Harold telling Madge and Henry proudly that, following the death of his Great Uncle Alastair, he's inherited a title and is now Harold Bishop, Earl of Doon!
Toby opens the front door to Katie, who asks if Mr. Cohen has called. Toby replies that he hasn't. Katie walks over to the ‘phone in the hallway and pleads at it to ring! The two of them suddenly hear Joe's ute pulling up outside, and they dash into the lounge room and sit down on the couch, looking innocent! Joe comes in and asks where Jane is.
TOBY: She went over to Mr. Cohen's.
KATIE (quickly, giving Toby a nudge): He means Paul and Gail's.
Joe, however, asks Toby suspiciously what he meant about Mr. Cohen, and he asks if he ‘phoned. Toby replies that *no one* ‘phoned. At that moment, the ‘phone starts ringing and Toby dashes to get it. A few seconds later, though, he hangs up and returns to the lounge room, explaining that it was a wrong number. Joe asks Toby suspiciously why leapt to the ‘phone. Katie tells him that it was a bet to see who could answer the ‘phone first. Joe, however, says he's starting to smell a rat. He demands:
JOE: Are you trying to put one over on me, Toby Mangel? Eh? What's going on? I want you to tell me the truth now – if you ever want to see each other again...
Katie says quickly that it was an accident. Toby adds nervously that they taped a magic show over it.
JOE (looking horrified): You're not talking about our promotional video... the one Henry and I took so long working on? You *are* talking about our promotional video, aren't yas? Well I want to know exactly what happened – get me? *Exactly* what happened. And I want to know *now*...
Bronwyn is sitting at the kitchen table, trying to work, as Henry protests to Madge and Harold that there ought to be a law about doing the washing-up – it should be left to the downtrodden masses! Madge, however, shrugs that titles don't mean that much these days anyway. Harold tells her that an Earl is the equivalent of a Count, so that would make Madge a Countess! Henry exclaims:
HENRY: A Countess in the family!
MADGE: That's right, Henry: I'm a Countess, Harold's a Count, and you're a don't-count!
Bronwyn suddenly screws up a sheet of paper in frustration and mutters that she gives up with that Maths problem. Henry remarks that it can't be *that* hard. Bronwyn hands him the question paper, but Henry tells her that she just needs to get a pass; that's all that counts. Bronwyn, however, retorts that she doesn't want to have all the Year 11s laugh at her because they all do better than her. Henry points out that she doesn't have the *time* they do to study; she shouldn't push herself so hard. Bronwyn just retorts that she has to; she'll try again in the morning.
Sharon is sitting at the kitchen table at No. 30, looking glum. Matt serves up some toast and tells her that she really should have come to the party last night. Sharon, however, mutters that she didn't feel like it. Matt places a plate of scrambled eggs on toast in front of her and tells her to eat up, but she tells him that she's just having black coffee. Looking surprised, Matt asks why. Sharon just says:
SHARON: Matt, you know when you won that skateboard competition?
MATT: Yeah – the day people first noticed I was in Erinsborough!
SHARON: Yeah. You won a date with me – but we didn't go out. Why not?
MATT: Well... well, you're Nick's girlfriend and I like to make my *own* dates, you know?
Sharon bursts into tears suddenly and Matt asks in concern what's wrong. Sharon sobs:
SHARON: Everyone's having a go at me, that's all – first Madge, and then Katie and Toby and now Hilary... They all reckon I'm fat – and if *they're* saying it to my *face*, then what are people saying behind my back?
MATT (insists): Nothing.
SHARON (disbelievingly): Yeah...
MATT: You're not fat, Sharon; you're just not *scrawny*. Look, you're a fantastic girl, you're wonderful to be with and I've never heard anyone say any different.
SHARON: You've heard them say I'm fat, though, haven't you? I bet *everyone* has.
Sharon sits there, tears streaming down her face.
Nick has turned up at No. 28 and, much to his delight, Mike tells him that Mr. Muir has relented – and he gives Nick his skateboard back. Nick heads out again just as Bronwyn heads into the house. She sits down with Mike and tells him meekly that she's in trouble with her Maths course and needs some tutoring. She adds that she doesn't mind paying. Mike, however, insists that he knows about her finances and he doesn't want any money. He suggests they start with a couple of hours later this morning. Bronwyn thanks him, gratefully.
Driveway of No. 32
Joe is giving instructions to Katie and Toby to wash his ute as punishment for recording over the promotional video. He heads back inside as he hears the ‘phone start ringing. Kerry walks over and joins the kids and says that Joe told her what happened. She asks if they really went to see the boss of Cohen Industries. Katie exclaims that he had three ‘phones on his desk! Toby adds that he bosses everyone around! Joe runs out of the house suddenly and calls to Katie and Toby:
JOE: All right, you two young monkeys: drop that, forget about the ute. That was Mr. Cohen on the blower: looks like he's pretty impressed with you two; reckons you've got a lot of guts. He's invited us all to a barbie this afternoon!
Turning to Kerry, he adds that that includes her as well – and he reckons they've got a chance with this landscaping, as the barbie's on-site: Cohen wants to interview him and mophead and get their ideas. Kerry smiles that he's in luck: she was just about to go to the hairdresser.
JOE: Oh, that's great if you're looking good! Gotta go to Henry's, too; work out some strategies. This could be our first big step into the big-time!
Sharon walks into the Coffee Shop and tells Harold that she came to meet Bronwyn. Harold indicates the kitchen and Sharon heads in there. Bronwyn is making some quiches, but she mutters to Sharon that she has a really important appointment. She then takes off her apron and hands it to Sharon. Sharon points out that Harold sacked her, but Bronwyn points out that it'll get her back into his good books. Sharon pleads that she needs to *talk* to Bronwyn, and she cries at her not to leave her in a kitchen full of food. Bronwyn ignores this, though. She emerges from the kitchen and tells Harold that Sharon's making the quiches. In the kitchen, Sharon stares at a counter full of food, looking upset.
As Madge folds up some washing, Henry asks her what exactly Harold's inheritance includes: gold... a crown... a village full of serfs?! Madge, however, shrugs that she has no idea and neither does Harold yet. Bronwyn runs into the house and grabs her books quickly before heading out again. Henry sighs at Madge that Bronwyn is winded and ruined forever by a Tech course.
MADGE (curtly): She's only trying to improve herself, Henry.
HENRY: Oh mum, what's the point? She was doing very well *without* that stuff. She's got me and the business...
Madge just tells Henry that he's worried Bronwyn is going to end up smarter than *he* is.
A while later, Mike is teaching Bronwyn about the theory of probability. The kettle boils and Mike offers her a coffee. The two of them take a break and Bronwyn tells Mike that she wanted to tell him that she and Henry had a ball at his 21st. Mike smiles that a lot of good came out of the party.
BRONWYN: What *kind* of good?
MIKE: Well... me and Jane: we're getting back together again!
MIKE: Hm. Don't spread it around, though: we're taking it easy.
Bronwyn smiles that she *thought* something might be going on, and she tells Mike that she's very pleased for him.
MIKE: Well, it's been a long, hard road, but I think it'll work out. A very strong probability, you might say!
Toby and Katie head into the Coffee Shop and ask Harold for some ice blocks. Katie then asks Harold if she can ask him a question:
KATIE: Is it true you're going to be an Earl?
HAROLD (chuckles): I already *am* an Earl, Katie!
Katie then tells Harold that their encyclopaedia says an Earl means ‘a warrior; one of noble birth'. She goes on that they're very gallant and brave and everyone respects them and asks them what to do ‘cos they're very wise: the wisest people in all of England! Harold, however, corrects:
HAROLD: Ah. Er, Scotland. I'm a Scottish Earl, Katie, you see?
Harold then adds that it's the way things *should* be: a little respect for tradition and wisdom and the old ways. He then takes out two ice blocks from the freezer and, handing them over, says:
HAROLD: There you are, children: from the Lord of the Manor!
KATIE: Thank you, your highness!
With that, Katie and Toby head out. As they do so, Matt comes in, holding a bunch of flowers, and saying he's looking for Sharon. Harold tells him that she's in the kitchen. Matt heads in there, holding the flowers behind his back. He asks Sharon how she is, but she just retorts that she's flat out.
MATT: There's something I want to say to you.
SHARON (mutters): Yeah? And what's that?
MATT (holding out the flowers): That I think you're a wonderful person.
Sharon beams at the flowers in delight and exclaims that they're lovely!
Toby, Joe, Bronwyn, Katie and Henry are all dressed smartly. As they sit and stand around in the lounge room, Joe sighs that they're just waiting for Kerry now. There's suddenly a knock on the front door and Joe goes to answer it. Henry goes with him, telling him to remember that this is just a happy social event. Joe opens the door and a look of shock crosses his face. Kerry has had her hair braided and beads plaited into the ends. She smiles:
JOE (gasps in horror): You've gotta be joking.
JOE: These blokes are conservative businessmen. They didn't just wander in off some tribal gathering.
KERRY (aghast): Joe, do you know how much this cost me?
JOE: Look, it can't be helped, love. Please – have you got something you can cover it up with: a sunhat or something?
Kerry stares at Joe in disbelief. She then snaps:
KERRY: Five minutes.
With that, she turns and marches off, leaving Joe to sigh at Henry:
JOE: Oh, that woman...
Sharon, Matt and Nick are in the kitchen at No. 30. Nick offers Sharon something to eat, but she declines. Nick tells Matt that he should have seen him at the skateboard ramp today! Matt says he's going to put some tapes on. Nick and Sharon head off to talk in Sharon's room, where Nick notices the vase of flowers in there. He asks Sharon who gave them to her. Sharon explains that it was Matt, and about how she had a problem and he was very understanding. Nick's face falls. He asks coolly what the problem was that Matt was so understanding about.
SHARON: Oh, it wasn't important.
NICK: Well if it wasn't important, how come you never told *me*? I *am* supposed to be your boyfriend.
SHARON: Matt just happened to be there, that's all. About being broke, that's all it was: Matt just bought me the flowers to cheer me up.
Nick sits on the bed looking less than happy.
Henry, Bronwyn, Joe and Kerry walk into the lounge room at No. 32, Henry beaming that the Cohen contract seems to be well and truly in the bag! Kerry is wearing a large straw hat, but she doesn't look happy. She sits down and Henry starts pouring glasses of champagne. Bronwyn remarks that it was Toby and Katie who clinched the contract, as they reminded Mr. Cohen of his grandkids! She adds that she had a few doubts about taking them along, but they were an absolute hit! Joe says pointedly:
JOE: Unlike *some* people...
KERRY (coolly): Are you referring to *me*, Joe?
JOE: Well, you did do nothing but glare all arvo.
Kerry snaps angrily that she *went*, didn't she?; and she wore the stupid, insulting hat, didn't she?; and Joe got his contract, didn't he? Bronwyn, looking worried, suggests quickly that she and Henry had better go. The two of them head out, leaving Kerry to snarl at Joe:
KERRY: You are so ungrateful.
JOE (retorts): I stopped you from being embarrassed, that's what *I* did. Wearing a hairdo like that to a bigwig's barbie. They would've thought you were part of the entertainment: Stevie Wonder's sister's lobbed!
With that, Joe marches out to get a beer. Kerry throws the hat at his back, looking upset.
Harold arrives home from choir practice. Noticing Madge has been cooking, he asks what's for dinner. Madge, putting on a Scottish accent, tells him:
MADGE: A haggis – in your case vegetarian. All good Scottish Earls deserve their haggis!
Harold, however, tells her that haggis is essentially a meat dish, and vegetarian haggis is a contradiction in terms – plus he doesn't think they should joke about the matter of his Earldom. He goes on that that title is all that's left of hundreds of years of tradition and he doesn't think it should be mocked.
MADGE (muses): You're not going to go all pompous on me, are you, love?
Harold, however, retorts that he's just saying they should respect history. He goes on:
HAROLD: The MacDoons were Earls – leaders of their people for generations.
MADGE: And that makes you different from the rest of us, does it?
HAROLD: No, no, no – from *some*. Not necessarily better, but different – most definitely different. Of course, these things *are* better understood in the old country.
MADGE: (exclaims) The *old* country? You've never been further north than *Cairns*!
HAROLD: Well the fact remains, Madge, I have decided to accept the judgement of history. I am not King Canute: I cannot fight the tide. I have decided to claim my inheritance.
Behind Harold's back, Madge rolls her eyes!
Joe and Kerry are standing in the lounge room, Kerry snapping at Joe that, yeah, she was hostile at that barbecue because he wouldn't let up for a second: watching her... caressing her... frowning and carrying on...; how could she possibly relax? Joe retorts that she *should've*: that barbie was really important to Henry and him. He goes on angrily:
JOE: Look, first impressions last, Kerry – but you didn't think about that, did ya? Oh no, you just went out and got a hairdo that looks like you bought it at a joke shop.
KERRY (growls): You *amaze* me.
JOE (retorts): And *you* amaze *me*.
KERRY: Thank God my father suggested we wait three months. Do you realise how conservative you are?
JOE (exclaims): Me? Conservative? Look, I'm a laid-back no la-di-da pies-and-peas Australian! That's what I am.
KERRY: You're even more conservative than *Des* used to be. At least he's become a bit more *liberated*. Compared to *you*, he's positively *radical*!
With that, Kerry marches to the front door and storms out. Joe follows and yells after her:
JOE: Is he? Well! I always *knew* there was something going on between you and Desmond!
He then slams the door shut and stands there looking frustrated.