Joe is getting ready to go to the wedding with Melanie and is stressing out about the suit he's wearing. He's also not happy about Dorothy keeping the money!
Dorothy is counting the money when there's a knock on the door. She gathers it all up and hides it under a mat, but it's only Helen at the door. Dorothy apologises for the way she spoke to Helen during the business with Colin and wants to take her out to dinner tomorrow night to make up. Helen is preoccupied by worrying about Josh - she's found his letter and he's moved out. Dorothy reassures her that he's probably gone back to his garage(!)
No.24, the following morning
Helen comes round to see Madge and tell her about Josh. Also Lucy and Glen aren't getting on. Helen is feeling quite helpless, and is missing Jim. Madge tells Helen that she has to fill in for Harold at the Coffee Shop, but doesn't want Paul to find out - he gave her time off to rest!
No.32, front drive
Joe is loading stuff on to his ute. He sees Dorothy coming along in her car and grimaces.
MELANIE: Now Joe, don't get upset...
JOE: Why should I be upset? Rotten swindler.
Dorothy stops her car by his drive and calls over to him, telling him that she's taking Helen out tonight at Edward's with the money. Joe is not amused.
JOE:(to Melanie) Did you hear what she said? She's going off to some fancy-pants restaurant with my money! My money!
He kicks the ute and a hub-cap falls off!
Paul and Melanie are waiting for service in the Coffee Shop, but there's no-one there. Paul gets fed up and goes off to the office.
When Paul has gone, Madge creeps out of the kitchen - she was hiding from Paul! She doesn't know how she's going to keep dodging Paul the whole time Harold is away though - he's away for two weeks!
Josh comes in looking very depressed.
MADGE: So, Josh, what can I do for you?
JOSH: Can I just have two toasted rissole sandwiches with sauce, please, a double-chocolate milkshake and a pineapple doughnut?
MADGE: I can see that worry's absolutely ruined your appetite!
She sends him off to pick out some music from the junk box while she rings Helen to tell her that Josh is at the Coffee Shop. Shell try to keep him there until Helen arrives.
Melanie is rabbiting on about who Christina will choose as the baby's godmother(!)
In the inner office, Caroline tells Christina that she'll drop her latest sample into the clinic later today. Christina says she can't keep up the pretense any more - she's not going to get pregnant in time, so she'll just have to tell Paul.
Madge is engaging Josh in conversation to keep him in the Coffee Shop. Helen arrives.
HELEN: I was worried about you.
JOSH: I'm alright.
He reckons he's staying with some friends of his parents. Helen says she feels terrible about what's happened - she's not angry with him about the court case and wants him to come home. Josh says that he can't come home.
JOSH: Paul made it very clear how you felt.
HELEN: Really? What did Paul say?
JOSH: All this stuff about how I'd bitten off the hand that had fed me. Betrayed the family. All that stuff.
HELEN:(shocked) Did he now.
Joe is trying to tie his bow-tie and Melanie helps him with it. They discuss their story for the wedding tonight. Joe is going to pretend to be Melanie's boyfriend of about two months.
MELANIE: Maybe it was my eyes that first attracted you?
JOE: Your eyes?
MELANIE: Well, does that sound too corny?
(Toby nods vigourously in the background)
JOE: No...no, no, I like your eyes.
MELANIE: You do?
JOE: Yeah, they're very nice eyes. Both of them.
Melanie says to just tell her friends that he's a gardener - her friends aren't posh. Toby and Sky are going over to Madge's. Melanie tells Joe that he looks fantastic in his suit. Toby rolls his eyes.
Rosemary is saying goodbye to Helen, Paul and Christina, telling Christina to keep in touch because she wants to send her something when the baby comes. Christina quietly despairs(!)
When Rosemary has driven off, Helen has a word with Paul. She is not happy with him at all and asks him about what he said to Josh.
PAUL: Don't worry, I sorted him out.
HELEN: You did what?
PAUL: I told him a few home-truths, I told him on which side his bread was buttered.
HELEN: Paul, how could you do that? Do you know the position that poor boy is in? So you told him to stand up in court and perjure himself?
PAUL: Now hold on a second...
HELEN: No, *you* hold on a second. After your so-called sorting out, Josh took his things and left. Do you realise the mess that leaves me in? I don't know what his parents are going to think, let alone what Jim will say when he gets back from Adelaide!
PAUL: I was only trying to help.
HELEN: Darling, do me a favour. Next time you decide to help - don't.
She walks off.
Edward's restaurant, that evening
Helen and Dorothy are perusing the menu. Apparently Josh did turn up at school, much to Helen's relief. Dorothy orders lobster and champagne!
HELEN: That sounds very extravagent, Dorothy, are you sure you can afford it?
DOROTHY: Oh, what the heck. It's only money!
Christina gives Paul a glass of wine as he comes in from work to try to put him in a good mood. But he's in a bad mood about the situation with Josh.
CHRISTINA: You know what it's like when you tell someone something and you just wish you could take it back?
PAUL: Don't I!
CHRISTINA: And sometimes too you think you know what's happening, but it isn't, really. And you tell a person one thing but you make an honest mistake because things have changed which you have no control over?
PAUL: I think you've been hanging around Melanie too long, Chris!
CHRISTINA: What I'm trying to say...is that...is...
PAUL: Spit it out darling, what is it?
CHRISTINA: I'm trying to, it's not easy...
But just then the front door opens and Caroline rushes in.
CAROLINE: Chris! It's positive!
Christina's jaw drops.
CHRISTINA: You mean that...?
CAROLINE: Absolutely, no doubt about it!
The twins start jumping up and down, leaving Paul looking rather bemused(!)
PAUL: Hello? Excuse me? Hello?! What did you want to tell me?
CHRISTINA: I'm pregnant!
PAUL: I know that...I don't know that?
CHRISTINA: Well, yes, I'm sorry darling, I didn't know how to tell you it was a false alarm. See everyone was making such a fuss, I couldn't!
PAUL: (disappointed) Oh, you're not pregnant.
CHRISTINA: Yes, I am!
PAUL: You are pregnant?
CAROLINE: She's definitely pregnant. I picked up the results this afternoon and I'm going to be an aunty!
Somehow, Paul isn't the least bit put out that Christina has been pretending to be pregnant and hugs her tightly.
PAUL: That's why you were so frisky all the time!
CHRISTINA: Yes! To become pregnant, and it worked! You're not cross with me?
PAUL: Cross? Of course not. I'm going to be a daddy! There's just one thing. Can I have tonight off? I'm a bit tired(!)
Melanie and Joe are back from the wedding and have had a great time. Melanie congratulates Joe on being the life of the party and they easily fooled Melanie's friends that they were together.
JOE: I got a bit worried when you bunged on the waterworks, though.
MELANIE: Yeah. I always cry at weddings. But today I really wished it was me up there. All I ever wanted was to find the right person and have a family.
JOE: Yeah. Doesn't seem too much to ask, does it?
MELANIE: So, do you think there's a Mr Right out there for me?
JOE: Oh yeah, mate, hundreds. Hundreds. The hard thing is the timing of it, see, cos most of them are probably in Yugoslavia or Africa or something like that. Trick is, you've got to bump into them in Erinsborough!
MELANIE: I see what you mean. I can't say I've ever thought of it like that.
JOE: Well, don't think about it too much, you'll just make yourself miserable.
Josh is ringing his parents. He tells them that the Robinsons' phone is out of order and everything is great.
Dorothy pays the bill in cash and thinks they should go on to a piano bar!
Just then, the waiter comes back.
WAITER: I'm afraid there is a problem, Madame. With ze bill.
DOROTHY: Surely there's enough money there?
WAITER: This..."money"...is worthless.
DOROTHY: Worthless? There must be some mistake!
WAITER: Indeed, Madame. I must insist that you wait here until the authorities arrive.
DOROTHY: This is outrageous!
WAITER: The police are already on their way!