Harold is going to tell Paul the truth.
And he does - admitting to attacking him on Chrissie day, the prank phone calls, all the terrorising (apart from the rock through the window - that was his sidekick Lou trying to divert the attention off Harry). Izzy eavesdrops as the truth hits Paul - and he can't believe what he's hearing.
Janelle reads a print-out of Chanel and Tim's wedding scene - obviously written by wee Bree who's doing a nice voice-over of it. Janelle is almost in tears of happiness when Bree appears to find her mum crying. Janelle loves the new ending - so much so that she's taking it to the publishers as soon as Bree's finished school for the day. Janelle can't get over how she and Kim managed to pop out a creative genius like Bree!
Paul is going mad about Harold's little revelation, going through all the things Harold supposedly did for him out of kindness. Lou jumps to Harry's defence, reminding him that he lost David, Lil and Serena because Paul was on that plane. Paul thinks he's been a total fool and promises Harold that his new mates at the Erinsborough PD will be on his doorstep tonight. Izzy suddenly appears
IZZY: I think it's time you get the hell out of here, Harry.
Harry and Carpenter do as they're told.
Oh joy, the House of Trouser. Toadie hides the sport section when he hears Connor coming, opting for a book and a nice flower instead. Connor has very interesting facial hair which slightly diverts attention from the scene but the gist is that Toadie can drop the act as Connor's the only one here. He's bored of the lack of bad behaviour. Toadie promises to return to his laddish ways IF Connor does some private eye work for him; he has to prove that a client's wife is having an affair to avoid the client sticking to his prenup (how very Hollywood). Connor has to get photographic evidence which he doesn't like the sound of until he sees a picture of the client's wife. He quickly changes his tune and agrees to help out.
It's 'What Not To Wear: The Timmins Edition'. Bree fixes Janelle up with a nerdy outfit as all writers look nerdy nowadays. It doesn't work and Bree suggests her mum just be herself. But Janelle wants to look spesh as it's not everyday she gets a book published.
Janelle wonders if the publishers will question her to see if she's written the whole thing. Bree comes up with a great outfit: plaid shirt from the grunge era, a pies scarf and AC/DC t-shirt. It's too boganish for Janelle (boo hoo) and suggests a top which Bree finds has been 'borrowed' from Susan. Janelle doesn't think Susan can object when she's 'holidaying in Commie paradise': it comes to some surprise to her that Russia stopped being communist years ago. Bree takes the clothes away and Janelle isn't pleased.
Paul is still going on about the whole 'Harold-Bishop-tried-to-kill-me' thing. Izzy is so chuffed that he's angry about it - the real Paul is back! Paul decides to go right down to the cop shop and give them a signed statement. Izzy hurries after him.
Outside Paul manages to walk down the driveway when everything starts to look blurry. He throws Izzy off when she tries to convince him that the nightmare is over: how can it just be Harold when he's still feeling like this? He breathes rapidly into commercial time.
Lou's wondering if they should use separate or the same lawyers as each other (Don't be daft, Louis -there only is one lawyer in Erinsborough!) Maybe they should turn themselves in before Paul makes a complaint - it might look better in court. Harold thinks it hardly matters; he deserves everything they throw at him. However he actually feels quite good with it being all out in the open. Lou reminds him that he's going to have to do serious time in the jailhouse and he knows what he's talking about when it comes to doing time! Harold doesn't think they'd send Lou to jail, but Lou isn't so sure. Harold really regrets dragging him into it now. He's going to take full responsibility - he won't let them send his old friend to prison. Aww, how nice!
Paul thought all the madmen were out there but it turns out they're here - in his head. He doesn't blame Harold for hating him - after all, he's done so many crooked deals and that's why the plane was blown out of the sky. Izzy argues that there's no proof of that but Paul doesn't need it: Harold's behaviour was all down to him and he won't go to the police as Harold's suffered enough. Izzy can't believe it. Paul says there's something inside of him that inspires hatred - how else would someone like Harold go to such lengths? Furthermore, he points out how his past will be dug up at any trial and he's done a whole lot of dodgy dealing in his time. He doesn't want that so he won't bring charges against Harry.
Connor O'Neill - Private Eye
Location: A Park
Connor's wearing a very questionable disguise and trying to take pictures under the cover of some very yellow flowers. Toadie's client's wife is sitting with a gentleman but there's no kissing going on, to Connor's dismay.
What a coincidence - Janelle and Bree are walking in the same park! Janelle is so sick of the waiting for news about her book - drives her nuts! She catches a glimpse of Connor and yells "Perve! In the bushes!" and, when it's revealed to be Connor, she adds "Irish perve!" to her tirade. Toadie appears as Connor goes over to Janelle and explains. Janelle thinks she's got a peeping Tom in the family with Toadie being in on it too. Connor tells her to "Shut up, you big idiot" and informs her that he's taking pictures of the young couple on the bench...
...the young invisible couple...
Janelle leaves - this place is crawling with sleazebags! Toadie hopes he's got heaps of good photos.
Now back to more serious matters. Lou and Harold are dressed in their best for their visit to the cop shop. There's a knock at the door - it's Izzy with the news that Paul's not pressing charges: he's decided to forgive them. Izzy would've rather they'd rot in jail but nevermind. Harold thanks her for letting them know. Now Izzy wants a private word with Harry: he's always had an aura of saintliness, of goodness, and he was like a father to her. When her secret came out she went to him for forgiveness but he wouldn't give it to her! He apologises for this.
IZZY (shouting): What I did was wrong! What you did was evil! You strangled a man with your own bare hands and you left him there to die!
While he gets off scot-free she's still condemned. How's that fair? Harold thinks she has a right to be angry. But Izzy is more than angry - she's disgusted and disappointed in him. She leaves Harry to stare after her and into ads.
The Janelle and Bree show. Janelle was just checking the phone was still working but Bree tells her they won't call tonight - they won't read it for a couple of days. Or maybe they don't like it - maybe her mum should ring and cut out all the stuff she wrote for her. But Janelle thinks it's brilliant - if she had her time again she'd love to marry Kim properly! It was a just a quickie in the registry office that they had, such a tacky start. Bree suggests she has a second wedding with all the glitz! Janelle likes the thought a lot!
Bree answers the door to the Toadie and Connor detective team, who have appeared with some booze to
buy Janelle's silence as a peace offering. Janelle storms through, thinking they should be put on a register. She shuts the door on them before the misunderstanding can be cleared up, but not before she swipes the booze. Connor is in severe pain and thinks his toe might be broken. Toadie stamps on his other one to make it even.
To Connor's disappointment he finds he took photos of the wrong person: their target looks completely different. Doh! Maybe he just ain't PI material. Toadie says he's just on a learning curve.
Lou wants a private word with the private eye: Harry had nothing to do with the attack on Paul. Connor is glad to know - he knew it couldn't be Harold (well, maybe those detective instincts aren't as good as he might hope...). Toadie comes back and says Connor should give the private investigating a go. Based on the evidence so far I'd say no. But Connor thinks it's a good idea: he thinks he has a real feel for it.
Staring into space thoughtfully with Harold Bishop. Lou is full of glee but Harold thinks he deserves to go to jail and he can't get past it. Lou agrees that he did a terrible thing but he's the same person he always was: a good man. If anyone deserves a second chance it's Harry. And Paul probably doesn't want all the attention on him and his business dealings. Well, if he can't go to jail then Harold feels he has to do something else - but nothing would compensate. Lou reminds him about Sky - what would happen to her if he went to jail? He remembers that she still has Joe but could he provide for her like Harold has? She needs him, now more than ever.
HAROLD: Then there's only one thing I have to do, isn't there? Straightaway.
Lou and the audience are puzzled as we go into tension building ads.
Janelle's just off the phone from talking to the editor: she loved it! But there's just one catch: they loved the new 20 000 words so much that they want the rest of the book to be the same standard; I.e. Bree has to rewrite it all. Janelle wonders how soon she could start - if she could start tonight, Janelle will do her history assignment for her. But Janelle has already demonstrated how little she knows about Russian history.
Janelle's been thinking about Bree's idea about the second wedding and the sooner they get the new draft, the sooner they get the money for the advance, and the sooner they get the wedding. That nice little bit of emotional blackmail sends Bree running to the computer to get started.
Harold's over, asking Paul if he's certain about not going to the cops. Paul checks his CCTV, saying he wants to move on. Harold promises that he won't waste this second chance. They even shake hands to forgive and forget. Izzy isn't so forgiving and...er...forgetful:
IZZY: (to HAROLD) You - you're a would-be murder, walking around free; a disgusting, filthy fraud - a sham! (To PAUL) And you - you're the victim in all of this: a housebound cripple who's losing his mind! I'm the only sane person here! You're both a couple of pathetic losers. Well, not me. And none of this is over until I damn well say it is.
Well, that's them told.