Izzy offering her dad money to start a business
Dylan telling Sky about his toxic problems
Paul not winning any friends at the council meeting
David walks in and announces to Harold, Serena, Sky and Dylan that the council have accepted a tender from Affirmacon. Dylan thinks this is good news; they'll build a mall or something creating more jobs. Sky points out that the only person who will benefit will be Paul, “he's the one that brokered the deal.” Dave gets angry for allowing himself to be Paul's puppet on the council. Harold tells him he needs to keep his voice down about all things Paul related; his solicitors have already warned him once. “You know what? They haven't warned me,” Sky says determinedly. Someone should warn her that her fluoro-green headband is causing sight problems with its glairiness.
“I can't shut Sky down,” Dylan tells Paul exasperatedly. “Can't or won't?” Paul rebuts. Dylan insists Sky's becoming obsessed with the whole Affirmacon situation but also admits he really digs her and doesn't want to stuff up any potential thing he may have going on. He adds that it's not just her, everyone has gone loopy – they're even organizing a protest meeting that night.
DYLAN: You're in deep with this Affirmacon mob, aren't ya?
PAUL: Yeah… I get a cut when the deal goes through.
DYLAN: Hey, it's not like I care. I've got my own problems to sort out.
PAUL: (bemused) Like what?
DYLAN: Just health stuff. Whatever poisoned the wetlands got to me too.
PAUL: (not so bemused anymore) Dylan, what the hell were you doing down there?
Dylan explains he was helping some birds, and not the female sort this time, he couldn't just leave them there to die. Paul looks, to coin a Summer phrase; ‘spewy' after finding out he turned his protégé into Radioactive Man. He sincerely apologises to Dylan but the D-Meister doesn't see why he is, “it's not your fault.” What he forgot to put on the end of that sentence was, ‘It's not your fault… that you're a blatant liarrrrrr.'
Paul walks in looking distressed, seeking out a comforting hug from Lil. She worriedly asks if everything is alright but he says it is now he's with her.
PAUL: Listen, will you promise me something? When everything has settled down can we get away from here?
LIL: What like on a cruise on your yacht?
PAUL: (shakes his head) No, no. I mean starting a new life together.
Lil looks quite stunned.
Toadie is loitering around the entrance with a fetching beanie on for no apparent reason… except to scare the bejeepers out of Connor when he comes walking in, transforming his beanie into a ski mask. “I want you to face your fears!” Connor works there? Wow, it's been so long I didn't even remember that Dylan's old jail mate held him up. Get to work you lazy bludger! Izzy welcomes him back and then joins the ‘scare the bejeepers out of Connor' brigade by making a loud noise at the register, causing him to shoot his hands up in the air.
Toadie tries to make him more relaxed by saying that The Shamrock would never let anything get to him. Connor excitedly starts talking about their next bout in the ring but Toadie isn't so peachy keen. He says The Lawman works alone (‘cept for that whole working with Eva thing). They argue for quite a while, segue-way-ing us over to Izzy and Bobby at a table.
Izzy's trying to give her dad some ideas on what business venture he could start; home handyman service, possum man etc. They walk past the bickering Toadie/Connor duo (does Connor have a nekkid robot-looking lady on his shirt?), over to the bar. Izzy says she knows settling down isn't as exciting as globetrotting, but he needs to earn a living if he wants to stay in Erinsborough. Bobby says he still feels uncomfortable about taking her money but Izzy won't take no for an answer.
David is pleasantly surprised to see Lil at the door.
DAVID: Can I get you a drink?
LIL: I'm fine.
DAVID: Tea or coffee?
Lil's there to chat about Serena and see how she's coping. David says that she wants he and Lil to get back together. “Yeah, well I told her that that's not going to happen,” Lil replies offhandedly, shattering David's cheery façade. She asks how Serena may cope if she has two homes; David and Harold may stay in the area but what happens if Lil decides to move further out? Just as a ‘what if' scenario of course. Lil thought she might talk to Serena to sound her out about her ideas on moving. David panics and says he'll be the one to talk to their daughter.
The menacing Affirmacon dude spies Paul in the store and sits with him. Blah blah tough guy talk blah. Paul brings up the ‘local kid' who has been diagnosed with toxic poisoning and suggests that it would be in Affirmacon's best interests to pay for all of the sick boy's medical costs, “if there was ever a claim.”
AFFIRMACON DUDE: Won't that look like admitting responsibility?
PAUL: Yeah well, lets call it a goodwill gesture from the corporate giant, eh?
AFFIRMACON DUDE: (creepy smile) Well maybe I'll talk to the suits.
Classroom – Meeting For Disgruntled Residents
David, Toadie and Harold sit up the front before many random extras and the Ramsay Street residents scripted to appear today (Serena, Sky, Dylan and Lil, who pops up later and is regaled to the sidelines when Serena blocks the seat next to her).
David admits the council has made some bad mistakes but they were based on lies fed to them by Paul. “Paul Robinson is the real enemy here.” Sky leaps up and says that Affirmacon is the real problem and they need to stop them. “We should storm [them] and shut them down.” Cue mumbled assent from the now vocal extras. Harold calms the masses and says that they need to think of a plan in a rational manner. Paul stalks in from the corridor in a superhero fashion (Blatant Liarrrrrr Man!). “Maybe I can help…” Everyone looks surprised to see him there. Dave shoots out the death stare.
Classroom – Meeting For Disgruntled Residents
David coolly asks Paul what he's doing there.
DAVID: I thought you preferred to do your lying, and your conniving and your manipulation behind the scenes.
TOADIE: Dave, he's got you on slander do you want to go for harassment?
Paul says he's there to help. The council was faced with a problem and he merely offered a solution.
PAUL: I understood that the only way to clear up this mess was with corporate funds. And in return they got themselves a brand new shopping mall.
(Serena takes a leaf out of her dad's book and gives Paul a greasy)
DAVID: Don't listen to him, he never tells the truth.
PAUL: Oh really? Well try this then; why don't you let Affirmacon clean up the mess and then hit them with a well-timed class action. It would certainly throw a spanner in their juggernaut.
He slinks out with a smirk on his face. Lil faintly smiles after him and the rest of the residents look confused at this turn of events. Harold asks Toadie if they can do that and Toad replies that it's a stalling tactic, “but beyond that who knows?”
The gang arrive home with David saying he'll do whatever it takes to help out the residents. Harold says he's just going to go to Number 30 for a chat with Jarrod about getting a ‘fighting fund' together.
David wants to talk with Serena about what he and Lil were talking about earlier. Serena gets worried and thinks that Lil wants to go back to Perth. David tells her Lil wasn't thinking that far away, but by the sounds of things she doesn't want to stay local anymore either. Serena gets angry because she believes that Lil is not leaving her with any choice and assuming that she wants to move away with her. “I'm staying put. This is my home, all my friends are here.” David tells Serena that she could possibly convince Lil to stay in the area because he's past convincing her to do anything himself.
Lil opens the door to a ticked off teen.
SERENA: I cannot believe you are making all these plans without consulting me.
Lil's all, who with the what now? Serena gets confused herself and says that she thought her mum was planning on moving away. Lil brings her inside as the bubbling pot of angry frustration boils away, she can't believe that David has embellished the truth like that. Serena sadly says she thought she'd have to choose between them. Lil hugs her and says that's not the case, she's not moving far away. “The last thing I ever want is for you to feel like you're caught in the middle.” The look on Serena's face says, ‘Seriously? Cause I'm there right now, dude.'
Some tough looking bikies stride in with their helmets on. Connor looks scared and says they shouldn't be wearing them inside. Bobby lets Connor have the honours of telling them just that, but the bikies puff out their enormous bikie chests and change his mind for him. “I'll leave them to it.”
Some Japanese businessmen walk in looking for some entertainment. Connor pipes up that the karaoke machine is out back and he'll set it up for them (he obviously wants to hear them sing Olivia Newton John's lesser-known hit, ‘Let's Get Stereotypical'). The businessman can't take Connor's wacky accent though and wonders if he's speaking English.
The businessmen don't want anything to do with that karaoke “rubbish”, no, they're looking for some “true blue entertainment, mate.” Bobby says they're in luck then, they just happen to run a service for gentlemen like themselves, guaranteeing them a fun time. Connor looks confused… this is sounding decidedly weird to him… and kinda kinky. Bobby slyly tells him not to worry.
Lassiter's Complex – The Next Morning
Paul is alarmed by his mate Affirmacon dude again as he's walking along. AD says he knows about Paul's appearance at the council meeting last night and reminds him if he keeps it up, people will get hurt. Paul says he was only there to suss things out and to start the residents on a wild goose chase. “I can suggest courses of action that will prove to be fruitless.”
PAUL: In the words of a Chinese philosopher, ‘All warfare is based on deception'.
AD: Well, in the words of Tony Corbett, ‘You doublecross me and you're dead'.
Affirmacon dude = Tony Corbett. Gotcha. Paul's shaking in his expensive boots, man! Shaking!
Lil drags David into the kitchen for an angry chat. She can't believe that he'd use Serena as a weapon against her. David doesn't understand, he just told Serena what Lil told him, but Lil thinks that David filled her head with lies through his misunderstanding of their conversation.
DAVID: Lil, maybe you should have been a bit more specific about your intentions.
LIL: (very angry) I am not coming back. Do you understand? The marriage, it's over. And what concerns me now, and what should concern you, is our daughter's welfare.
DAVID: That's funny, it didn't seem to concern you when you packed your bags and walked out on us.
LIL: I never walked out on Serena.
DAVID: Yes you did. Now you've got the nerve of coming here and accusing me of making her life worse? I'm not the one creating all the misery, Lil. I'm not the one making plans. And I'm not the one tearing our family's life apart.
DAVID: No, Lil. You'll never take her away from me. Never.
Paul creeps up behind Lil and gently breathes into her ear, scaring her. In a sexy oxygen way of course. They have a smooch – right in the middle of the waiting room – before Paul even asks if Toadie's there. Best secret couple ever.
LIL: You were great last night.
(Paul gets a curious smirk on his face)
LIL: (smacks him on the forehead) No, the meeting. You were, you added some much-needed clarity.
Paul makes his way into Toadie's office and hands him a signed cheque, no monetary value noted at the moment. It's to help out with the interim junction against Affirmacon. Toadie is confused at Paul's sudden 180 and asks if he's worried about the general public thinking the same. Paul says that won't happen because if anyone does ask, Toadie is going to say it was an anonymous donation. Toad still wants to know why he's helping though and Paul is very noncommittal with his answers, ‘I want to help out the community, blah-diddy blah'. Toad starts up the why chorus once more (But why? But whyyyy? But why is the sky blue? But whyyyy did my wife disappear in the ocean without a trace? But whyyyy am I still wrestling?). Paul just leaves the office though, reminding Toad not to say a word. Toad stares at the cheque thinking, ‘Hmm, he is very mysterious', whereas I would be thinking, ‘Hmm, I wonder how many Wonka Bars this can buy me to find the golden ticket?'
Lassiter's Hotel – Driveway
I wonder who got the unfortunate job of digging up all of Sky and Lana's lavender plants from the driveway all those months ago… Anyhoo, Izzy is straightening up Connor's tie, as he has become limo driver for the day. Izzy's worried about Bobby's plan but he says this is a way of making easy money. The Japanese businessmen walk out of the hotel, very excited about their big day out with Bobby the funmeister. Connor tries to amp up the fun factor by chirping something merrily, but I'm with the businessmen on this one – I heard something about an ‘express' and ‘lads' but the rest is a blur. “Please, your accent,” the businessman says, causing Connor to get annoyed. “Oh for God's sake.”
BOBBY: You did remind them to bring their passports just in case they have to get bailed out of jail?
BUSINESSMAN: Jail, yes… Bea Smith, The Freak! All very good fun.
Bobby ushers them into the limo; first stop, illegal gambling, second stop, beautiful dancing laydeez! Izzy waves them off looking worried.
Sky is venting her exasperations about Paul to Dylan; she can't believe that Paul fronted up to the meeting last night. “He's a worm, he's a bloodsucking leech.” Dylan tells her not to be so harsh on him and she wants to know why he always defends him. Dylan says that Paul has a whole other side that no one else sees, and he was the one that got Dylan to stay in school and to set some goals in his life.
DYLAN: He's the only person that's ever believed in me.
SKY: Hey, I believe in you too.
Dylan gets this little side-smile happening. Ooh, he wuvs her and she might wubsy-wuv him too! Sky looks flustered.
Scarlet Bar – Meeting of the BLA
Paul and Izzy are having their little BLA meeting (Blatant Liarrrrrs Anonymous) where they talk about their lying and cheating ways. Hey, it's cheaper than therapy! Paul's all upset because he doesn't know how to achieve what he wants anymore. He says it's always been about revenge and control for him, but right now he doesn't want any revenge and he certainly doesn't have any control. Izzy actually takes pity on him and helps him out instead of teasing him.
IZZY: You are getting there. I mean you're doing better than you were last week, and your doing even better than the week before that. But I do find it fascinating watching a man trying to reinvent himself from scratch, just the way I advised him to!
PAUL: Oh well I'm glad you're finding it so entertaining because from where I'm sitting it sure ain't no fun.
IZZY: So is the new Paul going to succeed?
Serena and David are talking about Lil again and David is being ever the optimist, still thinking that Lil is going to come home. Oh Dave, how many more times do you want your heart stomped on? Serena gently tells him that it doesn't matter where they all live, they'll still be a family. David gets on the offensive and thinks Lil has been in Serena's ear and has brainwashed her into living with her. She tries to tell him that's not the case and she wants to stay with him. Dave apologises.
DAVID: I'm sorry love, I know. It's just that you're honestly all I've got.
SERENA: It's not going to happen.
DAVID: Promise me? Because if we can stick together on this then maybe we can be like a magnet that draws your mother back, what do you say?
SERENA: We'll stick together.
Or maybe you can be like those magnets that always seem to repel one another, cause that's looking to be the case at the moment. Ooh, or maybe you can all be fridge magnets! Um, or not.