Mike telling Daphne and Clive what a disastrous date he had with Nikki.
Bradley is screeching down the phone to the hospital demanding to talk to Lucy (with no success). Des wonders why Bradley is up when he's supposed to be sick and mutters to Andrea that he thinks Bradley's “illness” is psychosomatic. Meanwhile, Bradley continues to be a pain in the rear, grumbling about having to look after his egg baby. Coming over all paternal, Des says that it's sometimes good for a father to be close to his… egg. But Bradley could care less and secretly plots to make omelettes.
Max has been badgered into fixing the kitchen light in the middle of his date. Danny and Madge are buttinskis once again, joining Max and Laura for coffee. Talk soon turns to Nikki.
DANNY: There's nothing wrong with Nikki.
LAURA: Oh yeah, she's first class. A first class little snob!
Preach it sistah! Laura believes that if she sent Nikki to public school instead of boarding school she'd be more accepting of things. Shane arrives home and Laura takes it as her cue to leave the Ramsay clan in peace. Max sarcastically thanks his family for wrecking his evening – he was hoping for more uninterrupted intelligent conversation with his lady! Madge scoffs.
MADGE: ‘Intelligent conversation with a lady you respect'? It's your sister you're talking to you know. You didn't lay out a fortune on gourmet food to finish off the evening with a game of Trivial Pursuit!
Madge has no idea how Shane and Danny have survived this long with Max's influence.
Helen wonders if Mike was really in the wrong tonight, but Nikki believes he was. “He's common, just like my mother.” Ooh, slap her. Helen has more restraint, however, and verbally chastises Nikki instead.
HELEN: Poor Laura. The only part of her that's socially acceptable to you is her bank balance.
Nikki snits that her mum sent her to boarding school to be better than her – and now she is – so she doesn't get why everyone is complaining. Laura arrives home just in time to hear this and Nikki quickly skedaddles to bed. Helen tries to talk to Laura but she politely asks Helen not to fight her battles for her.
Later that night – Laura is sitting alone on the couch when Nikki suddenly appears in her pj's and sits across from her. Laura says that Nikki shouldn't be taking things out on Helen and wants to know what the hell is up with all this ‘common' talk.
NIKKI: Your money made me what I am now; you'll just have to live with that.
Demand a refund! Laura concedes that she made a mistake sending Nikki away. Getting tough, Laura orders Nikki to stop treating her like trash or else she'll no longer be attending boarding school. She loves Nikki too much to let her turn into a complete monster.
LAURA: I want you back, Nikki. I want you back.
JACKSON 5: Stop stealing our material, woman!
Nikki squeezes out some tears and actually looks a little remorseful.
Des tries to stop Bradley from making annoying growling noises at the breakfast table with his egg, but he won't listen. Trying the paternal act on again, Des encourages Bradley to be gentler with his egg - perhaps even drawing a face on it? Andrea serves up boiled eggs for their grub (how considerate) and Bradley promptly starts to smash his up – growly noises included. Pushing his own egg aside, Des grimly wonders how he ended up with the spawn of Satan as his son.
Laura wants to chat more with Nikki about what happened last night, but Nikki coldly informs her mother that there's nothing left to discuss. After she leaves, Laura admits defeat to Helen – she's going to have to take Nikki out of school.
Shane and Max greet Nikki who graces them with a short reply before traipsing on. Shane moves off to #26 chat with Helen while Danny appears and quickly chases after the Ice Queen. Seriously, what is drawing these men to her? Her sparkling personality? Danny asks how she is and Nikki informs him that she's leaving school.
Helen wishes Laura luck as she makes her way to Nikki's school, passing Shane on her way out. Helen happily informs Shane that they've scored another regular customer for their business. Giving her a kiss on the cheek, Shane says that he better go and brush up on his business skills – he just bought a book to help him. Shane plants another kiss on Helen's cheek before he leaves. You're very smoochy there, young man!
Miss Davidson's Private School For Snobby Cows
(Very impressed that it's an actual location – it looks great). Nikki is chatting with her headmistress (Miss Davidson) and lets her know that she wants to leave the school. The little minx is pretending it's all her own idea because her mother ‘can't afford the fees anymore'. Miss D begrudgingly accepts this – for now – and reminds Nikki that she needs paperwork signed by her Aunt Helen before she goes anywhere.
As Nikki leaves, Miss D walks into her gargantuan office the size of China and buzzes her secretary to get her Helen Daniels' number.
Number 26/Miss Davidson's Private School For Snobby Cows
Around for a cuppa, Madge is despairing over what Helen told her Laura said to Nikki. She thinks ultimatums are never any good. But Helen hopes it will work in Laura's favour.
Answering the phone, Helen's surprised to find Miss Davidson on the end of the line. She's even more surprised to learn that Nikki has been talking about leaving school of her own accord. And to use up the surprise quota of the scene, Miss Davidson is surprised to learn that Laura is in town and will be in to see her any minute. SURPRISES GALORE! Oh the excitement.
Outside in the school grounds, Nikki's two ‘friends' (Patty & Sally) catch up with her and ask what “the Dragon” wanted before. Nikki lies and says that she's leaving this school to attend a more prestigious one in Switzerland. Patty and Sally call Nikki a stuck-up show off as she excuses herself to run off somewhere and mope.
Inside, Laura heads up to Miss Davidson's office as two snobby student extras give her the once over all ‘OMG! MARTIAN!' Miss Davidson invites her in as Laura takes the 10-year trek to her desk. Laura thinks that the school has turned her daughter into a snob and a liar, but Miss D begs to differ. The only time she's heard Nikki tell untruths is when she's talking about her mother. Laura's surprised to hear that Nikki wants to leave and has said that they can no longer afford to attend the school. Laura thinks Nikki's a brat, blah blah blahcakes. This storyline makes me sleepy. And grumpy. And all the other dwarves. Anyhoo, Miss D reckons that Laura and Nikki are in crisis mode and need to sort stuff out quicksticks.
Outside, Nikki screws up a full size photo of her mum (that she just happens to be carrying around) and throws it on the ground. Holding her egg baby she sniffles her way through some tears.
Oh my GOD, we're still at the bloody school. Miss D tells Nikki that her own dad was *gasp* common, but she's proud of her history. She basically intones that Nikki's clever but really needs to cut out all this snobby crap. Miss D informs Nikki that her mother has signed all the release papers but she wants Nikki to take some time to think about her future before she makes the decision final.
Eileen is visiting Helen and Madge to fill in time before Des gets home for lunch. They talk about Lucy, then about Clive saving her life, which somehow gets back to Des chat, which then turns into Eileen finding out that Des is living with Andrea and Bradley. Eileen appears not to know who these people are until Madge mentions that Andrea is Des' old friend from Perth, and then she gets this ‘OH NO!' look on her face.
Andrea is so busy telling Bradley off for playing with eggs that she doesn't notice Eileen ninja-morphing into the house. Seriously, she appeared from nowhere! Sinister music plays as Eileen glares at her prey.
EILEEN: Just like finding a cockroach under a cupboard.
ANDREA: I was wondering when you would turn up.
Eileen unblinkingly tells Andrea to pack up and leave – obviously getting Des away from her 10 years ago wasn't enough. But Andrea just calmly sits down on the couch and embraces Bradley.
ANDREA: (staring pointedly at Eileen) So much can happen in ten years. One guess, Granny.
Eileen looks a little sick to the stomach.