Boyd overhears Dylan and Janae talking, and that Janae has been warning off the girls at Boyd's uni. Karl encouraging Steph to tell the truth about how ill she is, and warning her not to travel. Max asking why it's not a good idea to travel, and asking Karl later on what's happening with Steph; Karl refusing to tell him.
And the prize for the longest recap goes to……today!
Lassiters, I think. I don't really know
Karl tells Max to be upfront with Steph – ask her what's going on and talk to her – he's not at liberty to say anything further.
MAX: Fine. Thanks for nothing.
Now, I know a lot of people think that Karl's being hypocritical, having told Susan about Alex, now not telling Max about Steph. But I'm on his side, here. He shouldn't have told Susan, no two ways about it. But telling Max is just as wrong – just because he did it once he shouldn't repeat it just so it doesn't look hypocritical. He's right to stay quiet.
The General Store where Boyd is Playing Games
Janae comes in and meets Boyd; she thought they were supposed to meet up today? They were, but Boyd has a lot on his mind. He's dropping out of uni because all the girls are snobs; it's no good going through uni if he's got to be with people like that everyday. Janae looks guilty, and suggest he stick it out longer because it will get better.
Boyd disagrees – he could go back to the gym or help Kim sell hotdogs. Oooh – definitely the latter, Boydie. Janae looks freaked – she has a great comedy face, that one.
Lassiters Hotel where Stax fans enjoy A Reprieve
Max returns to the hotel room with some ice creams and Steph appears in a very sexy black negligee. Episode 4411, anyone?! Max is pleased to see her, and they kiss over the ice cream. Stax fans everywhere enjoy the passion and happiness – because, let's face it, they know it ain't gonna last long…
Erinsborough University where Janae changes Her Spots
Janae approaches a girl at uni who looks terrified to see her. Janae asks if she remembers her – she's Boyd's girlfriend, but she was only joking when she warned her away from him.
RANDOMGIRL: So now you want me to be nice to Boyd?
JANAE: Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't you, he's a good guy. And he'd make a good friend. And just a friend, you know. No getting…you know.
RANDOMGIRL: Okaaaay…how about I stay away from Boyd and you stay away from me?
JANAE: Look, you and your stuck up little mates better be nice to Boyd or someone's gonna get hurt – do you hear me?!
Kim appears and RandomGirl scarpers. Janae tells her dad she'll see him at home but he wants to chat. Now.
Number 26 where it is Truly Amazing
Janelle is on the phone. Bree is on the sofa. Susan is on a chair in the kitchen. Lyn is on speed.
Susan tells Lyn that she knew she shouldn't have lost her temper, and she hated herself for doing it. Lyn tells her that Katya's been walking all over her, she should have expected it. Lyn reminds her that the kids come first – sometimes we all do things for kids that we wouldn't normally do, like, you know, and now she's over stressing that whole point a little bit too much, like, you know, so Susan asks her to spill the beans, like. You know.
SUSAN: Alright, spit it out.
LYN: Like, what?
Lyn concedes – she took the job with Paul, and Susie looks disappointed. Bree rushes in – Melody's okayed the last draft of the book and they're going to publish it! Whoo! Lyn congratulates her, and Susan thinks it's truly amazing. And she really means that: it is *truly* amazing.
Janelle rushes back to Bree and tells her they're going to celebrate. Oh, and rub Angie's nose in it at the same time. Well, that's a nice image.
JANELLE: She is going to spew when she hears about it.
And that's an even nicer one; I'll put my macaroni cheese down, now, shall I?
Bree asks Janelle to be nice to Angie, and Janelle of course agrees. Cut back to Susie-cruise and Lyn, like, you know, in the kitchen. Susan doesn't mean to be unkind but:
SUSAN: Janelle available to the general public??
Oh, Suse. If only you had any idea that she already is – you're in a soap, darling.
Lyn tells Susie that Bree has been up all hours, rewriting the book, and isn't she a clever kid? Susan understands now why it's being published and comments that it's also why Bree's homework has been so poor lately… Lyn asks Susan if she understands why she took the job with Paul? Susan does appreciate that she needs an income, but look at the way Paul is treating Lou and Harold. Lyn does her flicky eyes and looks suspicious.
The General Store where its Groundhog Day
Janelle walks into TGS pretending to be on the phone – mimicking the phone with her fingers. She pretends to have the conversation with Melody all over again whilst Lou, Harold and Angie stare at her in disdain. Bree acts along with her mother. Janelle finishes her finger phone call and high fives her daughter. Angie can't believe someone's putting up money for her book. Angie strops off, and her hair goes with her.
It's almost like a separate entity, that coif.
Erinsborough University where…
Janae confesses to her father that she knows her actions were stupid, and she's made things worse. Kim doesn't understand why Janae doubts that Boyd loves her, and can't believe that he's quit uni now because of her. Kim reassures her that Boyd is just trying to teach her a lesson – he's not giving up. Janae starts to get angry about that, but Kim says that really she should let this one slide, based upon her behaviour.
She agrees. Through gritted teeth.
Lassiters Hotel where it's Summer-time
Max is asleep in bed and Steph watches him, a serious look on her face. He wakes up, and turns to her, smiling. He had – apparently – a satisfactory night all round! Goodo. Max tells her he loves her, and he wants to wake up with her every day for the rest of their lives.
The hotel phone rings and Max answers it – it's his mother, and something's happened to Summer.
Dum dum dum!
Lucinda's Café where Lyn like, you know, Crumbles
Lynnie is looking at the food in the café when Lou comes in – has Lyn seen Paul, please? Lyn tells Lou he just missed him. Lou is fuming – Paul paid someone to delay the coffee order for The General Store. He also wants to know why Lyn's in here – then sees her badge “Lucinda's” and realises the truth; he can't believe she's sold her soul to the devil. He passes Susan on the way out.
LYN: Alright, you may as well give it to me as well.
SUSAN: Alright, I will. Flat white and a raspberry frillon, thanks. Is that okay?
Susan apologises for not being supportive before, and Lyn says she had no other way. Lyn crumbles and hugs Susan, who tells her that they single mums have to stick together. Susan – a single mum. Never would have anticipated that five years ago.
She tells Lyn to serve her, and Lyn crumbles again, like, you know, really.
Susan. A single mum. Where's Karl when you actually need him?
Lassiters Hotel where…
Max tells his mum he'll call back as soon as possible and Steph wants to know what's happened. Summer has Dengue Fever, which is serious, and she's been rushed to hospital. Steph tells him to get to the hospital and be with her, but Max doesn't want to – Charlie will be born any second.
Really?? Two weeks ago she couldn't have a C-Section because she wasn't 8 months yet, and now she's literally minutes away from labour. That happened fast.
Steph tells him that Summer needs him there and he's going. End of.
Ramsay Street where Janae acts So Well
Janae accidentally runs into Boyd as he skateboards out of his house. She asks him if he's made up his mind about leaving uni, and he has, but he hasn't told the uni yet. She says she's so pleased he's left uni – ten years of study? She'd never get to see him, and he'd have to be with all the snobby girls, plus she can't see herself as a doctor's wife. She thinks it's good – he can get a real job straight away.
She suggests he move into Lynnie's, then when he gets some money they can settle down together! How toptastic! But they don't have to have kids for at least six months. So that's all okay.
Boyd answers the phone to his dad and Janae skips off, feigning delight. She's great, I love her more everyday.
We cut to Angie weeding the garden of number thirty, and Janelle and Bree pop up, telling her they're off to do an interview for the Erinsborough News. Goodo. The last time, after all, a Rebecchi was in the paper was Shane – for indecent exposure, wasn't it?
ANGIE: And this interviewer – is he going to be talking to you? Or Bree?
Janelle looks confused and scared all at once, but Bree defends her mum, saying she wrote nearly all the book. ‘Nearly' being the caption for the photograph, Janelle??
ANGIE: Then you won't mind answering questions about narrative structure and post-modern whatsits?
JANELLE: Bring it on is all I can say.
Bree and Janelle strop off, and Janelle can't believe they might actually ask questions like that. Angie suggests that Bree comes and borrows the wheelbarrow later to scrape up what's left.
The Scarlet Bar
Karl tells Susan that if Katya is going to play dirty, then so should she. Susan says that she just caught her at a bad time, and she got angry. Karl suggests that she look into Katya's past a bit more, as judges won't look favourably on how she went off the rails all those years ago. Susan doesn't feel she could possibly do that – she's Alex's daughter. Karl says that Alex wanted Susan to bring up the kids, so she should fight for them. That way, when he moves back into number twenty eight, they'll have kids to raise and more storylines and the viewers will all be happy. See how Alex was a mere plot device?
Susan thinks that she should just go into mediation and tell the truth and trust the courts. Oh, Susie-doll. In soap land you know that's tantamount to handing the children over. Mind you, maybe that's deliberate; you get more passion time with Karl, then…
Max, Boyd and Steph rush in and Karl asks if everything's okay – Steph tells him about Summer, and Max announces that he's flying over there. Karl reminds him that Dengue Fever isn't life threatening, and she's with Rosie, isn't she? Max tells him that Summer's in a Strange Land, which makes it sound she like took off and arrived at the top of the Magic Faraway Tree.
Hey – that would be cool. Moon Face, and all those other characters with silly names I used to love. Something to do with a Saucepan? Frying Pan Man?
Max and Boyd go off to sort the rotas out, and Karl tells Steph that Max wouldn't be leaving if knew the truth, but Steph insists on keeping it quiet for now. Susan reminds Steph that it was only a few days with Alex; they thought he was in remission then all of a sudden…
SUSAN: If Max goes now he might never see you again.
And I CANNOT believe that Susie just said that! I really can't! I'm actually in shock!
SUSAN: I'm sorry, Steph, I don't want to be harsh, but you need to understand that that's a possibility.
Steph looks all woozy and scared and all, well, pregnant.
Number 26 where people are Flummoxed
Janelle has set up a device where she can hear Bree answering the questions for her through an ear piece with the use of a mobile phone. Great things. Reminds me of an episode of Will & Grace where Will helped Jack score a date by giving him lots of intelligent stuff to say. But Jack screwed it up – wonder what Janelle's fate will be?
Bree, Kim and Janae are outside and gathered round the mobile phone listening to Janelle, whilst she's inside, getting ready with Lynnie. There's a knock at the door and Lyn answer's it; Janelle sits down all wrapped up in feather boas. So chav.
JANELLE: They're here now. You're not going to let me down now, are you?
BREE: Not intentionally.
The reporter from the Erinsborough News turns up and it's Bill – Janelle flips – he once called her The Pushy Stage Mother From Hell with regards to Bree and the spelling bee contest. Top man. Bree tells her mother to relax and Janelle starts talking to her daughter so the whole thing gets very confusing…
Lyn brings Bill into the house to make him comfortable, and Janae leaves the garden, already fed up with it all. She has the patience of a gnat.
Bill says that – with some surprise – he very much enjoyed Janelle's novel, and she is delighted with that comment: “Really?” He wants to know why she chose an omniscient third person narrator (the ‘omniscient' was so unnecessary in that sentence – do TPTB think they can flummox us with words of more than three syllables??). Apparently they can flummox Janelle who repeats the question loudly for Bree.
Whilst Bree is preparing an answer Lyn fills the silence: would Bill like to have some tea? K-I-S-S-I-N-…… Oh, wait - wrong couple.
Janelle repeats Bree's answer word for word, dictionary-definition like. She puts on a really low voice to sound oh so terribly serious but Bill looks rather bemused. And those sudden unexpected flights of streams of consciousness? (Wow, someone on the storylining team did an English GCSE…) Lyn repeats the question loudly, again, and Lyn smiles, offering Bill a biscuit – and another one – whilst Bree gives her an answer.
Bill asks about the irony of Doctor Karmady and the switched medical prescriptions, and Janelle puts sugar in her tea and misses, so Lyn pushes her hand out the way which knocks the earpiece from Janelle's ear, and it's just like a humorous episode of ‘24'……
Lyn's eyes go all wide and suspicious as she realises what's happened, and Janelle puts her arm around the back of her head to get the earpiece back. Bree is shouting the answer but Janelle can't hear her…
The Scarlet Bar where we Feel The Love
Janae turns up and asks Boyd to join her and do something, but he tells her he's needed here. She wants to have a double wedding with him with Janelle and Kim. He stops her and decides to talk about it properly. He can't believe she threatened the girls at his uni, and she should trust him. He admits that he hasn't dropped out of uni, and Janae tells him she's so insecure because he lied to her then made a joke out of it.
Boyd makes her a deal – he won't tell her what to do, if she stops beating up the girls in his class.
BOYD: I love you, Janae. I don't know why. But I love you.
Aw. Janae asks if they can still have a double wedding?!
Number 26 where Janelle finds out Gossip
Janelle promises Bill an autographed copy as he leaves, and Kim and Bree come storming in through the back door. Janelle thinks she was brilliant, especially in the hairy moments, but Kim praises Bree for all her hard work. Bree looks thoroughly unimpressed, and Janelle wants to throw all this in Angie's face.
Janelle says Angie has always hated her. Kim tells her it was because of what happened at the footie club – but this is news to Janelle. What happened. Nothing much – it's just that Angie once cracked onto Kim… So Lyn rushes Bree off into the garden.
JANELLE: I never heard about that?
KIM: Didn't ya?
JANELLE: Well, did I punch her lights out?
JANELLE: Well then obviously I didn't hear about it, did I?
Janelle can't believe her nerve, even though it was years ago. Kim tells her that if Kev found out it would be the end of his and Angie's marriage.
Janelle rushes for the phone.
Kim tells her to let Angie sort it out. She agrees; just this once.
Ramsay Street where we get Drama And Tension
Max is leaving and his taxi arrives. He doesn't want to leave Steph and says that he can stay if she wants, but Steph wants him to leave, telling Max she's never felt better. They kiss goodbye and Max asks Boyd to look after Steph, taking his presents for Summer.
He gets in the taxi and it leaves. Just as Steph sinks to the floor, grabbing onto Boyd who asks her to look at him but she doesn't…
Line of the episode:
SUSAN: I don't mean to be unkind, but……Janelle available to the general public?
Best performance of the episode:
Jackie for her facial expression alone on “That's truly amazing…”
Best ‘Rock On' moment:
JANELLE: I never heard about that?
KIM: Didn't ya?
JANELLE: Well, did I punch her lights out?
JANELLE: Well then obviously I didn't hear about it, did I?
The scene that TPTB forgot to include: