Amy and Lance competing for a room at number 30
Toadie and Joel arguing about Joel competing in the next bike race
Number 30 where we find some Desperate Housemates
Amy and Lance are still trying to impress Joel and Toadie to see who will move into No 30. Lance has cooked a meal, and Toadie has enjoyed it…well, what's new? Amy tries to convince Joel not to compete in the next bike race, but he's insistent that he's going to take part despite his knee injury, telling Amy that it's none of her business. Lance brings in a badly pronounced Tarte Aux Pommes, which Amy thinks will go very nicely with her chocolate ice cream, thank you very much.
The Kennedys' where we find a Good Doctor Washing Up
Amy is talking to Karl, telling him about the situation with Joel wanting to race again. Amy asks if Karl will subtly pop round for a drink and blind Joel with medical speak. “Didn't help when Ruth tried it,” replies Karl. Karl says that can't intervene because of medical ethics, but that Amy is being a good friend to Joel, as long as she doesn't play doctor. And with Amy you know that means we're gonna cut straight back to…
Number 30 where Amy Plays Doctor
Amy sits on the arm of the couch next to Joel, still trying to convince him that there will be other competitions, and he's just not ready yet. Joel eventually gives in and promises to skip this race on the condition that Amy never hassles him about anything, ever again. What world does he live in?
Joel hobbles to the 'phone and makes the call. He gives his name and apologises for the late notice, but he won't be competing. Just as he says goodbye, the camera pans in on the 'phone, and we hear that there's no-one actually there but an annoying “meep meep meep meep” sound – the one that you get in the UK when the line's engaged, but must mean something else in Aus.
The Bishops' where we find some Friends who are Worried
Madge, Harold and Lou are sitting in the lounge looking at the new Grease Monkeys (GM) flier. Madge and Lou are indignant about the fact that GM is being licensed the following week; Harold is worried about the grammar:
HAROLD: Shimmy in for a Shammy Cocktail? How tacky. And they haven't even got the apostrophe in the right place.
LOU: We're gonna lose business if that woman gets the licence and you're worried about an apostrophe?
HAROLD: Well it's only an observation.
I actually sympathise with Harold on this one – incorrect apostrophe use is the bane of my life, along with a lack of understanding about my favourite punctuation mark – the semi-colon.
Madge, Lou and Harold are livid that Portia will be licensed to sell alcohol in GM, and are worried about their respective businesses – they know, they need to take action! “One for all and all for one, I say,” says Lou.
Ramsay Street where we find Delicious Karl in his Dressing Gown
Karl greets Joel a good morning and hands over the second newspaper that's been delivered to his house by mistake. Because they're next door – see how that plotline works? Karl asks Joel where he's going. He's doing a few early Ks. Joel comments that Amy must've said something to Karl or he wouldn't be asking about him; Karl agrees, yes, Amy did ask some questions.
Karl tells Joel that a fall from his bike could finish him off, and he could need surgery. But he knows that Joel won't stop, anyway. Oh Joel. Listen to the grown ups.
The Martins' where Phil is still in Bed
Anne asks Lance where Phil is – he's still in bed. And because they're nice step-children, they're not going to wake him up because he needs the sleep before Love Bird number 2 returns. That's Ruth, by the way.
Anne asks Lance what he's looking for. Lance wants pancake mix to take to number 30 to impress Toadie and Joel. Seriously – why is anyone so desperate to live with them? Anne has some good advice – if Lance wants to win against Amy, he needs to start thinking like her.
Number 30 where Amy is Stressed
“No bike, no running shoes,” states Amy. We assume it's a reference to Joel, and that's because he's gone riding, Amy. She's very concerned that he would have gone cycling when he promised he wouldn't; Toadie looks unconcerned and quite rightly points out that there's nothing they can do.
Oh yeah? This is Amy we're talking about, Toad. Amy drags Toadie out the house because he's the only one with a car.
She can't mean the only one with a car in the whole of Ramsay Street, surely?
Number 30 where we find No-one Who Lives at number 30
Anne and Lance are in the house. Lance says that Toadie and Joel are guys (good start there), and all they think about is food, girls and food. “Well you can cook so that's two out of three,” deadpans Anne.
Lance says he needs a devious plan to get the spare room. And Anne has a plan:
LANCE: You can't do it, can you?
LANCE: Be devious.
ANNE: I can if I want to.
LANCE: Not the same as Amy. With Amy it's genetic. With you it's, well, it's not really the same league, is it?
ANNE: I resent that!
LANCE: Oh come on. When have you ever been devious?
ANNE: Plenty of times.
LANCE: Such as?
ANNE: I'm thinking.
LANCE: Ah, forget it. It was a nice dream.
ANNE: You listen here, Lance Wilkinson. You don't think I can beat Amy at her own game? Well you are in for a very big surprise because it's time to explore the dark side.
Cue spooky Neighbours music.
The Beach where it looks Very Cold
There are people milling about on the beach, getting ready for the race. Joel is there, expressing a slight twinge in his knee that Joel's mate picks up on. He suggests that Joel shouldn't do the race – with distance events it's apparently easy to stop feeling the pain. I don't believe that the Neighbours researchers did a very good job here because when I go to the gym and cycle for a long time, I can't move for the next two days.
Joel is introduced to the event leader who also expresses concern over Joel's knee – but the stubborn boy ain't movin' on this issue.
We then here Amy's voice, cross with Joel for lying. He talks her through an analogy of what racing is like for him. How much did Amy want to be an air steward? Why didn't she give up? How did she feel on her first flight? Amy gets it, and Joel says he'll see her at the finish line.
The competitors run into the sea.
Number 30 where we've Been A Lot today
Lance is ironing, which makes me smile. Anne walks in and has An Idea. Don't try and be Amy – try Beer, BBQ and Sport. Show Toadie and Joel how much fun three guys can have living together – that's the first part of the plan, and Anne's keeping the second part of the plan under wraps. All Lance has to do is organise the Beer and BBQ; Anne will arrange the Sport.
The Coffee Shop where Harold always is
Portia's put out a new flier offering kids free drinks, and Madge thinks the three of them should fight fire with fire. Madge suggests offering discounts at the pub and coffee shop, but Harold thinks it's an expensive idea. Then Lou has An Idea. That's two in this episode. His Idea is grand, simple, entertaining and informative. It's Skywriting – they should write the pub and coffee shop slogans in the sky, but Harold and Madge have serious doubts:
HAROLD: How long's it gonna take a sign writer to write that? By the time we get to the end the sun will have set.
LOU: Harold, we need lateral thinking, we need vision. Just imagine. You're walking down the street. You look up and there, written in the clear blue sky are the words “Come to Lou's Place.” Now wouldn't that excite you?
HAROLD: No but it could put my neck out.
Madge thinks this will be expensive, but Lou points out that they'll have no business at all if they don't try and compete. Harold points upwards to the sky and says “it could work.”
The Beach where the Contestants are Wet And Cold
Stage 2 – the contestants mount their bikes. I'm guessing this is a triathlon, then.
I'm right – they're now running.
Joel is second, and running fast, although he has a pained look on his face. You were warned, Joel, you were warned.
Number 30 where Lance and Anne have Almost Moved In
I'm beginning to forget who actually lives in this house. Lance returns with some shopping bags, and Anne is watching TV. Anne likes its picture quality. I didn't get the entire conversation here, but Anne has found a famous sports person to attend the BBQ that Lance is arranging. The famous person has a thing for Anne, so is going to attend – Lance is thrilled that Anne has managed this, and announces that she's the Queen of Deviousness before dancing round the room singing “it's mine.”
The Finishing Line where Joel Crosses It First
Joel wins the race and hugs Amy and Toadie. The Event Manager – whose name we now know is Max – says he might be able to get Joel a sponsor. Joel politely declines; he did the race for himself and isn't interested in any sponsorship deals.
Number 30 where we find Much Celebrating
Joel's mate asks Amy what sort of sport she likes; she replies that it depends on what shorts the guys are wearing. Good to know where you're at with that, then, Amy. Joel is proudly showing off his award to Toadie and Lance, but needs to pop into number 28. Lance tells him not to be long, because there's a surprise
The Kennedys' where Delicious Karl is Cooking
Karl is cooking a meal and tells Joel that this is the first meal he ever cooked for Susan. I've missed her this episode. I know she's in the next one, but recapping is no fun without her. Joel asks what's song is playing in the background, and Karl tells him that it's his old band. Susan doesn't let him play it in the house as it's “not her style,” so he takes advantage whilst she's out.
Karl asks about the race and congratulates Joel on his win. Joel doesn't seem excited about doing well, and Karl asks him how his knee is; it seems to be alright.
KARL: So why do you look like you lost?
JOEL: That was my last race. There's no point kidding myself, the win was once off. That's it.
KARL: You know, I can't condone what you did but I am very proud of you. It's been a long road. I'm not surprised you won, either. I've seen you beat the odds before.
JOEL: Ah, the river. That wasn't just me, you helped me through that.
Joel doesn't know what happens now – it's a big empty nothing ahead. Karl reassures him that he can do anything he likes
A really lovely and very well played scene between Alan Fletcher and Daniel MacPherson.
Number 30 where the Famous Person is Being Famous
Joel's mate is showing Amy where different muscle groups are on her legs, much to a watching Karl's bemusement. “It's so amazing, getting to know your own body,” says Amy. Karl smiles as if that's exactly the sort of thing he'd have done in the past to chat a woman up.
There's a knock at the door, and it's Anne's surprise person. I don't think he really is a famous person because he's credited as a ‘Famous Person' rather than ‘Himself.' He looks like a darts player would look, though.
Anne shows him in and Toadie looks thrilled. Anne says introductions aren't necessary, which is a shame for me, because I still haven't managed to pick up on who he is, yet. Famous Person shakes everyone's hand, and Lou, Madge and Harold turn up and announce themselves as fans.
Meanwhile, in the hallway, Joel and Toadie are congratulating themselves on their exercise in getting Lance and Amy to do all the hard work around the house, but little do they know that Lance has heard every word they've said…
Lou and Madge are suggesting to Famous Person that he come and be Famous in the Coffee Shop and Lou's Place to help boost business, and he offers them his manager's number.
Lance, meanwhile, has grabbed Amy, and is telling her about Toadie and Joel's scheme. Lance wants to talk to them about it, but Amy thinks they can have some fun with this, which can only mean one thing…