Darcy telling Izzy what to testify at his hearing
Toadie saying to Susan that Darcy is motivated by greed
David asking Lil to come back home
Paul is jolted awake by his noisy roommate, who is laughing jovially at something on the loud TV. He yanks the dividing curtain back to reveal… Darcy!
DARCY: Footy or soaps?
PAUL: I like quiet.
DARCY: Okay, soaps it is then.
PAUL: I thought my platinum health insurance guaranteed privacy when I was moved to a new room.
DARCY: Sorry mate can't hear you, TV's too loud.
Paul looks scandalized and drags the curtain shut. This is awesome.
Lil has just let David down gently by saying that she thinks they need more time to get to know each other again before she moves back in. “Like a second courtship,” Dave replies but Lil's face is saying, ‘Uh, not quite what I meant, dude.' He thinks this is a good idea though and if they spend more time with one another to work out their problems, “maybe everything will work out!” And maybe we'll all live happily ever after in the land of fluffy marshmallows, Dave!
He despondently says he better get back to work. Lil gives him a kiss on the cheek goodbye (hello mixed messages!), while Harry looks at him for all the updates. “Liljana won't be coming home?” Dave replies “not yet”, but it's only a matter of time, he's sure of it (said in a very unsure voice).
Karl and Izzy are arguing about their favourite subject: Darcy. Izzy doesn't see why she has to testify but Karl reminds her of a little thing called a subpoena. He says that her testimony will have the power to put Darcy in jail for good. Izzy half-jokingly says that maybe Karl could go in her place. Karl no likey the jokey and reminds her of all the evil Darcy has done. He's also worried because the evidence he gave Toadie (how a recovering coma patient can be partial to memory loss) could aide Darcy's defence. Izzy gloomily says that the polygraph test results will be on his side as well, which Karl believes is all the more reason for her to say how much distress Darcy caused her.
Sky is jumping around Dylan on some red cordial high (perhaps the headband wound around her noggin is cutting off some circulation?), because Ted Freisner is in town. Dylan and I both respond with a, ‘Huh?” face and Sky explains to us that he's the “greatest comic book artist of all time.” Ted's having a comic book signing at Lassiter's that day and Sky wants Dylan to come along and keep her company. Dylan's fine about doing that, what he's not so peachy keen on is Sky's idea of op-shopping to find 50's style costumes to wear because Ted is a fan of the era.
SKY: You'd look so cute in a 1950's outfit. I could get you Buddy Holly glasses and you'd look like Clark Kent!
DYLAN: Sorry Sky, I can almost handle spending me arvo hanging out with a bunch of comic geeks, but I will *not* be Clark Kent.
SKY: Clark Kent gets all the girls.
DYLAN: But I only want one.
(Sky gets the look of ‘OMG! He totally lieks me!!!111 OTP 4eva!!!11)
Hospital Room – aka Evil Dude Convention
Paul listens on as Toadie swings by to see Darcy before his case, bringing a suit with him. He says that it's important that Darcy shows remorse when he's up on the stand, and Darcy gets huffy, saying he's all about the remorse and the apologies now. Toadie replies that's good to hear; especially with the damage Izzy's victim impact statement is going to cause. Paul bolts upright in bed, smirking, ‘Hello exciting new development!' Darcy self-confidently says that Izzy might be okay; she seems to have found some closure with everything now. Toad says that would help and makes his way out for some lunch and a last rehash of his notes.
Paul drags the curtain back once again.
PAUL: You're Darcy Tyler.
(Viewers have flashbacks to ‘Are you Darcy Tyler?' fiasco of '03)
DARCY: The one and only. And you are?
PAUL: Paul Robinson.
DARCY: Paul Robinson… sorry, am I meant to know you?
PAUL: Nope. But I'm a friend of Isabelle Hoyland's.
PAUL: In fact she come to see me the other day, told me all about you. So I tell you what, why don't we just lie back and have a really good yarn, ay?
DARCY: Yeah sure *switches off TV* Soaps are so predictable anyway.
Susan and Lil swing by for a catch-up (Suse waves a hello in Karl's gloomy lil face and he waves back glumly). She tells her not to be so hard on herself in regards to David. Lil's finding it a struggle though because she feels bad about not giving him what he wants. “Going back for the wrong reasons isn't going to help anyone,” Susan wisely replies. “No, no,” agrees Lil, “… what are the right reasons again?” Susan says that would be if she loves David or not.
Izzy's in a tizzy on the phone to someone related to the court, saying that she couldn't possibly testify today because she's so distressed. Karl, meanwhile, has had enough of looking glum in the bar and sneaks up to the office doorway to eavesdrop.
IZZY: Yes I know there's no such thing as being unsubpoenaed, but I really, I just… argh, there damn well should be! *hangs up*
Karl startles her, saying he thought she was on the phone to a supplier. Izzy retorts that she's feeling physically ill about testifying and was trying to get out of it – to no avail. Karl doesn't get why she's protecting Darcy and then asks if he's threatening her. Of course not, she replies, only in the sense that he is.
IZZY: You're wrong.
KARL: I'm sorry, is there something going on here that you're not telling me?
Pfft, have you got all day there, sailor?
KARL: Now if you've got a reason for protecting Darcy I want to know what it is and I want to know right now.
Izzy gets shifty-eyed. General population get party poppers ready for possible truth revelation.
Karl chases her out to the bar area wanting to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Izzy says he'll think she's crazy but she presses on anyway.
IZZY: It's because of our baby.
(*Party popper is heard going off* – Wait! Not yet! It's early days!)
KARL: What? What's Darcy got to do with our baby?
IZZY: What happened with him happened just before we lost our baby, and those two things together is just one big nightmare.
(False alarm, put the poppers away. I repeat, poppers are a no go).
Izzy says that if she keeps hating Darcy she's never going to get over losing the baby. Karl gives her a disbelieving face, which causes her to get annoyed. She says she just wants to forget everything and start over, “we've all suffered enough… including Darcy.” Now Karl gives her a ‘you've GOT to be kidding me' look.
Hospital Room – Evil Dude Convention
“Lying, cheating, blackmail, you're quite a piece of work aren't you?” Paul states, glancing over at a nervous Darcy. He asks why Izzy told him everything and Paul replies that everyone needs a confidante.
PAUL: But don't worry, I love what you've done to her! Anyone who can keep Isabelle Hoyland on the hop is worthy of my admiration.
DARCY: So… everything she told you…
PAUL: I will keep to myself. Hey, why would I want to spoil all the fun, ay?
EVIL DUO: *laugh the laugh of two spawns of an evil panto moustache twirler* Muah-ha-ha-HAAAAAA! Snerkle! Heeeeeee!
This is just too much awesome to handle. It's like Voldemort and Darth Vader have gotten together in a pub for a drink or something! Woo!
Lassiter's – Comic Book Signing
The screen is filled with different comic book pictures and Batman-esque text like: GASP! POW! OUCH! KRAK! All we need now is Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. “Worst. Convention. Ever.”
All the random extra fans are dressed up as superheroes and 50's starlets, waiting in line to meet Ted. Sky (dressed in a pink suit – almost Legally Blonde style) and Dylan join the line with Sky fretting about being late. Dylan spots Dave in line in front of them and says he may let them cut in, but all Dave offers them is a quick wave when they call out to him. He seems a little embarrassed.
Sky calls everyone obsessed but Dylan points out that she's the one in the costume with her folio of comics to show Ted. “Yeah, not obsessed, just devoted,” she comes back with. (You tell him, Sky! *takes sip out of Neighbours coffee mug, turns up ‘Neighbours: The Music' and starts summary again*). Dylan realises Sky may not get a chance to meet her idol so he decides to create a diversion. He sprints around the corner and yells out in front of the crowd.
DYLAN: Oh my God! There's been a five-car pile-up on Jackson Street! A delivery truck choccas full of doughnuts has gone everywhere. Jam! Chocolate! Cinnamon! Raspberry!
DAVID: Doughnuts?! I better make sure everyone's okay!
(He and the random extras bolt for the goodies)
HOMER: Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie!
COMIC BOOK GUY: I cannot waddle that far. If only my Jedi powers were useful on this earth. Worst. Powers. Ever.
Sky can't believe her luck and Dylan ushers her towards the signing table. “Ted! Hi Ted!” she says adoringly. Ted says hello back and Sky is thrilled.
Hospital Room – Evil Dude Convention
Darcy has now got his suit on and Paul says he's looking sharp. “Perfect for a victory in court.” He also lets Darcy in on something else about Izzy, the fact that she was going to hire a hit man to get rid of him.
DARCY: What?! She was serious?
PAUL: Well don't tell me she actually told you?
DARCY: Well yeah, she did, but I thought she was bluffing.
PAUL: Don't worry she didn't get very far with my contact. He was a linen supplier I used in the 80's!
DARCY: You set her up!
(Paul nods and grins)
DARCY: You dog!
PAUL: It's the best laugh I've had since I've been here!
The two of them bask in their joined evilness. More moustache-twirling laughter ensues. Muah-ha-ha-HAAAAA. Toadie comes by to collect his client.
TOADIE: *draws to an abrupt halt* This is a scary sight.
He tells Darcy it's time for court. Darcy and Paul resist the urge to high-five one another, I'm sure.
Lassiter's – Comic Book Signing
Ted compliments Sky on her outfit and on her comics, especially the ones about Freak Girl and Enigma. Sky says one of the characters is actually based on herself and Ted hopes that she has as much “pluck” as her character then, she'll need it if she wants to get into the business. He's nice about it but says it's a tough area to get into. Dylan rushes back to tell her everyone is on to them and they should run. David tries to get in line behind his niece but Ted will have none of that, sending him to the back.
David wanders to the end of the line where he's very surprised to see Lil holding a comic book. Turns out she wanted to get it signed for Dave to do something nice for him. She lets him hop in front of her and they smile flirtily at one another. This scene brought to you by, ‘Awwww!'
Hospital Room – Darcy-less
Susan stops by to see if Darcy needs a ride to court but Paul tells her he already left with Toadie. An awkward silence prevails until Susan eventually asks about his leg and if he's in rehab. Paul says he's not touching rehab with a ten-foot pole. Susan tries to make him feel better by saying that all the kids at school are asking about him and when he'll be back but this just makes Paul angry.
PAUL: How's never sound?
SUSAN: I think it sounds like a terrible waste. You're a great teacher, Paul. You're an inspiring teacher; the kids really look up to you.
PAUL: Susan, if this is your pathetic way of getting me into rehab you can just forget it.
SUSAN: I know you don't think it now but you still have a lot to offer.
Paul just rolls his eyes and Susan leaves. He does look a *tad* interested though.
Karl is giving evidence and is loathe to admit that, as a recently recovered coma patient, Darcy could be suffering from memory loss. He gets a jibe in though, adding that before the accident Darcy was quite the pathological liar. Toadie's having none of this nonsense though and puts his serious lawyer-man (not to be confused with Lawman) voice on, asking for facts and not statements.
TOADIE: Is it possible Dr Kennedy, within the realms of medical fact that Dr Tyler may be suffering from memory loss.
KARL: As I said…
TOADIE: Just a simple yes or no will do.
KARL: *glares his Dr Karl glare* Yes.
Izzy, Susan and Darcy all sit looking at him.
Sky and Dylan swoop out of the kitchen with their lunch (nearly knocking Dave over in the process). Sky's freaking out about not being good enough to draw comics and how she'll just have to give up her dream and become a telemarketer or something. Will Dylan stand for this malarky? Heck no!
DYLAN: Fine. Be realistic. You're not like everyone else and if you tried you'd just suck at it.
SKY: Are you saying I'll be damned either way?
DYLAN: No, I'm saying that you shouldn't deny your talent. If I had any I wouldn't throw it away. Do what makes you happy, man!
SKY: *smirks* It's not that easy, man.
DYLAN: No? What's easier than doing what you love?
General Store Kitchen
Harold springs David wearing his Salvo outfit, saluting his own reflection in the toaster (and looking like one of the cast of The Full Monty, hehe!). Harry tells him that wearing the uniform is an honour that has to be earned, but Dave says he's all for that, “I know, and that's exactly why I want to join.” Harold doesn't quite believe him at first but soon becomes quite chuffed at the thought of David following in his footsteps when David shows how serious he is about it.
HAROLD: Well, there are a few things you should know.
HAROLD: Ah, well, uh, your sense of charity for starters.
DAVID: Oh no, no, I've got that covered. I did the books for the Helen Daniels Trust.
HAROLD: No, no, no, I mean real charity. Helping the poor, the homeless, the disadvantaged.
DAVID: Oh, yep, sure.
HAROLD: Without expecting anything in return.
DAVID: *screws up his nose* Oh.
Harry says he has to prove himself to be a good soldier over time and wrestles his hat back from Dave.
Izzy's now taken the stand and Toadie is questioning why she has visited his client so much in hospital. She replies that she just needed some closure and is feeling very closed now thank you very much. Toadie's confuzzled but trudges on, asking how this occurred. Izzy glances at Darcy and says it's because he seemed so remorseful and she didn't doubt him.
TOADIE: (even more confused at how this is turning out) In light of this, do you feel that my client should be further punished for his crimes against you, given that he doesn't actually remember them?
IZZY: (takes a quick look at Karl then faces the judge) No I don't.
(Karl tries to hold back a hissy fit)
Hospital Room – Darcy-less
Dylan's stopped by with some mags for Paul; mostly business ones but one ‘wink-wink-nudge-nudge' mag he slips under Paul's pillow for later. Raunchy. He brings a chair to Paul's bedside for a chat and asks when he's coming back to school. Paul thinks he's been talking to Susan but Dylan has no idea what he's on about. Paul says he's not going back because he's “crook as a dog” but Dylan just says for him to get off his butt and into rehab. He's the only reason he likes going to class now but Paul doesn't care and tells him to GET… aw, it's just “buzz off” now. That's no fun.
DYLAN: Alright, I'll go. But when are you going to understand that I saved your life for a reason?
Darcy's turn to plead his case. He says he has no recollection of the crimes he has supposedly committed but will say this:
DARCY: No crime I ever committed in the past was ever motivated by hatred or malice. Any crime I committed was driven by desperation. Therefore I can only assume that this crime was committed in a similar vein. And, although I can't remember a thing about it, I am truly sorry for all the anguish and distress that I've caused. I just hope that in time people can forgive me, because I find it almost impossible to forgive myself.
And the Logie for most convincing blatant liarrrrrr goes to!
Karl and Toadie are still doing the shifty-eyes at him. Izzy looks like she's going to do a Bree Timmins and go to technicolour yawn land and Susan looks almost hopeful.
Toadie says his closing piece, basically saying that they can't very well convict a man who has no recollection of the crimes he has committed and who is remorseful. He wonders where the best place for Darcy would be, therefore. In jail with hardened crooks, or out in the real world with law-abiding citizens? “Your Honour, a non-custodial sentence is not only the just option here, it's the only reasonable one.”
Zip forward a bit and the judge has reached his verdict. “Taking into account the defendant's genuine remorse and undisputed medical state, I've decided against a custodial sentence. You are hereby placed on a 12-month good behaviour bond.”
Darcy is relieved and Karl opens up a giant can of whoop-ass, going all Jerry Springer guest on them. He reminds everyone of what a liar Darcy is, how he'll probably reoffend, all the dastardly things he's done in the past. “Am I the only person here who can see what Darcy Tyler really is?” ‘parrantly so dude, cause you're not being hauled out of the courtroom by police escorts for nothing. Izzy chases after him, Susan looks a little startled and Darcy looks… Darcy-like.