Harold telling Madge that he's inherited a castle in Scotland and that she should pack her bags because they're returning to the old country to claim their heritage!
Henry asks Harold what he means by ‘pack your bags'. Harold replies that it seems like the right thing to do: out of the blue, he's become the owner of a substantial estate in Scotland and the alternatives are to sell it – which would constitute a complete betrayal of his heritage; or he could rent it out to Australia, which would boil down to the same thing; or they could go and live there, which is what he's decided they're going to do.
MADGE (tersely): I see: what *you've* decided *we'll* do.
Harold nods his head eagerly. Madge, however, points out curtly that they have a life in Erinsborough; they can't just walk away from it. Harold smiles that they'll have to put their affairs in order first, but Madge snaps that she's not just going to chuck in her job at the Waterhole before they've talked about it. Harold retorts that she can't go pulling beers for the rest of her life:
HAROLD: You're the wife of an *Earl*!
MADGE (aghast): What do you expect me to do? Throw tea parties on the lawn?
Harold says sadly that he finds this attitude very hard to understand.
HAROLD: Can't you see us, eh? Standing on the battlements... peering into the misty glen at the hillside a-bristled with heather?
Henry chips in that Harold has to admit that it's pretty outrageous, wanting to up-stakes and move to the other side of the world. Harold concedes that, all right, he admits that – but he can't turn his back on his responsibilities:
HAROLD: I mean, I am no longer plain old ordinary Harold Bishop of Ramsay Street; I am the Earl of Doon Castle – and for centuries those rustic little villagers have looked up to their Earl for guidance and inspiration. How can I guide and inspire if I'm not there? Not to mention my loyal staff.
MADGE (exclaims): Staff?!
HAROLD: Well, you know, household retainers: groundsmen... maids... cooks... I daresay there's the occasional footman, too. Oh Madge, can't you see us? “Tea in the drawing room, Hudson.” “Yes, Your Grace.”
Harold then pleads with Madge, telling her that this is possibly the most exciting thing that will happen to them; he thinks she could show a little more enthusiasm. Madge just mutters:
MADGE: Do you? Do you really?
Paul arrives home from the office. Gail is sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. She looks upset and Paul asks what the matter is. Gail explains that she and Jane had a run-in: she's finding it hard to switch off and sit down to do menial tasks. Paul smiles that he's got something really *important* she can do. Gail asks what it is, and Paul explains about Des losing his job after saying the wrong thing to Mr. Udagawa. He adds that he's explained to Mr. Udagawa that it was just a misunderstanding, but he's got to get him and Des talking again.
GAIL: So you want me to, er, take a quick course in Japanese and act as Des's interpreter?!
PAUL (smiles): No, not quite! But you *could* organise dinner for tomorrow night for me, eh? And that way we can invite Des and Mr. and Mrs. Udagawa. Given an informal atmosphere, we might get them talking again. What do you say?
GAIL (muses): Well... in the kitchen and pregnant. I may as well take my shoes off as well!
Paul insists quickly that he didn't mean it like that. Gail, however, smiles:
GAIL: I'd love to; in fact, I've got a few Japanese recipes I've been dying to try.
Paul, however, tells her that that was what nearly got Des into trouble in the first place; he thinks they should settle for a good old Australian meal.
GAIL: OK – beer and prawns night coming up!
Henry is sitting at the kitchen table while Bronwyn wipes dishes. He calls across to her that if Harold and Madge *do* set off for Scotland, the two of *them* will have the place to themselves. Bronwyn, however, tells him that Madge would probably rent No. 24 out. Madge joins them and tells them that they shouldn't start panicking yet: there are a lot of details still to be sorted out – and given time, she's got a feeling she might talk Harold out of the whole crazy idea. Everyone groans suddenly, as Harold's bagpipes start wheezing in the bedroom!
Des and Kerry are doing a jigsaw on the coffee table while Mike tries to work at the dining table. There's a knock on the front door and Mike goes and answers it. He finds Paul on the step and lets him in. Paul invites Des for dinner tomorrow night and explains about the Udagawas being there. He adds that he figures once Mr. Udagawa realises what a nice, genuine bloke Des is, he'll give Pacific Bank his business back and the bank will reinstate him.
DES (looking delighted): Oh wow! You've got it all worked out, haven't you! I suppose it's worth a try.
Paul then asks Des if there's any chance of him bringing somebody along, as Udagawa's a big family man and it would look good if Des was sort of attached. Mike calls across bitterly:
MIKE: There's always *Jane*.
Kerry says quickly that *she'd* be happy to come if it would help out. Paul, however, says:
PAUL: Kerry, no offence, but I don't think the dreadlocks would really give the right impression.
KERRY: Fine – I'll just wear a diving helmet.
Des and Paul stare at her in astonishment. She explains quickly that she's kidding: she'll wear a scarf! Des adds that Kerry has been to Japan: she can keep the conversation going. Paul smiles:
PAUL: Why not?!
KERRY: Terrific! Well. Between us all, this'll be the social success of the year, hm? I guarantee it!
It's the next morning, and Paul is about to head to work. Gail is getting ready as well, but Paul suggests to her that she should stay at home and prepare for the dinner: Jane can do her *own* correspondence.
GAIL: Uh huh? So you think things will go a lot smoother in the office if I'm not there? Maybe you *do* prefer me barefoot and pregnant after all?
Paul, however, insists that he doesn't want Gail overdoing things – and the dinner's more important: it means a lot to Des. Gail gives in. They both suddenly hear Harold's bagpipes coming into life next door! Paul sighs:
PAUL: There's that hideous noise again.
GAIL: I wouldn't mind so much if he actually knew how to *play* them...
Harold is marching up and down the lounge room with his bagpipes, knocking ornaments off the shelves at he does so! Madge, rolling her eyes, tells him to come and have his breakfast, as he's going to be late for work.
HAROLD: Oh dear... it all sounds so inappropriate: me doing menial work, I mean, considering who I am.
Madge sighs that she'd hoped the cold, hard light of day would have brought him to his senses: she doesn't think it's very sensible to go charging off on a whim to the other side of the world.
HAROLD (indignantly): It is *not* a whim. Look, it's a magical and wonderful change in our circumstances, Madge. You will be the Lady of Doon Castle. It'll be a life of luxury. You need never work again.
MADGE: Oh piffle!
Henry calls across from the kitchen table to ask how big the castle and estate are. Harold replies that it's bit hard to tell without having seen the photographs, but he'd imagine it would be quite sizeable. He then beams:
HAROLD: Do you realise Her Majesty the Queen Mother is of Scottish stock, eh? It's quite possible we could have the royal family as our next-door neighbours!
MADGE: You mean Castle Doon's near Balmoral?
HAROLD: Well, you know, it's possible, yes!
Henry points out that a lot of those old stately homes have turned into tourist traps: they make a fortune. Harold, however, says he doesn't think they need to go into *that*. Henry insists:
HENRY: It's worth thinking about: Highland rambles... traditional dances...!
HAROLD: I don't think we want the hoi polloi swarming all over the place, thank you very much. Mind you, we could invite the more socially-acceptable in for the odd banquet or ball, eh?
Bronwyn remarks that it all seems a bit of a fairy tale, doesn't it? Harold, however, insists that of course it doesn't. Madge adds that she doesn't think it'll do any harm to find out who the neighbours are! With that, Harold says he'd better go and get dressed. He reminds Henry that he's driving him and Bronwyn to work, as his (Harold's) car is being serviced. He adds:
HAROLD: I suppose I'd better get used to being chauffeured around the place, eh?!
Office of the Robinson Corporation
Paul is talking on the ‘phone to Hilary when Jane walks in. He hangs up and tells Jane that Hilary is happy about the fruit and the flowers in the rooms, but now she's on his back about some elderly friend of hers coming over from Adelaide to stay at Lassiter's, and she wants discount room rates. Jane tells him that they can manage that: with all the renovations going on at the moment, they're only half full. Paul admits that it sounds fair. He then changes the subject and asks Jane if she's having any difficulties working with Gail.
JANE: There's just the odd, um, hiccup in the settling-in process.
She then goes on that she had a thought: at times like these, when Gail isn't in the reception area, perhaps *she* should work out there: she can use the typewriter, work out there and deal with any people who might come in. Paul points out that she just moved her gear into the office. Jane, however, replies that she'll just take the files she needs with her. Paul shrugs and tells her to go for it! There's suddenly a knock on the office door and Des comes in. He looks at Jane and says an awkward ‘Hi'. He then turns to Paul and asks if he should bring a bottle for dinner. Paul, however, insists that everything's organised. Des nods that he'll see Paul later, then. He turns and heads out, glancing at Jane again as he does so. When he's gone, Jane, looking concerned, murmurs:
JANE: I wonder if Mike's said anything...
PAUL: What about?
JANE (quickly): Nothing... nothing.
Outside the Coffee Shop
Henry is sitting with Joe at a table and Joe is laughing at Harold and Bronwyn that he's enjoying the haggis burgers and sporran sangers! Harold doesn't look amused! He spots Des emerging from the office of the Robinson Corporation and he calls him over. He then tells him:
HAROLD: I've been wanting to have a word with you.
DES: What's up?
HAROLD: Well, Madge and I will be moving to Scotland to take up my hereditary title and I'm afraid I'm going to have to sell my share in the Coffee Shop.
DES: Crikey – that's a bit sudden, isn't it?
HAROLD: I can assure you that it's a very carefully considered decision – but I wanted you to know as soon as possible and give you the first option on buying.
DES (looking thoughtful): I'll be sorry to see you go, but if the bank doesn't give me my job back I could look to managing this place full time.
HAROLD: Well there you are: it could all be for the best, eh?
Des thanks Harold for the notice. Harold heads back to Henry and Joe's table and reminds Henry that he's giving him and Bronwyn a lift after work. He then walks back into the shop, leaving Joe to comment to Henry that he can't believe Harold is taking all that inheritance stuff seriously. Henry, however, smiles slyly that he thinks there are real possibilities...
Kerry crosses the street and joins Toby, who's heading home from school. She asks him where his girlfriend is, but Toby insists indignantly that Katie *isn't* his girlfriend; she just likes to *think* she is.
KERRY: Well maybe one day you'll be glad she *does*?
TOBY: No way – I'm steering clear of girls. I don't want anybody hurting me like you hurt dad.
Kerry stands there looking hurt and astonished.
Outside the Coffee Shop
Jane hands Harold a sheet of paper and tells him that the renovations are starting tomorrow.
HAROLD: Oh well – I won't have to put up with these irritations for much longer, eh? Soon I'll be a loved and respected Earl, laird of all I survey!
Jane remarks that it'll be a tough job. Harold, however, smiles that he'll have servants and administrators to look after the day-to-day problems.
JANE: Each to their own. I'm afraid I don't have what it takes to be high-society: I discovered that when I nearly married Mark Grainger!
HAROLD: It's all in the breeding, Jane: ingrained authority and leadership ability. I'm sure I'll adapt splendidly!
With that, Harold asks Jane to excuse him and he walks off. Jane suddenly spots Mike approaching, and she walks over to him and asks him warily if he said anything to Des about the way she feels. Mike replies that he didn't mean to, but it slipped out. Looking annoyed, Jane says coolly:
JANE: You know, whatever friendship we might've had before, it's finished now.
MIKE (tersely): You call it ‘friendship', do you? The way you sort of build up my hopes and then let me down? Your idea of fun, is it?
JANE: You know, you were a really nice guy once upon a time – but not anymore. This isn't worth talking about.
With that, Jane marches off. Mike goes and sits down at a table outside the Coffee Shop. Bronwyn is standing watching, and Mike comments to her that he's really blown it this time. Bronwyn, sitting down with him, tells him that these things happen: they always seem like the end of the world, but they never are; it'll work out somehow. She puts her arm round Mike to comfort him – just as Henry pulls up on the other side of the complex in Bertha. A look of shock crosses his face...
Paul arrives home and asks Gail how it's going. She cries that it's a total disaster: the waste disposal's broken and there's garbage everywhere. Paul tells her not to panic: they've still got half an hour before everyone gets there – and he just saw Joe getting home, so he'll ask him to come over. He heads out.
Harold and Madge are looking at brochures of Scotland. Madge remarks that the countryside looks beautiful. Bronwyn joins them and expresses astonishment at the height of some of the mountains. Henry emerges from the bedroom, looking annoyed. He sits down on the couch and Bronwyn joins him and asks him why he's acting like a bear with a sore head. He says tersely:
HENRY: I'll tell you why. Maybe I'm old-fashioned or something, but I don't like seeing my girl with her arms round another bloke – especially one whose girlfriend she used to be and that she's been spending so much time with lately.
Bronwyn sighs that if he means Mike, he was upset; she was trying to make him feel better.
HENRY (sarcastically): I just *bet* it worked.
Bronwyn remarks that it sounds like Henry doesn't *trust* her. She goes on angrily that jealousy is more than a curse – and if he really wants to poison their relationship, he should just keep going on the way he is. She storms off.
Joe is working under the kitchen sink at No.22 while Gail chops vegetables in the laundry! She cries at Paul that their guests are going to be there in a minute. Paul suggests to Joe that he'd better come back and finish the work tomorrow. Joe, however, insists that he'll be finished in half a jiffy, then he'll be out of their way.
Kerry emerges from her bedroom, a blue scarf wrapped around her head, and announces to Des that she's ready to go. Mike, who's sitting at the counter, says she hopes everything works out OK. Des and Kerry head out, bumping into Bronwyn on the front step as they do so. She heads inside and says to Mike awkwardly:
BRONWYN: Um, Mike...
BRONWYN: I don't think I'm going to be able to continue with my tuition.
MIKE: Oh. Well, it'll be a shame to stop now you've made so much progress.
BRONWYN: Yeah, I know. Um, quite awkward.
MIKE: Well if you're worried about *my* time, it's no problem.
Bronwyn insists that it's not that; she *wants* to keep on with him, but--. She breaks off before then declaring:
BRONWYN: No. No. It's too important to just let go. Forget I said anything – I'll work it out somehow.
Joe is still under working the sink. Gail kneels down to him and tells him that he's going to have to leave it, as their visitors are there. Joe insists that he's just got to replace the U-bends. Over in the lounge room, Paul is introducing Mr. and Mrs. Udagawa to Des and Kerry. Under the sink, Joe mutters to Gail in surprise:
JOE: Did he say Des *and* Kerry?
Gail insists quickly that it's nothing. Across by the couch, Kerry is explaining to Mr. and Mrs. Udagawa that she lives with Des.
MR. Udagawa: Ah. I see. Yes. In Japan, now, some people engaged to be married sometimes do this.
DES (stutters): Yeah, yeah, we're not sort of, officially, formally--
KERRY: We haven't exactly set a date or anything, yet – but it'll be any day now.
Des looks at Kerry in surprise. Across in the kitchen, Joe climbs out from under the sink, looking horrified. He storms over towards Des, snapping:
JOE: You dirty mongrel – always *knew* there was something—
He then breaks off as he goes to grab Des but stumbles and trips on to the floor, where he ends up on his back, apparently unconscious. Des smiles at Mr. and Mrs. Udagawa nervously.