Gaby tells everyone tearfully that Bert swore Wayne to secrecy, but she forced it out of him. Brad asks if Bert was in very much pain and Gaby nods that it was quite a lot, apparently. Pam says *she* knew he was having some pain, but she thought it was all that rum playing up with his liver. Brad suggests that there must be new drugs or operations. Gaby replies that he's been to clinics in the States and in Europe and they all said it's too late. Doug murmurs that it can't be right... Pam cries that she should have dug deeper. Doug declares suddenly that he's going down to the docks. Gaby asks if she can come, as she didn't get to say goodbye, but Pam tells her that Bert and Doug need to talk. Doug says he hopes he can locate him.
Sitting at a table with Rick, Debbie says she doesn't want to talk about Michael and she asks if they can talk about something else. Rick starts trying to tell her about the trip to Italy that his parents want to take him on, but before he can get the words out, Cathy comes over and asks what they want. Debbie orders gooey chocolate cake, but Rick says he's OK - he's dieting! Cathy leaves them and Debbie asks Rick if she can say something else about Michael: she's grateful to Rick because he's always there for her; she wouldn't know what to do without him. She then asks
DEBBIE: Now, what was that about Italy?
Rick, however, says it was nothing. He then adds that he's got a few things to do before school and he heads off.
As he leaves the Coffee Shop, Rick bumps into a weary- looking Annalise and he asks how Lassiter's is going. She growls:
ANNALISE: It's a slave market. I make 5,000 beds a day, I'm always exhausted, the boss won't give me a break... I've had to sneak out.
Rick looks miles away, though, and Annalise mutters at him that she really appreciates his interest. Rick explains that he was just going to do something, but he blew it. He goes on that he was going to tell Deb about the trip to Italy, but it's not the right time; he's been trying his hardest to get out of it, but nothing seems to work. Annalise smiles that *she* could get him out of it in a *minute* - but it'll cost. Rick mutters that *this'll* be good. Annalise tells him:
ANNALISE: When I was packing up at Lou's, I forgot this set of lingerie. Really nice... pure silk. But the way things are, I can't go over there and pick it up.
RICK (warily): Lingerie? You mean that frilly underwear stuff? I don't know, Annalise...
ANNALISE (points out): Two minutes at Lou's or three weeks in Italy?
Bert is about to board a ship when Doug runs up and tells him that they need to talk. Bert asks if Wayne spilled the beans, but Doug explains that Gaby got it out of him. He asks Bert why he didn't tell him. Bert retorts that there didn't seem much point: Doug said what he thought and him checking out doesn't change anything. Doug says he's got a few *more* things to say. Bert climbs back down the steps.
The paintballers are gathered at No. 24. Benito has a large backpack. Wayne asks what's in it and Benito replies that it's just something that might come in handy. Jim asks if it's some sort of secret weapon! Brad comes in and tells everyone that his dad can't make it - and it looks like *he's* going to have to pull out as well: something's come up. Wayne tells him that he's sorry to hear about Bert - but there's not a lot Brad can do at home... Benito adds that they need equal numbers and if Brad's not in, they cancel. Brad grins that he doesn't want them to miss out. He heads home to get changed. At that moment, Rick emerges from the bedroom area. Lou stops him and asks what he's up to. He spots lingerie in Rick's hand and Jim remarks to Benito:
JIM: Interesting taste in clothing your son has!
Sitting with Doug, Bert asks if that's all he has to say. Doug tells him that he treated him badly before and he wants him to come back home. Bert retorts that he doesn't want pity; he didn't tell Doug before because he wanted to know how he felt about him after all this time and he found that out. Doug comments that that's not fair. Bert says:
BERT: You know what's at the bottom of this? You don't want to be left with a guilty conscience.
DOUG: And *you* came back because you're dying - to make up for the past. Don't talk to me about motives.
BERT: Quit trying to shift the blame.
He walks off.
Everyone has paintballing rifles and Wayne suggests that the first thing they do is pick two equal teams. Benito, however, says it's already sorted: him, Wayne and Brad against Jim, Lou and Stephen. The paintballers agree do this. Wayne tells everyone that if they're shot, they're automatically dead and out of the game; for the rest of it, anything goes. He then points to a flag hanging in a tower and explains that the object of the game is to collect it.
Doug arrives home alone. Gaby asks if he didn't find Bert, but Doug replies that he found him. Pam asks what happened. Doug says they talked, he said he was sorry and he invited his father back there, but he didn't want to know and he got stuck into him. He adds that he did his best: he asked him to come back, but he wouldn't; the man's as stubborn as all get- out. Gaby mutters that it runs in the family. Doug walks off. When he's gone, Pam leaps up, grabs something from the writing cabinet and tells Gaby that she can't let this happen.
The game is afoot. Jim and Stephen crouch down together behind some trees and Jim asks Stephen if he has any ideas. Jim replies that he was an *engineer* in Vietnam, not a soldier! Lou joins them and suggests that they make a surprise attack: rush the tower and grab the flag - the other team won't be doing that. He adds that he's willing to lead the charge. With that, he gets up and runs out into the woods. Stephen and Jim take up watchful positions. All of a sudden, Wayne leaps up and shoots Lou, who plays out a theatrical death, shouting up to the sky:
LOU: Mother - I'm coming home!
As Wayne leans over Lou, Stephen appears from behind a tree and shoots him! Lou bursts out laughing!
As Lou and Wayne walk through the woods, back to the main centre, Benito and Brad watch from behind a nearby tree and Benito comments that it looks like he's the new team leader.
Rick is sitting at a table with Annalise. Over at the counter, Cathy murmurs to Gaby that she wishes her son wouldn't spend so much time with her. She adds that she'll be keeping an eye on that situation.
Across at the table, Rick watches his mum head into the kitchen. He then takes out Annalise's lingerie and hands it to her - in full view of Gaby! He tells Annalise that he's done his side of the deal; now she's to get him out of this Italy trip. Annalise tells him to open his mouth. She hands him a couple of small pads and tells him that it'll make him look like he has the mumps!
Bert is standing on the ship when Pam runs across the docks and yells to him to get off. Bert yells back that there's no point. Pam cries at him that he's not being fair. She then reaches into her pocket and takes out a coin, which she throws up to Bert. He looks at it and then makes his way towards the boat's exit.
Rick walks into the kitchen and says in a muffled voice:
RICK: Mum... does my face look a bit funny to you?
Cathy turns to him and tells him that it does. She asks him if he feels sick and he nods and adds that he can't swallow properly and he feels all achy. Cathy checks his forehead and comments that he doesn't seem to have a temperature. She then checks his cheek and asks if it hurts. Rick nods that it does and he asks if she knows what it is. Cathy exclaims:
CATHY: I hope it's not *mumps*.
RICK: Mumps? Oh... Does that mean I'll miss out on the trip?
CATHY: You certainly couldn't go at the moment.
RICK: Oh, great. Still, maybe next year or the year after, eh? You and dad can still enjoy yourselves without me.
CATHY: You were really looking forward to it too, weren't you...
RICK: Yeah, I was, but it can't be helped, I guess. No hard feelings?
Cathy, however, says she has a better idea: Benito's usually very thorough - the travel insurance should cover unexpected illness, so they'll just put it off a month and then they can all go together. Rick tries to protest, but Cathy insists that she's not going to leave him when he's ill, so they'll just postpone. She turns back to the worktop. Behind her back, Rick takes out the pads and comments that that's funny: it seems to be going! He adds that it was a false alarm. Cathy muses:
CATHY: How very odd!
Doug is sitting at the table, staring into space. Gaby asks if the ship has sailed yet, and Doug murmurs it was half an hour ago. Gaby tells him sadly that she's sorry about before: she knows she was pretty stupid. At that moment, though, Pam comes in and calls out that she's back - and she's brought Bert with her! Gaby runs and gives her grandfather a hug and then she and Pam leave Doug and Bert to talk. Bert holds out the coin and says to his son:
BERT: Pam showed me this.
DOUG (smiles): My lucky penny.
BERT: I was amazed you've still got it!
DOUG: I couldn't bring myself to chuck it. You brought it back from London when I was knee high to a grasshopper.
BERT: You put it in your mouth... you nearly choked, and I threw it in the garbage.
DOUG: I rescued it!
He pauses before then continuing:
BERT: Every boy believes his father's some kind of giant. We've all got to find out that a man's just flesh and blood. You found out the hard way and I'm sorry.
DOUG: Listen, what you said about shifting blame... you were right.
BERT: We *both* were. We just needed to admit it so we could talk.
DOUG: All those years of being angry... I guess you don't get angry unless you *care*.
BERT: No, you don't.
DOUG: I felt left behind. Abandoned - because you didn't take me with you.
With that, Doug puts his arm round Bert and they hug.
Benito and Brad are crouched down in some bushes and Brad asks what the Army's routine is on calls of nature! Benito hisses to him to just get on with it. Brad stands up and walks off a few yards. Stephen spots him, though, and grins:
STEPHEN: Sorry, mate!
He shoots Brad - only for Benito to then appear behind Brad and shoot Stephen! Brad grins at him and asks if he's hungry. Stephen tells Benito:
STEPHEN: It looks like it's down to you and Jim. One on one...
BENITO (with relish): Yeah...
Sitting at a table with Rick, Annalise tells him that if this trip is a reward, he should make his olds think he doesn't deserve it. She asks what he could do that would be bad enough to stop him from going on the trip. Rick comments that his parents go wild about Debs; when they thought he and Debbie were on together in London... Annalise exclaims that it's perfect - and he can do it at home, in the house, when they're not there! Rick says warily that he doesn't think Debbie would be in it - and he wouldn't *want* her to be. Annalise tells him:
ANNALISE: Not Debbie; *me*! Only on a pretend basis, though - I don't go in for schoolboys. But we can pretend. What do you say? Want to send your parents right over the edge?!
The lucky penny is spinning on the table and Bert is chuckling:
BERT: Your face was turning blue when I located that penny. I was worried about brain damage. Maybe I was right!
DOUG (laughs): Don't start that again!
Bert suddenly winces and Pam and Gaby rush over. Bert, however, tells them not to make a fuss; it passes. He tells Gaby not to be upset - by and large he's been a very lucky man. Doug tells his father that he admires his courage. Gaby asks Bert how long he can stay with them and Bert says he can stay a few more days. Gaby asks him to stay longer, but Bert explains that there are some things he wants to do while he still can. He then asks Doug if he likes fishing. Doug smiles:
BERT: Good. We'll, er... we'll do a few things we should've done when you were growing up.
Benito is watching from the tower by the flag. Jim is creeping through the woods. He hides behind a tree and then spots Benito, who has his back turned. As he moves forward, though, he doesn't spot a trip wire. He walks into it and it causes two shots to fire out of automatic weapons positioned nearby. Benito hears them, picks up his own gun and fires a third shot at Jim, letting out a big cheer as he does so!
Annalise puts two glasses down on the coffee table. Rick is looking through the front window and he spots his mother pulling up in her car. He tells Annalise, who quickly loosens the belt on her trousers. Rick takes off his top and he and Annalise both then sit on the couch and Rick throws a blanket over the two of them. They start laughing and making movements as if there's something going on under the blanket! Cathy walks in and stops in her tracks, gasping:
CATHY: I can't believe what I'm seeing.
Rick and Annalise emerge from under the blanket, looking shame- faced. Cathy orders Annalise to get out and she tells Rick angrily that she'll be speaking to his father about him. She adds furiously:
CATHY: You don't *deserve* a trip to Italy. In fact, I'd like nothing better than to leave you behind.
She goes to head upstairs. Rick and Annalise grin at each other, happily. Cathy then turns back and goes on:
CATHY: But that's out of the question now. Who knows *what* you'll get up to?
She heads upstairs. Rick throws back his head in annoyance - just as Debbie walks in through the open front door. Spotting Rick and Annalise sitting there, Rick half- naked, she demands:
DEBBIE: What's this?
RICK (leaping up): Er, Deb, it's not what it looks like.
DEBBIE (snaps): Like hell!
RICK: I can explain.
DEBBIE: Well, don't bother. I mean, seeing's believing. You are dropped - permanently, you creep.
She storms out.