Piper is sitting in a chair out the back of No.22.
PIPER: Let's talk about sex...baby! No, but seriously, let's talk about sex. And more specifically, safe sex.
Caption: PIPE UP (with kissing sounds)
PIPER: I feel like not a week goes by without some massive family drama, and at the moment...
She throws her arms wide.
PIPER: ...there's no exception, because my older sister's having a baby!
Piper looks excited and claps her hands.
PIPER: Which is like, *so* weird, I'm going to be an aunty, twice, at the age of like, seventeen! How weird is that? Imogen and Daniel are going to be next. Which is fine, because, like, I love kids and stuff, when I can give them back to the, to its owner. But, like, that's a *lot* of presents...a lot of nieces and nephews. They'll have to pay me a little bit more at Harold's if I want to be the cool aunty. So it got me thinking, you know, what would *I* be like as a mum? Would I be a good mum? Having to take care of this whole other person...that's like, half of you, and...
She trails off.
PIPER: It's just *weird*. So weird that like, you've made a *thing*. I can't even look after my cat.
She calls out.
She looks around, but there is no sign of Clementine.
PIPER: See? I've got no idea where she is right now. Half the time I wake up after a nap and I'm like, 'Where am I? What year is it? Who am I?' I can't look after something else...I don't even know where *I* am half the time. I don't know if I'd be a good mum. And I'm not going to find out for a while, you know why? You know why, you know why? Because of two little words.
She indicates the words with her hands.
PIPER: Safe sex.
She looks into the camera.
PIPER: If you're going to take things to the next level with someone, be prepared. Don't take on Robotnik if you don't know how to spin dash, you know what I'm trying to say? *I* don't even feel like I know what I'm trying to say! Made sense in my head!
She waves her arms.
PIPER: Make sure you're prepared, or it could all go horribly wrong. Not that there's anything wrong with having a baby young. A lot of people do it. So just don't leave it up to chance! Don't play Russian Roulette with your...with your ovaries. Passion, it can be overwhelming, and I get that, but it only takes one time, and before you know it, you've got a rash! Or worse, a child! You can put ointment on a rash and it will go away, can't put ointment on a child and it will go away...it won't!
She looks thoughtful.
PIPER: This isn't just a message to the guys out there, or, like, this is for everyone! It's a shared task. I don't know what I'd do if I became a parent tomorrow. Probably still try and study... If it was cute I'd probably film it, and, er, use it for views. You know, if it was ugly, I'd be like, you can stay in the curtains, mate! I'd try again for another one! No...I'm kidding...maybe...!
She looks thoughtful again.
PIPER: You know, in some ways, I *do* have a baby. Clementine! You know, as soon as I saw her, I just...I knew she takes after her after her father. Especially in the whiskers department.
She feels above her mouth with a hand.
PIPER: Do I have them? No...OK...
She looks back at the camera.
PIPER: It's weird seeing siblings have babies. It was a huge change for my brother. He was a bit of a rebel. And then, as soon as Matilda came along, he just...he grew up, really fast, and yes, it took some adjusting, absolutely...but his whole life had a like, a new meaning. And it was so weird to see him go from my brother to a dad. But it really suited him and I think that Paige will be the same. It'll take some adjusting for sure, but, yeah, it's right for her.
She points to herself.
PIPER: Just not for me, yet! Not for me! I've got *way* too many docos to make! Can you imagine it? Baby in one hand, camera in the other?! It'd be hard. I mean, not...but in saying that, it *can* be done, there are some, like, vloggers out there...who do cute family blogs and stuff and they're really successful and like, hats off to them for doing it.
She leans into the camera.
PIPER: So, be safe, kids, or you...you might just end up getting one.
She sits back.
PIPER: Changing topics...! I've had some really great comments lately on my videos, like I say, I read them...and, um, yes, I'd like to share a few. Womblyway...I bet I've said that wrong. I love this one! He goes, 'Interesting cheese fact...Serbian donkey cheese is the world's most expensive.' I Googled it...one thousand euros per kilo! What the heck?! It better be good cheese! If you've tried it, let me know.
She looks back at her phone.
PIPER: This one's really cute. So, Mia says, 'How can I be like you? You're amazing and funny...and I want to be like you, so how can I?' Isn't that the cutest comment? And so sweet. It's sick to look up to people, but don't put people on pedestals. I'm flattered...but be yourself...(jokingly)...cos everyone else is taken!
PIPER: No. Anyway, guys, that's all for this week, hope you took something away from it, lots of messages, if you liked this video be sure to like it, comment down below...if you're new to my channel, hit the Subscribe button...I make new videos every week. Bye, guys, adieu!
She turns off the camera.