Sharon fainting and falling into the swimming pool in the back yard at No. 30.
Nick has turned up at No. 30 and he asks Hilary where Sharon is. Hilary replies that she's out in the garden, cleaning the pool. Nick heads out through the back door. Sharon has come-to, and is coughing as she tries to swim to the side of the pool, but it's slow going and Nick stares at her and calls out with a smile:
NICK: What happened to *you*? Did you have a little accident?!
Sharon doesn't respond. Nick walks over to the pool and Sharon asks him weakly if he can help her out. Nick calls for Hilary, who emerges from the house. He pulls Sharon out of the water as Hilary joins them and demands to know what on earth the girl is doing. Nick says in concern:
NICK: There's something wrong with her, Hilary.
Sharon says she thinks she fainted. Hilary and Nick help her into the house.
Helen and Beverly are unpacking shopping in the kitchen as Beverly tells Helen about a hypochondriac patient who keeps coming to see her. There's suddenly a knock on the back door and Madge comes in, saying she wants Helen and Beverly's opinion on something. She takes a tiara out of the bag she's brought with her, explaining that she wore it when she got her divorce, but she was wondering if she needs a new one. She puts it on. Helen and Beverly both burst out laughing!
MADGE (puzzled): What's the matter: does it look funny?
HELEN: No, Madge, it just seems a bit bizarre you going round in a tiara!
MADGE: Well you said yourself I'd probably *need* one.
HELEN: I wasn't entirely serious!
Madge, however, insists that as a Countess she'll be expected to wear a tiara on ceremonial occasions. Beverly asks Madge in surprise if she's seriously thinking about going to Scotland to live.
MADGE: Well no, maybe not to *live*, but I think we should go and have a look; meet our people.
HELEN (raising her eyebrows): Your *people*? Oh, you mean your *subjects*!
Madge muses that she can understand Helen being jealous... Helen, however, insists that she isn't being jealous; she just thinks Madge is going too far. Madge takes offence and storms out.
Jim is working in the front garden outside No. 26 when Nick dashes over and asks if Beverly's there. Jim nods that she's inside. Nick runs off. Harold's car pulls into the driveway of No. 24 and Jim calls across:
JIM: If it isn't the Earl of Doon!
Harold climbs out of his car and joins Jim, smiling:
HAROLD: Oh, dear, come on, Jim, we've known each other for such a long time. I think we can dispense with the titles, eh?
JIM: That's very kind of you, Harold! Thank you, thank you!
Jim goes on that he's sorry Harold and Madge are heading off to Scotland. Harold tells Jim that he and Madge will miss everyone too. Jim comments that it'll take a bit of adjustment, moving from Ramsay Street to a castle with servants and everything!
HAROLD: I think that sort of thing is probably in one's blood. I imagine once we get there I shall feel quite at home.
Jim smiles at him not to forget the common folk back there in Erinsborough.
HAROLD: Of course, of course we're not the sort of people who'd let something like that go to our heads.
JIM (teases): No, no!
HAROLD: But at the same time, I don't think one can ignore one's true destiny.
JIM: I agree, Harold: some people are born with greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them!
HAROLD: Very true, Jim, very true and with Madge and myself I imagine there'll be a little of both. But don't you forget there'll always be a welcome at the Doon Castle; after all, the Doons are famed for their noblesse oblige!
Behind Harold and Jim, Nick and Beverly emerge from the house and head across to No. 30.
A short time later, Nick is telling Hilary in the kitchen at No. 30 that he's never known Sharon to faint; she just doesn't seem like the fainting *type*. Hilary, however, retorts that people don't faint because they're a certain type, they faint because there's something wrong with them. Beverly and Sharon come in and Beverly says she can't *find* anything wrong with the girl. She asks her to sit down, as she has a few questions.
BEVERLY: Have you ever fainted before?
BEVERLY: Have you been having any heart palpitations lately, or headaches?
BEVERLY: Does anyone in your family have a history of anaemia or diabetes or epilepsy?
SHARON: Not that I know of.
BEVERLY: Well I'd like you to come into the surgery within a day or so and have a blood test.
Sharon insists quickly that she's not ill. Beverly, however, points out that people don't usually faint for no reason. She then asks her if she's been eating properly. Sharon nods quickly that she has. Nick, though, says sharply:
NICK: No you haven't. No. *I* had your breakfast for you and you skipped lunch.
Beverly remarks that that's two meals Sharon's missed out on, and she asks the girl why. Sharon admits awkwardly:
SHARON: I'm, um, I'm trying to lose weight.
Beverly asks in horror how long it is since Sharon's had a normal meal. Sharon insists that she hasn't missed that many. Hilary, however, tells Beverly that Sharon hasn't eaten at home for *days*. Beverly demands:
BEVERLY: Sharon, exactly how many days is it since you've eaten properly?
Sharon bursts into tears as she murmurs that it's been eight days. Hilary snaps at her:
HILARY: Oh you silly girl. You know you could've *drowned* this afternoon?
SHARON (cries angrily): I am *sick* of being fat and hideous. I don't care *what* I have to do: I'm going to lose weight.
A short time later, Sharon is lying on her bed as Beverly sits with her and tells her that she can afford to lose a *little* weight, but she's not exactly obese. Sharon cries that she could never be a model like Jane. Beverly, however, insists that she doesn't want to pay attention to the images promoted in advertisements. Sharon cries that she *hates* the way she looks. Beverly assures her that all women go through that stage: *she* did. She then goes on that if Sharon wants to lose weight, she should have to come to see her about going on a sensible diet.
SHARON (murmurs): I feel such an idiot now.
BEVERLY: Oh, you'd be surprised at how many girls do exactly what you did but it's not the way. A sensible diet and increased exercise is the only proper way to lose weight. Sharon, I want you to promise me you won't starve yourself again.
Sharon nods her head, sadly. Beverly goes on:
BEVERLY: You're an attractive girl I know *Nick* thinks so but remember: what a person is is far more important than the way he or she looks. Real beauty comes from the inside.
Harold, Madge and Henry are doing the washing- and wiping-up, Henry muttering as they do so about Bronwyn having to go and study with Mike again. Madge remarks that she's spending a lot of time with Mike, isn't she?
HENRY (mutters): Tell me about it.
Changing the subject, Madge remarks sourly that *Helen* certainly showed herself in her true colours this afternoon, and she explains about how she asked her and Beverly how she looked in her tiara and they just laughed at her.
HAROLD: Oh well... human nature being what it is, there's sure to be a little jealousy. What you can't attain, make fun of.'
Harold adds that they have to rise above others' petty attitudes. Henry suddenly notices a book on the kitchen counter and he asks who owns it. Harold explains that he borrowed it from the library: it's all about the Scottish clans and the stately homes of Scotland. Henry asks him if he knows anything about the MacDoon clan history. The three of them go and sit down in the lounge room and Harold replies that it was very colourful:
HAROLD: The 14th Earl of Doon was captured during the Battle of Blackfriars Glen in 1468!
He then adds that David was chuffed when he told him about all it on the telephone!
Hilary is cleaning in the kitchen when Matt comes in and tells her that he's looked in on Sharon and she's having a nap. Hilary remarks that the toast she had for dinner should keep her going, and she'll make sure she has a decent breakfast in the morning. She then asks Matt if he knew what Sharon was doing. He replies that he knew she was on a diet, but he had no idea she was starving herself. Hilary comments that she'll have to keep a closer eye on the girl from now on; after all, she's *her* responsibility; she wouldn't want Edith to think she was neglecting her niece. Matt asks:
MATT: You feel responsible for me, too, huh?
HILARY: Yes, of course I do even *more* so; after all, you *are* my son.
MATT: Glad to hear you say that. I... there's a parent-teacher night on at school and I want you to come with me.
HILARY: Certainly I will: I shall be very interested to hear what your teachers have to say about your progress.
MATT: I don't mean as a guardian; I mean as my mother.
Hilary starts to look nervous. Matt asks quickly if it isn't time that they came clean with people. Hilary cries that he knows how difficult this is for her.
MATT: So you won't?
HILARY: Look, just let me think about it. I have one or two things to do in my bedroom.
With that, Hilary walks off, but pauses in the hallway and stands there looking worried.
Madge emerges from her bedroom to find Harold dozing in an armchair, the library book resting on his lap! She smiles as she stirs him and remarks that the book *must* be interesting! Harold, coming to, remarks that it's a pity there's not a photo of the castle. Madge sighs suddenly that she's not sure she *wants* to go and live in Scotland not permanently, anyway. Harold insists that she'll change her mind when she sees it. Madge doesn't look convinced. She walks off. Harold dozes off again and begins to dream about Doon Castle...
Madge and Harold are sitting on thrones in a glorious castle, dressed in full regalia! Henry bows down in front of them and speaks in a strong Scottish accent. Harold looks at Madge and then says to Henry:
HENRY: The serfs are at the door. They wanna see ya.
HAROLD (in a Scottish accent): Allow them to approach.
Henry walks across to the door. A few moments later, two hunchbacked women come in: Helen and Beverly! Jim is also with them. All three are dressed in peasants' clothes. They kneel before Harold and Madge. In Scottish accents:
HAROLD: You are the gardener, are ye not?
JIM: Aye but we've fallen on hard times, Your Grace: we're down to our last haggis.
BEVERLY (pleads): Help us, Your Grace.
Harold stands up and says magnanimously:
HAROLD: As a reward for your excellent gardening, arise Sir Jim.
Harold taps the blade of a sword on each of Jim's shoulders! He then goes on:
HAROLD: And to alleviate your suffering...
Harold picks up a bag of coins and tips it onto the floor. Helen, Jim and Beverly start grabbing at the money, crying happily at how benevolent Harold is! As the words of gratitude continue, the dream ends and, back in the real world, a smile crosses the dozing Harold's face!
Hilary walks into the kitchen at No. 30 and expresses her approval at the fact that Matt is studying. Matt sighs that he hasn't been doing much *else*, lately. Hilary warns him that he'll have to keep at it if he doesn't want to repeat Year 11. Matt, however, says that if he doesn't pass *this* time, he thinks he's going to quit school. Hilary tells him that she'll make sure he *does* pass. She then announces that she's going to go to bed, and she walks off. Matt calls after her, though, and asks her if she's thought about what he said before. Hilary tells him:
HILARY: I'll certainly come along to the parent-teacher night, but I don't think it's necessary for you to say that I'm your mother; not just yet.
MATT: Then when?
HILARY: When I feel the time is right, Matthew.
MATT (impatiently): And when is *that* going to be? Look, stop avoiding the issue.
HILARY: I have tried to explain to you how I feel.
MATT: Look, you want me to study my guts out for you and you won't do this for *me*. You want me to behave like I'm your son, but you won't admit to anyone that you're my mother.
HILARY: I'm not asking you to study for *my* sake; I only want what's best for *you*; you have to do it for yourself, not for me.
MATT: Look, when I said I wanted to come and stay with you for a while, to get to know you, I meant as a mother. Now, if you're pretending I'm someone else's son, I can't do it; it's a waste of time.
HILARY (quickly): No it's not, Matthew. Please be patient with me: I just couldn't bear it yet. I've only started my job at the school: I want them to get to know me first before all this comes out... Perhaps then they'll judge me less harshly.
MATT (surprised): *Judge* you? No! What have you done that's so wrong? You fell in love with a man and had a baby to him. Is that so terrible?
HILARY: Yes! You don't understand, Matthew. *Your* generation... well, they look at things differently; they understand. But *mine*... I had a very strict upbringing as a teenager: you've got no idea the shame and humiliation I was made to feel because I was an unmarried mother. I don't think I could go through that again.
Tears well-up in Hilary's eyes as Matt insists that it's different now. Hilary retorts that Mr. Muir would be shocked, *and* the older teachers...; she may even lose her job. She appeals:
HILARY: Please, Matthew, let's just keep it our secret, just for a little while longer until I can find the courage.
Matt puts his hand on Hilary's shoulder and murmurs:
Harold is still dozing in the armchair. Henry comes in through the front door with an envelope, explaining that Joe just gave it to him: it must've been delivered to his joint by mistake. Madge asks what it is. Henry replies that it's something for Harold. Madge says she doesn't like to wake him: he's having a lovely sleep! Henry, however, tells her that the letter comes from Scotland, and that prompts Madge to wake Harold, telling him excitedly that there's an envelope from Scotland, adding that it must be the photograph of Doon Castle he's been waiting for! Harold stirs, takes the envelope and rips it open! He takes out a sheet of paper and stares at it, his face suddenly dropping. Madge asks what's wrong. Harold hands her the sheet of paper. She stares at it and gasps:
MADGE: It's a ruin; nothing but a pile of rubble.
Harold stands there looking bitterly disappointed.
Sharon has turned up at No. 26. She kisses Nick and sits down at the kitchen table with him. Nick then asks her why she didn't tell him what she was doing. Sharon shrugs that she didn't want him to know; she just wanted him to suddenly notice that she was getting skinny and beautiful.
NICK: I reckon you're beautiful *now*.
SHARON: Do you really?
NICK: Of course I do. I don't know why you're so worried about your weight: it doesn't worry *me* and it can't worry Matthew or he wouldn't have given you flowers, would he?
Sharon explains that that's why Matthew *gave* them to her. Nick, looking taken aback, exclaims:
NICK: So you talked about it to him?
SHARON: Only because I didn't want *you* to know; you see, I was mainly doing it for *you*.
NICK: You're crazy! I love you just the way you are.
With that, the two of them start kissing passionately.
Henry is laughing:
HENRY: Doon Castle'? It ought to be called Doom Castle'!
Harold points out that it mightn't be as bad as it seems. Madge, however, retorts that it's a pile of stones; it isn't even a decent place to pitch a tent! Harold asks her what she thinks about the cost of restoring it, but Henry asks in astonishment where they're going to get that sort of dough. Madge adds:
MADGE: It was a lovely fantasy while it lasted, but we've got to be realistic.
Harold insists that he still thinks they should look into it. Madge, however, tells him that she wasn't sure she wanted to live in Scotland anyway and wherever Harold is, he's still the rightful Earl of Doon; he doesn't need a castle to prove it. Harold, though, declares:
HAROLD: No. No, I'm going to take up my birthright. We are going to Scotland.
MADGE: Well you're welcome to Castle Doon as far as *I'm* concerned. *I'm* staying right here.
HAROLD: Oh no you are not, Madge, no. You are my wife and wherever *I* go, *you* shall be prepared to go too. I am going to live in Scotland and you're coming with me and that is final.
Madge stares at Harold in disbelief.