Max fainting – Alex next in line for a tattoo
Elle kissing Ned
Karl excited about the date with his Internet lady friend
Izzy receiving a menacing note ‘You were lucky'
Izzy starts to fret that it's all about her. “My seat on the plane, my car, me, me, me.” Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Paul thinks that he's got more enemies than she does but she reiterates that the note was on her car. Paul gets into panic mode and makes a call to the police, planning to ring Elle straight afterwards to make sure she's safe.
Ned sings a little for Elle. To vote Ned SMS his name to 19 10 10 – but wait till the end of the… oh, hang on. Elle says he's going well but he could do with some more passion, “You didn't sound like you were in love.” He makes a note to work on that, along with learning all the lines in the script, even Corey's ones. You never know when he'll come down with a bout of plot-itis and Ned the understudy will have to fill in. He compliments Elle and says she'd make a great director.
We pan past the bookshelf and… wait a sec, Playboys Book Of Wines? Susie-doll, what have you and your literature been up to?
Moving on. Susan tells Alex that having her name on his skin is kind of sexy, “in a Timmins kind of way.” They have a smooch on the couch. Hmm, wonder if Susan has any tattoos…
Rachel, Zeke and Bree are doing the dishes and talking about the note Rachel found in her locker from ‘Jake', the only problem being that there are three possible Jake candidates at school. Jake Z “the tall one”, the Jake in Year 10 and then there's the most horrid one of all – stinky Jake and his lack of hygiene. Bree swears she's seen smelly Jake make googly eyes at Rachel, much to her disgust.
Bree says she better get home before Janelle freaks so Zeke walks her there. Alex says he can't believe that his kids are at the dating age but Susan says they'll be fine. Rachel pops her head out of the hallway to say goodnight.
Harold puts up a poster for National Recycling Week while Lou looks on. Max walks in just in time for Lou to give him a present; it's a magnifying glass so everyone can see his tattoo. Max looks like he wants to whack him over the head with it but Lou just chuckles and says that he can throw in some smelling salts too.
Karl waltzes in and asks Harold for a recipe he can try for his date the next evening. Lou congratulates him on getting back into the dating pool, “the Internet is very modern.” Yes it is, Jaguar. Yes it is. We also find out that Lou is going to shack up with Harold for a while to keep an eye on him. Harry walks back out and gives Karl a recipe for something and prawns. I want to say scampi? Anyhoo, Karl looks pleased with it.
Constable Parker has come by to collect the note as evidence, handling it with plastic gloves, and asks Izzy what the note on the plane said. He wants them to come down to the station to fingerprint them since they both handled the new note but they sheepishly admit their prints are on file already. “Can you think of anyone who'd want to harm you?” Stu asks Izzy. Have you got all night? She says she's ruffled a few feathers in her time but nothing that would make someone stoop to this dangerous level.
Elle comes home and Paul immediately starts ranting at her for having her mobile phone switched off. Glad he's not my dad, I never have the thing on. She wants to know what all the fuss is about and Paul looks around wordlessly. ‘Well that clears it up then!' thinks Elle.
Stu is making a house call to everyone in the neighbourhood to give them a heads up and to make sure they're on the look out for anything suspicious. He tells Susan that the likelihood anyone else will be threatened is low but they want to take every precaution. You just jinxed her, man!
STU: Especially given the nature of the initial attack.
ALEX: The plane.
No, the giant octopus that terrorised West Warratah, Alex.
Stu lets them know that more interviews will be held over the next few weeks with survivors of the crash. Susan asks if all this mess is directed at Paul but Stu “isn't at liberty to say”. He goes on his merry way to visit the other residents.
Ned is sitting on the couch learning lines when he hears Stu come home, causing him to shove the script behind a pillow (his character's name is Private Valentine, hehe). Stu says he's wrecked and if he's not up by, oh, next year, for Ned to wake him. He walks out and Ned makes the shifty eyes, taking his script out of its hiding place.
The next morning at breakfast, Professor Zeke tells Rachel he's been studying the handwriting on the note and thinks he's knows who it is. Rachel thinks he's loopy and calls him a nerd, which makes Alex chide her. Also glad Alex isn't my dad ‘cause the board would bleep out what I've called my brother over the years…
Susan answers the phone and we can tell it isn't a telemarketer because the sinister music starts up. Unless it's the telemarketer from hell selling pitchforks. She quickly hangs up and looks distressed – whoever was on the other line told her “it should have been you”. Susan doesn't know who he was and Alex suggests they call Stu over.
Oh wow, it's obvious who it is now. How could we not have figured it out before? Telephone chipmunk, we're on to you!
Stu is now over and Susan, carrying three coffee cups at once like a professional, apologises for taking up his time. The kids walk out but Alex says they don't need to stick around. “Go outside and enjoy the weekend,” Stu agrees, “and be nice to cops!” Rachel and Zeke laugh uproariously like it's the funniest thing they've ever heard. With these kids though, it could well be.
Susan asks if Stu really thinks that Isabelle's letter and her phone call are connected but he doesn't know, he's going to have to pass the info on to the Federal police. Stu adds that the Feds are going to want to amp up security around the place as well.
Two things before I carry on. Paul, The Wiggles called, they want you as their new member. And two, Ned is the tallest human in the world. Or Paul and Elle are really tiny.
Paul is aggro that Elle isn't staying at home but she promised Ned she'd come over and help him with his project. Paul heaps a whole lot more angry on her, playing the protective dad card (asking Ned not to let Elle out of his sight), and leaves, reminding her to keep her phone on this time.
Ned exhales and asks if Paul's always like that. “Pretty much,” Elle sourpusses.
Karl stops by to say hello to Max and Lou but when he gets close to him they recoil like he's been spending time with stinky hygiene-free Jake. Harold's pleased when Karl tells him the recipe was a success but Lou wants to know if it had a lot of garlic in it; he reeks.
KARL: Is it really that bad?
LOU: You'd kill a vampire at twenty paces.
HAROLD: You are a little aromatic.
Harold scurries off to get another recipe.
Rachel, Zeke and Bree are at a table trying not to look at a guy who is staring at Rachel a few tables back. Zeke doesn't see what the problem is and ambles over to introduce himself to the stare bear.
While he's gone, Ron Weasley makes his way over to the girls and smiles in a dimply manner about Rachel getting his note. Hey, it's Year 10 Jake – the red hair threw me for a second. He asks if Rachel wants to catch up later around two and Bree eagerly answers yes for her. Jake Weasley apparates back to Hogwarts while Zeke comes back and laments he had the wrong dude. They fill him in on the latest development and Zeke reckons it'll be all over red rover when he finds out she's not fifteen. “Who says he'll find out?” Rachel smirks. Man Zeke looks peeved!
Susan and Stu are sitting in the lounge with Izzy while Paul thanks a security man that has just swung by.
IZZY: It's going to feel like Big Brother with all these security cameras around.
Stu, pondering that statement I'm sure, asks Susan and Izzy if they have any mutual connections. Obviously Karl, but he's not a candidate, but Izzy also brings up Darcy. She says she's not his favourite person right now but Susan rightly states he would never hurt his own aunt.
IZZY: I think I'm the only person who's considered doing something that drastic to you.
SUSAN: (smirks) Really? That's alright. I've hatched a few hideous schemes against you in my time too.
They smile and kind of chuckle a bit, which is just… odd.
Zeke wants to know if Rachel is going to tell Jake the truth eventually but Bree thinks she should just wait and see what happens first. Rachel says that Zeke's got Bree, “why shouldn't I have someone special in my life too?” Jake Weasley saunters in and Rachel tells the two of them to nicky-woop – they do so making kissy kissy faces at her.
Jake asks why Rachel hangs out with kids like that but she says she was babysitting them - even though they're ‘12' and ‘13', they definitely need supervision. He asks how old she is and she says 15.
JAKE: (taking a menu) So, what are you going to have?
A conniption by the looks of things.
Stu walks in to hear singing and wonders if he left his Australian Idol Season 2 DVD playing in the lounge room. He calls curiously out to Ned as Elle races out to greet him and Ned hastily gets the tape out of the recorder. She tries to get Stu to go straight to the kitchen for a drink but he wants to know why she's being so suss. He soon finds out why as he walks into the lounge room and sees Ned in costume – looking lovely in his Private Valentine garb. Stu laughs his merry heart out, just like a Kinski to a police joke would.
Susan, bringing over the same three coffee cups from before in her skilled way (hope you washed them Suse), sits between Alex and Karl, who has swung by to check up on her. Nice placement there. Karl mentions that the lock on the bedroom window needs fixing and there's a broken panel by the back door, but Susan tells him Alex has already fixed them for her. She adds she's grateful but things are under control.
Karl, feeling like a third wheel, gets up to go, saying he won't stay for coffee after all. S'ok, Suse will just give it to her next guest after a quick warm up in the microwave. Susan apologises to Alex but he says it's fine, Karl cares about her.
SUSAN: I know, but he's got to realise that's your job now.
Alex frets that his kids are late getting home but he needn't have worried, he just has to remember the Neighbours rule that if ye shall speaketh their name they shall cometh. Bree and Zeke walk in full of apologies and Bree adds that Rachel went to the library. Zeke can't tell a lie to save himself though and squirms around and contorts his face, looking like he may very well burst into tears. “She's on a date with this boy from Year 10,” he explodes. The parentals ask which boy but all Zeke can do is make unhappy faces, or perhaps he just ate something bad at the GS.
General Store – Number 28
Rachel is trying to make small talk with Jake but he hasn't really got the same interests as her. She asks what subjects he likes but he's not really a fan of school. Quidditch is more his thing, ‘cept for that ruddy Krum's team. Jake Weasley says all he ever learnt at school was that “life's not fair and the sooner you get used to it the better.” He adds that he just spent the last two weeks in detention for something he didn't do. I'm sure Filch had his reasons; you know he doesn't like ton-tongue toffees.
Jake hands Rachel some knuts and sickles… uh, a tenner and says they'll go for a walk or something after she pays. While she's gone though he takes out his mobile and makes a call.
Susan answers the phone while Alex interrogates the kiddies about Rachel's date.
SUSAN: Susan Smith.
JAKE: (in a raspy menacing voice) You're gonna pay for what you've done.
SUSAN: (she motions to Alex that it's the caller again) Who is this?
JAKE: You really think I'd tell you?
SUSAN: Well you know who I am.
JAKE: Yes I do. And I know you deserve everything that's going to happen to you.
He hangs up but fails to notice a mortified Rachel standing behind him. He's been possessed by the Death Eaters!
Izzy walks into the kitchen and says she's feeling itchy, thinking it's something in the garden. Paul comments that he's itchy as well but they can't very well be allergic to the same thing, also, he hasn't even been in the garden. Izzy starts to feel a little woozy and then gets into a panic. “It couldn't be the letter?” She thinks they've been poisoned. Paul tries to calm her down and says they need to get some help. Izzy hyperventilates her way into commercials.