Harold telling Madge that he's going to Scotland to claim his birthright and he expects her to come with him.
Toby, Joe and Jane are having breakfast. Toby starts telling Joe awkwardly that at school yesterday, Mrs. Carter asked for some parents to help in the school canteen - so he put Joe's name down for the tuck shop. Joe, looking horrified, tells Toby:
JOE: You can take it off again, mate: that's for *mothers*.
Jane points out that *lots* of dads these days help out in the canteen. Joe, however, repeats that tuck shop is women's work, and he's not getting involved with a bunch of old biddies making sandwiches for a bunch of snotty-nosed kids. He tells Toby to take his name off the list first thing Monday. Toby frowns at him, looking disappointed.
Bronwyn and Henry are having breakfast and talking about the fact that Harold and Madge are arguing about Doon Castle. Bronwyn comments that at least it's not *them* arguing. Henry apologises to Bronwyn for being a bit of a jerk lately.
BRONWYN: That's OK - I'm used to it!
Harold and Madge emerge from their bedroom and Henry and Bronwyn head out. Madge asks Harold gruffly if he wants muesli. Harold asks for porridge, but Madge retorts that he can make that himself. Harold mutters that he won't bother, then. He then goes on tersely that he can't understand why Madge is so against going to Scotland: the castle is a bit of a disappointment, but if they sold No. 24 they could still buy something quite comfortable over there - and they still have the title. Madge just retorts:
MADGE: Harold, this is *my* house.
HAROLD (mutters): Oh yes, I know *that*...
MADGE: *MY HOUSE*, Harold - and I'd like some say it in before you start nailing the 'For Sale' sign to the front door.
Harold tells Madge that he's quite prepared to sell his share of the Coffee Shop - and he thought marriage was about *sharing*. Madge snaps angrily that this Earl thing has gone straight to his head: she'll admit it was fun while it lasted, but the bubble has burst.
MADGE: Here. Ramsay Street. This is our home.
HAROLD: No - Scotland is *my* home, amongst the banks, the braes and the bonny brooks. Now you cannot run away from hundreds of years of tradition. We are going to Scotland and that is final.
MADGE: Don't you try and bully *me*, Harold Bishop, because you're going to end up a very lonely old Earl if you *do*.
HAROLD (looking surprised): What's *that* supposed to mean?
MADGE (retorts): Take a wild guess.
Des and Mike are sitting at the table, Des telling Mike that he's done nothing to lead Jane on. Mike says he's sorry: he feels angry with *himself* as much as anyone else. Des asks Mike if he wants him to talk to Jane and spell it out again. Mike thanks him.
Henry and Bronwyn are trying to decide on a film to go and see. Madge walks over to them, looking annoyed, and snaps at Henry that she's lost count of how many times she's had to ask him to do the lawns; no one would believe they have a *gardener* in the family. Henry insists that he'll do them later. Madge mutters that she won't hold her breath! She walks off again, and Bronwyn remarks to Henry that she still sounds pretty crabby. There's a knock on the front door and Henry goes and opens it to find Mike standing on the step. He asks if Bronny's there. Henry invites him in. Mike hands Bronwyn a newspaper clipping and tells her that he thought she might be interested. Bronwyn reads it: it's an advert for a lecturer - Dr. Jay Bronkowski - doing a lecture on study techniques and how to pass exams. She smiles that she could sure use some tips. Mike adds that he thought it might be worth her having a look: he's on at the Town Hall this afternoon. Henry points out to Bronwyn that they're going to the movies.
BRONWYN: Don't worry - it says here 'At 5:30 for an hour': I'll be back in stacks of time - especially if I get to use the car...
Henry doesn't look sure. Mike tells Henry that it would be good for Bronwyn to see the lecture. Henry asks Mike:
HENRY: You going?
MIKE: No, I don't need to go.
BRONWYN: *Please* Henry...
HENRY: Yeah, all right. Just be nice to Bertha: she's running a bit rough at the moment.
Bronwyn smiles at Henry gratefully. Henry doesn't look happy, though.
Katie and Toby are sitting at the kitchen table, writing on some paper. Katie asks Toby if he thinks it'll work. Toby sighs that it's *got* to. Joe and Jane come in and Joe tells Toby to clear the plates from the table and put them by the sink.
JOE (taken aback): I beg your pardon?
TOBY: Tidying-up's *women's* work. Blokes don't do it.
JOE: Well I know *one* little bloke who'd better if he knows what's good for him...
Jane chips in and says *she'll* tidy away. Toby thanks her. Joe glares at Toby and mutters:
JOE: You lazy little... boy!
Jane goes to empty the bin, but Katie calls across to her that emptying the rubbish is a *man's* job. Joe demands:
JOE: What is this: a double act?!
Jane insists that she doesn't mind doing it. Changing the subject, Joe asks her if he can borrow a couple of quid to tide him over, as he's a bit strapped. Toby calls over quickly that blokes don't borrow money from women: it's a man's job to go out and earn the money. Joe warns him:
JOE: Toby Mangel, I've had about as much as I can take of your lip. Now, children should be seen and not heard at moments like these.
TOBY: Just saying what *you* say.
JANE (smiles): Toby might have a point there, Joe - I mean, you did say it was a man's job to be the breadwinner.
JOE: What is this? A flamin' conspiracy?!
Bronwyn drives Bertha down the driveway of No. 24 and onto the street. Mike runs over suddenly and asks her to hang on, as he was thinking this lecture might be useful for him as well. Bronwyn tells him to jump in. Henry, who's mowing the lawn, watches them drive off. He looks annoyed.
Harold is sitting at the kitchen table, looking upset. He stands up suddenly and walks over to Madge, who's folding washing in the kitchen. He pleads:
HAROLD: Come on, Madge, let's not fight.
MADGE (shrugs): Fine by *me*.
MADGE: ...as long as you give up the silly idea of going to Scotland.
Harold sighs that he doesn't know why Madge is being so unreasonable about this: she was perfectly happy to go until she saw a photo of the castle. Madge, however, sighs that her roots are there in Erinsborough, and she doesn't just want to up and leave. Harold assures her that he can understand how she feels - but all of a sudden this whole new future has opened up for them and she's prepared to abandon him. Madge points out that *he's* the one who's *leaving*; *she's* not abandoning *anyone*. She goes on that the title's fun - or it *was* fun - but he's letting the romance of the whole thing cloud his judgement.
MADGE: All right, Harold, suit yourself - but I want you to have a good long think about what I've said before you're prepared to throw away everything we've got.
Joe opens a beer. He goes to wash-up, but Jane tells him that there are a few jobs that need doing before dinner.
JOE: Like what?
JANE: Well... the tap in the laundry's leaking, the light in the hall's gone and the garbage needs taking out.
JOE: I can do them later...; tomorrow.
JANE: Well that's not very fair: I mean, what if I felt that way about dinner?
JOE (sighs): Oh, fair suck of the sauce bottle, Jane! I've been up to my armpits in sewage all arvo!
JANE (shrugs): Well if you don't do *your* jobs, then I won't do *mine* - and that means no steak and chips.
JOE: That's blackmail!
Joe looks at Toby, who hides his head behind a comic! He accuses Toby of being behind all this, and he warns him to knock it off. He then heads off to have a shower - but the doorbell rings and he heads to get that first. When he's left the kitchen, Toby says to Jane:
TOBY: It's not working.
JANE: Give it time.
The visitor is Des, and Joe invites him in. As they head into the kitchen, Joe says to Des:
JOE: Soon as that Udaguru character gets back into town, I'm going to straighten things out!
Des, however, explains that that's not why he's there: he wanted a word with Jane. Jane asks what about. Des tells her that they haven't had a chance to talk much lately and he was wondering if she'd like to go out to dinner - tonight. Jane points out that she's in the middle of cooking. Joe, however, insists that he and the kids will be all right. Jane smiles and accepts the invitation. Des heads off again, leaving Jane to wonder what he wants to talk about. She heads off to get ready. Katie announces that cooking the dinner is women's work, so *she'll* do it!
Bronwyn and Mike are talking about the lecture as they drive home. The car suddenly starts playing up and Bronwyn has to pull it into the side of the road as the engine cuts out. Mike tells her to open the bonnet. He climbs out of the car to have a look, just as thunder starts rumbling overhead.
Madge is preparing dinner. Harold stops her, though, and tells her that he's been thinking about what she said earlier, and yes, he can imagine why she doesn't want to leave her home, her friends and her family - but he doesn't think she understands *his* side of the situation. He then goes on sadly:
HAROLD: For most of my life I've been dismissed as some sort of buffoon; a kind of joke.
MADGE (looking shocked): Harold, that's not true.
HAROLD: Oh Madge, please... Even at school I was known as, what... Jelly Belly... Four Eyes... fat kid with the glasses ... the kid you could make cry if you made enough fun of him...
MADGE (cries): We were only *children*.
HAROLD: Really? Well, things haven't changed that much, have they? Even Henry calls me the 'big guy'; even the people in the street - yes, really: Jim, Helen, Des and Joe... they've got me down as some sort of fuddy-duddy. How many times have *you* called me an old woman?
Madge doesn't respond.
HAROLD: It still hurts, Madge. The only difference is I don't cry anymore.
MADGE: Harold, I'm sorry...
HAROLD: And then along comes this title. What do you want me to do: just run away from it? All of a sudden I'm not Jelly Belly, four-eyed Harold Bishop anymore; all of a sudden I'm the Earl of Doon. All right, I might be getting carried away with the romance of it all, but don't you understand? I *need* it.
MADGE (murmurs): All right, Harold. If it's all that important to you, we'll go.
Madge puts her arms around Harold, but she doesn't look convinced.
It's tipping down with rain outside. In Lassiter's restaurant, Jane and Des are sitting opposite each other at a table, looking awkward. Des smiles at Jane that she looks really nice. Jane smiles back that so does he. She then comments that Des said he wanted to talk: what about?
DES (declares): Relationships.
JANE (muses): Not an easy topic...
DES: It's funny. Not funny ha-ha, but you know how two people can be headed in the same direction, thinking that they are, but in actual fact they're not?
JANE: You mean like Mike and I? Yeah, well, I really hated having to hurt him, but I just had to tell him there was no point. I mean I like him, but that's all.
A waiter comes over and pours some wine. He walks off again and Des tells Jane that he wanted to talk about honesty.
JANE: Honesty? That's important.
DES: Yeah, yeah, well, I mean, you can't have a relationship if you haven't got honesty.
JANE: Yeah, exactly.
DES: So, we agree? Well, let's have a toast - to honesty.
JANE (smiles and raises her glass): To honesty.
Katie, Joe and Toby are having dinner. Joe hasn't finished his, and Katie tells him that it's a man's duty to eat what's put in front of him. Joe, however, mutters at her and Toby to knock off all this men-women stuff. He goes on that he knows what it's about: this tuck shop business.
JOE: What is the big deal? Name one father that does it.
Toby and Katie reel off a list of student's names! Joe sighs:
JOE: All right, all right, maybe it's more *their* thing, but not *me*.
TOBY: When mum left, you promised to be *both* parents.
He goes on that he wanted everybody to see his dad. Looking touched, Joe asks how often he'd have to do it. Toby tells him that it would just be a couple of times a year. Joe shrugs that he reckons he could cope just a *couple* of times. Toby hugs him gratefully.
Henry is ranting to Harold and Madge that the lecture was supposed to finish hours ago, and Bronwyn and Mike are out there in *his* car... At that moment, the front door opens and Bronwyn comes in and calls:
BRONWYN: It's only me. Sorry I'm late - it's absolutely pouring outside.
Henry walks over to her and demands:
HENRY: Where the hell have you been?
HENRY: You heard - and don't give me any bull about a lecture: I saw Mike drive off with you.
BRONWYN: Yeah, that's right: Mike came with me to the lecture.
HENRY: That lecture finished *ages* ago.
BRONWYN (snaps): Your precious car broke down on the way home. It took Mike a while to get it going again.
HENRY: I bet it's running just fine *now*.
BRONWYN: As a matter of fact it *is*. Henry, you're acting like a child.
HENRY: Yeah? Well why don't you go over and play with Mike, if he's more your type?
With that, Henry storms off.
Bronwyn stands there looking astonished.
Jane tells Des that she's had a lovely night. Des sips his wine and then says:
DES: Jane, I know how you feel about me.
JANE (looking embarrassed): Yeah, well, Mike shouldn't have said anything.
DES: Best to bring it out in the open.
JANE (sighs): You made it perfectly clear when you came back from England how you felt about me, so...
DES: No, I was too blunt: I upset you and I hurt you and I'm sorry about that; I shouldn't've said the things I did.
JANE: So is that what this is all about?
DES: I-I-I promised Mike... I promised that I'd talk to you.
JANE (looking surprised): What's *Mike* got to do with it?
DES: I like you - very much - but you know we wouldn't work out.
JANE: I don't understand... you just said before that you didn't mean the things that you said when you came back from England.
DES: No... it was the *way* I said them.
JANE: So what's all *this*, then? Why did you ask me out tonight: to tell me it wouldn't work out again?
DES: Mike. *He's* the one for you. Give him another chance.
Jane stands up suddenly, looking annoyed. Des tells her that he'll take her home. Jane, however, tells him not to bother himself. Putting on her coat and walking out, she says coolly:
JANE: I won't see you again, OK?
Des grabs his jacket and goes after her.
The rain is tipping down outside, and as Jane emerges from the restaurant she's almost hit by a car which comes out of nowhere. She screams in horror. Des grabs her and asks her in concern if she's all right. Jane is shaking and she tries to struggle free from Des as she cries:
JANE: Leave me alone.
DES: You almost got *killed*.
JANE: Why do you *care*?
DES: Of *course* I care - I *love* you.
Jane stops shaking and stares at Des in surprise. She murmurs:
DES: I *love* you.
The two of them start kissing passionately in the middle of the pouring rain.