Paul discovering that calls to Mystic Mariah cost $1 per twenty seconds.
Paul suggesting to Hannah that they make lamingtons to sell at school.
Paul telling Susan that the proceeds from the lamington drive will go to ‘a good cause'.
Susan taking the money that Paul and Hannah have made, to give to the Salvation Army.
Philip is sitting at the desk when the front door opens and Ruth comes in with a couple of suitcases. She smiles:
RUTH: Guess where *I've* just been!
PHILIP: I might be wildly wrong here, but working?!
RUTH (rolling her eyes!): Aren't *you* the clever one!
Ruth then explains that she's had Mrs. Naurer this morning, and she has offered them the use of her holiday house for a few days.
RUTH: What do you say?
PHILIP: I say: when are we leaving?!
PHILIP: *Tomorrow*? The kids are at school...
RUTH: I wasn't planning on inviting the *kids*...
PHILIP (realisation dawning): Oh...!!!!!!
RUTH: You reckon you can clear your calendar?
PHILIP: To play hooky with you? You betcha!
Ruth then admits that there *is* one small catch: Mrs. Naurer has a freezer that she wants taken up to the place; she can't fit it into her car so she said *they'd* take it. Philip smiles that that seems like a small price to pay to have a couple of days of peace and quiet with his gorgeous wife! He then announces that he has to get to a finance meeting at the school. Ruth tells him to have fun!
Lou walks in and smiles at Madge and Harold:
LOU: Lovely day for it!
Madge just glares at him and snaps:
She then adds that this is her shop, and the management reserves the right to refuse service – and they're exercising the right. Lou goes to walk out again – but he stops by the door and turns and grins:
LOU: I've got you over a barrel, haven't I? Ta ta...
He back heads out, leaving Madge and Harold looking furious!
Paul and Hannah are walking down the stairs as the bell sounds. Paul is saying:
PAUL: You should have just told Mrs. K. ‘no'.
HANNAH (snaps): *Me*? *I'm* not going to tell the Principal of the whole school what to do.
PAUL: You should have just said that we already had a charity to give it to, then.
HANNAH (angrily): Why do *I* have to do everything?
PAUL: As if! Who was up half of last night *cooking* the stupid lamingtons?
HANNAH: So was *I* - and the lamingtons were *your* stupid idea.
Calming down, Paul asks Hannah if she has any *other* ideas as to how to earn the money. Paul admits that he hasn't. He groans:
PAUL: What are we going to do?
HANNAH: I don't know about *you*; *I'm* going home to wash my hair: it's full of desiccated coconut.
Philip arrives home with a box of shopping as Ruth is talking on the ‘phone to a Mr. Nesbit about the exercises he should do and explaining why she has to cancel his appointment. She tells Nesbit that it's her husband's uncle who's arriving from Greece. Philip muses:
PHILIP: Playing hooky *and* telling lies! What would the *children* say?!
At that moment, the front door opens and Lance, Anne, Hannah and Amy come in. Ruth hangs up and Phil tells the kids that he and Ruth are going away for a couple of days.
AMY (jiggling her body): I feel a party coming on!
RUTH (sternly): Oh no you don't: there will be no social engagements of any kind – especially not sleepovers!
Phil adds that they have spies everywhere! He then asks Hannah how she went with her lamington school. Hannah replies that it was pretty good: they raised about $60, which has gone to the Salvos.
RUTH (approvingly): Well done, Hannah!
PHILIP: She takes after *me*: financial genius with a social conscience!
With that, Ruth and Philip head to the kitchen to unpack the shopping. Hannah asks Anne, Lance and Amy if they have any ideas how she can make some *real* cash.
LANCE: You could get a job!
HANNAH (sarcastically): Or *you* could get a *life*!
Paul is sitting at the kitchen table with Harold, who's commending him and Hannah for the money he gave to the Salvation Army. Madge, who's serving-up dinner, comments:
MADGE: There are other people in this neighbourhood who could take a leaf out of your book.
PAUL (sighs): Is this about Lou *again*?
Harold comments that there must be an equitable way to solve the problem.
MADGE: There *is*: total surrender from Lou. I wouldn't settle for less!
She sits down at the table as Paul comments:
PAUL: I guess you wouldn't want me to work any more hours for Mr. Carpenter, then?
MADGE: No – I certainly wouldn't.
PAUL: It's just that...
HAROLD: It's just what?
PAUL: Well... he wants me to work more for him: you know, washing cars, cleaning cars, that sort of thing.
HAROLD (dubiously): Well it *is* up to you, but it would be aiding and abetting the enemy.
PAUL (quickly): I'd rather work for *you* if you have anything going.
HAROLD (looking surprised): You really would rather work for us than Lou?
PAUL: Oh yeah. He pays really well, but you're much nicer people, and I think he's gone way too far with this land grabby thing.
Madge comments that she thinks they could find him a couple of shifts. Harold, looking impressed, says:
HAROLD: A young, loyal lad? Definitely!
The Wilkinsons and Martins are having dinner. Lance asks why they can't just copy some of *their* stuff and put it on the school computers. Philip muses:
PHILIP: You mean apart from the infringement of copyright on the programs?
LANCE: *Everyone* swaps software.
RUTH (curtly): It still doesn't make it legal.
PHILIP: And it doesn't give you training or warranties.
Anne asks why the school hasn't got enough to buy the software itself. Ruth, however, reminds her that they're lucky to still *have* a school.
PHIL: Yeah: because the department was thinking of closing Erinsborough High down, well, they didn't make any provisions for new equipment or materials – and they *won't*; not until the next budget, anyway.
Lance asks what the solution is. Philip laughs that Lou offered a pub meal for the raffle! He adds that he knows it's not enough, but it's a nice thought. Anne suggests that they could use the money raised from the forty-hour foxtrot. Lance, however, points out that the forty-hour foxtrot was Amy's idea, and she was going to use the money for a common room.
ANNE: But this is so much more *important*.
LANCE: Maybe – but shouldn't you at least ask Amy what she thinks?
ANNE: Amy is a school captain; she's going to want to do what's best for the whole school, not just one, small, tiny little group. I mean, she'll understand.
LANCE: There is no way Amy's going to go for it.
ANNE: We'll just have to see.
LANCE: OK. Your funeral. Hope you enjoy it.
The next morning, Lance and Anne are walking with Amy to their lockers. Amy is saying curtly:
AMY: No way. Not a chance.
ANNE (tersely): Why not? What is your problem with spending the money on software?
AMY: Because the money was raised for the *common room*.
Anne asks if software that the entire school can use is far more important than some place for the Year 12s to hang out. Amy just shrugs:
AMY: I promised my subjects a rocking common room. That's what they're going to *get*.
Anne points out that this is a chance for their year level to leave something for the kids who come after them. Amy, however, just shrugs that if the software's so important, why doesn't somebody *else* put up the money?; it doesn't have to be *them*.
ANNE: Yeah, but I told *Phil* that we'd do it.
AMY (curtly): Who said you could do that?
ANNE: I'm school captain.
AMY: So am I.
ANNE: Well you weren't there.
AMY (sarcastically): The *telephone* doesn't work? You could have called me; at least see what I thought.
ANNE: I just assumed that—
AMY (snaps): Well don't, OK?
With that, Amy storms off, leaving Anne to comment to Lance in surprise that *that* was a little bit extreme.
Harold serves Hannah and Paul with free milkshakes as a well-done for their contribution to the Salvos. He then heads back to the counter, leaving Hannah to sigh at Paul:
HANNAH: How low do you feel? All that work and we're *still* in debt.
Paul, however, explains that he's got another job, so it looks like he'll be able to pay off his ‘phone bill. Looking surprised, Hannah says:
HANNAH: Apart from working for *Lou*? Where?
PAUL: Here – after school.
HANNAH: What – you're working for Harold and Madge *and Lou*? And Harold and Madge are OK with it?
PAUL: Well... I didn't tell them that I'm doing both.
HANNAH: Well what *did* you tell them?
PAUL: Just that I prefer working for *them*... It's not like I lied or anything!
Hannah asks what will happen when Lou strolls in. Paul, however, assures her that that's not going to happen, as Madge has banned Lou from the Coffee Shop. Madge walks over to them at that moment and asks if there's anything else she can get them.
HANNAH: Actually, I could do with a job a bit like the one Paul's got.
MADGE: Oh, I'm sorry, I gave Paul the last shift.
Madge then adds that she could use someone to help with the cleaning at home; she could pay $7 an hour.
HANNAH (beaming): Thanks – that would be great! When can I start?!
Philip finishes replacing the kitchen tap, leaving Ruth to comment that half the day's over and they're not even at the holiday home yet. Phil points out that he *did* spend almost an hour looking for the spanner. Lou, who's under the sink, with the aforementioned spanner, which he'd borrowed, tells them that he won't be too long. Philip assures Ruth that, in a little while, they'll be in the country enjoying themselves!
Amy is packing books furiously into her bag by the lockers as Lance sighs that this isn't *his*fault. Amy just retorts that Anne's his sister. Lance suggests they go to the video shop; he'll even consider a mushy romantic comedy! Amy, however, glares at him and says tersely:
AMY: That's all you Wilkinsons think I'm good for, isn't it: silly romances and shopping.
Lance points out that she's good at *lots* of stuff: photography... dancing... she's a great kisser!
AMY: Not *serious* stuff; not like school captain.
LANCE: You jealous of Anne?
AMY: No, I'm not – but she's just so bossy; she never listens to anything I have to say...
LANCE (muses): *Anne's* bossy...?!
AMY (retorts): See? You *are* on her side.
LANCE: I'm just pointing a few things out.
AMY: Yeah, well, *I'm* pointing a few things out to *Phil*.
Lance points out that Phil and Ruth have gone away. Amy retorts that they'll call him on the mobile.
LANCE: I think they might have gone away to *escape* this kind of thing; you know: relax... and be together...
AMY (dismissively): Oh come on – they're *past* all that, aren't they?
LANCE: They've only been married a couple of months!
Amy insists that this really matters to her.
LANCE (assures her): I know.
AMY: So let's stop mucking around and call Phil.
Phil and Ruth pull up in the car and climb out. A cockerel crows in the background! The two of them walk up to a rather ramshackle old house, and Ruth asks Phil in concern if he's sure it's the right place. Phil asks her if it isn't what she expected. Ruth shrugs that she thought it would be a bit more stately! Phil insists that it's fine! Ruth hands him the key and he goes to open the door – only the key won't fit the lock. Ruth suggests that they try the *other* door. Phil heads round to check. Ruth stands and looks around at a horse in a field and the cockerel which is strutting around. She then notices an old hut which looks like it contains the latrine!
Phil comes back round the house and smiles:
PHIL: Ta-da! Door wasn't even locked!
RUTH (looking concerned): I hope she hasn't been broken into...
PHIL: No! This is the country! People don't lock doors in the country!
Philip then suggests that they get the freezer in. Ruth groans:
RUTH: Do we *have* to?
PHIL (beams): As an incentive, there's chilled white wine!
Amy and Lance are sitting on the couch and Amy is dialling a number on the ‘phone. Lance is saying that he really doesn't think this is a good idea. Amy, however, retorts:
AMY: Don't worry, ‘broken record'. Look: when they hear how important it is, they won't mind.
Anne appears suddenly from the kitchen and says curtly:
ANNE: Yeah, but *I* might. You're not wrecking their holiday; we can sort out this money thing when they get back.
AMY (snaps): If you even bother to *tell* Phil.
ANNE: I *said* I would, didn't I?
AMY (tuts): The ‘phone's out of range.
ANNE (repeats angrily): *Didn't I*?
AMY: Yes, OK. You happy now?
ANNE: No. What you trying to say here, Amy? That I'm some sort of *liar*?
AMY: That you're a *manipulator*.
ANNE (looking incredulous): If *anyone's* a manipulator round here, it's *you*.
AMY (her voice rising): And you're just Miss. Perfect, aren't you? Always right... butter wouldn't melt in your mouth... you always do what the parents want... the teachers—
Lance tries to interject, saying:
LANCE: Ladies, *please*!
All he gets in response, though, is a dual:
AMY and ANNE (shouting): SHUT UP!
Anne then snaps at Amy:
ANNE: All I did was make one little suggestion. OK, maybe I should have asked you first, but it's hardly the crime of the century. I'm just trying to do what's right.
AMY: Oh, and if *you* thought it, it *must* be right. You know, I'm so sick of you doing what *you* want. What *I* want doesn't even *count*.
ANNE: I *don't*.
AMY: The common room was *my* campaign promise. *I* worked out how to earn the money.
LANCE (calmly to Anne): The forty-hour foxtrot *was* Amy's idea.
ANNE (coldly): Like we should all bow down because she actually *had* one. *I* was the one that did all the work; all *she* cared about was how good she looked, and winning that trophy; not that I'm surprised, because self-obsession has *always* been Amy's strong point.
AMY (pointedly): Yeah, that's what it comes down to, doesn't it? *I'm* the airhead and *you're* the responsible, intelligent one. Well I have had just about enough of it.
With that, Amy storms out. Lance mutters at his sister:
LANCE: Good one, Anne.
Paul is washing a car when Lou walks up to him and smiles that that's what he likes to see: someone else doing all the hard work.
PAUL: Yeah, it's a good job – but I might have to quit on you soon...
LOU: Don't tell me: Harold and Madge are giving you a hard time for consorting with the enemy.
PAUL: Well they didn't actually come out and say it, but...
LOU: But what?
PAUL: Well, they really want me to work at the Coffee Shop.
LOU: Ah... very subtle: keep you away from my evil influence, eh?
PAUL: I don't want to get in the middle of this feud thing... and I really want to keep working here; it's just that...
LOU: Your loyalty's appreciated.
PAUL: Well... they said that they'd pay me a dollar more an hour than you do.
LOU: Did they, now...? All right – what about $1.50 more?
PAUL: Well, it's just that, you know, I have to live there and that—
LOU: Two dollars?
PAUL: Gee, Mr. Carpenter, it's awfully generous of you, but...
LOU: Paul, don't let Jelly Belly and Monster Madge manipulate you. $2.50 an hour more. What do you say?
PAUL (grins): Yeah, all right. Thanks!
With that, Lou walks off, leaving Paul looking delighted with himself!
Amy heads down the driveway of No. 26, looking upset. Anne runs after her and asks her to wait. She then says:
ANNE: Hey, I'm sorry – I really didn't mean that.
AMY (sniffs): You said it because you *thought* it.
ANNE: But what about all the things that you said about *me*?
Amy doesn't respond, and instead starts walking down the street. Anne goes after her and insists that they need to talk. She suggests they go to the Coffee Shop. Amy, however, sobs:
AMY: Why bother? I know what you think about me.
ANNE: Amy, we've got to sort this out. Lance is schizo enough, without *us* fighting all the time.
Amy stops in her tracks and, realising Anne is right, agrees to meet at the Coffee Shop. The two of them head off down the street. Madge is coming the other way, but as she reaches the driveway of No. 24, she discovers that Lou has erected a banner at the side of the drive, advertising Lou's Place. She stares at it and then yells as only she can:
Philip is trying to drag the freezer into the kitchen, but he sighs:
PHILIP: This isn't right...
He calls for Ruth – but he suddenly hears a scream, and Ruth runs in, crying that there was a spider in the toilet; it gave her a fright! Philip says he'll go and sort it out in a minute. He then asks Ruth what she thinks about the freezer. Ruth comments that it doesn't seem to fit... Philip points out, however, that there isn't a *fridge*... and the *stove* is in the *lounge*... Ruth just shrugs:
RUTH: Who cares? Is the wine still cold?!
Philip reaches into the freezer and takes out a bottle. He goes to open it. Ruth sighs that they're not off to a great start... As Philip goes to open the bottle, she adds
RUTH: Spider first, wine second.
Philip heads out of the room. Ruth goes to switch on the kitchen light – only to find that the switch doesn't do anything!
Amy and Anne are sitting together at a table, Amy saying:
AMY: And nobody ever takes me seriously. I mean, they think because I'm a blonde and I like to have fun that I'm some sort of bimbo – and I'm *not*.
ANNE (insists): Look, I *don't* think that.
AMY: Maybe not consciously, but it's how you *act*.
ANNE: I don't *mean* to – and anyway, I'd trade places with you any day.
AMY (looking surprised): What?
ANNE: This may come as a surprise to you, but I get absolutely sick of being seen as a swat and a goody-goody.
AMY (muses): Yeah, I always wondered if that annoyed you, but I was too embarrassed to ask!
ANNE: Well it does. And don't think for a second that I'm never jealous of how popular you are.
AMY: Popular? Big deal!
ANNE: Oh come on, I thought you loved it. Now, be honest.
AMY: OK, I do, but I mean, it doesn't—
ANNE: It'd have to beat getting bagged-out for being good all the time. I mean, I even tried to be bad and it didn't work!
AMY (murmurs with a smile): Yeah, well, we're supposed to be talking about *me* here, not you!
Anne assures her:
ANNE: Amy, no one looks down on you.
AMY: When it comes to *important* things they do. I want us to be partners; I want my opinion to *matter*.
ANNE: It *does*.
AMY: No, *really* matter.
Anne says she thinks they just got their wires a bit crossed on this. Amy, however, tells Anne that now it's *her* turn to be honest.
ANNE: OK – I should've talked to you first.
AMY: Exactly. Look, I want to contribute, but if you won't let me then you might as well be school captain on your own.
ANNE: No! I don't want that.
AMY: Oh really?
ANNE: Really. I'll promise I will try and listen to you more, OK?
AMY: And you won't be so bossy?
ANNE (muses): *You're* never bossy?!
AMY: OK, forget bossy! How about you just don't go behind my back on stuff?
ANNE: Yeah, OK.
With that, the two girls shake hands. As they do so, Amy notices the leather bracelet Anne's wearing. She says seriously:
AMY: How can you be wearing something like that when half the world is starving?
The two girls then grin at each other and burst out laughing!
Madge is chopping carrots extremely forcefully, ranting that the sign that Lou put up is visual pollution. She adds angrily that he's going to have to be dealt with.
HAROLD: Well if you think *I'm* going to confront him, you're wrong: all *that* does is cause more aggravation.
Madge retorts that she's not going to be beaten: she's going to get that banner off their driveway and get their driveway *back*. Hannah emerges from the laundry and announces that she's finished the washing. She asks if she should iron the T-shirts. Madge, however, assures her that they're only Paul's; she doesn't usually bother. Harold takes them and says he'll put them away. As he does so, he adds:
HAROLD: Oh Hannah, do you know where Paul *is*? He should be home by now.
HANNAH: Oh, yeah, he, er, said something about having to go to the library, I think.
HAROLD (looking surprised): The library? Getting studious? Very good, eh?!
Harold then heads to Paul's bedroom with the T-shirts. Hannah asks Madge what she should do now. Madge, however, replies that she thinks two hours is long enough for one day, and she hands over some money. Hannah takes it and asks if she should come back tomorrow, as she spotted some mould in the shower which she could clean up. Madge smiles that that would be great. With that, Hannah heads off. Harold rejoins Madge, who, looking suddenly thoughtful, comments to him:
MADGE: Harold, I think I've got it: the solution to that obscenity out there.
Harold, however, has a worried expression on his face, and he says:
HAROLD: I'm afraid we've got problems closer to home.
MADGE (snaps): Harold, that *thing* is in our *driveway*.
Harold, however, tells Madge reluctantly:
HAROLD: And *this* was in Paul's bedroom, hidden in his chest of drawers.
He holds up a well-thumbed copy of ‘Ambrosia' 'magazine, a scantily-clad woman pictured on the front next to the headline ‘‘G' Spotting for Beginners'!