Danny is sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the newspaper. Shane joins him and Danny tells him that he needs money *now* to take Marcia to Surfers for a weekend.
SHANE (sighs): What's she after, Danny? You or the trip?
DANNY (insists): It's not *like* that, Shane; she's quite looking forward to it.
SHANE: Yeah, I'll bet - especially with *you* footing the bill.
Danny mutters that he needs a thousand bucks. Shane then says:
SHANE: I've just had a great idea, Danny: why don't *both* of you go on TV? You might win each other - then it wouldn't cost you *anything*!
Jim is putting a jack together on the kitchen table, and he asks Paul for a hand. He tells his son that he's taking it for a test run tomorrow.
PAUL (coolly): It's not exactly my idea of how to make a million dollars...
Jim, ignoring this, asks Paul if he's given any thought to when he's going back to work. Paul, however, retorts that he's not: he's quitting the airline; it's a dead-end job.
JIM (curtly): It's not very bright chucking in one job before you've lined up another one.
PAUL: I've got contacts; I met a businessman on a 'plane and he told me to look him up.
JIM: Doesn't sound very promising...
PAUL (tersely): Dad, I've *tried* it your way... and it doesn't work. Look, I am not going to sit around forever, hanging on to security because I lack the guts to get up and have a go.
With that, he storms off. Jim sits at the table, looking worried.
There's loud music coming from somewhere, and Max storms into the lounge room and yells at Danny. He presses the switch on the stereo, and realises the music isn't coming from his house. He then realises who's to blame - Clive - and he marches to the window and yells:
MAX: You mangy mongrel. Turn that stuff off!
DANNY (calmly): I don't think he can hear you, dad!
At that moment, Madge comes in through the front door, dressed up in her finery, and Danny asks her where she's been. She replies that she's been to church. Max goes to head for the front door and Madge asks where he's going.
MAX (roars): Roast that gorilla. I'll give him a piece of my mind.
MADGE: You're too generous with it, Max - you haven't got that much of it to give away!
MAX (snaps): Very funny!
Max storms up to the front door of No. 22 and hammers repeatedly, several times. The loud music coming from inside ceases and Clive eventually opens the door.
MAX (angrily): About *time* you answered.
CLIVE: It's my door; I'll do what I like with it.
MAX: Is that right? Do you know what time it is?
CLIVE: It's after eight.
MAX: What's more, it's a Sunday.
MAX: So it's my day of rest.
CLIVE: Well some people are lucky; *I* have to *work* - so if you don't mind...
MAX: *Mind*? I'm mad as a cut snake, mate.
CLIVE: Yeah, the neighbours *told* me about that...
MAX (looking put-out): What? Who?
CLIVE: Nearly everyone I've run into. You've got quite a reputation as a sticky-beak, too. Do you want to come in and see what I'm up to?!
Max goes to step inside, but then quickly stops in his tracks and says furiously:
MAX: No. I want you to stop that racket right now.
CLIVE: I'm quite within the law - which is more than I can say for *you*, Max.
MAX: What do you mean?
CLIVE: You're trespassing on my property - and I'd appreciate your leaving; I'm a busy man.
With that, Clive shuts the door in Max's face!
Paul is standing by the desk in the lounge room, dialling a number on the 'phone. The call is answered by a young woman wearing a nurse's outfit. She tells him that she's just about to start evening shift. Paul comments that that's a shame, as he was about to ask her out for dinner tonight. In the kitchen, Helen and Jim, who can overhear Paul's end of the conversation, look at each other. Paul tells the young woman that he just wanted to say thanks for saving his life. The nurse says she's free *tomorrow* night. In the kitchen, Helen remarks to Jim:
HELEN: None of our business.
Jim sighs heavily.
Madge is busy dusting while Max rants:
MAX: The nerve of that bloke, calling me a sticky-beak; I've *always* minded my own business.
Danny has a dreamy expression on his face, and Max asks if he's lovesick or something. Danny explains that it's a girl at his computer course. Max smiles:
MAX: Those courses are great, aren't they? The number of women I met at Tech...!
MADGE: He used to fix the drips on all their taps; that's how he got such good marks in his practicals!
Max prompts Danny for details of this girl.
DANNY: Well... we were watching 'Perfect Match', and Marcie... she said she'd be off like a rocket with the first guy who offered her a trip like that. So I offered.
MAX: Flamin' heck, eh?!
DANNY: Would you loan me the money to go, dad?
MADGE (curtly): He certainly will *not*!
MAX (snaps): Oh won't I?
MADGE: The girl's as common as dirt.
MAX: Common, eh? And what would *you* know about--
MADGE: No woman worth a pinch of salt would make suggestions like that to a young boy.
DANNY: She's *my* age, Aunty Madge.
MADGE: That makes it even *worse*!
Looking at Madge, Max tells Danny that he can lend him twenty bucks.
MADGE: Max, how could you?
MAX: It's only a bit of a trip. What's wrong with it?
MADGE: You're encouraging wickedness.
MAX: It's *my money*.
MADGE: It's sinful and immoral.
MAX: Well you don't mind me keeping *you* in style with it!
Danny walks off and leaves them to their arguing!
Danny joins Shane by his car. He tells his brother that Max gave him $20, but more to get up Aunty Madge than anything. He adds that he doesn't know why Madge doesn't go home. Shane shrugs that she had some business to take care of in the city. Danny comments that he doesn't know why Max takes it from her.
SHANE: Look, mate, if it gets too much for you, you could always spend a couple of days at *my* flat.
DANNY: Right... good idea! Then I could bring Marcie over.
SHANE (quickly): Oh, now wait a minute!
Danny, however, points out that Shane hasn't even met her. He then adds that if Shane was to move back home, Madge would have to move out.
SHANE: Wild horses wouldn't drag me back, Danny!
At that moment, Max storms down the path and says:
MAX: Shane, I've had it up to 'here' with that woman. You've got to move back in the house tonight, eh?
Shane tries to ignore him, but Max insists:
MAX: We really miss you, Shane. Don't we, Danny?
Daphne is sitting at the kitchen counter with Zoe, Paul and Des, making wedding plans. She says:
DAPHNE: Now let's see: Shane's going to drive me there.
PAUL: And I'm the best man...
ZOE (smiling at him eagerly): *That's* for sure!
At that moment, Max walks in and Zoe exclaims:
ZOE: You're perfect!
DAPHNE (looking surprised): What for?!
ZOE: To be the father of the bride, of course; we don't have one.
MAX (blankly to Zoe): Who are *you*?!
Des starts to protest that he thought this was going to be a civil affair! Daphne asks Max if he'll give her away, and Max smiles in delight that he'll get his suit aired as soon as he gets home! Paul leaves them to it and heads off. Daphne then asks Max what they can do for him - apart from dressing him up in a monkey suit.
MAX: Monkey--? They wake you up as well, did they?
Everyone looks at him blankly and Des says:
MAX: That ape house next door. Had me up and down all night, they did.
DES: Eh? Oh, you mean No. 22.
ZOE: Why didn't you tell them to be quiet?
MAX: Oh, I did. Should've heard me: ticked them off good and proper; they won't be doing *that* again in a hurry. You know, I reckon a bloke like that shouldn't be *allowed* to move into a street like this.
DAPHNE (shrugs): It didn't bother *us* too much.
Des then asks Max if he's come to borrow something. Max replies that he wants a shovel. Des laughs as he asks Max if he wants to bury a few bodies!
Helen and Paul are in the kitchen. Max yells out to Helen and comes in through the back door. Paul quickly heads off to his room! Max laughs at Helen that he just saw Jim outside trying to get his new jack to work! Helen, ignoring this, asks Max what she can do for him. Max explains that he gets on with *most* people, but Madge has got him stumped: if he says something's white, she says it's black; she's the most difficult woman he's ever had to deal with! Helen asks what exactly is the problem.
MAX: Well look - she's got her nose into everyone's business, for a start.
HELEN: Oh, I see.
MAX: For instance - young Danny's fallen for this girl he's met at work, see; reckons he's going to take her to Surfers. Imagine!
HELEN: Well he *is* growing up.
MAX: He'll never save the money for a start - but does that stop Madge? No! She starts in on him about mortal sin and stuff like that. It's got so a bloke can't even have a beer when he gets home from work.
Helen asks Max what he's going to do about Danny. Max shrugs that he'll give him $20 towards the fare - but it's *Madge* that's got him worried. He then asks Helen if she could find out if Madge wants to go back to Coffs Harbour. Helen muses that she supposes she can sound her out. Max adds that he got Shane to move back in, so there's nowhere for Madge to stay anymore. As he goes to head out, he adds:
MAX: Honestly, Helen, you've got no idea how difficult that woman is to deal with; no idea!
Jim places his new jack under his car as Max walks down the driveway of No. 26 towards him and chuckles:
MAX: You'll never get that thing to work!
JIM (shrugs): It's now or never!
With that, he turns a dial on a control panel. The jack starts to rise - but it then collapses.
MAX (laughs): Back to the drawing board, eh?!
Jim, looking annoyed, asks Max curtly if there's something he can do for him. Max explains that he was wondering what Jim was going to do about the ape house. Jim shrugs that they're not doing any harm. Max, however, retorts that they're keeping him awake all night - and he's already told them to be quiet.
JIM: But did you try asking them *nicely*, Max?!
MAX (looking annoyed): Yeah, that would be right: stick up for them.
Max mutters that he guesses he'll have to fix it for himself, good and proper. He walks off, leaving Jim to give his jack a kick. It immediately starts working and lifts his car off the ground!
A short time later, Jim joins Helen in the kitchen and exclaims happily;
JIM: It works!
HELEN (throwing her arms around him): That's great! Congratulations!
JIM: A few minor adjustments and I can show it to Ross in the morning.
Madge comes in through the open front door. Jim leaves her and Helen to it, and Helen asks Madge if there's something she can do for her. Madge retorts that she supposes Helen has already heard about Max's disgusting behaviour, bellowing at the neighbours right, left and centre. Helen shrugs that Madge will get used to it after a while! Madge just sighs that it's no wonder Danny's so full of strange ideas if his father can't set him a better example than *that*.
HELEN: Danny's a nice boy.
MADGE: Not since he came under the spell of that Marcia from the bank. She's as common as dirt.
HELEN: Have you met her?
MADGE: I don't *have* to. My home is full of her disgusting ideas, and Max is encouraging them to the hilt.
HELEN: Well perhaps you'll feel more comfortable when you return to your *own* home? Might be wise to leave Max and the boys to it?
MADGE: I've no intention of doing that - I'd be neglecting my duty.
HELEN: Well you may not be able to stay any longer anyway.
MADGE: Oh? Why not?
HELEN: Shane's moving back in.
MADGE (looking thoughtful): So *that's* what Max is up to, is it?
HELEN: Well it *is* Shane's home.
MADGE: He's not getting rid of me so easily; I'm not going to budge. I owe it to the Ramsay family name to try and preserve some sort of standards in that household. Shane will just have to share a room with Danny.
She then adds:
MADGE: At least *one* good thing's come out of all of this: I'll have them all where I can keep an eye on them!
There's a knock on the front door and Des goes to answer it. Danny comes in and tells Des that he needs to talk to him. The two of them go and sit down at the table with Daphne. Danny explains that it's about his wages.
DES: Finding it difficult to make ends meet?
DANNY: *That's* for sure.
DES: Yep, well it always *is* hard when you're starting out.
Danny asks Des if he'd get a loan if he went for it. Des, however, points out that if Danny can't live on what he earns, how's he going to pay back a loan? Danny shrugs that he was going to get a second job, overnight.
DES: How much do you need to borrow, Danny?
DANNY: A thousand bucks.
DAPHNE (wide-eyed): You must be in pretty big trouble!
DANNY: Well not 'trouble', exactly.
A smile crosses Des's face suddenly, and he says:
DES: Are you the mug who's promised to take Marcie up to Surfers Paradise for the weekend?
DANNY (frowns): How did *you* know?
DES (laughs): Danny, the whole *bank* knows about it!
DANNY (looking put-out): Well I don't see what's so funny, Des.
DES: She wanted to pick a sucker, but I thought *you* had more sense!
Danny just stands up and storms out. Daphne chides Des that he ought to be ashamed of himself.
Madge is talking on the 'phone, asking someone if their visiting hours are the same on a Sunday as they are during the week. She then adds that she'll be there shortly. Max joins her and she tells him that he'll have to get his own tea tonight, as she's going out and she may be back a little late.
MAX: Stay out forever; see if *I* care!
Madge adds that while she's gone, Max might help Danny put up the spare bed for Shane. She warns him that she's awake to his little games - and she's not going to leave. The loud music from No. 22 starts again suddenly. Max storms over to the front window and yells:
MAX: Crikey, I'll-I'll *do* ya!
He then orders Danny to put up a bed in his room for Shane.
H.M. Prison Pentridge
Madge walks tentatively up to the visitors' entrance of Pentridge Prison and rings a bell. A few seconds later she's admitted.
Max and Danny are sitting on the couch, watching TV. The volume's up loud, and Max snaps at him to turn it down. Danny does so - and the two of them can then hear the music from No. 22. Max snaps that he's already asked Clive to turn the music down. Danny just retorts that it's not that bad. Looking suddenly thoughtful, Max says:
MAX: Hey... do you remember that tape you recorded once?
DANNY: Yeah. What about it?
MAX: Just got an idea. Tonight, a lion is going to roar...
It's 4am. Max's alarm goes off and he gets up. He heads into the lounge room, with Danny close behind him. He looks out the window as Danny places a tape player on the coffee table. Max then signals to Danny to turn the machine on. Danny does so, and loud animal noises start playing through the speaker! Max tells Danny to turn it up. He then yells gleefully out of the window:
MAX: *That'll* teach you to keep me awake all night!
The lights come on and Helen, Jim and Paul emerge from their bedrooms, Helen muttering:
HELEN: What on *earth* is going on?
PAUL (curtly): It's got to be that damn ape house.
Jim says he's going to sort it out. Lucy emerges from her room and follows everyone out of the house.
Des is standing in the lounge room, trying to work out the source of the noise. Daphne and Zoe come and grab his arms and lead him to the front door!
Max is laughing gleefully at the noise, when Madge and Shane emerge from their bedrooms, Madge ordering Max to turn the tape off.
MAX: No way - this is my revenge!
MADGE: What will the neighbours think?
MAX: Probably pin a medal on me for getting rid of him!
As Max stands and yells out the window, Danny turns the tape off suddenly. Max turns round, demanding:
MAX: Who done that?
He suddenly becomes aware of Zoe, Paul, Jim, Daphne, Helen, Des and Lucy all standing in the kitchen, staring at him. Shane looks at them as well - and immediately spots Zoe!
ZOE: Uh oh!
With that, Zoe scoots off! Shane runs after her. Danny, who's looking through the front window, says suddenly:
DANNY: Here comes Clive *now*!
Max looks out through the window to see a car pulling into the driveway of No. 22. Danny tells everyone meekly that Clive is only just coming home. He adds:
DANNY: All this was for *nothing*.
The neighbours begin to storm towards Max, furious expressions on their faces. Max just smiles at them sheepishly!