Lou offers to cover Harold's medical expenses
Harold says he's taking legal action against Lou
The Bishops' where we find some Miserable People
Harold is still complaining about Lou poisoning him when Paul suggests that Harold could actually receive thousands in compensation if he sues. Madge is adamant that this isn't the right course of action – Lou made a mistake and the poisoning was an accident. Harold goes to call his solicitor and Madge asks Paul if Hannah's dropped any hints about what she wants for her birthday – “yeah, anything really expensive will do.”
The Martins' where we find a Pair of Love Birds
Phil's on the 'phone to the tax office who are arriving next week to talk to him about Lou's tax scandal; Phil's worried that they'll audit his clients and that this will take weeks. Ruth tells Phil not to feel guilty about the fact that Lou's in trouble, and suggests they go down the pub for a drink. Which nicely links straight to…
Lou's Place where Everyone gets together
Susan and Martin are talking cosily over a table when Lou brings them drinks. Martin is telling Susan that a new course he is doing will mean he has to talk to a group of teenagers about relationships, and could he practise on some of Susan's students first, please? Susan conveniently has a Year 10 class which could help out.
Martin suggests that a colleague of his has a course about responsible parenting for teenagers and would Susan be delighted for that course to be run at Erinsborough High? Of course she would.
Susan introduces Martin to Ruth and Phil (who've arrived from the previous scene) for a drink.
Martin suggests dinner with Susan who seems a little reluctant:
MARTIN: Oh my god, what did I say. Did I mention dinner? Two people together having food? Outrageous.
SUSAN: Yes, all right, you can stop now.
MARTIN: There's nothing wrong with two consenting adults having food together – even us – as long as it's safe.
SUSAN: Yes, point taken. Just not tonight – I've a lot of work to do. Even principles get homework. But, you know, another time.
MARTIN: Sure, it's a date. I mean, dinner.
Susan smiles, ignorant of the chorus of voices behind her shouting: Don't do it, Suse, don't do it!
The Bishops' where Things are No Happier
Harold is arranging to see the solicitor when Tad comes in with his new BMX. Tad asks Paul when he's going to get his own bike, but Paul thinks he should probably spend the money on Hannah. Tad suddenly rushes out the house with an excuse of needing to see Toadie.
Susan's House where Someone has A Crush
We pan out from a close up of Shakespeare's As You Like It – “a triumphant drama of happiness” says Susan. She grabs Tad's shoulders in an attempt to inspire enthusiasm from him – the book has domestic tyranny, political manoeuvring, lots of romance, especially romance – what more could Tad want? Plain English, apparently. Thus follows a conversation about romance – does it really exist or are there more important things in life?
TAD: Don't get me wrong, I'm into chicks, I mean women, I mean girls… Paul – he's normally a fairly level-headed, if not slightly mixed up kid, but at the moment he's so obsessed with romancing Hannah that all his priorities have gone completely out the window.
SUSAN: How so?
TAD: He'd rather buy her dumb earrings than a BMX. I mean, come on.
SUSAN: (feigning shock) Now I get it! Shakespeare wrote his characters all wrong. If Orlando had bought himself a BMX bike instead of running after Rosalind all day, he'd've been much happier!
TAD: Yeah, alright, alright.
Lou's Place where Lou is Desperate
Madge is asking Lou what happened between him and Harold this morning; Lou tells her that he “went bananas,” but he did try to apologise. Lou begs Madge to try and talk to Harold and convince him not to take legal action – Madge kindly says she'll try, but Lou's not off the hook yet.
The BMX Bike Shop where we get Lots of Close-Ups
Tad finds Paul looking at the bikes, and tries to persuade him to buy it by putting a deposit on it. We even get a close-up shot of the 4000 series bike, glistening in the glow of the fluorescent shop lights – but I'm really not convinced.
Ramsay Street where we find that it's Raining
Ruth and Phil are packing cases into a car when Susan drives past, on her way to school. Phil shouts to her that Hannah isn't well today and won't be going to school. Ruth teases Susan about Martin, which Susan doesn't take too well. Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Susan tells Ruth to let Hannah know that if she gets too bored she can do some maths at home. Yeah, that's gonna happen.
The BMX Bike Shop where Tad doesn't get it
Paul has put a deposit on the bike, and is very excited – it's, like, the coolest bike ever. Apart from Tad's, of course. Just as they leave the shop, Paul decides that he can't buy the bike – he has to buy Hannah's earrings. “If this is the price you pay for romance, you can have it,” says a stroppy Tad.
Erinsborough High where all the Children Go
The bell goes as Tad and Paul gather things from their lockers, late for school. Susan kindly reprimands them just as Martin runs up behind her (ugh) and she says the class are ready for his talk – and he's one very nervous bunny. Susan introduces Dr Martin Chester to the class, and says he'll be talking on parenthood, and the pros and cons of having babies at their age (the students' age, obviously).
The Coffee Shop where Only Ramsay Street Residents work
Ruth and Phil are at the coffee shop together talking about something to do with Phil's business that I really didn't understand. Ruth suggests they go out for dinner together tonight – seriously, are these two lovebirds never apart? Phil says dinner would be delightful, as long as it's not at the pub, because Lou still blames him for his tax problems.
Harold comes into the coffee shop to see Madge; he's come from the solicitors, and thinks that he could successfully sue Lou. Madge tells Harold that Lou is very, very sorry:
MADGE: Harold, I am just as angry with Lou as you are, but you're making him out to be some sort of psychopath, wreaking chemical warfare against his friends and neighbours. Well, that's just not true. It was an innocent mistake and you know it.
Erinsborough High where we discuss Love and Parenthood
Martin is completing his session on parenthood, and suggests that some of the students might want to look after a mechanical baby to see what it's really like. Tad has a question: they now know all about babies, but not how they're made, how does that work? Susan warns Tad to be quiet, but Martin takes him on: “As most people realise, some babies just materialise under a cabbage patch, but in your case Tad there was a daddy frog and a mummy frog. And they both loved each other very, very much.”
The bell goes and the class leave. Susan is impressed with Martin's rapport with the students, and asks what the next part of the programme is. Martin suggests they talk about it over dinner tonight. Susan seems uncomfortable, but doesn't seem to be able to say no.
Maybe it's just me, but that man has more sleaze than charm.
Ramsay Street where we find that the Sun has Come Out
It's not even really wet, so maybe they filmed this on a different day. Lou approaches Harold and apologises again. Harold said that his solicitor – Frank – has advised him not to speak to Lou at all. Lou suggests that the reason Harold wants to sue is just to get back at him for the fence dispute. Ian Smith does his best pompous face in this scene, and it works very well.
Tad and Paul are cycling and walking (respectively) down the street, talking about having a mechanical baby living with them. Tad asked if Paul noticed the way that “Suse” was looking at Martin. Paul didn't, but he did notice the way Tad was looking at “Mrs Kennedy.” Tad tells him to shut up
The Restaurant where we find Red Romantic Lighting
Susan and Martin are discussing the good ol' days over wine as their food is served. Martin asks about Karl: “how's it all going?” Susan says that things aren't great, and she's hoping some time apart will be good for them. What are you doing, Susan? Martin is to you as Sarah was to Karl!
Susan asks about Martin's life. Apparently, since his divorce he's been inundated with offers from single women. (How? Why?) Martin believes that there is one perfect person for everyone, someone who makes them whole, and he thinks that he'll find his perfect mate by looking into his palms. (I know. It's bizarre). He asks to take Susan's hand (I can't believe I'm writing this…), and she obliges:
MARTIN: Well, I can just see that someone has just come into your life is about to ask you a most important question.
SUSAN: Really? And what might that be?
MARTIN: Would you like red wine or white wine?
Seriously – someone tell me why he's attractive.
The Bishops' where Things are No Better
The family are finishing their dinner and a cross Madge tells Paul to ask Harold to pass his plate, much to Harold's chagrin. Madge goes to clean the dishes, and Tad asks Harold if Paul has told him about the sex lesson they had that day. Harold splutters into his drink.
HAROLD: What did you learn?
PAUL: We just learned about babies and how we're too young and stuff.
TAD: Yeah. (Pause) And hormones. We learned a lot about hormones.
HAROLD: Oh, good.
TAD: Hey – did you know that in adolescence, you get attacked by a huge explosion of energy? And that got me thinking.
HAROLD: (suspicious) About what in particular?
Tad and Paul go on to talk about using their energy to ride their bikes rather than for vandalism or getting pregnant (I guess they meant getting girls pregnant), and oh – would Harold and Madge part-pay for Paul to get a bike? Please? He'd be ever so grateful.
The Restaurant where we find Red Romantic Lighting
Susan and Martin are still having a meal and laughing and giggling like girls. Both of them. Martin is holding Susan's hand and talking about her lifeline and ‘lunchline.' Not even vaguely amusing.
Phil and Ruth take the cosy couple by surprise, and Susan looks very guilty. Martin stutters that he was just reading Susan's palm, and in classic guilt mode, Susan shows her palm to them, just to prove it. That'll convince 'em,
Oh Susan. It's all downhill from now on, sweetheart.