Melanie gets left on the cruise ship, effectively gatecrashing Paul and Christina's honeymoon.
Paul starts to laugh, thinking it's a joke. He's convinced that it's a big mistake and that Melanie is just pretending.
Melanie is horrified that they are forty minutes out to sea and says she doesn't remember what happened - she was feeling so ill and passed out in the bathroom.
PAUL: What's the deal Mel, did everyone chip in to get you a helicopter or a motor-launch, perhaps?
Melanie starts to cry.
MELANIE: Oh no, what have I done?
Paul's face falls as he realises it isn't a joke. He starts shaking Melanie and angrily shouts at her. Christina is more sympathetic and comforts Melanie, saying she can borrow some of her clothes if need be.
MELANIE: I'm a stowaway! What if they maron me on a desert island or something?
PAUL: Well that would be just great!
Paul continues to rant that he's not paying for Melanie's place on the ship(!)
PAUL: As far as I'm concerned you can spend the rest of the trip in the brig!
MELANIE:(sobbing) Oh Chrissie, I'm sorry! I'm sorry.
Christina comforts her.
Joe is doing the laundry and Toby warns him not to put too many clothes in - Kerry used to limit the amount. Joe says it'll be fine and fusses over Sky. Suddenly the machine stops. Toby says he knows how to fix it, but Joe says it's just overloaded. Toby insists that he does, but Joe won't listen and goes to get his tools.
Helen is relating the wedding to Matt and Gemma. Gemma is fed up of being on the sofa all day. Helen is quite jealous of the cruise Paul and Christina are on. Matt says Helen should go on a trip too - after all, she's a free agent - but Helen says she can't while Todd is still missing. She thought about him all through the wedding ceremony today and is veyr worried about him.
HELEN: I try sound encouraging every time Annette rings, but it just gets harder all the time.
When Helen has gone, Matt asks Gemma how her leg is. She reckons it's a lot better, but is evasive when Matt asks her about coming back to his place. She doesn't seem too keen.
Todd lies on his bed, writing a Valentine's Day card to Cody.
TODD: "Dear Cody. Being away from you is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I miss you like you wouldn't believe. It's like a...a horrible pain deep inside me that never goes away. I worry all the time that you must be starting to doubt that I care. Please dont' lose faith in me. I love you more now than I ever have and I promise we'll be together again soon. Happy Valentine's Day. Lots of love, Todd"
Christina is picking some things out of her wardrobe to lend to Melanie. Paul has seen the captain - Melanie will have to stay until they dock at the first port at least. Melanie can buy some clothes in the souvenir shop and Paul will take it out of her wages(!) The worst news is that the ship is full - but Melanie will have to sleep on their couch tonight.
MELANIE: I'll sleep in the brig!
Christina looks a bit disappointed, but says it'll be fine - she and Paul can start their honeymoon tomorrow.
MELANIE:(reluctantly) I promise you'll hardly know I'm here.
PAUL:(sarcastically) Oh sure, sure!
As Melanie goes off to get changed, she suddenly feels very sick and admits that she always gets seasick the first night at sea. She bolts for the bathroom.
Todd's boss is giving him grief as he washes the dishes. When he accidentally drops one it's the last straw - he tells Todd he's sacked. Todd is horrified, but his boss won't be reasoned with. How will he pay his rent now?
Cruise Ship, the following morning
Paul is sucking Christina's toe (urgghhhh) as they slowly wake up.
CHRISTINA:(remembering) Tell me last night didn't happen. Tell me it was just a bad dream.
Paul can't find Melanie - she's not in the room.
PAUL: If I was as sick as Melanie was last night, I'd want to kill myself.
CHRISTINA: Darling, maybe she's just gone up on deck to get some fresh air.
PAUL: In her condition?
CHRISTINA: She's be alright.
Just then, Melanie comes in.
MELANIE: Morning! I was just about to go for a job - do you like my new outfit?
Paul and Christina look at her in confusion.
PAUL: She's delirious.
CHRISTINA: Are you alright?
MELANIE: I'm fine - I've never felt better!
PAUL: Melanie - you were as sick as a dog last night - in fact, I have never seen anyone as sick as you were.
CHRISTINA: Neither have I. Even the doctor was impressed!
Melanie explains that she only gets sick on the first night - then she's fine. Suddenly Christina remembers that they're married and jumps on Paul.
CHRISTINA: Good morning, husband.
PAUL: Good morning, darling.
They start kissing.
Melanie starts to leave the room, but Paul breaks off and tells Melanie that when she gets back from her jog he's got some work for her to do. He'll have some dictation and some faxes to send. Christina is not impressed at all.
Joe is attempting to fix the washing machine (still!) but it's still dead. Matt comes in and says he's heard about Melanie getting stuck on the cruise ship. Joe turns on the machine. Nothing happens. Toby still think he can fix it, but now Matt is involved. He discusses Gemma being reluctant to move out of Madge's place, and Joe says he can see her point - at least Madge's place isn't a dive!
Gemma is explaining to Helen that she likes it at Madge's - it's not that she doesn't like it with Matt, but it isn't the life she thought it would be.
GEMMA: No decision's ever simple when it involves another person is it?
Helen suggests that she talks it over with Matt.
Paul has dictated a letter to Melanie and tells her to fax it to Mr Udagawa from the executive facilities, which he has booked for her.
Paul suggests to Christina that they go and get some breakfast, but Melanie says they should wait a while. They look at her in confusion, but all is revealed when there's a knock at the door - Melanie has ordered room service for them. She wheels in a trolley.
MELANIE: Your very own honeymoon breakfast, to make up for all I put you through.
CHRISTINA: Oh Melanie you didn't have to go to so much troub...
PAUL: Oh, yes she did!
MEALNIE: Well, I'll leave you to enjoy the first breakfast of your married lives!
She leaves them in peace.
PAUL: Sounds kind of romantic when she puts it that way, doesn't it!
CHRISTINA: It sure does.
PAUL: Hey. Welcome to my life, Mrs Robinson.
CHRISTINA: Welcome to mine, Mr Robinson.
Joe and Matt are still puzzling over the broken washing machine. Toby is still lurking around looking fed up. When Matt fails to fix it, Toby rolls his eyes.
TOBY: I know how to fix it, Dad!
JOE: Look, Matt can't fix it, I can't fix it, you can't fix it.
TOBY: But I know how Kerry used to do it.
Just then, Joe notices that Sky has tipped washing powder all over the floor and rushes to clean it up. Toby sulks in the corner.
Matt notices that Toby is sulking and finally talks to him about it. Toby goes over to the washing machine and kicks it firmly in a certain place.
TOBY: Kerry used to do it all the time!
JOE: Why didn't you tell us before?
TOBY: I tried to, but you kept telling me to shut up!
JOE: Well, it's never stopped you before, mate!
Todd sneaks out of the fire exit of his motel without paying his bill.
Joe has come to the shop to buy something for Sky. Toby is moaning that he's late for school already. Toby is obviously feeling very left out as Joe fusses over Sky.
Melanie knocks on Paul and Christina's door with a bottle of champagne. There's no answer, so she just leaves it outside with two glasses.
Joe is still ignoring Toby and refuses to buy him a toy. In the end, Toby surreptiously puts them in his bag.
JOE:(relenting) All right, you can have them. Where are they?
Toby doesn't know what to say.