‘no blabbing' and not something flimsy like ‘a sacred vow for hippos'?
Toadie has called in Sky for some advice but she doesn't quite know what he wants.
TOADIE: Well, what was it like, you know, with you and Lana?
(Sky raises her eyebrows)
TOADIE: I just need to know what you got up to…
SKY: Oh my God, Toadie, go rent a video or something.
TOADIE: No, no, no! I didn't mean it like that!
SKY: Whatever you meant it's none of your business!
TOADIE: Okay, how did you help her come out of the cupboard?
Sky's confused (Toad's been having that effect on a lot of people lately), until Axel F points out Ned behind him who is conveniently talking to a male random extra. Sky isn't quite getting the same vibes about Ned as Toad is, but she will give him one piece of advice, “Don't treat him like a science project. Ned is not a sea monkey, Toad.” She adds that if and when Ned is ready to come out then he should just be there to support him.
TOADIE: Thanks Sky. You know you really are as beautiful as Yoda and as wise as Princess Leia… I mean the other way ‘round…
SKY: Yeah, good on ya, Homer.
Paul is doing a frantic search under all the couch cushions for any pills Izzy may have left around. Elle reassures him that Izzy seems clean now after I threw away the tablets I was drugging her with. Paul thanks his daughter for being so patient with Izzy. Elle doesn't think Izzy'll be having any more issues unless she looks in the bush but Paul says that Ms Hoyland is good at pulling the wool over people's eyes.
ELLE: So what are you going to do?
PAUL: What I should have done in the first place, make her do some counselling. Get some professional help.
Oh she's going to love that. Just like she loves suburban cabbages.
Bree has called by to drop off a book she loaned from Susan but really just wants someone to chat to about her fight with Rachel and Zeke. She thinks they're phonies and wishes they would just go back to whatever planet they're from.
SUSAN: Rachel and Zeke didn't mean to hurt you.
BREE: Yeah, and Warnie didn't mean to make all those mobile phone calls but it just happened.
Susan says the reason it hurts so much is that she thought she found some kindred spirits, and even though the Kinski kids don't know how to express it, they need her friendship too. “Because besides their dad, you're really the only one they've got,” Susan finishes, starting to cry. Bree looks horrified thinking she's upset her somehow and gives her a big hug.
Toad sits down with Ned and Sky after getting a drink and asks if Ned's spotted any talent. Needles says there might be someone but it's complicated. He's of course thinking of ‘Ms Hoyland' and Toadie's mind is thinking ‘Boy Land'. Sky whacks him on the shoulder. “Did Lana hit you this much when you were pestering her?” he retorts. Ned asks about and receives the low-down on this Lana person but before he can find out why Toad's really telling him about her, Sky takes him for a boogie on the dance floor.
Stu finds Toadie with all of his friends and gets annoyed when he finds out that he has been trying to bother Ned again. “I'm going to go to another bar and get another drink.”
TOADIE: Help me help your brother, brother! Hey? No I in team.
STU: There's a big fat U in stupid though.
TOADIE: (scathingly) There's also a STU in stupid…
Elle finds Paul mulling over the plans for the Lassiter's celebration. He's trying to find out a way to combine her and Dylan's ideas but then confesses that he's already booked the plane. He admits that he partly chose Elle's idea so he could make up for not being there when she was growing up but Elle's understanding about it all. She even offers to help with ideas for getting the party “off the ground” (puns sold separately).
Karl's over for a coffee, the both of them looking very morose. He tells Susan that Alex may have made some bad choices but it wasn't out of selfishness, he did it because he wasn't thinking clearly.
KARL: I've been seeing Alex on and off since his diagnosis. He's never stopped telling me how happy he is, how in love he is… Of course at the time I didn't know it was you he was talking about.
(Susan tries not to cry)
KARL: Don't close your heart to him. You know you deserved to be loved and so does he.
Elle waltzes in and makes a beeline for Ned and Sky on the dance floor. Toadie says to Stu that Ned's one lucky dude and he doesn't even appreciate it. “Anyone that knocks back Elle and is actually interested in dancing can not be straight.”
The trio shake their booty on the dance floor while Karl has the unfortunate pleasure of ordering some wine from Izzy. She tries to start many conversations with him but he could care less.
IZZY: Surely enough water's under the bridge? We can be civil.
KARL: Not enough water in the world.
IZZY: Friends is too much to hope for then?
KARL: I'll tell you what, first cold day in hell I'll give you a call, we'll catch up!
IZZY: I am trying to make amends.
KARL: Isabelle I don't have time for you. I'm far too busy dealing with real people with real life issues.
He walks away and Elle goes over to Izzy. She tries to make her feel better about what just happened but Izzy thinks it's another ploy and tells her to buzz off. Ned notices that Izzy's upset and follows her into the office, closing the door behind him.
Bree's back, clad in jammies this time, with another book for Suse (Chocolat). It's one she wants to loan her this time to make up for upsetting her before. Susan says it's a sweet thought but she's already read that one. Bree's insistent she open it though; “It always makes me feel better.” Susan opens it up to find that it's a hollowed out book full of choccies. Aw.
SUSAN: (on the verge of happy tears) You are a beautiful girl, Bree.
BREE: It's my secret stash for when I'm down in the dumps.
Suse trots off to put the kettle on which makes Bree happy. No wonder, she probably makes tea on the bus in a tin can over a lit match. Or on top of a chilli-quarter pounder if you believe the latest Maccas ad.
Scarlet Bar Office
Elle is partaking in her favourite pastime, eavesdropping, as Ned and Izzy talk in the office. Izzy keeps telling Ned she's fine but he says he'll just stick around anyway, sitting down on the couch.
NED: I just want to talk about what happened between us the other day.
IZZY: Ned, there's nothing to talk about.
NED: We both felt something you can't say we didn't. I've never felt like this about anyone before. You're beautiful Izzy and a good person.
Toadie springs Elle at the door just before she can hear anymore juicy gossip, whisking her away for a dance. Thought ‘cha didn't dance there, Toad? Hmm?
Izzy tells Ned the kiss shouldn't have happened but Ned says he can see she's not happy with Paul. He wants to have a chance to make her happy. She gently tells him that he's a gorgeous, nice guy but what she's learnt in the past is that her and nice don't mix. “Paul means a lot to me and I'm not going to jeopardise that. We deserve each other, you understand?” Poor little Ned says he'll leave her to it then, dragging his tail between his legs as he walks out.
Ned sadly goes to sit with Stu at a table as Elle spies him, storming off into Izzy's office while Toad's back is turned. He's all, ‘Boogie, boogie… Wha?!'
Elle gets narky with Izzy and says she knows all about her and Ned “kissing and getting it on” and she's going to let her dad know the same. Izzy could care less though; Elle's got no proof. “You can stop trying to play with the grown-ups, sweetie. You are way out of your league.”
Elle's poking around the foliage, trying to find the pill container she pitched into the bush the other day. Sky looks on curiously from her driveway.
SKY: Hey, you're not doing one of those secret garden makeovers are you? Where'd you put the water feature?
Elle sneakily picks up the pills and hides them, claiming she lost her favourite hair clip around there and was just looking for it. Sky asks how she's going and when Elle mentions Izzy troubles, she offers to be there if she needs someone to talk to. “It's all right, I think I know how to handle her,” Elle smiles not so convincingly.
Zeke and Rachel offer to show their dad the new renovations in the library but he figures out that they're just trying to avoid Bree. They think there's no point talking to her because she hates them but Alex bets they'll be “thick as thieves” by the end of the day.
He says goodbye just as Susan spies him up the hallway. “Just wondering if you had time for a word in private,” she asks. And by private she means going into the one and only classroom to have a loud chat next to the open windows. Excellent.
Susan inquires if he's told the kids yet but he says he hasn't. She offers to be there when he does so they could do it together.
ALEX: (hopefully) So you'll marry me?
SUSAN: … No. But I'm your friend and I'm not going to abandon you or the kids no matter how bad things get.
ALEX: Right… I thought I'd lost you.
ALEX: Yeah, if that's what you want?
ALEX: Thank you.
They have a hug.
Toad thanks Ned for filling in at the shop for a few hours. He said it should be easy but if it's quiet there's a couple of catalogues he can look at and maybe get some ideas for some new stock… “For instance, I'd really like to know how to attract more guys. You know my vision for Bounce is to embrace the whole community in a caring, non-exclusive way. Be that straight, of same-sex persuasion or whatever takes your fancy!” Ned's just trying to keep up with Toadie's train of thought, which is quite hard when it's travelling a million miles an hour on many different tracks. Toad also gives Ned a CD to listen to; Cher.
TOADIE: You can just let it all hang out here, sister! And in the words of Liza, just sing out if you need me.
Betcha one whole dollar Ned asks Stu one day if Toad ‘bats for the other team'. “I think he's trying to come on to me!”
One And Only Classroom
Susan starts the class while Zeke and Rachel talk at the top of their voices in what one can assume is a ‘private' conversation. Rachel wonders if Bree's that upset that she's not even going to come to school.
ZEKE: A woman's mind is God's own private mystery after all.
RACHEL: Okay no wonder everything's messed up, you spouting rubbish like that.
Susan tells everyone to settle down just as Bree walks in late. All the random extras look up in indignation like, ‘……' Suse tells them they're to work in groups of three today so of course that means Bree must take the first step and ask if she can join the Kinskis. “We thought you'd never ask,” Rachel replies, as Susan smiles fondly in their direction.
Elle quickly shoves the pills into her handbag as Izzy comes downstairs. She offers Izzy an apology coffee for acting up the day before. Izzy says she should be, she was being a little brat. Elle refrains from sniping back because she really wants Izzy to drink the liquid death… ah, coffee. Surprise though, Izzy's on a liver cleansing thing and can't have it.
Paul hobbles in not long after, having forgotten to grab a file for work. He spots the coffee and goes to take a sip. Elle swiftly offers to make him a fresh one but he's says that one is fine. Elle looks on in concern as her dad inches his lips closer and closer to the drink of doom.