A rock is thrown through Izzy & Paul's window with a note that says "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"; Paul switched the CCTV system off; Lou is seen running in a mask and gloves away from the house...
Dum dum dum!
Cue credits, although why they've even bothered to include Susan and the Kinski kids in there I don't know. She's away for another *week.* I commit to doing episode summaries for 2006, and the first thing she does is take a holiday.
It's just rude.
Somewhere dark and mysterious where we find Lou Schumacher
Dylan and Sky can't find somewhere to sell the hotdogs, and Dylan's feeling a bit down about it. But there's really no need because he's about to be distracted by Lou's car which is speeding along faster than you can say "Look out, Dee!" and pulls up over the side of the road. It's all dark and mysterious, and because it's dark I can't quite see why the car pulled up, but I *think* the driver (whom one presumes is Lou) stops to throw something in a bin. The car speeds off again in the fashion of episode 2996
, and Sky realises it's Lou's car - she recognises the number plate.
So, she can remember in detail the number plate of an ex-neighbour's car, but it's like, Serena who?
Paul and Isabelle's place where we wax lyrical about Tasmania
The police are investigating the window breakage and Paul laments his stupidity in switching off the CCTV, whilst we lament Stuart's stupidity in only wearing one glove when handling the evidence.
Agent Isabelle realises that it can't be You-Know-Who because he's in Tasmania, and I find myself hoping that he's gone there to find Gail and bring her back to her rightful home. But that can't be true because Tasmania always has negative associations in Neighbours. Harold and his amnesia; half the cast and the plane crash; Harold to flee from Paul; Dylan trying to run from the law; the Harold At Large saga; Bea from Prisoner! was there and drove Madge crazy; Gail's there and should have never left...
Stuart remarks that they have found footprints outside and Paul is highly unimpressed by his observation skills. Izzy tries to make up for Paul's behaviour by thanking Stuart, who asks them if they've had any more thoughts on the note. Paul hasn't - whoever did it has a fondness for the Bible, and anyway, isn't that Stuart's job to work it out?? Stupot comments that this note is handwritten; the others were typed. Obviously it wasn't from Ned, then.
Elle and Ned come home; Elle tries not to freak out and Ned tramples all over the evidence. Paul offers to put the kettle on but Ned and Elle are going home, thank you very much.
Hmmmm - I wonder if the Hancocks went to Tasmania and were accidentally eaten by a very large man-eating fish?
Number 30 where I Don't Care
Elle and Ned are on the sofa when Detective Stuart comes home and tells them that it will pay to look out for anything suspicious. He offers them useful advice, such as "don't go out alone" and "don't go anywhere that's not well-lit." Ned couldn't give a flying squirrel about his advice, and Stuart goes for a shower. Elle tells Ned not to have a go at Stu - he's only trying to help. Wow. Paint dries quicker than a scene like this.
Oh, and Elle? Don't forget to look both ways before crossing the road.
Lassiters where Isabelle has An Idea
Isabelle and Dylan are talking about how they'd wish the police would find the nutter who's after Paul. Izzy comments that it hasn't helped that Elle isn't around - would Dylan have a word with her? He won't, after all, they're hardly best mates, and Elle is happily living with Ned at the moment.
Dylan passes his regards to Paul and runs off. Isabelle stares and Ned and Elle going into the General Store and experiences an A-Ha! Moment. An epiphany, that is, not a temporary moment of 80s music insanity - although that would be more fun to watch.
The General Store where it's a rerun of the Trisha Show
Sky asks Elle and Ned if they're here for a big breakfast, but Elle only wants a coffee. Sky comments that they need to get their energies up for the rehearsals today - Gino will be looking for that extra one percent. She tries to encourage the breakfast idea, but Elle resolutely sticks to the coffee thing.
SKY: We've got the talent and we've got the dedication. What are we missing boys and girls?
Ned goes ahead and orders the brekky, too. Sky tells Elle that she needs to work on her trust - the whole class are doing trust exercises today.
SKY: Because if we don't have trust, we have nothing.
Did someone switch over to the Trisha show when I wasn't looking?
Elle admits to acting irrationally over the whole Ned thing, whilst the viewers wish Ned would admit he can't act at all. Lou wanders in late and Sky runs after him - she thought he was pulling a sickie, but he says he had a late night. She produces the gloves and says that she and Dylan saw him putting them in someone else's bin last night...would he like to talk about it?
A corny line, a jealous girlfriend, bad acting and a revelation at the end - it *is* the Trisha show!
Lassiters where the producers bought the set of Crossroads
Isabelle is looking in through a window at The General Store. It's not made of glass, though, because when she took her hands away it actually bounced.
Paul should make his windows of the same stuff.
Isabelle accidentally on purpose runs into Ned coming out of TGS and asks him where Elle is. She says that she wishes he and Elle could have stayed for coffee last night, but Ned admits that he's not Paul's favourite person, so there was no point. Isabelle starts a conversation about living with Stuart and how Ned must feel bored safe there, but Ned gets all "yeah right" on her and she 'realises' she hit a nerve.
Ned tells her that his brother has tried to take every girlfriend of his since Sarah Wilson in Year 9. That was, what, nearly ten years ago? Get over it already. Isabelle starts up her little manipulative techniques and reminds me of why I hated her in the whole Karl/Susan break up.
ISABELLE: Don't worry about Elle because she thinks you're the bees' knees. I don't even know why Stuart would think he'd have a chance.
Cue Ned trying to look worried.
The General Store where Sky can Lie
Lou is denying he ever saw the gloves but Sky pushes him for an answer, and he finally admits that he did it. He claims it was revenge for kicking him out of number twenty two last year. Sky tells him that what he did was criminal, and goes to leave the kitchen.
Lou calls her back and says it was all to protect Harold, to draw attention away from him. He tells her that Harold was the one who tried to kill Paul. Sky denies that it was Harold, but Lou says that until they hear his side of the story they have to protect him from the police and from Paul.
Dylan comes in and wants to know what was going on last night, but Sky pushes him out the kitchen and says that she's solved the mystery...Lou's a proud man and was checking out the neighbours bins to make ends meet, and didn't want to be seen. Aw. Dylan accepts the story, then:
DYLAN: Hey Lou - I'll take you round Eden Hills sometime and show you where the good stuff is.
Lou thanks Sky for covering and she promises to keep the secret safe til she hears Harold's story. She also promises to get rid of the gloves.
The Community Hall where we find Angry!Dylan
Sky turns up at the hall for the play, and she tells the cast that Gino has asked that they try and re-energise themselves. They put a bale of hay in the middle of the room and Dylan appears at the door - he's joined the cast as Angry!Wayne. Gino has agreed, and now Dylan will get to stage fight Ned.
Dylan does a Dyl-Niro impression (mwahahaha) and goes in and out of character quicker than you can say "mind the stairs, Darcy!"
Hmm. I think the play just got re-energised. The Duracell Bunny is here.
Paul and Isabelle's place where Paul is Amusing
Isabelle says that she saw Elle and Ned at Lassiters and Paul waxes lyrical on the fact that he keeps making stupid mistakes with his daughter, and that he's no good if he can't protect his own daughter. He reminisces on how it's not worth fighting the nutter if he hasn't got Elle and we reminisce on how Paul has four other children, and how come he doesn't remember them?
Isabelle tells Paul that she will get Elle back to live with them - she has a plan. And Paul actually says "bless you" which seriously has to be the funniest line of the episode. Of the season, in fact.
The Community Hall where Ned is Too Trusting
Dylan doesn't want to play the trust game - where people have to fall off the bale of hay and trust that others will catch them. I LOVE that game! Sky falls off and Ned and a random extra catch her. Elle tries and is a little reticent. Ned falls and Dylan is waiting and runs to grab his phone which rings just as Ned falls back...
DYLAN: Sorry, guys, I had to take that.
Ramsay Street where Isabelle is Manipulative
Isabelle waits for Stuart to come sauntering down the street and accidentally on purpose (that's twice in an episode, note) drops some fruit all over the pavement and exclaims loudly in order that Stu might come help her. Which of course, he does. She thanks him again for all his work on protecting them - Elle is especially pleased and keeps saying how grateful she is for Stuart's protection. Izzy asks Stu to keep a closer eye on Elle. He agrees.
The Community Hall where Dylan loves to Act
Dylan doesn't want to do the trust exercise, but they encourage him - and Ned and the random extra (who's getting a lot of airtime today) catch him. Dylan disappears but re-appears when he hears that Ned and Sky are practising their Love Song.
Number 30 where I Really Don't Care
Stu and Ned are watching some sort of sport - cricket? - and Elle appears and she's been bargain hunting. Stu fusses over her going out alone, and Ned is none too pleased. Elle wanders off and Stu is cross with Ned for letting her out, and thinks Ned should be more cautious.
Elle overhears and tells Ned not to bite Stu's head off - he's just being concerned. She goes out in the dark, alone, again. She keeps doing that. Bad habit.
Paul and Isabelle's where the Nasdaq is Down
Izzy asks Paul what's going on in the world - she's interested in current affairs (and having them, too).
PAUL: Izzy, the only thing you have an interest in shoes, shoes and let me think - more shoes.
She denies it. She's into current affairs, like, you know, Africa. They had a famine and a big concert and Angelina adopted a baby there.
PAUL: Very impressive.
Well, actually not quite so. What would have been more impressive is if Izzy had known that Angelina Jolie adopted one kid from Cambodia, which isn't in Africa, and another from Ethiopia which is in Africa. Even I know that, and I don't care too much for celebrity-ism. *cough*
Paul tells Isabelle about the Nasdaq and the markets and the IPOs...
PAUL: You don't give a damn, do you?
ISABELLE: No, I love it when you talk IPOs...whatever.
Izzy's cooking chocolate and Paul sees her smiling and wants to know what her scheme or plan is. She denies there's a plan, and then says it's nothing - and then there's a knock at the door. Guess who's here to stay?
I can almost hear Isabelle congratulating herself.
Number 30 where I can't be Bothered
Stu and Ned are watching more sport - tennis? - and Ned tells Stuart that Elle went out on her own; Stupot retorts that Ned should look after his girlfriend better.
Number 26, I think. It's hard to tell.
Dylan is painting Sky's toenails, and she's impressed. He asks her if he can run the trust exercise next time - and she wants him to take it more seriously. He thinks he is taking it seriously - he wants some tweaks to his character. Sky reminds him that this is an amateur musical and that it's about Ned, not about Angry!Wayne.
Dylan comments that the lead female character would never fall for a mummy's boy like Ned, anyway - she'd always choose Angry!Wayne! Sky thinks he might be onto something.
Paul and Isabelle's where Izzy's a Little Freaky
Paul and Izzy agree that it's great to have Elle home and Paul goes to cook some dinner for them all.
Izzy asks Elle what the matter is, and she manages to say, "It's Ned" before bursting into tears, and Izzy hugs her. Isabelle tells her to let it all out in a rather freaky way that tells me she's quite enjoying this, and smiles in that little conniving way of hers.
The General Store where Lou is Concerned
Sky and Dylan arrive for food, and Sky runs into the kitchen where Lou's on the phone to Harold. He asks if Harold wants to speak to Sky but he obviously doesn't. Dylan runs in and Sky pushes him out.
Lou continues his conversation with Harold - who tells him that he will be coming back to finish what he started.
LOU: Harold, what the hell are you saying?
Whatever Harold says in response, he then puts the phone down. Goodo!
Line of the episode:
PAUL: "Bless you."
Best performance of the episode:
Dylan as Robert De Niro...
Best Rock On moment:
Oh, so totally the scene where Dylan answered his phone...
The scene that TPTB forgot to include:
The one where the Hancocks *did* go to Tasmania and...