Piper is sitting in the living room in No.22, half- whispering into the camera.
PIPER: Here we go. My is getting marr...re- married again in a couple of days' time and I thought that it might be a good idea to...talk to her and see how she's feeling about the big day. But...my mum is *very* camera shy - I didn't get that from her...but... This probably won't go down too well, but, let's give it a go anyway!
She approached Terese who is standing at the kitchen bench going through some papers.
PIPER: Good evening mother! My fair, fair maiden.
Terese slowly looks round.
PIPER: Do you want to film a Pipe Up with me?
TERESE: No, thank you.
PIPER: Oh, come on, Mum...
PIPER: Mum, please...look, you're on camera already!
TERESE: Piper, stop filming now!
PIPER: You should support your daughter, Mum, in her creative endeavours!
Terese is silent and turns back to her paperwork.
Back in the living room, Piper talks to the camera again.
PIPER: So, as you can see, that didn't really work out as expected, so now it's time to pull out...a sneaky attack.
She approaches Terese in the kitchen again.
PIPER: Mum, I'm Face- Timing Imogen, do you want to talk to her?
TERESE: Oh, yes, hi, Im!
She waves at the camera.
TERESE: Hi, darling, how are you?
PIPER: Um, *she* wants to know how you're feeling about the big day because she can't be here.
TERESE: Yeah, fine. (Suspiciously) Piper, is this your vlog?
PIPER: Yes, it is! But look, Mum, you're doing it already so you might as well...
TERESE: Stop it!
PIPER: ...you miay as well finish it! Come on! Come on.
Caption: PIPE UP
Piper and Terese are sitting on the living room sofa.
PIPER: Ta- da! I did it! She's here.
She hugs Terese who gives a long- suffering smile.
PIPER: I convinced her, the beautiful bride- to- be, she's glowing...my mother, Terese Willis, joins us. I thought that maybe you could sit down and share some advice for any other soon- to- be- brides out there that might be watching this video...
TERESE: Aren't your subscribers sixteen year old girls?
PIPER: Feisty! Rude! You don't know my subscribers, Mum! They come from all walks of life! So go on, hit 'em. Hit 'em with some advice.
There is a pause.
PIPER: Any time, Mum. I really didn't think it was going to be this hard...
PIPER: Nothing? OK, how about make sure that the person that you're marrying deserves you, and that you deserve them.
TERESE: That's a good point. That's very important.
PIPER: I thought that we could play a game...
Terese looks doubtful.
PIPER: Already getting sassy!
PIPER: I saw the eye- roll! So, I thought we could play a game. So, I'll list off people that we know...(to the camera)...you won't know who they are, but I'll give you context...(to Terese)...and you can say how Gary's better than them.
TERESE: Oh, come on...
PIPER: Oh, come on, it'll be fun! Karl.
PIPER: Sorry, I'm doing it...Karl. Karl is a neighbour, he is the neighbourhood doctor. Doctor Karl.
TERESE: Piper, I'm not going to do this...really?
PIPER: Doctor Karl.
TERESE: Well...um...Gary's not obsessed with durians.
PIPER: Funny, true! A valid and stinky point, well done!
PIPER: What about...Tyler...(to the camera) you all know him.
TERESE: Gary's age appropriate.
PIPER: Harsh. Feel like that was a slight dig at me.
TERESE: No, it wasn't.
PIPER: Yes, it was, Mum.
TERESE: No, it wasn't.
PIPER: It was a dig. Anyway, let's move on. What about...Paul?
Terese looks uncomfortable.
PIPER: Paul is the former town mayor, he is the father of many, the friend of few...
TERESE: OK, you know what, I'm done with this.
She goes to get up, but Piper pulls her back.
PIPER: Mum! He's a snake. What about Paul?
TERESE: What about Paul?
PIPER: The game. How is Gary better than Paul. Well, *I* can think of a reason... For starters, Gary has *two* legs...
PIPER: So that's literally one up...
TERESE: Piper, stop, it's not nice, now you're being rude.
PIPER: Mum, that was funny...come on, that was really good. And I called him a snake and a snake only has one leg as well, it was clever. And funny.
Terese just looks at her.
PIPER: OK, so picture this! In a couple of days' time, you're going to be walking down the aisle, a vision. Imagine it with me...a vision. What is going to be going through that noggin of yours, Mum?
TERESE: Well, um...I don't know. Hopefully joy and happiness, yeah, that'd be nice, I'd be happy with that.
Piper makes a face.
PIPER: Boring. I think...I know there's definitely going to be one person going through your head.
TERESE: What? What are you talking about?
PIPER: Oh, come on, Mum.
PIPER: The last time you walked down the aisle it was to Dad. As if he's not going to come through your head at some point during the day...
TERESE: Yes, of course, your father, yes...
PIPER: My father...remembering, my father.
TERESE: Maybe. I mean, I'm there for Gary. Gary's the one that I'm committed to.
PIPER:(sings) You're the one that I want! Marriage, hey? It's all everyone seems to be talking about at the moment, hey?
TERESE: Certainly seems like that.
PIPER: And not just your wedding. But nationwide, really...not your wedding.
She looks into the camera.
PIPER: I don't know whether or not you know, but in Australia at the moment, we are in the middle of a plebiscite. And we are voting on whether or not we should allow same- sex marriage. Yes or no? Have you voted yet, Mamma?
TERESE: Yes, yes I have.
PIPER: Good on you. Unfortunately, I did not, because I'm not of age yet. I missed out by this much.
She holds up her thumb and finger.
TERESE: There'll be plenty of time for you to vote on things later, darling.
PIPER: Oh, I know, and I will exercise that right to do so...but until then, what did you vote? Yay or nay?
TERESE: Darling, your subscribers aren't interested in your mother's political views.
PIPER: Well, if you don't talk, then I'm gonna, and you know how much I like getting on my soapbox. What did you have to say?
TERESE: Well, love is love, so of course I voted yes!
PIPER: Yes, yes, yes! Of course you did!
TERESE: Of course.
PIPER: Good on you, mumma. I'm going to get on my soapbox anyway because I cannot help myself! There isn't even a valid argument for voting no! I think it's ridiculous that we even have to...have a say on same- sex marriage.
PIPER: Straight people should not be allowed to stand there and be, like, 'Oh, we're protecting the sanctity of marriage' When 33% of them can't even do it right! Yes, that's right, 33%! That's the divorce rate. I mean...(suddenly uncomfortable)...you...divorced. 33%!
TERESE: Relationships are very complex.
PIPER: You know what else? There are other factors that are ruining the sanctity of marriage, and that's cheaters. Cheaters shouldn't be allowed to get married!
TERESE: OK...well, that's me for today.
PIPER: Oh, mum...
TERESE: Cheerio, toodle- loo...Piper Uppers...
She gets up and walks back to the kitchen.
PIPER: Oh, she's gone. That was my mum everyone, you heard it. Straight from the bride's mouth...so my advice, if you are soon to be a bride...as you can see she's a ball or nerves. So if that's how you're feeling...then that's completely normal because she's feeling that way, and this isn't her first rodeo. Nerves don't mean that you shouldn't do something...nerves mean that you care. And I think my Mum and Gary are going to have a beautiful day. So...yeah. Peace out, lovers.
She waves goodbye.