Madge receiving a ‘phone call with some news which she tells Henry could break Harold's heart.
Des is sitting cuddling Jane on the couch, telling her gently that he doesn't want to rush her into marriage. Jane, however, points out that they've waited long enough! She adds more seriously, though, that it would be nice to enjoy their engagement for a while: they went from nothing to everything and it takes a bit of getting used to. Des shrugs:
DES: Why don't we put it off for a couple of years? OK?!
JANE (laughs): I think I can get used to it a bit quicker than *that*!
Jane then suggests a Spring wedding. Des nods that footy season's over and the cricket season won't have started, so it's perfect! Jane, ignoring this(!), says she thinks she'll have Gail as her Matron of Honour. She asks Des if he's thought who he'll have as his Best Man. Des replies that Mike was his first choice... and Paul's his second choice – but he doesn't see he has to make a decision about it *now*. Jane, however, muses that before they know it, they'll be making wedding lists and lots of other things! Des smiles that they should get one invitation for the whole of Ramsay Street! Jane says:
JANE: I hope Nan can come.
DES (frowns): Do you think she *would*? I mean, I'm not exactly her favourite neighbour. We had our run-ins!
JANE: I know – but if she's well enough, she'll be here. You know, apart from all her meddling, I know that she just wants me to be happy – and I *am*.
At that moment, Mike emerges from his room, and Jane's face drops. He comments to her sourly that she's there bright and early. He then adds that Bronny's coming over later to study, so they wouldn't mind some privacy. Jane retorts that she and Des are going over to *her* place. Des adds that they're having lunch at Paul and Gail's. He then asks Mike if he can look after Jamie when Kerry gets back. Mike shrugs:
MIKE: Sure. *He's* not a hassle...
Bronwyn is serving behind the counter at the Coffee Shop when Madge and Henry dash in. Madge asks where Harold is, as she's got to speak to him. Bronwyn, however, explains that he's gone to the markets. Madge curses:
MADGE: Oh blast! That means he'll be gone half the morning. Oh well – at least it'll delay the depression.
BRONWYN: Depression over what?
MADGE: Well, it's—. Oh, no, no, love, I've got to tell Harold first – it's only fair.
With that, she says she'll go and walk round the lake, calm herself down and work out what she's going to say to him. She heads off. When she's gone, Bronwyn asks Henry if he knows what that was about, adding that she's never seen his mum so freaked. Henry laughs that *he* has: when he was a kid, he shaved a cat with her leg razor! Changing the subject, he asks Bronwyn if she wants to go house-hunting again when she finishes her shift. Bronwyn, however, says she can't, as she has another study session with Mike. Trying not to display his emotions, Henry comments that she'll get some time off later, won't she? Bronwyn replies that she doubts it. She asks Henry if he minds. He chuckles quickly that he's cool. The expression on his face suggests otherwise, though.
Paul is working at the kitchen table. Gail joins him and comments that he's started early. Paul grins:
PAUL: *Somebody's* got to pay for these dim sim binges of yours! No ill-effects?
GAIL: No, not unless you count the three kilos I've put on. I'm going to get as fat as a pig!
PAUL: You could've fooled *me*!
Gail asks Paul if he thinks she's starting to show. Paul, however, insists that she's looking as slim as ever. Gail sighs that *he's* not wearing her clothes! She adds that she's going to have to get some maternity outfits. Paul tells her that it can wait until Monday, but Gail replies that Des and Jane are coming for lunch and she wants to look nice. With that, she heads out.
Des and Jane are kissing in the kitchen, by the sink. When they pull apart, Des asks Jane if she thinks Paul and Gail would mind if they didn't go to lunch, as he'd like to spend some time alone – just the two of them. Jane smiles that she likes showing him off! Des comments:
DES: I didn't realise how much I missed being part of a couple. It's not the same with Jamie and Mike around.
Jane remarks that Mike's still really mad at them: she feels really uncomfortable over at Des's. Des sighs that he doesn't like being kicked out of his own house. Jane smiles:
JANE: At least we can find some peace and quiet here, huh?
At that moment, Joe comes in and drops a wrench noisily! He tells Des and Jane that he's got to get under the sink to fix the garbage disposal! Jane and Des go and sit down at the table, and Jane remarks that there must be *something* they can do to make Mike relax when they're around. Des, however, shrugs that he can't think what. He goes on:
DES: You know, maybe it would have been best if he'd've moved out.
JOE (from under the sink): Oh, absolutely.
Des looks at Joe darkly! Joe says quickly:
JOE: Oh... absolutely stuck... the U-pipe!
Des turns back to Jane and suggests that they don't worry about Mike; they should talk about *their* future. Jane nods:
JANE: Yeah – like what you're going to do about a job.
Des glances at Joe and notices him listening in, so he winks at Jane before saying:
DES: Yeah, well, I've been thinking about that. Um, you know, there's no great hurry – I might take a couple of years off, you know? After all, *you've* got a job that pays well.
JANE (playing along): Yeah! I can do lots of overtime if we're ever running short.
DES: Yeah, or you could get a second job. You know: a barmaid... cleaner... something like that. You'd do that for me, wouldn't you?
JANE: Oh of course, darling!
Joe stands up and says in astonishment:
JOE: Oh, that's lovely, isn't it!
JANE (‘innocently'): What was that, Joe?!
Joe says quickly that he has to go and get some parts. Before he goes, though, he adds:
JOE: You two should have a bit of a talk – you know, about what sort of a ratbag would let his wife support him.
JOE (to Des): No, come on, it's not fair. There are names for blokes like you, and it's not pretty.
DES: Look mate, I wasn't serious.
JOE: Well *I am*.
With that, Joe walks out. Jane smiles at Des that she thinks they went a bit far! Des, however, tells her that Joe's right: he *should* start thinking about getting a job. Jane comments that he likes being at home with Jamie – so maybe he doesn't *have* to go out to work...
Gail is sitting with Madge at the counter, showing her the maternity dress she's bought. Madge looks across at where Henry is sitting at a table, eating, and remarks:
MADGE: Hard to believe that was once the size of a pea, isn't it?!
Gail smiles that she's so proud of being pregnant, she wants everyone to know about it. Harold arrives back at that moment and says:
HAROLD: Ah, Gail, I'm glad you're here. You see, my name will have to be removed from the lease of this place because we'll be moving to Scotland soon—
HAROLD: Just a minute, Madge. [To Gail] I haven't found a replacement as yet – honestly, no one's suitable – but I shall have to leave that to Des, I think.
MADGE: Harold, *please*...
HAROLD: I don't *like* leaving him in the lurch, but, well, I'm moving on to higher duties. As the Earl of Doon—
MADGE (raising her voice): You're *not* the flaming Earl.
HAROLD (blankly): What?
MADGE (gently): Oh love, I'm sorry: you're *not* the Earl of Doon.
Harold stares at Madge in astonishment.
A short time later, Madge is sitting with Harold at a table, telling him:
MADGE: They found him in Canada, in the wilds of British Colombia.
HAROLD: And what's his name?
MADGE: Roy McDoon. Apparently he's some sort of distant cousin.
HAROLD: 'Roy's not a Scottish name.
MADGE: Course it is. What about Rob Roy?
HAROLD: Oh yes – I was thinking of Roy Rogers!
MADGE: Anyway, ‘Harold' doesn't exactly reek of haggis and heather either, does it?!
Harold asks coolly what right this Roy McDoon has to accept the title when *he's* already accepted it. Madge tells him:
MADGE: Your grandfather came here; his brother went to Canada. Apparently, Roy's grandfather was older than yours.
HAROLD: Well, I fail to see why that—
MADGE: The solicitor says that makes Roy the legal heir to the title, not you.
Harold mutters that it sounds pretty flimsy to *him*: they should get a second opinion. Joe comes in at that moment and says *he'll* give them a second opinion! Harold, however, tells him to mind his own business! He then turns back to Madge and says coolly:
HAROLD: You mean to tell me – *really* – that they would prefer to have a... Canadian back-woodsman as the Earl of Doon rather than somebody who's intellectually and personally more suited to the position?
MADGE: Harold, it's not a matter of choice. You've just come from the wrong branch of the family tree, that's all.
JOE (chuckles): Well, well, well, so you're *not* the Earl of Doona, eh?!
HAROLD (mutters): So it would appear.
JOE (grins): Oh, bad luck, mate!
Mike comes into the shop at that moment and asks Bronwyn if she's ready to go. Bronwyn tells Henry that she'll see him tonight, and she heads out. Joe goes and sits down with Henry at his table and, seeing the expression on his face, asks what's up. Henry, however, insists quickly:
HENRY: No, no, no. This is the *new* Henry Ramsay, mate.
Paul serves Des and Jane with drinks in the lounge room and says he thought they might eat outside. Jane asks where Gail is, and Paul replies that she's upstairs, getting changed. He adds:
PAUL: Actually, she's just bought this new maternity dress and, well, it's the first time out. I think she's a little bit nervous.
DES: Mm. Daph was the same: felt like a blimp every time she put on a couple of pounds.
PAUL: Well, Gail's three times as bad!
Paul then asks Des and Jane not to say anything about the dress. Gail comes downstairs at that moment. She smiles at Jane and tells her that she looks great! Des tells Paul that he'd like to talk to him about a business idea. Gail looks disappointed that no one has said anything about her outfit.
Mike emerges from the bedroom area and tells Bronwyn – who's sitting at the table – that Kerry must have worn Jamie out. He sits down and Bronwyn tells him that she appreciates him coaching her: it helps heaps. She adds, though, that she feels like she's imposing... Mike, however, assures her:
MIKE: Yeah, well, don't – it's good to have someone to talk to. It's not exactly happy families around here at the moment.
BRONWYN: Things still tense between you and Des?
BRONWYN: What about Kerry? *She's* OK, isn't she?
MIKE: She's over at Joe's most of the time, but when she's here she's on Des's side.
BRONWYN (sighs): Come off it, Mike: you're getting paranoid.
MIKE (frowns): You reckon?
There's suddenly a knock on the front door and Mike mutters:
MIKE: I bet this one won't be many of my friends from Ramsay Street.
He opens the door to find Henry standing on the step, and adds:
Henry comes in and asks brightly how the study's going. Bronwyn replies sharply that it's fine. Henry then hands her a notebook and says he thought she might need it. Bronwyn looks at the book, which is about 20th Century poets, and she tells him curtly that they're working on *Maths*. Henry then tries to take a biscuit from a pile on the table. Mike asks him tersely if he hasn't got any food at *his* place. Bronwyn says:
BRONWYN: Yes he has – [To Henry, pointedly] and you're going home to eat it, *aren't* you?
Henry takes the hint and heads off. Bronwyn looks at Mike in embarrassment.
Back garden of No. 22
Gail serves some more dessert to Des and Jane exclaims that it's his third piece! Gail muses:
GAIL: At least it doesn't *show* on Des...
Again, no one says anything about her dress. Des then tells everyone that Jane suggested he work at home as a tax consultant. Paul nods that he's got the right background. Gail says:
GAIL: Having triplets is going to make me three times bigger than if I had just one.
She indicates her dress, but again no one bites. Jane asks Paul if he likes her idea. Paul nods that more and more people seem to be turning to tax consultants these days. He adds that Des should talk to Jim: he seems dissatisfied with *his* accountants these days. He then offers everyone more wine. Gail pats her stomach and smiles:
GAIL: It won't be long until I'm into *tents*, the way *I'm* going!
JANE: Gail, you look as slim as ever. I'm sure it'll be *ages* before we see any difference.
Gail's face drops.
Mike is teaching Bronwyn about angles, and she smiles that it seems simple now! The front door opens suddenly and Henry bursts in! Bronwyn sighs:
BRONWYN: *Now* what?
HENRY: Um, well, the guy from the real-estate agent just called and he's offered us that flat at Elliott Park.
HENRY: What do you reckon? Shall we take it? He needs to know by this arvo.
BRONWYN: Mmm... bit expensive.
HENRY: Oh, come on, it's not as bad as *some*. Even if mum and Harold's move *is* off, I reckon it's a chance for us to get a place of our own; get some privacy... What do you reckon? Come on!
MIKE (pointedly): If *you* don't take it, *I* certainly will. Privacy's in pretty short supply round here, what with people dropping in all the time...
HENRY (coolly): You having a go?
MIKE: Well, if it's not unwanted visitors all the time, it's Des and Jane slobbering all over each other like a pair of kids at the drive-in or—
HENRY (warns angrily): You just hang on, Mike. You know, you're way out of line having a go at Des and Jane.
MIKE (retorts): Not that it's any of *your* business.
HENRY: Nor is it *yours*. Why don't you just grow up and quit *ruining* things for everyone?
Mike stands up and stares at Henry, warning:
MIKE: Hey, listen: don't come round to my house and tell me what to do, OK?
HENRY: Oh, *your* house. When did *that* happen? I thought you were just the *lodger*.
MIKE (snaps): Why don't you just shut up and get out?
HENRY (pushes): Have a go, Mike...
With that, Mike goes to lunge at Henry. Bronwyn, however, pulls him back and tells both men angrily to stop it.
A short time later, Bronwyn is telling Henry to just go home, as he's caused enough strife. Henry demands to know how it got to be *his* fault. Bronwyn snaps that he came over to check on her and Mike; he's been doing it all day and she's pretty sick of it. Henry mutters that he's sorry: he didn't mean to upset either of them. With that, he leaves. Bronwyn returns to where Mike is standing by the kitchen and murmurs:
BRONWYN: I'm really sorry about all that, Mike. Henry just never knows when to keep his mouth shut.
MIKE (coolly): That's OK. Why should he be any different to anyone *else* on the street?
He then suggests that they get back to the study. Bronwyn stands there looking worried.
Harold is sitting on the couch, telling Madge that it's a measure of his disappointment that he left the shop before it closed. He adds sincerely:
HAROLD: I'm sorry you'll never be a Lady.
MADGE: I beg your pardon?!
HAROLD: Oh, you know what I mean!
MADGE: Well, there *are* compensations for not being the Earl of Doon, you know?
HAROLD: Oh, I suppose so.
MADGE: Just think what you would've been leaving: good friends... a job you enjoy... a loving family... And for what? A pile of ruins on a cold Scottish moor and a diet of porridge and warm beer!
HAROLD (warmly): As usual, my love, you've put it in a nutshell.
MADGE: Well, there's a lot to be said for friends and family, Harold.
HAROLD: Oh yes, indeed there is. You know the main reason I wanted that title?
HAROLD: I thought... well, I thought I could command respect with it – but you made it abundantly clear at Jane and Des's party that I already had that right here in Ramsay Street. Can you imagine how I'd have felt missing out on little Sky growing up? No – all in all I'm rather glad things turned out the way they did. I don't want an Earldom. Let Roy Rogers have it!
MADGE: Oh, I'm with *you*, Harold – I never really wanted to give this place up, you know?
HAROLD: Then we won't!
Harold's face drops suddenly, though, and he exclaims that the contract is binding: if they don't get it back from the agent, they'll be obliged to *sell* the house. Madge, however, goes to a drawer and takes a sheet of paper out. She smiles as she tells Harold that something stopped her handing it in. Harold exclaims:
HAROLD: My love... in future, if I try to force you into anything, just—
MADGE: Ignore you!
With that, Harold tears up the contract and throws the pieces in the air!
Back garden of No. 22
Gail joins Paul, Jane and Des and Jane thanks Gail for a lovely lunch. Gail smiles:
GAIL: Fattening, though.
Everyone ignores this comment, and Des says to Paul that he thinks he'll give Jim a ring about that accounting. Paul says they should do this more often. Jane nods that there's nothing like good food and good friends. Gail says;
GAIL: And *I've* put on at least a kilo – look at me!
PAUL: Oh darling, you look fine!
JANE: Yeah – no one would ever know you're pregnant.
GAIL (quietly): Thanks. [Tears welling up] Thanks a lot...
Paul looks at Gail in concern. He puts his arms round her and asks what on earth the matter is. Gail cries:
GAIL: I've spent the last three hours waiting for someone to say how being pregnant suits me – and not one of you noticed...
She buries her head in Paul's shoulder. Des assures her quickly that they *have* noticed! Paul adds that she's never looked more beautiful in her life – *big* and beautiful!
Bronwyn is clearing away her study materials as Mike emerges from the bedroom area, holding Jamie. Bronwyn says she'd better get home, as she and Henry really should talk about that flat. Mike says bluntly:
MIKE: You know, I really don't know what you see in him – he's such a dill.
BRONWYN: After the way he acted today, I almost agree with you.
MIKE: What's his problem?
BRONWYN: Jealousy, basically.
MIKE: So *that's* why he's hanging around.
BRONWYN: Yeah. He hates the idea of you and me spending so much time together, and I can't convince him he's being stupid.
Bronwyn then walks to the door as Mike comments:
MIKE: So the coolest dude in Erinsborough's jealous, eh?
BRONWYN: He keeps promising *not* to be, then he does stuff like popping in *here* all day. Hopeless.
With that, she thanks Mike for his help and heads out. When she's gone, Mike goes and sits down on the couch with Jamie, saying to him as he does so:
MIKE: Well, Shorty, what do you think of *that*? Henry doesn't like the idea of me spending so much time with Bronny. Look, who *else* have I got, eh? I lost Jane... your old man isn't exactly a mate anymore... and everyone else in Ramsay Street doesn't want a bar of me. At least Bronny still *cares* – and I really need *that*.
He pauses before saying coldly:
MIKE: Oh, to hell with what Henry thinks. He might just lose his girl if he's not careful...