Paul kissing Zoe and Zoe not liking it one bit.
Clive and Mike are making sandwiches under Daphne's supervision (without wearing gloves or anything – ew, health inspector…), while they chat about Nikki. Mike's still angsting over his lack of money, so Daph and Clive pledge to help him set up a home cooked meal for his next date. The conversation halts as Nikki stops by for a milkshake and Danny comes in to whine and moan about the horrible day he's had.
CLIVE: All well, cheer up. As my Aunty Pearl used to say – she used to work in a liquorice factory – it takes all-sorts!
Paul takes all the credit on the phone to Rosemary for the VIP (Very Important Papers) mission, while Zoe seethes. She makes her own phone call to Jim in full earshot of Paul to check on Lucy and ask him out to dinner. Paul can't help being smug when Zoe has to postpone the date.
PAUL: My father playing hard to get is he? Or has he just lost interest?
Zoe looks like she wants to do a Russell Crowe and throw the phone at Paul's head.
Max is planning on a fun night in with Laura and wonders if Madge will be able to make herself scarce. Madge agrees – she'd rather not see her brother “womanising” – but there's no way she's cooking dinner for them.
MAX: What am I going to feed Laura then?
MADGE: Hamburger with the lot?
Max decides to splash out and order in some expensive gourmet take-away. Sensing an opportunity, Madge declares that if he's flashing his cash around, he can shout *her* dinner and a movie.
A bright yellow jumper with hair is trying to engage Nikki in a conversation… oh, hang on. That's just Laura wearing another garish outfit. Anyhoo, Laura is getting very stifled responses from Nikki to all of her questions; she can't even get her daughter to spend a night out with her. Laura tells Nikki that Max has invited her to dinner, but she will happily forgo it if Nikki says the word. But Nikki is more interested in having dinner with Mike. Annoyed, Laura goes off to call Max, “We might as well do what we always do: go our separate ways.” Nikki attempts to look forlorn.
Mike thanks Clive for all of his dating tips but still fears he's be a boring date for Nikki. He wishes his parents had better prepared him for important life stuff like this but knows they couldn't care less; especially his Dad. Clive encourages Mike to push all negative thoughts aside and just enjoy the night. And change your jumper, dude; it's butt ugly.
Max and Danny have a riveting chat about ties. Madge invites herself along with Danny to the movies to see Eureka Stockade – Max's shout of course – whilst giving her brother some rather gross love advice.
MADGE: If you do feel romance tugging at your heart, don't get heavy; women like the gentle approach.
Caring, sharing bunch aren't they? Max continues to stress because Madge and Danny are taking their sweet time leaving the house.
Laura and Nikki are dolled-up for their respective dates, but Laura thinks that Nikki is silly for wanting to take her egg baby along with her. She believes it will show Nikki's immaturity and that Mike will take advantage of her because of it. But Nikki thinks her mum should learn to be a little more trusting. This mum-daughter relationship brought to you by the anti-Gilmore Girls association.
Madge and Danny take a peek under all of the fancy gourmet trays that have just been delivered and don't recognize one single dish – apart from the snails. Mmm, yummo. Laura arrives and Max literally pushes his family out of the door. The two then start their date off with a nice cold beer. That will certainly go well with the escargot.
Clive escorts Nikki inside, who is pleased to discover that Mike has set a place at the table for her egg baby. Aww. Clive serves them both the soup before he leaves, telling Nikki that Mike has cooked up a storm for her. Making random chitchat, Mike says that Laura must be a good cook, earning stony silence from Nikki in return. Well, this date is going splendidly!
Max pops the cork from the champagne up in the air and promptly smashes the light globe above them. Ever resourceful, Laura gets some matches out of her handbag and lights the candles on the table. How romantic. They both share a giggle about Max having no idea of what they're about to eat. Loving that Laura is so down to earth, Max proposes a toast, “to you”. But Laura shakes her head, “Uh-uh. To us.”
Not learning from his earlier mistake, Mike brings up Nikki's mum again in conversation. Nikki brattily says that her mum is a no one and doesn't do anything to better herself. Mike implies that Nikki is being a right snob; he'd give anything to have a loving mum like her. But Nikki retorts that he has no idea what her mum is really like. Taking her egg baby, she huffily storms out on their dinner. What a charming child. I wouldn't look too distraught, Mike. The *egg* would be a better date than her.
Max and Laura are curled up cosily on the couch being all flirty with one another. They lean in for a smooch just as Madge and Danny return home, killing the moment. Madge and Danny blather on about the movie until they realise they're being mood-killers and offer to leave Max and Laura alone… and apparently ‘alone' means one metre away in the kitchen. I'd say the date is as busted as the kitchen light.
Daphne and Clive arrive home to find Mike brooding at the table (has he seriously not moved for the past hour?). They find out that he and Nikki had a row but Mike won't elaborate any further. He stroppily says that Danny is welcome to her (he's been after her for ages) before storming up to bed. Daphne and Clive continue to look confused.