Summer tells Steph that she knows something is wrong between her and Max.
Paul bribes Ned into breaking Elle and Dylan up.
Ned plants Dylan in Carmella's bed with her.
The House Where Love is Lacking
Ned has just finished smearing Carmella's lipstick next to Dylan's lips. Carmella sighs and puts her arm over Dylan's body, mumbling Oliver's name. Dylan takes hold of Carmella's arm and says, ‘Elle'.
Janae, Janelle and Steiger have just finished watching something about great train journeys of the world. Janae comments that who knew it could be so exciting and that it was incredible, not boring at all. Steiger explains that he's always dreamed of doing one of those trips – winding through the Highlands on the Royal Scotsman or around the Grand Canyon on the Santa Fe Express. He adds that he's bushed and he'll turn in. He kisses Janelle goodnight and goes off to bed. Janae asks if he's moved in. Janelle gets defensive and explains that he comes over a couple of nights a week but they're not rushing into anything. Janae says that what ‘you kids' get up to is their business but wonders why Janelle brought her over there; the train thing was awful. Janelle says she didn't know it was going to be on but she needs Janae's help – she's writing Steiger a poem for Val day. Janae asks if she means a love poem and suggests that this stuff should be left for Bree because she's the writer. Janelle explains that Bree's gone off the boil ever since she went goth and anyway, Janae wrote a beautiful poem for her wedding invites. Janae starts to read the poem.
JANAE: You bound up my feelings with handcuffs of love. You arrested my heart…
Janae stops and simply says, ‘Oh, mum.' Janelle explains that it was a first go and you can't expect spun gold straight off the bat. Janae continues to read.
Read my my rights and get into my tights
JANELLE: Bit too racy?
Janelle explains that she was looking for things to rhyme and that's why she needs Janae's help. Janae says no and walks off.
Steph is looking at some old family photos as Max walks in with flowers and chocolates. Smooth and original. Wow. Max says he thought Steph would be in bed and Steph replies that she wanted to get ‘this' done. Max explains that the flowers and whatnot were supposed to be a surprise. He gives Steph the flowers and she says they're beautiful as Max jokes that he can raid Harold's garden and pick her a new bunch in the morning. Steph cuts him off to say that they are beautiful and she thanks him as she puts them in a vase. Max notices all the photos and asks Steph what she's up to. Steph explains that she's organising old photos – she's been meaning to do it for ages. Max says he was thinking about turning in and asks if she's coming. Steph says she wants to try and get it all finished but tells him to go. He walks out the door but stops himself at the doorway before coming back in and suggesting he helps out. Steph agrees. Max mentions it being a walk down memory lane as he grabs hold of one of the photos, showing Summer on her first day of school. Steph starts laughing at the recollection and talks about how Summer was jumping out of her skin because she was so excited. Then Max picks up a picture of Boyd on muck up day and Steph jokes that Max and Joe Mangel were covered in flour and egg as well as the kids. Max says he couldn't let the year twelves have all the fun.
Max then picks up a picture of them on their wedding day and makes a quip about their not so secret wedding. Steph says she still can't believe they got married in their jeans. Max says it was the best day of his life and Steph agrees that it was great.
The House Where Love is Lacking
Ned is doing something with his phone, sending a text message, probably.
Paul is sitting drinking scotch/brandy/whiskey/whatever and listening to some jazz music when his phone beeps. He picks it up and low and behold it's a text from Ned that reads, ‘It's done.' Paul closes his phone and smirks.
The House Where Love is Lacking
Ned hears Elle and Oliver come back so he quickly lies down on the sofa and pretends he's asleep. Elle and Oliver sit on the sofa as Elle comments, ‘Oh what a night.' Oliver doesn't understand what happened, everything just went nuts. Elle concedes that she was way too hard on Dylan and seeing Sky and Stingray together must have really freaked him out. Oliver sits there for a couple of seconds before randomly turning to Elle and asking about the situation with the nipples. Elle tells him that she told Dylan that Will had six nipples to protect his secret and now Dylan thinks it runs in the family. Oliver laughs before becoming serious and saying he thinks Carmella let that cat out the bag. Elle tells him he shouldn't blame her. Oliver says he doesn't – he just wants tonight to be over so that they can start again.
ELLE: Amen to that! Some romantic country getaway, huh?
She suggests they go and find their significant others. Oliver agrees and they leave. As soon as they leave the room, Ned opens his eyes and looks anxious.
Over in Rosie's bedroom, she and Frazer are sucking each others' faces off. They stop momentarily for Frazer to say that things are moving faster than he'd anticipated but Rosie stops him by kissing him again. She's being a bit of an eager beaver, you see. Frazer pulls away and says he can't do this until he knows about… Knowing about anything is clearly the last thing on Rosie's mind as she impatiently asks what it is that she needs to know about.
In Carmella's sleeping quarters, Oliver opens the door and sees Carmella and Dylan in bed next to each other.
Frazer's just about to start saying something to Rosie when they're interrupted by shouting from the other room: namely Elle saying, ‘How could you do this?!' They rush to the room to find out what's going on.
Dylan is stirring as Elle grabs a pillow and starts hitting him, calling him a filthy piece of scum and telling him she knew she should never have trusted him. Carmella wakes up and asks what's going on. Elle says she doesn't know and suggests that Carmella tells her, the skank. Rosie and Frazer burst in and Rosie asks Carmella what she's done. Dylan tells Elle to wait, he didn't do anything. Elle throws the pillow at him and storms out. Ned is stood outside and asks Elle what's going on. She just throws her hands up and continues walking. Ned smirks.
Janelle is trying to find random words that rhyme, like busted, dusted, custard, yusted. She says you hear all those shocking songs on the radio and you think, ‘I can do better than that' but it's bloomin' hard. Janae suggests that it might have something to do with talent. Elle bursts in and Janelle asks what she's doing back so soon. Elle explains that she had to leave and now she's moving out. Janelle asks what's wrong. Elle says she decided to trust Janelle's stupid son and that's what's wrong. Janelle asks what Dylan has done. Elle replies that he's done the same thing he crucified Sky for when she did it to him – he's such a hypocrite. Janae tells her to slow down. Elle says no, she doesn't want to be there when he gets back and anyway, she and Janae don't need anymore proof that men are lying scumbags.
The House Where Love is Lacking
Dylan and Carmella are sat in the living room and Dylan is complaining about his pounding head. Carmella says hers is too. Dylan says it serves him right for drinking so much and Carmella says she is never drinking again because it's evil. Dylan offers her a tea and Carmella says no thanks shortly after making a sound of disgust. Dylan thinks everyone else has left. Carmella can't blame them, but this does not make sense – she remembers feeling woozy and then going to bed and Oliver was out walking because they'd fought. Dylan adds that he'd made a tool of himself with Elle and then she went to bed. Carmella asks what happened then – he came into her room? No! Dylan exclaims, although obviously he did but he doesn't remember it. He suggests that Carmella invited him. Carmella insists she's not like that and Dylan says he's not either. Carmella adds that she would never do that to Oliver, it's just low. Dylan asks if she thinks he'd do that to Elle. Carmella exclaims that she doesn't know. Dylan replies that she does know that they ended up in ‘there'. Carmella decides that she bets nothing even happened and that Dylan probably just thought it was his room and he didn't know Carmella was in there. Dylan says that the whole thing doesn't add up and that maybe they should stop looking for excuses and face the fact that they stuffed up.
Paul is speaking to Ned, asking him how he pulled it off when he threw the tablets away. Ned explains that he just kept topping up their drinks and said a few things that got them thinking. Paul grins and says, ‘Psychological warfare, you are full of surprises, aren't you?' Ned asks if they can talk about Paul's end of the deal. Paul pulls out a cheque and says it was worth every cent. Ned thinks it's worth more like ten grand, not five. Paul asks how he figures that. Ned says he'll tell Elle. Paul replies that he always likes to reward initiative. Ned says it's the last time he'll do anything like that. Paul says that while he's at it, Ned probably needs new digs too because those horrid Irish backpackers at that nasty little hostel must be wearing a bit thin by now. Ned says not very convincingly that he's ok. Paul tells him that he's bought a new investment property that used to be Karl Kennedy's flat (ooh, still using the set, now there's a surprise). Paul suggests that Ned be his first tenant – free of charge of course – and Ned would be doing him a favour. The door is being unlocked and Paul tells Ned to use the ‘tradesman's exit' as he rushes towards it. Elle comes in all upset and Paul asks what she's doing there. She whinges that she wants to come home. Paul, being all sympathetic and the loving father, hugs her and says of course. She starts crying and we see Ned, who's hiding in the back room, and he's looking a bit rueful. At least, I think he is, but it's hard to tell.
Frazer, Oliver and Rosie come in and Frazer says that he's stingin' for a Lady Grey. Not that he's a metrosexual or anything. He offers tea to the others and they both decline so he pops off to put the kettle on, an activity I strongly advocate. Rosie tells Oliver that for what it's worth she would like to apologise for Carmella – she knows they're not going out, but… Oliver interrupts to say that nevertheless she's becoming pretty important to him so they'll just see what she has to say. Frazer comes through just as Rosie says she wishes she could be more like Oliver because she could never forgive such a betrayal. Frazer kind of gulps.
Max and Steph are looking at some photos and smiling. Apparently this particular photo is of the grand opening of Scarlet Bar. Max comments that they were still finishing the paint when the first punters rolled in. Steph adds that it was a great day. I think I'm right in saying this is a grave continuity error, not both of them were there for the grand opening. Max says it was a great night, does Steph remember Izzy dancing on the bar? They both laugh and Steph asks Max if he remembers them christening the cellar. Max asks how he could forget. Steph then does an impression of Max: ‘We can't do this, I am an employer, I have to set an example.' Max replies that it was a very valid concern and you can't have that sort of carry on in a place of public business. Steph says he came round to the idea pretty quickly, though. They kiss and Max suggests they leave all that stuff til later. Steph agrees and they both get up, stopping at the door to kiss again, more passionately this time. Then they stop, their lips locked, before stopping and just having their noses touching. Max looks down.
MAX: Something's not right, is it?
STEPH: Max, I just wish we could…go back to the way we were.
Max kisses Steph on the forehead before saying, ‘Me too.' They hug and Max repeats, ‘Me too.'
Janae and Janelle are coming into the house and Janae comments on Karl's face when they returned his recording gear. Janelle says it was as though they'd returned his first born son before proceeding to do an impression of him: ‘Now are you sure you didn't overdrive the master volume.' Janae concedes that it was kind of making a scratching noise towards the end. Janelle replies that Susie Q was happy enough to lend it to them and if it's stuffed than it's compo (ie compensation) for that bloomin' bird waking them up every morning. Steiger comes in, wearing a dressing gown, and positions himself in front of Janelle, saying, ‘I found a tape on my pillow this morning.' Janelle looks all nervous and says, ‘And?' Steiger starts to quote the words – ‘You place my heart under arrest, I love your rough justice the best.' Janelle sighs and says it's awful, isn't it and she's got a shocking singing voice before looking over to Janae and saying, ‘What was wrong with the poem, I should never have listened to you!' Janae jumps to her own defence and explains that backing vocals would have fixed it but Janelle had to go and hog it. Steiger just says he loves it and it's the best thing he's ever heard. Janelle's surprised and asks, ‘Really?' Steiger says he may never listen to Sherbert again before telling Janelle to ‘come here' and they start snogging. Janae, rightly, is disgusted. Steiger then says to Janelle, ‘Timmins, consider that heart of yours placed under permanent protective custody.' They kiss again as Dylan comes in and Janelle comments that it's about time he showed before asking what he did to poor little Elle. Dylan says he doesn't need this now, but Janelle says it's too bad because she's devastated. Janae adds that he's got to go and see her. Dylan asks why – there's no way she'll take him back after this. Janelle asks what he did and Dylan explains that they had a few drinks and he ended up in a bed with Carmella. After we see Janae and Janelle's jaws drop to the floor, Steiger says, ‘Not good form.'
DYLAN: Ah, geez, you reckon?
Janelle comments that it's not like him – he's a lot of things but he's not a cheater. Janae points out that they just got back together. Dylan says he doesn't know how it happened but it did so he's lost her for good.
Rosie walks out of her room and sees Frazer, which she's really happy about. She greets him good morning and asks him he is before kissing him. Frazer is all cheery and says he's fit as a fiddle and there's nothing like a restful night's sleep. Rosie says she thought he might drop in on her during the night to finish what they started at the cottage… discussion wise, she means. Frazer says it can wait, it can all wait. Rosie's a bit non-plussed and asks, all of it? Yes, Frazer says. Rosie asks what's going on. Frazer replies that it's her attitude towards Carmella. If she can't give her own sister a break, what chance has he got?
ROSIE: Oh, so you're planning on fooling around on me, are you?
Frazer replies that he would never do that, but what if he stuffed up in other ways and let her down or told a lie. Rosie says it depends. Frazer asks if it's always one strike and you're out with her. Rosie says she would hate to think she was that hard and asks if she is – if she's a horrible person. Frazer gets up and goes over to the desk, picks up a bunch of flowers and asks if he would give them to a horrible person. Rosie's really pleased. Frazer gives her a bag with something in it – a kitchen knife. Frazer says he knows it's not very Valentine's but he panicked and she's a very hard girl to shop for. Then he goes with the defence tactic and explains that she's always complaining about the knives in the kitchen. Rosie tells him to relax and that it's very thoughtful. Just not very Valentine's, Frazer adds. Rosie tells him the flowers make up for that and he's gorgeous. Carmella comes in and asks if Oliver is around. Rosie gets all sarcastic and suggests he's out looking for a new girlfriend. Carmella says that nothing happened. Rosie cuts her off and tells her to stop being so pathetic and start taking responsibility for her actions: they all saw it. Carmella says she knows what they think they saw but it wasn't like that. Oliver comes in and Frazer suggests to Rosie that they go and chop some veggies.
It's all awkward between Carmella and Oliver and Oliver asks if she just got in – she says she got the first bus back.
OLIVER: So you stayed overnight.
Carmella explains that they got in the bus and they didn't have much of a choice. Carmella says she wants to explain… Oliver says no it's ok. Carmella asks if it's ok as in he doesn't care or if it's ok as in he knows she would never do that to him. Oliver says it's ok as in he doesn't want it to be the end of them. He asks her to explain what happened so they can move on. Carmella says she wishes she could, but she swears she has never even been slightly interested in Dylan. Oliver says he knows they're not together so it's not his place to assume anything but he had this idea in his head about what they could be and maybe that's not right and if it isn't she should just say. Carmella says she feels exactly the same way about him but she honestly can't say what happened. Oliver says ok, but he doesn't know where they go from here.
Steiger comes in to the kitchen where Janelle is dishing up a massive cooked breakfast.
STEIGER: Now that is what I call a healthy start to the day.
Something tells me he's not talking about the brekkie. Janelle says he's going to need his energy. With the intervention order stopping her from going to work, she's going to need entertaining. Dylan comes in and asks if there's any bacon left. Steiger offers to go halves but Dylan says not to worry about it. Steiger asks about the incident – does Dylan think somebody might have spiked his drink? Did he notice a bitter taste? Double vision? Dylan replies that nobody slipped him anything because they were with mates – he just had too much to drink. Steiger asks then if it was a more emotional reaction to seeing Sky and Stingray together as a couple. Dylan insists that he's cool with it. Steiger knows what he said, but he also knows that they're both blokes and they don't like talking about their feelings, they'd rather go out and shoot a pig or punch some guy out down at the pub but that's not always healthy. Dylan, increasingly frustrated, asks him to give it a rest, he's not his dad and he doesn't need a man to man chat. Steiger says he's just trying to… Dylan tells him not to try. There's a knock at the door and you can vaguely hear in the background that it's Janelle greeting Elle. Steiger quickly whispers to Dylan that he's learnt you have to talk about your feelings no matter how much you hate yourself for it. Elle walks into the kitchen as Steiger walks out. Dylan goes to hold Elle but Elle tells him not to – the idea of him touching her is repulsive. Dylan asks for a chance to explain.
ELLE: Explain what? I saw it, Dylan.
Dylan says it wasn't what it looked like and he didn't deliberately… Elle says she doesn't want to talk about it.
ELLE: I came here to congratulate you.
DYLAN: For what?
ELLE: For breaking my heart and making sure I will never trust anyone again. You know, when you were so desperate to get back with me I played games with you. The whole time I was testing whether I could trust you. Whether you'd really go that distance.
DYLAN: Yeah, and I did. I will.
ELLE: Yeah, obviously. For me… or Carmella… or any other tart that bats her eyelids at you.
DYLAN: No, it wasn't… Look can we just try and talk this thing through?
ELLE: We'll probably see each other around. But don't talk to me. You've proven I mean nothing to you and now you mean nothing to me.
She leaves. Shot of Dylan looking after her. Director shouts ‘cut'.
Elle comes into the kitchen, where Paul is making coffee, and comments that he must be in a good mood if he's listening to jazz. He agrees, and adds that he's even had breakfast delivered. Elle replies that it's just what she felt like and asks him how he knew. Paul says it's because he's her dad and it's his job to know. Elle talks about when Paul said Elle's into the finer things in life and concedes that it's true.
PAUL: That's my little Robinson.
ELLE: I want it all, in spades.
PAUL: Well, lucky for you I'm in a position to provide it for you.
Elle says that they're going to be team that's indestructible. Paul asks if Dylan's little effort brought round a change of heart.
ELLE: That would imply I still had one.
Paul asks if it's a bit strong. Elle quotes ‘Shakespeare' by saying, ‘Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?' I swear it was Tina Turner. Oh, so does Paul, because he replies, ‘Wasn't it Tina Turner?' Yes it was, Paul, yes it was, in What's Love Got To Do With It. Elle says she's not going to fall in love again – men are out and business is in. Paul tells her that it is possible to have a relationship without the pain. Elle asks how. Paul explains that it's by not loving too much and by choosing with her brain and not her heart. Somebody like, um, Oliver! Elle sighs and tells him he never gives up. Paul points out that Oliver is smart, good looking, they get on well and… oh yeah, he's filthy rich. Elle makes the point that he's not – he's missed the boat in his parents' fortune and he's just going to let it go. Paul says it's easily fixed by convincing him to fight for his birth right and that he'll testify that his parents never wanted to see him penniless. Elle asks if Paul thinks Oliver could win.
PAUL: With us batting for him? Of course.
Elle comes around to the idea, saying it could work and that she'll help him get his money back and he'll fall in love with her in the process. Paul approves, which he shows by exclaiming, ‘Yes, bingo!' Elle adds that they'll also guarantee his two per cent vote with the Lassiters board.
PAUL: And we can start running it like a business instead of a circus.
ELLE: And if we just *happen* to ruin Dylan Timmins in the process, then so be it.
PAUL: Sounds good to me.
ELLE: This has got everything. Money, power, a loveless, yet exciting romance with a guy that looks great on my arm. But best of all…
PAUL: That's my girl!
Max is sat holding Charlie, and Steph is standing next to him. She strokes his forehead and Max closes his eyes when she does so, obviously absorbing himself in memories. Steph sits down and is about to speak when Janae bursts in – she's got to call Boyd's lecturer to makes sure that their surprise is still on. Steph asks what she's got planned and Janae explains that Boyd thinks he's doing an extra anatomy practical but when he pulls back the sheet, it'll be Janae and a bunch of flowers. Steph laughs and asks if the medical department doesn't frown on that kind of thing. Janae replies that Boyd's lecturer brings his rust bucket to the garage and she gave him a free oil change… one hand scratches the other. Steph wishes Janae luck and leaves. Max talks about formaldehyde and romance and Steph says Janae has to be given points for imagination. Max replies that when you're young and in love a lot of weird stuff sounds natural.
STEPH: Yeah, yeah… like taking off on a once in a lifetime trip around Australia only to return the next day because you realised that everything you wanted was at home.
MAX: I've got nothing but love and respect for you now, Steph, and that's the way I want it to stay.
Steph looks at him before looking down and nodding and saying that if they just keep pretending they'll probably end up tearing each other apart. Max looks at Steph furtively and his lip starts to tremble. After a pause, he just says, ‘Yeah.' Max suggests he go along to visit Lyn and Valda with Steph – just for kicks. Steph agrees that it'd be great and Max says he can take Charlie for a paddle and build a few sandcastles. Steph is really into the idea as she's smiling and nodding before she says, ‘Let's do it,' and then she plants a tender kiss on Max's lips. She pulls away and looks at him, her head tilted to one side.
STEPH: I never thought this would happen to us.
MAX: Anyone but us.
They both stand up and walk out of the kitchen. The camera pans down to the table, where all the photos are. There are four in particular – one of Steph and Max posing for the camera, one of them making their vows, one of Steph, Max, Boyd and Charlie and then at the front one of Steph when she had cancer with Max, Izzy, Summer and Boyd.
The screen fades.